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@bpleased
the key to not having a terribly destabilizing moral freak out when you detect abusive traits and behaviors in yourself is to not put abusive people in the category of evil subhuman who can never be absolved or forgiven.
possible framing questions for examining your own abusive traits and behaviors:
what roles and dynamics and patterns accompany the times when I am abusive? what did I feel when I exhibited power over someone? what was I protecting or avoiding at the time? if I projected something onto someone, what did I need from the fiction I projected? what do I feel when I think about the level of vulnerability required of appropriate and timely repair work?how much support do I need before I can become capable and resilient enough for repair? how do I ensure that those I have harmed are supported by my adherence to whatever boundaries they set?
not âis this forgivableâ or âam I forgivableâ or âhow can I get (x) to forgive meâ
DON'T ASK YOURSELF "AM I A GOOD PERSON?" ASK YOURSELF "IS WHAT I AM DOING GOOD?" OR EVEN! "WHAT'S A GOOD THING I CAN DO RIGHT NOW?"
DON'T WORRY ABOUT JUDGING AND SORTING YOURSELF! JUST MAKE YOUR BEST CHOICES!!
ârelationships are workâ means âyou have to put effort into loving each other intentionally & learning how to love each other and communicating properlyâ not âyour relationship makes you feel stressed and sad most of the time & the other person disrespects you and treats you bad but you stay anywayâ
fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.
hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.
hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy
hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it
hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently
hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love
horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho
Someone not responding to you right away does not mean that youâre not important to them. I know it can be hard, but other people are allowed to be busy, or even just not have the energy to respond to you. This doesnât mean they donât care about you.
sometimes when you start to heal or deal with certain traumas you experienced in the past, there might be a lot of repressed anger or heavy emotions directed towards people whoâve hurt you or didnât help you in general. thatâs understandable!!!! but then, eventually there comes a point when the focus starts shifting towards yourself, what you need and who you are, who you want to be from now on and what you really deserve. it becomes less & less about these people and they wonât have as much power as they usually did, because your world is more important than what theyâve done.
If you have a big, emotional, self hating meltdown every time someone tells you that you hurt them or crossed a boundary of theirs, then that means you're not a safe person to say no to - and that's something you need to work on. Even if you're genuinely just really upset that you hurt someone, if every attempt at communicating a boundary to you results in the person you hurt having to repeatedly reassure you that you're not actually a bad person, then you need to work on controlling yourself and taking constructive criticism.
youâre going to love again, find a job again, create art again, do what you love again, feel powerful again. youâre going to be back on track. i donât know when, but you are going to feel like yourself again, eventually. this isnât the end. hang in there.
mutuals do this
ugh i need remember to separate the self care tag into resources and ... other posts
Itâs a good dog
reviewing my DBT worksheets for homework & something about the way this bit is formatted is so fucking funny
gives everyone on tumblr a copy of the dbt skills workbook. yes these things do feel stupid and condescending and childish until you actually start doing them
dbt is a fucking amazing tool. it doesnât exist to âcureâ whatever mental thing you have, it exists to help you cope with the negative effects that mental thing has on your life
doing my damnedest to free myself of the âjust gotta get through this weekâ âonly x more days til the weekendâ mindset & learn to appreciate each day for whatever it is lest i be driven to madness
so what if tomorrows monday i have leftovers & maybe this week i will make soup. maybe ill see a cat. maybe each day will show me something worthwhile even if im tired & maybe i can enjoy it
if u are negative on this post im blocking u ! some of us are trying to get better
we need to kill all forms of self deprecating humor in 2022. literally eradicate that shit
iâm serious the amount of damage that the half jokey âi-iâm trash and bad at everything hshshshshsj!â mindset has done to the minds of vulnerable mentally ill young people especially young kids and teenagers should be considered a federal crime i think. whoever decided that state of mind is Quirky and Ideal and relatable to spread to impressionable people should be guillotined and gnawed on. no more