Not fit for anyone

Adam hesitantly peered from behind her bedroom door and sighed, taking in the image of Brigitte, talking to herself. He frowned ever so slightly but made no noise as to his arrival. Not exactly wanting to be caught but wanting to show that he was there for her.

#AdamConversation #adamharrison

Brigitte turned and saw the mirror that was hanging up near her. She stared into it, not seeing anything. She saw a reflection, but she couldn't see anything really about who it was. They looked plain, but nothing was out of the ordinary with them. They looked just so blank. Like she felt. "Why can't I feel anything? I want to feel something... I want to at least know I'm still alive." She whispered the last part to herself.

donna-feildman-deactivated20141

"I don't... understand..."

“Everything has side effects. Medicine, things you say, how people react… That’s life.”

#clockworkrp #clockwork rp #clockwork open

"But I feel so empty. That isn't what the medicine is supposed to do... I don't even know what the medicine was for anymore. I just don't like this. I don't like not feeling."

#donnaconvo

"I don't... understand..."

"Why can't I feel anything? I just feel numb. Like I'm just a statue. They gave me new medicine, but they said there wouldn't be side effects. Why do I feel so empty?"

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

He was frustrated and when he was frustrated he couldn’t stop himself. He wished he could just turn it off like some did but in the end, he wasn’t the type to get all mushy right after he was going to blow his top. “Oh yeah, of course I want to God damn leave you. Especially since I care so much about you and I can’t ever get you off my fucking mind,” he shouted, without meaning to. His words were pinched and would feel like daggers but he was numb to it. He couldn’t even look at her without being disgusted with himself. He released her completely and shook his head, “Fuck Brigitte, if I didn’t leave you now after you rejecting me then why would I leave when you have a fucking melt down? Shit, you are so fucking blind and it pisses me off. I can’t do this Bridge, I’m not some mushy romantic who can soothe you. I’m an asshole who doesn’t give a shit but you make me give a shit because I care about you. And if you haven’t seen that now I don’t know when you’re going to see it. I’m going to go, see you around.” And he was gone, but not exactly gone gone, just around the corner so he could take a breath.

#AdamConversation #complete?

He had disappeared. She just stood there in shock at what she heard. She turned around, trying to spot him, but he had actually left the room. Because of her, he had left the room. Why does her heart hurt so much? It wasn't the normal being alone kind of hurting, it's more painful. Like her heart had been sliced in the middle and she couldn't put it back together. Her back hit the wall and she slid down to the ground, curling up into a little ball. She couldn't cry anymore, she could just gasp for air and try to regain herself. She heard footsteps, and she heard some of the Nurses calling out her name. Apparently she was due to take her medications, and she was pulled off the ground. They tried talking to her, but she couldn't understand them. She just stared blankly at the ground. They moved her out of the room to the medication, and to have a Doctor check what was wrong. She didn't feel anything right now. She just felt like a shell. Just a shell. So... hollow.

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

She wasn’t having it and he was getting frustrated. His jaw worked to stay come as he blew out a shaky breath but he knew when she got like this she wouldn’t listen to anyone. Every word that she was spewing hit him like a truck, running him over limb by limb to make sure it hurt more. He wasn’t good with this sort of thing especially when she did everything to make sure he would be at arms length. He finally let go, frustrated at her and at himself for hurting her. He wanted to scream back at her, saying he wasn’t wasn’t lying and that he would have done everything for her but he couldn’t- the words got lost in his throat. He shook his head violently and bit down on the inside of his cheek to taste blood. “Fine! You know what fuck it. You want me to leave? I’ll go and you don’t have to see me again. If you don’t believe me Bridgitte then I don’t know what to tell you. You can leave, I can’t. I’m dead, you’re not. You can leave me, I can’t leave you, even if I wanted to and hell after the shit that happened between us I wanted to but I can’t. I can’t and I don’t know why.”

#AdamConversation #adamharrison

His words silenced her, each punctured her heart like a knife. She didn't want him to leave, and she didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be near him, but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to be close to people. She didn't know how to act around people who actually wanted to be close to her. There was a long silence between them before she whispered six words. "I don't want you to leave me." She took deep breaths before looking back up at him and locking gazes with him, "I don't want you to leave. I want to see you again. If I didn't then I wouldn't be trying so hard to try to get over my past so I can actually try to be like a normal person and not have breakdowns every time I talk to someone!" She bit her lower lip as his words settled in her mind, "Y-You want to leave me?"

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

He couldn’t help but feel hurt at what she was implying. In reality he couldn’t leave, she could which formed a metaphorical lump in his throat that he wasn’t able to swallow. She could leave, he couldn’t, and she would never understand that. She could get better and have a life that she always wanted but he didn’t have that chance anymore. If he wasn’t a little shit maybe things would have been different but he had to live with his burden now. He shook his head and held her closer, not letting her leave his sight but he did drag back as she sobbed harder. He moved his calloused hands up to her cheek, catching the tears and rubbing them away with his thumb. He picked her face up to look at her and hesitated before placing a kiss on her forehead, even though he wanted to shut her up completely with a proper one on her lips. He couldn’t do that again, even though he wanted to. It was so hard to even be close to her like this without his body making a move for it, but for now he had to stay arms length not only for himself but for her. “Look at me,” he said softly, mumbling against her forehead before he stared into her eyes, “-I’m not going anywhere. Even though I physically can’t I would not leave you, you hear me? I care about you, Bridge, I always have. I don’t care how you look, don’t you know that? You aren’t ugly to me,” he swallowed back his words, threatening to say it but couldn’t. He frowned and placed his forehead against hers, “Don’t do this, please. Shh…it’s okay.”

#sorry this is short #AdamConversation #adamharrison

"No! Shut up, shut up! Shut up! You're lying to me!" She screamed, trying to break free of him. She couldn't believe him now, not when she was having a meltdown like this. She wasn't physically or mentally able to believe anything that anyone said to her during one of her meltdowns. No matter how much she would want to believe him, she couldn't. She had been so hurt by everyone from her past, and she had been let down so many times before. Why would this be any different? The only affection she seemed to receive were from the undead. She admitted it now. The only people who could love someone like her were ghosts. When she felt his lips on her forehead she wrestled against his grip with more force, feeling like his grip was bruising her. She tried to move her head away from him, trying to do everything to not look at him. She didn't want to believe anything anymore. She just wanted to be eternally at peace. She wanted to be happy, but she couldn't. She wasn't able to have happiness like everyone else. She was doomed to be miserable.

Brigitte had been caught trying to purge and she was told to go to the library and try to clear her mind. She had been hiding what she had been doing for so long, what had gone wrong? How had she not heard them walk up, or hear them open the door? She was so confused as to what was happening to her, she didn't hear footsteps enter the library. Brigitte turned around to try to go find one of her favorite books when she saw someone there.

"O-Oh... hello."

#clockwork open #clockworkrp

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

When she got like this, he never knew how to deal with it. His heart sunk like a stone and his stomach wouldn’t surrender even when it was tied in knots. He knew something was wrong from the abrupt pause in her statement. The sad part was he knew more than he would care to tell her when it came to moments like these but he wasn’t going to let her withdraw back into herself, not this time. In times like these he wanted to shake her or hug her, it didn’t matter which as long as he could make her smile again. It was corny and might as well have been some cheap line in a old rom com but he didn’t give a shit at the moment. He dared to step forward and place his hands on her arms, rubbing up and down softly while looking into her eyes as best as he could even while she was dodging him. “Bridge, look at me,” he cooed softly, his voice struggling to keep up a small whisper to calm her, “-shh, it’s okay..I’m here.” He found himself taking a deep breath in through his nose as he tried to swallow the wad of guilt in his throat but it was hard to keep it down. He squeezed her shoulders a bit before bringing her in for a small hug, even if she resisted it would make him feel more comfortable to have her close to him. He had always loved the way he could feel her chest rise and fall as she breathed or the small blips in her heartbeat.

#adamharrison #adamconversation

When he walked closer she took a step back, trying to get away from him. She didn't want to be near him or anyone right now, but he wouldn't let her get away. She needed to be alone so she could feel how she would be the rest of her life. She would be alone and miserable the rest of her life, and she would always be the ugly girl who wasn't good enough to be adopted. She was a jinx. Everywhere she went she brought destruction. He places his hands on her arms and he tried to get her to look at him, but she couldn't. She couldn't look at him without knowing that he would be seeing her in all her lackluster appearance. As his grip tightened and he pulled her into a hug, she heard his words. He said he would be there for her, but she knew that wasn't going to be forever. He would get tired of her for one reason or another and he would leave her. Like the couple who was going to adopt her had. Like everyone who she hoped to maybe think of as something like friends always did. She let the tears fall as she shook in his arms. She couldn't hug him back, she had to get out of his embrace. She didn't deserve this type of care or attention. She deserved to be miserable alone. "For how long, Adam? For how long will you be here for me? You'll leave me just like everyone else does. You'll see me the way everyone else sees me: as the ugly girl who isn't skinny enough, and who wasn't lovable or worth enough to get adopted. You'll see it one day, and you'll leave. Like everyone else." She sobbed, leaning on him so she didn't fall. She had said it. She had actually said it. She was now more afraid to see how what he would say now that he heard it.

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

He rolled his eyes, a lopsided smirk falling onto his features as he looked at her. There it was again, her smile even though this time it didn’t reach her eyes. Those were rare and only came forth a few or so times in the amount of time that he’d known her. “I live to please, Bridge. It’s my show of affection and endearment. You should be flattered. I hardly have the time for others when I’m running around saving you.” He teased back with a smirking tone as he nudged her, a small smile hinting in his eyes.

#adamharrison #adamconversation

"That is such a lie! You don't always save me! I've learned to save myself! I mean, I learned how to hide--" She stopped mid-sentence. She had almost blurted out one of her secrets that she had swore to not even tell Adam about. He didn't know anything about her problems. She always played it off as if she didn't think she was an ugly human being who wasn't good enough for anyone. Around him she didn't pretend to think that maybe she wasn't as bad as she thought. But always when she remembered what she had to do to make herself be like this always reminded her of how truly ugly she was. She noticed that she had stopped abruptly, and she needed to pretend that she hadn't just remembered who she was. She had to pretend she was still being the girl who teased him and smiled sincere smiles. Not like the ones she put on in front of everyone else. "Y-You never complained about it before."

Her voice was more quiet, and she seemed more timid and much more like she had been when the orphanage girls picked on her. She felt so miserable all of a sudden. She just wanted to hide and cry. She didn't want to be around someone who could turn on her at any minute. She never knew if he would look at her one day and see how truly disgusting she was and he would turn on her.

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

She knew exactly how to tug on his heart strings to get what she wanted which he hated and loved at the exact same time. She was the honest to god five year old princess who could make anyone fall for her charms with a bat of her eyes which is how their little fairytale somewhat began. Underneath the whole ruthless, rough and tough demeanor Adam was a little boy who needed the attention to thrive and she was willing to give it to him at a price. “Ugh, damn it..fine fine fine. You don’t have to go all you’re alone in this and you know it speech. I get it, just don’t get caught a’right? You’re clumsy when it comes to the getaway.”

"Thanks for the pep-talk and for believing in me, Adam. REally, I mean your comment about me not being as good as getting away from the chaos really has inspired me to help. Have you ever thought of telling me compliments everyday?" She teased him. It wasn't his fault that he was such an easy target for teasing, but she couldn't help it. He leaves himself open for her, but also he wasn't lying. She sucked at getting out of there. She hoped he would help her if they almost get caught. She would rather not be punished for causing chaos. That wasn't a way on the road to getting better.

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

As she smiled he couldn’t help but smile to. Even though it was corny as fuck to think about, Bridgette’s smile could light up a room in a heartbeat. While trying to put up this demeanor of not caring about anything, his soft spot will always go out to her whether he liked it or not. In his past he never really had the chance to have someone like her in his life and now he didn’t want to fuck it up, no matter what he had to do he would do it for her. “Help? Little miss goodie two shoes wanting to help me cause chaos? Am I being punk’d?”

"Fine, if you don't want my help I can always just leave and come back when you're done causing chaos. All alone. Without any help. That's fine. Have fun being alone. Doing alone things cause you're not with anyone. Cause you'll be alone." Brigitte couldn't stop herself, she was in the mood to cause a bit of mischief, and she knew Adam would make sure nothing bad happened to her. She couldn't trust anyone else the way she trusted him.

loveless-cassidy-deactivated201

“Nice, can’t say i’ve read it though,” she sighed, looking at the current page she was on. Cass noticed the blonde haired girled nervousness and decided to not take advantage of it. She wanted at least one friend, today. “I’m Cassidy, but, i prefer Cass..or Cassie.” After she gave the girl a list of name to call her, she lent further in, scanning the page of the book quickly. “Doesn’t look too bad.”

#lovelesscassidy #convocass

"Cassie. Nice name." Brigitte smiled, happy that she had successfully gotten the girls name without completely failing. Seeing the close proximity of the girl, she began to panic. What if she did something wrong and Cassie began to think like the girls from the Orphanage? She didn't want that to happen, she had already had to deal with them enough. They haunted her sleep, so she had to see them every time she tried to escape reality. "Oh, it's really dark. It's one of the reasons I like it."

vincentdeluca

Okay

vincentdeluca

Vincent looked up at the three? people standing around him and he just groaned. He sat up slowly. “I guess I’m fine.”

#vincentdeluca #vincentconvo

"No offense, but you don't look fine." She was concerned for the man. She decided to put aside her worry about talking to people to focus on the man. She knew bad injuries could occur from falling down stairs.

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

He blinked momentarily and shifted his feet for a moment. After their little encounter, Adam couldn’t bring himself to be his usual asshole type self in front of the girl it just wasn’t in him. Liking her for so long and opening up made him slightly less of a mystery but it didn’t last for very long. Although he still cares for the girl the rejection stung like nothing else, which was hard to hold back at times but he tried- at least for her he did. Licking his lips he cocked his head to the side and frowned in a mocking sort of way, “I never get into trouble, Bridge. I’m the master of disguise. Besides, this place needs a little bit of a pick me up from its usual doom and gloom.”

"You're right about that." Brigette couldn't help but laugh at the truth behind his words. This place was so dreary, even for her tastes. She lived in a run down orphanage all her life before this, and that seemed much more lively than this place ever could. Though thinking of the orphanage brought back the stinging pain of memories. She shook her head slightly, trying to rid her mind of the negativity. "Can... Can I help?"

loveless-cassidy-deactivated201

“Oh, er, reading?” Cass repeated, raising an eyebrow slightly. She wasn’t into reading - she preferred her music. It seemed like she hand;t met this girl, properly, anyway. “What book?” She asked quickly, the awkward little silences boring her even more than she already was. Hoping it was something gruesome, she lent over the petite blonde, hoping the catch a glimpse of the title.

#convocass #lovelesscassidy

"Sleeping Beauty. The Grimm Fairytale one, not the Disney shit." She mumbled the last part. She had started a conversation, and now she was getting nervous. This was what books were for, but she wanted to hide in her book. She knew she should introduce herself, but should she just blurt out her name or just ask for the other girls name first? "Uh-- I'm Brigette. Wh-Who are you?"

Anyone in the mood for some chaos?

A quirk managed to retreat to his brow as he leaned against the wall, tapping a finger to his chin. His whole body felt the tug of the female’s word and without much hesitation flicked a smile on his face as he could feel himself turn to mush, “I uh yeah, chaos. You know how I am Bridge. All work and no play makes Adam a dull ghost.”

There it was again. That word. Ghost. She hated that word, far more than she could ever put into words. It was even worse when Adam said it, because it reminded her that she was one more step closer to losing her mind. Ghosts couldn't be real, she couldn't let herself believe it. She had to hold onto some sense of reality here, or she would be lost. "I do know, but I'm concerned you'll cause to much chaos and get in trouble. What is the big master plan this time?"

loveless-cassidy-deactivated201

“Is there ever anything to do around here? I’m bored, so very, very bored.”