Untitled

[myjetpack]

For New Scientist Order my new book here: https://goo.gl/6sypYT

[action]

September 26th is National Voter Registration Day.

For many states, it’s the last day you can register to vote on the upcoming November local ballots.

Voting local is voting for issues that impact you directly—quality of roads and public transportation, education for the next generation of voters, parks, public safety, minimum wage laws, local healthcare access, and so very much more.

Don’t let this deadline slip by. Millions of Americans were unregistered for last year’s presidential election. Millions of voices went unheard. We can’t let that happen again.

Missed it last year? Register. Changed your name or moved in the past year? Update your registration. Completely prepared and feeling good? Great. Now tell a friend to register.

This is how we take care of each other, Tumblr. This is how we start to change what needs to be changed. Get ready to vote.

[fanbott-deactivated20200327]

Okay, but the fact that Hollyhock has 8 polya gay dads who are all portrayed as loving supportive parents with their own personalities and interests though….

[brkyle]

It's a start.

[surreal--memes]

[brkyle]

We listen, all right. We just don't understand porpoise and its dialects. They do better understanding us, sadly enough.

[beggars-opera]

The best notes written in manuscripts by medieval monks

Colophon: a statement at the end of a book containing the scribe or owner’s name, date of completion, or bitching about how hard it is to write a book in the dark ages

Oh, my hand

The parchment is very hairy

Thank God it will soon be dark

St. Patrick of Armagh, deliver me from writing

Now I’ve written the whole thing; for Christ’s sake give me a drink

Oh d fuckin abbot

Massive hangover

Whoever translated these Gospels did a very poor job

Cursed be the pesty cat that urinated over this book during the night

If someone else would like such a handsome book, come and look me up in Paris, across from the Notre Dame cathedral

I shall remember, O Christ, that I am writing of Thee, because I am wrecked today

Do not reproach me concerning the letters, the ink is bad and the parchment scanty and the day is dark

11 golden letters, 8 shilling each; 700 letters with double shafts, 7 shilling for each hundred; and 35 quires of text, each 16 leaves, at 3 shilling each. For such an amount I won’t write again

Here ends the second part of the title work of Brother Thomas Aquinas of the Dominican Order; very long, very verbose; and very tedious for the scribe; thank God, thank God, and again thank God

If anyone take away this book, let him die the death, let him be fried in a pan; let the falling sickness and fever seize him; let him be broken on the wheel, and hanged. Amen

[brkyle]

This is too funny.

[lllorona-deactivated20190720]

PSA for Hurricane Irma Victims about their pets!!!!

[conspiring-limabean]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pets_Evacuation_and_Transportation_Standards_Act

it’s true!

[buippy-deactivated20210405]

[hjlghjfghdh-deactivated20170921]

do u guys find this video creepy or cute bc i think thats a big personality indicator

[brkyle]

I don't know why, but I love this thing.

[tastefullyoffensive]

Undeniable proof. (via jelenawoehr)

[alalampone]

All Might is really important to me as a young sick & disabled person.

[brkyle]

I'm going to look into this.

[thequantumqueer]

Fact #1: laser sights don’t help your aim; they’re highly inaccurate at any range longer than a couple dozen yards and only good for rapid target acquisition

Fact #2: absolutely every precision shooter knows this

Fact #3: almost nobody else knows this because movies have erroneously taught people that snipers paint a red dot on the target’s chest before they shoot them

Fact #4: any nazi who notices a red dot on their chest while giving a speech is going to immediately stop talking and get off the stage, probably while shitting themself

Fact #5: laser pointers are cheap, legal, and easy to conceal, and unless there’s smoke or dust or something in the air, theres no way to know where it’s coming from

[brkyle]

Me? No, I wasn't suggesting anything...

[outrageauxbonnesmoeurs]

Reblog this if you suffer from a chronic illness and have ever been called lazy.

[brkyle]

All the time, but not so much now.

[fibro-bro]

We all get more aches and pains as we get older. 

I think I have that, too - I’m always tired. 

Maybe you need a job or hobby to take your mind off the pain.

My doctor says Fibromyalgia isn’t a real disease.

If you got more sleep, you’d feel better. 

I read about this new product that cures Fibromyalgia. 

At least it’s not fatal.

You just need to exercise more. 

But you don’t look sick.

It’s all in your head.

I’ve heard them all.

[reyesmp4]

“My friend is in a wheelchair and works 6 days a week, why cant you” 

[brkyle]

Day in day out

Actually, this isn't a bad day as it goes. We just got home from a science fiction convention where we all and sundry had fun and my daughter is still recovering by sleeping in today. She refused to get up for school. I'm worried about this, because her grades suffer for all the time she takes off school, but I can finally do something constructive about it. I have found a counselor that can deal with her gender issues, I hope. I like the woman, but I don't know if my daughter will -- but it will be a start. We also have some support groups where we might be able to go, and the therapist has kindly offered to talk to me if there's a need there.

Which there really is, because of my own issues and insecurities.

I have told my daughter that I love her no matter what, and I want her to be happy. I truly mean that. If that takes a breast reduction and a binder now, I'm okay with that. If she wants to be androgynous and present herself as an enigma, that's fine too. However, there is this FACT that she was born female and she takes after me -- a very feminine figure with D cups and a generous set of hips. In fact, she is BUILT, and quite beautiful, and she doesn't see that. I am overwhelmingly sad over this, and the fact that she didn't feel safe enough to come to me with it earlier. She has since said she feels lucky to have such accepting parents, but I think I should have seen something earlier.

It tears me up that she only sees a body that she hates, and hates how people react to her and interact with her. She came out to us as gay over a year ago and I had to deal with that (and I did), and I tell her that MY issues are MINE, and I love her because she is my child. There are no conditions. I am the one who has to let go of my expectations, and I am the one who has to let go a daughter who is traditional. That's okay, really. I'm just having the predictable tough time doing it. That doesn't mean I don't love her more than my life, it means that I have issues that aren't hers.

My husband is seeing this as difficulty in coping with things in normal life as my pain increases. I have an appointment later this week to see a back specialist who will (predictably) want to treat me with steroids or surgery, neither one of which I'm really interested in. Steroids make me crazy and I need to be as sane as possible because I have craziness all around me in stacks and droves. Between a bipolar son and a gender dysphoric daughter I have to be strong to help them deal, even though I don't feel strong. What I do feel is that I've failed them both for some reason, maybe not raised them right, maybe was too anxious when they were in utero -- something happened that is my fault but that I can't really help. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in all this drama, as though there's no way out, even though they're getting close to being (legal) adults. There's no way I can quit and no way I can feel competent, and my whole life has always been about being competent. That'll learn me to think I could have anything truly under control.

I see time slipping away and that I'll have to allow them to be their own adults, and I hope I have taught them the right stuff to be good people, to be themselves despite pressure to the contrary. I wonder how they will cope, if they will cope. I suppose this is normal for any parent. Maybe it's a bit more intense for me because my kids are facing challenges that not all children face. I hope that I can get over it and let my kids go gladly and with joy that they survived this long and have tools that they need to live.

I hope there will be something of my marriage left after they're gone. We've been so focused on the kids that I almost feel my husband as strange to me at times. I love him more than I ever did because he's the best parent I can imagine -- certainly a better parent than I am; I am moody and sometimes my temper is very short, especially with my son, whose social skills are iffy at best and who often refuses to do such things as shower and take care of himself. He needs to take things like his medication and his vocational training seriously, and I'm not sure he is doing that right now, even though he is finally doing his work at school in order to pass and graduate.

We want to move after the kids get out of school this year, someplace with no stairs so I can do things like do laundry and sleep in bed instead of on a recliner in the living room; I also want my son to find a place to live and a job and live SOMEWHERE ELSE, at least for a while. He has been a very disruptive influence in our lives and it's time he knew what he has to do to survive in this life, and not pretend to be a lily of the field. I don't know about where we'll find a placement; I know of no such place and I'd have to have some serious training to begin an agency for such people -- not retarded, but suffering enough from social issues by reason of mental illness or impairment of other kinds that they need a supported place to live. I think that there are many kids who would benefit from this kind of placement, and many families who need the respite that this kind of place could give. Once I helped rent a house and began to put together a program for troubled young people who had much more serious issues, but I had to leave that job because of a very toxic supervisor and total burnout when I was baited and switched from ICD-MR (a group home for mentally retarded folks) to a mental health facility. I believe now that I was going to be bullied into the position of the mental health facility whether I wanted it or not, but that was years ago and I don't know how it's doing or if the facility actually exists anymore. At the end of the whole thing I was revising and updating records for the agency, which were of such poor quality that if any QA team had come in to see the records, they would have closed the agency on the spot. I brought them into some kind of organization and made lists of what was needed for compliance, and they asked me to stay and continue in that capacity, but I had to leave. I was totally fried.

I don't want to get into that position while being a central person or in charge -- maybe I am just afraid of the responsibility that setting up a program entails. I'd like to use L'Arche as a model -- normal folks living alongside folks with disabilities and other issues, serving as role models and helping the folks and being paid, or perhaps having a discount on housing and food in exchange for their services. L'Arche is a Christian organization, having started in French Canada (if I am correct), and, while that's not bad, I am not a Christian per se and would not want to make this into a religiously based organization.

I feel that faith is a very private thing -- I have my own beliefs and my kids have theirs and my husband has his, and maybe we don't believe the same things at all. I know my kids are wise about some things -- when they were very young, (about 5) their great-grandfather died. My son patted the arm of a very distressed younger cousin when they were closing the casket and said, "Don't worry. That's not Papa in there, it's only his bones." It was one of the few times when I thought I'd done something right in child-rearing, even though I was weeping myself, missing my husband's grandfather already. He was a very sweet and gentle influence on my kids' early years; my father and my husband's father did not live to see their grandchildren. I know that wherever my dad is, he's laughing like crazy because I had TWINS and didn't escape the curse, but I think he would have loved them very much, and so would my husband's dad.

The kids' grandmothers complain that they don't see enough of the kids, and to be truthful I haven't even sent out their graduation pictures. My son's pictures came out terribly, it makes him look like a goof because he hasn't nearly gotten his adult face yet, while my daughter's pictures came out wonderfully. The photographer caught her off-guard and she was really smiling and lovely. I want to have my son's pictures redone, and maybe a few shots of them together (although that will be a battle to say the least). Maybe if we all dress up in costume we can do it just as a fun thing for the family. I could pull together steampunk outfits for all of us and it would be fun... it may be ambitious but folks in the fambly would like it -- they all know we're nuts, and might enjoy the portraits. I'll have to ask my costuming buddies.

So, there's a representative day. Only a little energy, a little writing, and a pot roast for dinner. Hope yours is good.

[brkyle]

Yet another day

My husband called me on December 7 and told me he'd been laid off.

Now, I know that this isn't an uncommon thing in these times, but come on. Just before Christmas? Merry Merry. I'd wondered if they'd keep him on until someone else learned his job who wasn't as expensive. He got some benefits from the company, but we found that our COBRA was almost $900/month, and no other competitors would be too much cheaper since I'd have to get Medicare Part B since I'm eligible and that carries another premium. My husband, used to being able to get a job quickly, is becoming discouraged because he's being lowballed for salaries and we need a certain amount of money to live. Again, this is not an uncommon problem, but he's feeling it.

So, we took ourselves up to see Grandma for Christmas anyway, against my better judgment, and actually had a great time. I got to see one of the few friends I'd had in high school for whom I gave a rat's rear end (we'd been close and have had similar experiences after school), and we had a great talk about everyone I wondered about. I still haven't gone to a class reunion after mumbledy mumble years, and I have no intentions to unless I undergo some massive change.

My son seems to have evened out a bit on medication, even though I don't think it's doing much for him. He's been assaultive to me on the medication once and has done stupid things like refusing to shower or wear appropriate clothing to school for work and other things. One day I got a call that said he smelled like feces. Now, is this just my nightmare or do other folks have this nonsense show up in a kid who's afraid to leave a safe environment (a great special ed school for kids with ED)?

My daughter has broken up with her long distance girlfriend, who seems to have turned into a mad sociopathic little bitch, to put it mildly. She's done everything from threaten suicide to trying to turn my daughter's internet friends against her. It seems that the community is taking this sensibly as the result of the breakup, but this is affecting her life from home to school (where she has problems with a child who controls her environment with outbursts and threats of violence on the bus). Being different is always a challenge; though I wasn't different in the league she is, my experience is from 35-40 years ago and I still remember how much it hurt even now. She's tired of being a target and tired of being a pariah except with a very few people in her school. It's wearing her down and she's missing a lot of school because of it.

So, I'm faced with two totally different sets of problems to deal with as a mom, and it seems that I'm not up to them. My husband has been dealing with my son's refusal to groom himself (I'm sure not going to take him by the scruff of the neck and put him in the shower, but it WILL be done daily), and we've explained that he needs to get his act together because we're not obligated to support him or house him after his 18th birthday and without common courtesy and decency he won't be welcome in our home. Period. That's going to seem cold to some folks, but I for one refuse to have him here when he's 40 and totally nonfunctional. He will learn to be a productive independent member of society. He has the potential and he's going to take advantage of it.

My daughter is a different kettle of fish. She's actually eased off the Art school thing and is thinking of getting a job and taking some community college courses next year because of the financial limitations we will have as a result of my husband's unemployment. I see this as a VERY good thing because she'll be a young HS graduate (if she manages it) at 17; I know she wants to be out of the house and independent ASAP and I don't blame her. Her social skills are at least up to her age level or about that -- she can succeed if she puts the effort into it. However, until she gets out of the adolescent brain fog, a directed and high-pressure curriculum like the Art Institute would be a recipe for disaster. She has to find out what she wants to do and how she can do it before entering that pressure cooker.

Welcome to our lives.

[brkyle]

In Which we See the Psychiatrist, who has No Real Answers

Another day.

We brought my son to the psychiatrist and my daughter to an Anime Convention. My daughter had a great time. My son was rather spectacularly carsick a couple of times, perhaps because we have a new (to us) car and they hit it rather strongly with that "new car" spray. I was confused because we'd been in it for a considerable length of time when I had to take him in to school, and no symptoms then.

The psychiatrist was surprised when we described the symptoms that our son had been showing -- constant motion (akathesia), tics, and other things associated with tardive dyskinesia, a very nasty and lasting side effect of the neuroleptic medication that he needs in order to keep living at home. We were reassured that this was NOT in fact TD, but his own reaction to the medication or lack of its action. We decided to try to raise this medication once more and if there were the same results to try another medication instead, after withdrawing him from the one he's already on. I'm also to observe and email the doctor every day so he knows about changes of behavior as they happen. Poor guy, being The Doctor in the family, he's having to go and do for his own on weekends. He just can't get a break.

So, we're back where we started, and we'll see if it's just too small a dose for my son or whether it's the wrong medication (which is what I suspect). Either way, he knows something is going on that isn't what we had in mind, being a bright kid. He also knows that we are working to make him feel better and more stable as quickly as we can.

Meanwhile, I had to dive 30+ miles at 4 AM on Sunday in order to get my daughter from the convention. Nothing bad happened to her except a case of too much dancing and a larger dose of fun than she's accustomed to. I don't think this is a bad thing, considering that she's had a rough time with her brother all this year and needs to get the ya-yas out some way. The deal was that if she needed a ride home she got one, and luckily I could help out with that. 4 AM is not my time, though, and I wound up sleeping a lot of Sunday because of it. A fine how do you do. She apologized repeatedly, but I told her that she was fine, and the thing she might do next time is think ahead so this doesn't happen again unless it's necessary. It turns out that 4 AM is actually the only time one can find a place to park in Crystal City, so I didn't have to hike a half mile on bad knees to go get her. I don't begrudge the mistake, though. Considering what could have happened, being called at 4 AM because she was just too tired to stay wasn't a bad thing.

[brkyle]

Another Day

The issue of the day -- my son has flipped into what seems to be a manic state. We've recently changed his medication, and if this is the result it's just not going to work. He's gone straight through happy and excited to agitated, constantly moving and talking, not letting anyone get a word in edgewise. We're all feeling the stress of it, and, of course, he feels it worst of all, because he's a very intelligent young man and he knows that there's something wrong. He's jerky, ticcy, never stops. He eats less than he should, and since he's growing heaven knows what it's doing to him.

However, I think my reaction isn't helping things. I worked with folks who had mental illness for many years (even though I left the field after about 15 years due to burnout), and I see in this behavior potential problems that may or may not be part of the picture. I am by no means a psychiatrist (we are lucky to have a fine doctor who takes good care of us in that respect), and this is based on experience with folks who had been institutionalized or were being cared for in the community because they had issues that prevented them from staying by themselves (mostly developmental disabilities). My alarms are not necessarily based in reality for this situation, and it's mucking up the actual situation with my (most likely mistaken) reactions.

When it comes down to it, I'm concerned about my son being in distress because of this state where he has a hard time controlling behaviors that mark him as different, even in the excellent, kind, and very structured and programmed environment of his school. He is lucky enough to attend a school for children who are emotionally disturbed and who have other issues such as learning disabilities. I have great respect for the staff and they're concerned along with me about this new wrinkle in his ongoing effort to be a functional, productive member of society. He is intelligent and capable, very bright in math and very well-spoken and informed. Due to his issues, he is growing up slowly and often befriends people who are younger than he is, because he missed a couple of years of growing up while we flailed around trying to find the right place for him in the school system.

I want to be able to wave a magic wand and make it all better, like any parent who has a child in such distress. I am reminded that my son has no disastrous physical illness, like cancer or some other fatal malady -- but folks with mood disorders are far more likely to commit suicide than the general population -- a parent's ultimate nightmare. And all I can do is remind him that he is having trouble that he already knows he has. Am I helping him or hurting? Luckily, we see our psychiatrist in a couple of days, and we will probably have a medication adjustment. Though that may not solve the problem per se (medication seldom does on its own), it may give us some tools to help him to be in control of himself. He is not in control now, and I know that it is distressing to him especially.

So, all I can do is love him and help him as much as I can. and hopefully he will come out of this state and have some relatively normall time. We can only hope.

Meanwhile, my daughter is hot to trot on the idea of going to art school. The program has her interest is a very career-directed, and the college has a very good placement percentage. It's not what I would call a well-rounded education, but my daughter is a reader and if she wishes to learn about something she has the capacity to do so. In art school, she would be doing what she wants to do, namely animation and those kinds of technology. It's on a quarter system and it's very intense, but she needs to make some decisions about what it is she wants. I happen to believe in a liberal arts education as a way to teach someone how to learn what they need to know, but I appreciate my daughter's extensive artistic gifts and her interest in all sorts of animation and technology. In the end we will do our best to give her a chance at this school if it is what she wants.

My daughter is desperate to get away from her brother because of his issues. She's had way more than enough of dealing with him, and it's understandable. She is, however, young and doesn't know that if she moves out a lot of her daily support will be different after the move. I hope she has thought this through, since it will have many, possibly unforeseen consequences. She'll have to learn to cook and take care of herself. I don't think she will have more than the normal amount of problems with it, but it's still early.

My son, on the other hand, may need to live away from the family in order to become acquainted with reality. Even though all of the same issues apply as for my daughter, I am trying to find a program that will give us some way to help him become independent with guidance from someone who isn't Mom and nervous all the time. Our relationship is difficult, and I want him to have the best shot there is at living a normal life; if it takes me stepping out of the picture to help him grow among others, that's what I'll do. It's not easy to admit that I may not be helping my son, but I'd rather that than have him home and dependent at 40. He needs his own life, and a chance to sink or swim just like anyone else, even though more support may be appropriate for him.

So, welcome to my stress. Though they were born within five minutes of each other, they are as different as night and day, and as I have told them, treating them fairly doesn't mean treating them the same way, but assessing their needs and strengths and treating them in accordance to those needs and strengths. All parents face this dilemma to some extent, and we are working to help them for the rest of the short time that they will be with us.

[brkyle]

Days in the Life

I never thought I needed a blog, because my life doesn't seem terribly eventful most of the time. However, it occurs to me that there may be folks out there living with the same stuff I am -- disability, difficult and highly demanding children, and never quite feeling like they're adequate. Now, I'm not a whiner, but these are real problems, and I have some experience with dealing with all these issues.

I am not the sum of my problems (even if one might think so at times). I like to do things, and sometimes am frustrated by my lack of ability to do so, because of issues above. I love to do crafts, spend time with my husband and kids, cook, eat, see my friends (and you know who you are), write (though I'm not very good at it), and do many other things that time and money now prevent. I'm a compulsive reader, and am interested in many things, from neuroscience to old movies and almost anything in between.

I have wonderful 17 year old twins who are growing up to be pretty cool versions of their own people and will do well if they don't murder each other. However, my son is bipolar (diagnosed early and in special programs in school), and my daughter has gender issues which make her have periods of intense unhappiness and anxiety. I grieve their troubles, but we all have our problems; they have to learn how to deal with them on their own. As I have often told them, my job is to make myself obsolete, so they won't need me.

I have professional experience dealing with folks who are mentally ill in a life long ago; I have appointed myself my son's case manager and have managed to find a great psychiatrist, a fine family doctor, and other professionals to help him. Even so, in order to function in even a remotely normal way, he requires medication that frightens me, because I know the potentially harmful side effects and I see him having them now.

I cannot hope to be of appreciable help to my daughter except to love her as she is and hope that she can find a way to be comfortable with herself and her intelligence, talent, and beauty. She has a lot of trouble with her brother, because she's had about enough of him sucking us dry of resources and emotional resilience. It's almost harder to be the "other" kid when your sibling has immediate and emergent issues; one has to be content with the leftovers and I can see that she's tired of that.

My own issues are disabling pain, intermittent brain "fog", and persistent depression, due to chronic pain from back injuries and fibromyalgia. I maintain that pain can CAUSE depression. It's damn depressing to be in pain all of the time, and even with medication and good insurance, I do have pain all the time. I try to live above it, but sometimes it poisons my mind and makes me unreasonable and cranky. This complicates everything I try to do for my family and friends.

I am very lucky. We have insurance so my kids can be treated for whatever illnesses they have (I don't consider gender dysphoria an illness except as much as it causes my daughter much conflict and emotional pain), we have a place to live and food to eat and other good things. I try to look at the good side of the world but sometimes it's easy to complain. I do my best not to do that much, with varying degrees of success, and to overcome the challenges which have been given me with some modicum of grace.

Yes, I often speak this way. I don't often muse on life for this much time; I realize that my opinions are not the same as many others'. As they say, your mileage may vary. If I offend, there's always the big red "X" in the corner of the computer page; no one is forcing you to read or listen. Comments, however, are appreciated as long as one doesn't use them to spam or spread hate, bigotry, or bad feeling. I will attempt to post as often as I feel well enough to do so, and I may be boring and dull, but if I can help someone who has need of help or encouragement, the space is worth it. And consider: you aren't required to read or follow me.

That being said, thanks for reading, thanks in advance for your comments and feedback, and hopefully I can provide some comfort and help to someone out there. If that's the case, this is a win in my book.