when it comes right down to it, Hayden’s objections to Ilya as Shane’s partner aren’t compassion-founded criticisms based on Shane being in a legitimately destructive and unsafe relationship. and as such, all his petty jealousies and pointed remarks and intentional obliviousness and downright cruel behavior come across as him disregarding and infantilizing Shane to an insane degree all because he doesn't like Ilya and he never bothers to try.
Shane is a grown man who knows his own mind and can make his own decisions, especially about the people he chooses to let into the privacy of his personal life. and Shane made the conscious choice to be with Ilya. to choose a man who plays hockey at a top tier level equal to his own and who gets the world they live in, who is just as competitive and can give as good as he gets, who is gorgeous and very sexually compatible, who makes him feel good and safe and alive and relaxed and understood and treasured, who is completely devoted to him.
and for Hayden to just disregard Shane's choice, to ignore the fact that Shane loves Ilya, wants Ilya to be in his life forever, is willing to risk a secret relationship to be with Ilya....is insulting on so many levels.
Hayden doesn't care. he just does NOT care. not about Shane's opinion about his own romantic life, or even the validity of the relationship he best friend is in. he refuses to acknowledge that Yuna and David and Jackie and Ruby and Jade and Arthur and Amber all genuinely enjoy Ilya's company, his teasing, his kindness, his thoughtfulness. he seems incapable of separating Rozanov (81) from his public branding and persona to see Ilya (Shane's boyfriend/fiancé/husband). he is ready to assume the worst possible interpretation at the drop of a hat and his temper is one of the quickest I've seen to some light teasing.
he's constantly making subtle and not so subtle remarks that Ilya is not good enough for Shane, that Ilya is going to cheat on Shane, that Ilya is using Shane, that Ilya is such an asshole, that Ilya isn't worth it, that Ilya doesn't love Shane or have any depth as a person. he's uncomfortable around Shane and Ilya kissing and the fact that Shane wants to spend less time with Hayden or that Shane will show up with Ilya. he actively encourages JJ to keep trying to set Shane up with guys despite having had PLENTY of evidence that Shane is in relationship and does not want to look for anyone else.
and let's be honest here. Hayden, Shane's best friend in the world, still not fully accepting Ilya as Shane's boyfriend (after months/years) had a huge impact. it told Shane that acceptance of his sexuality was conditional on who he was with. it told him that the best he could hope for was indifference instead of full support. it probably also played a role in Shane being too scared to tell JJ about Ilya (a guy who was very supportive of Shane being gay!) which in turn, made JJ feel like Shane didn't even seen him as a friend and fractured the trust there.
and the final insult to injury, after years of hiding, after the stress and pain and hypervigilance that Shane and Ilya needed to operate under to keep their love safe and secret, Hayden delivers the final blow. that not even in his home, where they thought that they could be safe to show affection, could they be protected. in one of Shane and Ilya's many many many occasions of offering free childcare to the man who is apparently allergic to contraception and needs multiple adults outside his marriage to adequately care for his own kids, they were exposed. and then, instead of having a planned and well worded announcement of their relationship and/or marriage as they intended, Shane and Ilya became a sordid sexual scandal that picked them apart down to their bones.
but Hayden said sorry so it's fine. right?
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