A Day in the Life of Brandon

The daily blog of a random guy. What more could you possibly want from a Tumblr page? HERO OF BREATH http://www.tumblr.com/liked/by/brandonglee123 ^^^Stuff that I like

[brandonglee123]

5th Year Adventures, Part 3: Oath of Silence

Yesterday, I took an oath of silence.

Following the US 2016 Election, I was pretty shocked by the results. 

Donald Trump had won. Donald Trump is the US President.

The huge flood of Facebook statuses from my friends were mixed and emotional. As I began to sort through and digest all of this new information, one major question came to mind.

How should I respond?

Tensions were so high. I read posts about friends who were scared because they were minorities. I read posts about friends who reminded us to remember Christ is Lord of all. I read posts about friends who feared the idea that a majority of people voted for Trump because they believed in his morals and values.

However, one post stood out to me. It was a friend of mine who posted about how scared she was to admit to voting for Trump because of the protests and the hate that was surging through UCSD at the moment. She was literally scared for her health and well-being because of her political alignment (and I would later learn that she would have to deactivate her Facebook because of the threats she was receiving).

In that moment, I realized that I did NOT have the clear picture of what was going on. I had no idea what people were feeling, and I didn’t want to judge anyone based off of their beliefs. I wanted to acknowledge that Jesus is in control, but I didn’t want to belittle the lamentations of the minority. I wanted to proclaim that our country is safe from danger, but I did not want to label the Trump voters as the cause.

I truly believe that no one is inherently “evil”. No one is “stupid”. Everyone has a reason for doing something. Everyone has a reason for believing something, and as a Christian, it is my duty not to judge them based on their cover; my job is to listen and understand. 

Jesus did that all the time. You can look at the Woman at the Well story, the Bleeding Woman story, or the Legion story to see how he takes the time to understand the people he’s helping. I needed to do the same. 

I needed to listen.

Which leads to the hard part. How do I listen well? I thought back to my friend who was scared for her life, and I realized that I needed a way to show people that I wasn’t there to judge, but to understand. I needed a way for my friends to trust that I was there to heal, not to harm.

In a moment of clarity, I remembered the Intervarsity #BlackLivesMatter movement. I remembered how the day after a tragic shooting, we all swore an oath of silence: a single day where we would be silent and listen to what people had to say. A day where you would renounce your privilege to speak your opinion so you could listen to those who may not always have that privilege. 

So I decided to take that oath again. After quickly typing the details of my oath on my phone to help explain myself, I chose not to speak while I was at school yesterday and took the time to listen to my friends. I used my silence to convey that I was a safe refuge, a pillar of emotional support for those who needed it. I also prepared 3 questions ahead of time:

1. How are you feeling?

2a. How do you think we should respond? 

or

2b. Why did you vote for Trump? (Question 2 varies depending on the person)

3. How can I be praying for you?

I learned a lot from my experience. I heard people’s pain. I heard people’s sorrow. I learned reasons why people voted for Trump. 

But most importantly, I listened.

So if there’s any advice I have to give to all of you, please take the time to listen. Let us not be a nation divided, but a family together.

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" James 1:19 

[brandonglee123]

5th Year Adventures, Part 2: The part where Kayley almost cried

Yesterday, I finally got to go back to large group for the first time in forever in a long time. Of course, I couldn’t go empty-handed! I baked a couple of cookie bars to spice up the New to Faith table (because a table just isn’t that much fun without homebaked desserts, in my opinion). On a side note, cookie bars are exactly like making cookies EXCEPT you get lazy towards the end and instead of scooping the dough out into separate cookies, you just pour the dough into a brownie/baking pan instead and cut it up later. It’s WAY more efficient than scooping it out individually, and honestly it’s probably going to be my go-to thing now.

Anyway, I guess some of the questions I was wondering about as I approached Mandeville were things like “Who’s even left in IV anymore?” and “Is there anyone who’s going to be happy to see me?” I guess there’s this kind of suspense of “Who is close enough to me that they will approach me and talk to me?”

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the answer to that question is: a lot. 

It was so good to see my old N2F team again. Andrew shrieked, Kayley almost cried, and Karlee tackled me at a velocity I was unprepared for.

It was also nice to see a bunch of alumni/super seniors as well. Alanna’s and her housemates are still around, Tiffani is being an adult and some sort of nurse/doctor thingy, and Josh is... doing Josh things. All in all, I was happy to see everyone, and I’m glad that I’m still appreciated even after a long absence. 

Something else I’ve been wondering about is what I’ll do with my last quarter here in UCSD. I’m only taking 2 classes, which makes my schedule end up looking like one morning class a day. That’s a lot of free time! (I hope; never know what my homework will look like)

...Eh, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

[brandonglee123]

5th Year Adventures, Part 1: T-Mobile or T-riggered?

Today, I finally moved back to my apartment after a long and restful summer. It’s time to finish college!

School starts on Thursday, so today was mostly about moving back in, getting my stuff all ready, and meeting all my new roommates. Since Michael, Bryan, and Josh all moved out, I have Justin, Alex, and Josh to fill the void instead.

...Except I haven’t seen any of them yet today. I wonder where they all are? I could ask, but I’m too lazy. I’m sure I’ll figure it out by the end of today.

Today’s mission also includes cleaning up any residue left over from the summer subletters. It turns out they just pushed all of my stuff into closets and cabinets, so right now I’m doing a load of laundry for my towel and all my bedsheets/blankets/pillowsheets. I’m a little peeved that they just threw all that stuff on the floor. Who stuffs a bath towel into the back of the sink cabinet?! They couldn’t just hang it somewhere else?

Also, it’s raining down here in SD right now. Good thing I remembered my jacket this time! ...but in return, I totally forgot to bring a dress shirt (for what purpose, I’m not really sure) and my ID card. Looks like I’ll have to get a new one tomorrow.

I guess it’s not all that bad though. The kitchen is all cleaned up, but all of my baking pans and stuff have been pushed to the side of the living room. I’m going to have to sort all of this out when the guys get back.

It’s exciting to be back in the apartment though! Who knows what kinds of shenanigans I’ll get up to!

Now if only I got reception here. Why T-Mobile?!?! Why don’t I have any reception today?!? Is it the rain? ARE THE RAIN CLOUDS BLOCKING THE CELL SIGNALS?!?

[brandonglee123]

College 4th Year, Part 12: A Short Story

So the other day, I went to some bar (EDIT: It was called Polite Provisions.) (EDIT X2: I didn’t drink anything because alcohol tastes terrible. I got a really good root beer float though!) with my friends and we were playing a game of Hot Seat, which revolves around asking personal questions about your friends for fun and friendship and bonding. 

Anyway, after some of the usual questions (like “Who was your last crush?” or in Michael’s case, “What’s your favorite body part?”), I was asked about why I wear shorts ALL the time. For the people reading this who don’t know me at all, one of my quirks is wearing shorts all the time. I think I own like one pair of jeans, and I didn’t even bring them to college with me.

I remember talking about the typical things like how jeans are way too hot in California weather and how restricting they feel when I wear them, but then I remembered something...FURTHER back in my past.

When I was in elementary school, my grandma (who was a tailor/seamstress) would make me these nice handmade blue shorts for me to wear. I think I wore them all the way until I reached high school, and I think that’s a lot of the reason why I still choose to wear shorts today.

[brandonglee123]

Part 3! Will I find any redeeming qualities in this game?

[brandonglee123]

I can’t believe that my favorite webcomic of all time is finally done.

It was a long and emotional ride of 7 years, but I’m glad to see everyone happy at the end of it all, even though we don’t get everything explicitly explained. 

Thanks for the ride Andrew Hussie! I can’t wait to see what you’ll make for us next!

[brandonglee123]

Part 2! This is the part where I start to actually play the game.

[brandonglee123]

I attempt to play WoW for loot and EXP and Hearthstone Heroes.

I decided to record it so I could at least get SOMETHING out of it. Part 1!

[brandonglee123]

College 4th Year, Part 11: Elephant in the Room

A couple days ago, my friend shared an article on her Facebook wall. Now, I’m not a guy who just clicks on everything I see on FB, but I think the title stuck out to me: “How you love differently when you’re a child of divorce”. So naturally, since I fit the description of people she’s writing for, I decided to give it a read and see how much of it I identify with.

So before I go on, feel free to read the article. I’ll quote the things I comment on, but it’s pretty short. However, my commentary isn’t. Sorry, this one’s going to be a long-ish one about my feels.

http://www.annabash.com/blog/divorce

“You never listen to people’s words - you listen to their actions...You learned at a very young age that it’s not the thought that counts...[Actions] don’t mean a thing unless they’re executed through actions: The being there. The showing up for someone.”

While it’s true that actions definitely have a larger impact on me (ex: a hug vs. a comforting word), I still think there is value in good thoughts and good intentions. As I think about this more though, I agree that a person who’s willing to follow-through with their words is definitely more trust-worthy to me. ...Though that might just be a general thing.

“You don’t flinch when people ask about your parents. You have memorized the script back and forth. You have dealt with trust issues for as long as you can remember. Yeah, you don’t want the cliché labels: The one with abandonment issues. The one who keeps you at a distance. The one looking to fill a void. You don’t need anyone’s sympathy.”

I don’t mind when people ask about my parents and their divorce. But at the same time, I don’t think I have trust issues with people. I think it might be just the opposite.

“At the same time, love scares you... So you put up a shield you spent years crafting - it’s a strong shield, preparing you for the worst. Abandonment is your worst nightmare, because you’ve seen how no matter how much someone may love you, they can leave. And that is the most terrifying thing you have ever learned.”

And this is where the kicker comes in. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I hate relationships or anything. I’m just worried that they’re really hard.

Back when I was with my ex, I realized that there’s something to be said about spiritual maturity and understanding when you’re ready to be in a relationship.

...And I’m scared that I’m not ready.

...that I’m not perfect. 

...that there’s a chance that I’ll just end up like my dad.

And of course that’s silly to feel considering how much I’ve grown over the past few years, but it’s still something that bothers me.

Man, I still remember lashing out at Matt Sasaki back in the day because I thought he was making fun of my breakup with my ex. That was totally uncalled for. But I think it showed me how I’m scared to commit to someone because it might just wreck me emotionally.

Maybe that’s why I choose to distance myself from my infatuations/crushes? I know I said last time that I trust God to show me the right girl when and if that will ever happen, but maybe rejection doesn’t hurt as much if you’ve already distanced yourself from the other in your heart? Ugh, I dunno. I can’t even tell if these are my actual feelings or late night angsty feelings. 

“No matter how much you love someone, you’re incredibly uncomfortable letting them see your most vulnerable parts. You do it for protection.”

Now let me get something straight. I’m perfectly okay with being vulnerable with people about my feelings. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I’ve never been betrayed before in my entire life. It’s a rare quality that probably comes from not having too many close friends throughout elementary-middle-high school, but also from being Christian and recognizing that you have to be willing to be open with people if you want them to be open with you first.

“You know you can’t control other people, but you also know that there's always a silver lining. Even the worst situation or event have a positive aspect. For you, it’s your drive and empathy.”

And I think I identify with this. I can see the positive side of everything, and I always try to find that silver lining.

“When you do love, you love unconditionally. You will give your partner all of your love and effort as a way to keep the flame alive. You want it to last. There’s still a part of you that won’t ever stop fighting for true love, a small part, but a part you'll do anything to hang on to nevertheless."

That last sentence rings the truest in my heart. I believe that true love exists, and I’m 100% positive that I’ll find it through pursuing my faith.

[brandonglee123]

Spoil the ending of your favorite game without any context

When a flower becomes the final boss...

...You feel like you’re going to have a bad time.

[brandonglee123]

College 4th Year, Part 10: How to dual-wield 3 blowtorches

Hi guys! I’m back from winter break shenanigans and I’m ready to talk about various things.

First of all, I did indeed get 3 blowtorches for Christmas. Pro tip guys and gals: Even if you feel excited about getting a particular item for Christmas, do NOT go around and tell everybody unless it’s something that is possible to get in mass quantity (for example, novelty T-shirts). ...But yes, I have made delicious creme brulee, so that was cool.

On the note of novelty T-shirts, I got a ton of them over Christmas too (some purchased, some gifts). So now, I can wear a different one EVERY DAY! I can now show off my passions and interests and it’s AWESOME.

Anyway, this quarter will certainly be interesting. I’m taking a really tough CS class (supposedly the hardest that UCSD has to offer), so I’m just hoping to stay afloat this quarter! Stay tuned to learn if I survive the winter quarter.

Also, a certain roommate of mine might’ve gotten himself.....a date! 

[brandonglee123]

Merry Christmas everybody!

May your presents, holiday cheer, and caloric intake be good and plentiful. :D

Stay tuned as I eventually post the “Best of Brandon’s Christmas gifts” sometime after I get back from Urbana.

[brandonglee123]

Girl, are you leg day? 'Cause I missed you.

David Chang

[brandonglee123]

College 4th Year, Part 9: 14 hour Coding and Sentimental Value

WHO ASSIGNS A PROGRAMMING ASSIGNMENT DUE ON THE SATURDAY OF FINALS WEEK?!? And at midnight too? -_-”

Anyway, I have finally emerged from the depths of Finals week. Even though I finished Thursday, I had to stay until Saturday midnight to get my project done. For the record, coding from 10 AM to 12 midnight is not an enjoyable experience. (Which is strange, considering that I would be willing to code a game with that kind of time)

So after hours of coding, moaning, and general sad thoughts, I finally finished my project! With that, I was able to head home!

No matter how much the manatee begged, I did NOT turn the car around to go to Sea World.

Now that I’m back at home, I finally have the free time to really re-center myself and see what things I haven’t been able to do while school was happening.

One of those things happened to be some really nice notes.

During our New to Faith Secret Santa and the ICF Christmas Party, I received a ton of letters/notes in advance for my birthday coming up this month!

And now I’m going to rant about my birthday a bit.

When I was younger (read: middle/high school), I was always super sad and annoyed that no one could come to my birthday parties since they were over Christmas Break and most of my friends weren’t around during Christmas Break. In addition, I disliked how it wasn’t during a school day, since I would always see people get balloons or gifts from their friends during the school day and our school would announce in the morning when it was someone’s birthday (our schools had these morning broadcast shows that everyone had to watch).

I know it sounds really bratty and selfish to complain about something like this, but it made me feel like no one cared about me. Honestly, my birthday is like the one thing that really makes me salty, and it bothers me that this mentality followed me to college too.

I think that’s why I was so happy to read over the notes and letters I got. It reminds me of the friends I’ve made and how appreciated I am (and also how silly it is to have so much animosity around my birthday and stuff). Maybe that’s something I can let go of now.

[brandonglee123]

I’ve decided that I want a blowtorch for Christmas.

...For brulee’ing things, of course!

...and maybe just so I can say that I own a blowtorch.

[brandonglee123]

College 4th Year, Part 8: Crushed

Otherwise known as “Yes, being rejected sucks, but it’s not the end of the world.” Hold on to your hats; this is a long one.

So long story short, my idea of asking a girl out on a date with apple roses didn’t work out all too great. So now, I have to make this obligatory post about it.

...Well it’s not THAT obligatory, but it feels a lot better just to type stuff out. ...Also sometimes it’s hard to talk out loud about these things. WAY easier to type it and let Esther people read it later.

I feel like that just saying “I’m alright” just doesn’t always fly with people when you tell them about these kinds of things. So I’m just going to say all of my thoughts here with 100% honesty.

Yes, it was disappointing when she said no. Yes, it was kinda embarrassing when she said she liked someone else. Yes, I have no idea whether she was just making that up or telling me the truth. Yes, I have no idea if she’s “friend-zoning” me or not. (I don’t really understand that term very well in general; I think it’s kinda silly because it makes it sound like it’s a very negative thing for someone to want to be friends with you, but that’s not what I really wanted to talk about.)

A long time ago, I used to think that being rejected meant that you simply weren’t good enough. I used to think that I just wasn’t an attractive person, and that not everyone could be attractive. I felt I was just dealt a bad hand in life, and I just accepted that.

I learned a long time ago that this type of thinking is really destructive. When it came to my first relationship, I didn’t agree to be Kat’s boyfriend because she was super nice or pretty or anything (though don’t get me wrong, she WAS). I agreed because she LIKED me. I realized that someone managed to like me for who I was and clung to that. ...and that’s kind of the problem.

See, when your self-confidence drops that low, you start to depend on other people’s approval to justify yourself. You start to become addicted to that kind of love and affection and you become desperate to hold on to that because you believe that only other people can make you feel good about yourself. 

I think that’s why it’s so important for people to like themselves. You have to believe in yourself and your own self-worth before you can begin to date, otherwise you’ll always be dependent on another person. Relationships are about co-dependency and being able to stand strong so that even if one person in the relationship falls, the other doesn’t fall too!

I think, if anything, I got one good thing out of my first relationship: God was trying to tell me that I was a likeable guy. It was kinda like he was saying “Look Brandon, people will like you for who you are. Don’t think that you’re unattractive or terrible or anything.” It’s like recognizing that Kat liked me made me realize that other people would also like and appreciate me, and I began to feel a lot more confident in myself.

Anyway, the point I was originally trying to get across is that I really don’t feel sad about this whole thing. Sure I was a little disappointed that I put a lot of work into something that didn’t work out in the end, but that’s okay. I was proud of myself for being intentional with my feelings, and I’m totally fine that I might not be the guy for her. As cheesy as it sounds, I trust God to present the right girl to me at the right time, even if that means I might never meet the right girl ever.

I feel like maybe it’s sort of like whenever something doesn’t work out, you should think “Welp, God helped me dodge a bullet there.”

[brandonglee123]

Technically College 4th Year, Part 7.

A comparison of current Brandon playing sports vs. old Brandon playing sports.

Man, have I told you guys how much I love my calves? Because I do.