till the end of time, it will be us, always

remind yourself why you're doing this

[broken-obliviion]

you know how to be so many thing, why don’t you know how to be yourself

[broken-obliviion]

i miss me, i miss me so so much

where did i go, how did it all go so damn differently than i imagined.

im not actually sure if i miss myself or the people around me who reflected who i was back to me

i miss her, so much that it hurts. i miss who i was with her - its been 3 years and im still gonna need 3 more

i miss being joyous about things other than love, i miss having a life other than uni, i miss les mis 4am christmas morning, i miss stupid questions, the memes, aerobics, crabs dances, science, mrs wood, the crucible, the moth story, sleepovers and all the strange and wonderful things inbetween

i miss it all so much, and god wasn’t i depressed, wasn’t i sad, how did i miss how happy i was, how lucky i was

i want them back, i want it all back but i dont know how

[broken-obliviion]

you aren’t his, you will always be yours

you know how to be happy alone darling, you have had 20 years of practice

your emotions, happiness, mood do not rely on him, you are independent

you can create your own happiness

you are your own

[broken-obliviion]

oh darling girl, you are as lost as the day you wrote your first words, i want to say thats okay, you’re still figuring it all out. why

why are we so broken, fragmented, fractured, rippling with fissions, quaking with emotion

letting everything seep out the edges

oh baby, why are we here, i couldnt even tell you why we’re writing this, its the feeling of dried up tears on your cheeks

i think there are some underlying abandonment issues, so many have left, leaving you scared

i think you’ve forgotten a bit of yourself, its like part of you has gone missing and you just cant find it

its not in the pool of your tears, not in the memory of meditation, its not in every phone call as much as you want it to be,, its deep in the earth

but you cant find it. why

because you cant ever let yourself be fucking happy with things just the way they are.

fall in love with living darling, stop living to fall in love

[inkskinned]

It is so strangely empty to give up on somebody. You've done the fighting and the screaming, the whispered practiced speeches you said in the mirror and the crying in public places. the attempts at logic, the subtle sideways begging. And you sit in your cooling car or in the library or on the train and you realize - that was actually it, wasn't it. It's not worth it anymore. The remains of your relationship have been ashes for so long now - why are you still trying to call the fire department. Why are you doing this. You never walk out without shaking, and they always walk out having said the last word and struck the last blow.

And you think: when did it happen? When did I grow up more than you did? When did you stop trying to be a better person? Why wasn't I good enough to keep in your life? Were you ever listening? Did you ever care what was going on with me? Was I just around because then you'd have somebody on your side? Why are you like this? Why? Why? Why?

I wanted cutting it off to be cathartic. It was instead kicking a winter beehive. Nothing but a cold sting inside.

[broken-obliviion]

all this time you thought it was about letting him go, when really it was all about her.

you still think of her everyday, everytime something that you shared comes up.

you’ve cried her a waterfall but baby she doesn’t deserve any more of your tears.

sweetie im trying to be gentle when i say, you need to let her go.

lie down on the earth and let every part of her seep out.

let her tendrils fall away deep into the soil and let yourself be free of all the pain and hurt you’re holding onto.

Just Let It Go

literally stop caring, stop thinking, stop missing, stop longing, stop hating, stop loving

You need to stop

stop letting it affect your life any more. you can decide how much of an impact it takes on you.

a hesitant breath before making a friend, is better than emotions spent crying and trying tp figure her out.

don’t let this be something that fucks you up further, let this be a learning curve, necessary for better things to come

let it, in time be a happy memory, of 5 years now gone

not of a loss, a regret, a tragedy

you have survived this already baby, you just keep forgetting that you have

if you did it yesterday, you can do it today, and you can keep doing it until you feel okay

some are just for a season remember

[broken-obliviion]

this is the world we live in and i love it

[broken-obliviion]

maybe we should write when we’re happy too so this all doesn’t seem so melancholy.

we’re sad

we’re sad

we’re sad

we’re sad

we know why

we don’t know why

i just want to stop feeling like this. how do i go back to feeling happy most of the time, I can’t even write i feel so drained out

[broken-obliviion]

maybe you picked the wrong hall baby girl, or maybe you didn’t. Theres no point thinking about that now. You’ll still think about it though, won’t you.

funny how feelings come back to you like they’d never left.

The loneliness, she didn’t take long to come back did she

Invisibility, its so easy to be forgotten, so easy to be lost to everyone

Just close your eyes and breathe baby girl, they’ll go away and you’ll be alright again.

[broken-obliviion]

i think some of these have become the words i don’t want to see the light of day, so here goes, another secret to myself

how long will it take to let him go,

you think hes out of your mind sometimes and I really do believe we fell out of that kind-of love, but its always the feeling that we’re still holding, a hand behind our back saying its okay, we’re over him

but the feeling is there, behind your back in your fingers

holding on

let it go darling, let it go.

you’re bringing back the other feeling, the one that slips through your fingers making you think of that song from mamma mia

its while watering the garden tonight that we realise, its not depression (well at least i dont think it is, i mean im saying the age old things to myself,, you’ve got too much going for you to be depressed) but maybe its hopelessness

idk if im excited for, or look forward to anything anymore (wow that sounds melo dramatic) but we’re not hopeful anymore nikita, and that needs to change

And maybe he made you feel hopeful sometimes so we keep holding onto him, but we need to find hope in something else, in someone else, in yourself.

You’re at duck island right now, so we’ve got to go x

[broken-obliviion]

things i wish I’d learnt when i was younger

- things will get better, so so much better than you could imagine

- working hard will always result in positive outcomes!! when you wonder why you’re studying too hard or trying too hard, just know that it will pay off later! And it will be so so worth it!! that said, remember to keep on working hard

- nothing is permanent. people change, you change it happens and you’ll be okay. Its okay to be sad about it, but don’t let it bring you down too much

- it’s important to recognise when you are putting too much effort into something that is fruitless

- boys don’t matter

- its okay to love life some days and get super annoyed with it on other days. things are always fluctuating, some days will be good days some won’t. as long as you’re happy at the end of it all, its okay

- just enjoy small things, listening to a really good song, the sunshine, flowers

- stop over thinking, its not worth it. odds are whatever you’re overthinking about is either not thinking about you or isn’t worth this much of your time

- don’t fall in love with gay guys.

- live your life!! make the most of each opportunity, every moment actively living is so much fun!

- its more important to be happy than have perfect grades, balance is key

- Jesus is good for the soul

- take every opportunity! its all character development, you will learn so much

- the only person you need to fall in love with is yourself

- do the things that make you happy

- its okay to cry

- sometimes you have to accept things the way they are, its not worth trying to fix things might hurt you more in the long run

- sometimes you shouldn’t have to accept things the way they are, its worth talking to someone about it, fixing things now may save you from a lot of hurt in the long run

- learn to let go

- some friends are here for a season, a reason, or a lifetime

- you are your biggest supporter and you can get through anything

- learn to feel your feelings instead of repressing them

- just because it’s scary, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it

- keep believing that everything happens for a reason, its makes life easier to live

- you can learn something from everything

- don’t regret, just learn

- appreciate the worlds beauty

- just s t o p thinking

- making someone else smile, might make you smile

- you can get through all things

- just do your best and let god do the rest

- enjoy things as they happen, live in the now and love the now

- sometimes you have to let it all out before you let it go

- let yourself be happy

- you’ll know when you’re in love

- practice healthy habits when dealing with your emotions

- are you irritated or just a bit hungry and tired

- STOP overcommiting yourself, you DONT have to do it all

- just do the things that make you happy, not the things you think you should do

- dont lose your ability to care

- try to be a better friend everyday

- it’s not what can i get, it’s what can i give

- its good to be nice, its nice to be good

- you have been there for Every Single bad day, and you will Always be there for it, you can get through anything

- sometimes you just need to say what you want

- bath does wonders for the soul

- you are independent, you can be alone, and you will be okay

[broken-obliviion]

sometimes you need to learn to let it go

[demiiwhiffin]

from girl of the earth by katy maxwell 

[broken-obliviion]

“you need to be okay by yourself first, before you can be okay with someone else.”

— a jigsaw piece does not complete the puzzle

[broken-obliviion]

you have come so far

you have survived so much

smile for another day

[broken-obliviion]

learn, learn, learn

and you did, my god, did you learn.

how free do you feel? lighter than the wings on a butterfly? lighter than the drops of snow that catch on your fingertips? lighter than than the wisps of a dandelion?

all of the above you whisper

all of the above you shout

you may hate her but you have to admit she gave you the advice you needed to hear

if it happens, it happens

if it doesn’t, it doesn’t

chase it, but don’t chase nothing

you’re too good for that

it’ll come to you when the times right

it should happen without you realising it happened, thats the way it should be

just let it happen

don’t think

Just live

[broken-obliviion]

He’s not the one that got away, because you didn’t really have him in the first place. he is though, the one who you thought there could be something more with. But hes not and you’re okay with that.

i guess it was inflated by everyone else and i think now you’ve learnt not to make a big deal out of it, because it isn’t a big deal.

Thats a good thing to learn.

You weren’t yourself around him. You are now. But you weren’t two weeks ago. Learn from this.

I think you were charmed halfway but then realised that it was fruitless but still wanted to be charmed the rest of the way even though you tried a cartharsis, which you weren’t really that good at.

Im glad this weight on your shoulders has passed and that you didn’t let it get heavy. Be free, be alive, be alight.

You’re not in love with him. You never were.

Take a breath, move on. Its going to be okay.