“I’m not going anywhere. Not with my life. Not with anything. I look at where I am and it’s just—circles. Same fights. Same city. Same you, same me, doing the same thing to each other every time I come home, and neither of us ever says what it is, and neither of us ever stops.”
⤿ In which Jason is breaking his own heart and yours at the same time.
Bat-burger stinks of grease today. Like someone deep fried a rotting tire and then, somehow there’s even layers to it, like they also tried to cover it up with cheap cologne. And this is, unfortunately, most typical for Gotham fast food places, whether or not it may be criminal for other cities in the states.
The second the automatic doors slide open, the scent hits full force—grease, salt, old fryer oil soaked into the walls so deeply it probably lives in the building’s foundation now. Underneath it sits the sweeter smell of artificial vanilla from the milkshake machine and the sharp sting of industrial cleaner that definitely isn’t winning the fight.
The whole place buzzes under fluorescent lights and overlapping noise. Kids yell over cardboard Batman masks. Someone drops a tray near the counter. Oil crackles somewhere behind the kitchen window like steady rain.
You check the time on your phone, 7:33 pm, too early for the night to have touched the top scrapes of skyscrapers, but too late for lunch nevertheless.
You’re in no position to complain.
Dick shoots you a nasty side eye when you try to pick up your trail from the cashier counter, one that slowly forms in his lips before anywhere else dragging down his face and causing his eyes to widen. As if to say “are you out of your mind?” Then, he claims the sole available booth furthest from the families.
“So, now, tell me why you look like hell,” he says warmly, smiling in that overbearing way, sliding a tray toward you.
There are two burgers wrapped in black paper with little yellow bat symbols stamped over the top, fries dumped carelessly into cardboard containers, and one milkshake already sweating onto the table. Somehow, he still manages to look annoyingly put together despite wearing a hoodie that definitely belongs to someone else —Bruce—and sunglasses shoved into his hair indoors.
You drop into the booth across from him with a tired groan, shrugging your jacket off your shoulders.
Pursing your lips to the side of your face, you eye him before sighing dramatically, your shoulders dropping in the process.
“Real nice Dick, thanks.”
“Come on.” Dick leans back slightly, studying you in that irritatingly observant way all of the Batfamily has. Eyebrows raised, sympathetic eyes “You’ve got the look.”
“What look?”
“The Jason look.”
You stare at him flatly, “That isn’t a thing.”
“It absolutely is a thing.”
He steals a fry from your container before you can stop him. You slap his hand away too late, and he grins around the stolen fry like a twelve-year-old.
“And how would you know?” You shrug.
“Well for starters, you didn’t even react when I played Megan Thee Stallion in the Batmobile last night, so yuppp,” Dick pops his lips together. “I knew something was off then and there.”
Honestly, fair enough.
You peel the wrapper off your burger slowly, mostly to buy time. Grease immediately soaks through the paper onto your fingertips. Batburger, however somehow makes everything taste incredible while also making you feel vaguely closer to cardiac arrest.
Dick waits.
That’s the problem with him. Jason often bulldozes through silences until they crack apart, but Dick sits inside them comfortably. Patient. Relaxed. Like eventually you’ll fill the space yourself because humans apparently find silence unbearable after long enough.
But, despite that, Dick is also, for the most and untold part, physically impatient. He taps his foot nervously on the floor and crosses his arms across his chest. Puckers his lips and widens his baby blues at you until you crack.
And, it doesn’t take long until you do.
Unfortunately, he’s right. This is a Jason issue.
“It starts last Tuesday,” you mutter finally, clearing your throat.
Dick’s expression changes instantly—not dramatic, just quieter. More attentive. A little too happy that you’re choosing to open up. Like you had any other choice to begin with.
“Tuesday,” he repeats casually, reaching for his drink. “That bad, huh?”
Jason being back in Gotham is a rare thing these days.
For him to visit it has to be something Bruce related, or a lead on an outlaws case. Neither of them involve you, or the open files you have for Penguin that have been sitting archived in the bat-computer under your login.
So you don’t see him.
And you don’t really talk either.
You stopped calling around a month after his birthday because he stopped picking up, he stopped texting because you wouldn’t respond.
Somewhere in between all of that, the silence becomes normal enough to settle into your ribs like something entirely permanent.
It’s easier that way. Or at least, it’s supposed to be.
Your everyday life has improved drastically since Jason left —no drama, no avoiding anyone, not crying at nights where you were supposed to be studying. You go on about your day without a pit stop or despair at night when you should be patrolling.
Last Tuesday was no different.
You had spent a ridiculous amount of time after early evening patrol with Tim in the cave, gossiping about Bruce and Selina and why she dropped by the manor at 3pm the other day when Bruce said he was done with her for good.
It was 12 am before you even knew it.
“Wait!” Dick says, eyes so wide, they’re basically threatening to pop out “BRUCE AND SELINA DID WHAT?”
“This isn’t our issue here” you remind.
“Damn, you and Tim NEVER invite me to your gossip sessions”
Deadpanning him seems to set him straight; Dick gestures to you to keep going with your story to which you nod, taking a sip from your own milkshake.
“And before I continue,” you start, squinting “We don’t invite you because you’re no fun to gossip with. You barf everything out to Bruce anyway.”
Dick slurps loudly from his milkshake, blinking. It makes you regret speaking immediately.
“Thank you,” he says, pointing at you with the straw. “See? You’re so honest. This is why I keep you around.”
“You don’t keep me around.”
“I absolutely do. You’re like my very own addition to the Batfamily.”
“You legally cannot own people.”
Dick opens his mouth but closes it before he says anything. “Okay, that’s actually a fair point.”
Satisfied with his answer, you nod, half smiling.
Dick sighs dramatically. “Continue.”
The Batcave is never silent, even at midnight; One would actually argue that midnight is its busiest time.
Computers hum. Servers click somewhere deep in the walls. Water drips faintly in the distance. Every now and then Alfred’s maintenance schedule kicks something on that sounds suspiciously like a dying submarine.
But tonight’s quiet enough.
Tim eventually abandoned his chair somewhere around twelve fifteen after claiming he was “going upstairs for coffee.” (The tenth coffee for today) Which is Tim Drake-nese for “I’m about to disappear for three hours and return somehow more awake than before”
With nothing to do other than stare at the batcomputer, you settle for revising the Penguin case. And by the time you’re halfway through organizing evidence from a shipment bust your comm buzzes.
The bat computer lights up with a notification window.
[INCOMING VEHICLE. IDENTITY AUTHENTIFICATION SUCCESSFUL: RED HOOD ENTERING]
You stare at it for few good seconds, then, a distant engine growls somewhere above.
Low. Aggressive. Utterly familiar; The sound bounces down through stone.
The engine cuts, then his boots land on the floor—unhurried, deliberate, carrying the kind of footsteps that announce him like a title card.
You don’t look up right away. You tell yourself it’s because you’re still elbow-deep in shipment manifests, cross-referencing crates against Cobblepot’s known fronts, but really it’s because your hands have gone a little (no, not a lot) unsteady and you’d rather Jason does not clock that before you’ve had the chance to arrange your face into something unbothered.
Red Hood rounds the med-bay partition first—helmet still on, blood red gleaming dull under the cave’s blue-white light—before he reaches up and unclips it in one practiced motion.
Underneath it, Jason looks like Gotham weather: unpredictable, a little violent around the edges. There’s a fresh scab healing along his jaw and one near his cheekbone, and the shadows under his eyes look less like exhaustion and more like something he’s been carrying for weeks without putting down.
“Hey, Replacement,” he calls out, voice pitched for Tim’s empty chair. Then he notices it is empty, and something flickers across his face—disappointment, maybe, or relief, you can’t tell which and you’re annoyed at yourself for trying to.
“He went for coffee,” you say, still not looking at him, still very interested in a warehouse inventory from three months ago. “Tenth one today.”
“Ah.” A beat. “And you’re what, on Tim-sitting duty?”
Oh, so you don’t greet each other anymore?
“I’m working on a case, Jason.”
“Right. ’Course you are.”
“Our case.”
He says nothing, and in the infinity that this one second of silence holds you begin to feel it. The desperation hidden behind a word as small as ‘our’ with a tad of emphasis sprinkled inside it.
If you feel stupid, you tell yourself it’s probably because you are.
Jason drops into the chair beside yours anyway, the leather creaking under the weight of his gear, and neither of you says anything. The cave fills the infinite silence for you—the hum of servers, a drip somewhere past the trophy cases, the faint metallic tick of the Batmobile cooling down from wherever Bruce drove it in from.
You can smell him before you let yourself really look. Leather and gun oil and something underneath that, something almost like salt water, like he’s been somewhere with an actual coastline recently instead of Gotham’s chemical-grey and purple harbor. You wonder, distantly, if that’s an outlaws thing. Maybe somewhere else entirely. Somewhere that wasn’t here. San Francisco has an ocean. So does wherever else he lately has been, instead of giving you a sign of livelihood, probably doing his own thing like ever endlessly bonding with Bizzaro and—your brain supplies another thought before you can stop it—
Artemis.
You don’t let yourself properly finish that thought. You’ve gotten good at that, lately; cutting threads off before they can pull anything else loose.
“You gonna say hi properly, or are we doing the whole ignoring-me bit tonight?” Jason asks, and there’s an edge in there, trying to sound playful and not quite landing.
You finally turn. He’s watching you with an expression you don’t have a name for—too open for Jason, too unguarded, like whatever mask he usually keeps bolted on even around family got left somewhere on the drive over.
“Hi,” you say, flat. “Stop stealing my lines.”
“Wow.” he huffs a laugh “Riveting.”
“You want a parade or what? Weeks of radio silence and I’m supposed to throw confetti when you finally decide to remember the batcave has Wi-Fi?”
That lands. You watch it land—something tightens at the corner of his mouth, and he looks away first, down at his gloved hands like they’ve suddenly become the most interesting thing in the room.
“Yeah,” he says quietly. “Fair.”
“So, what do you want?”
“Some new domino masks.”
You blink.
“I’ve burned through all mine.” He rubs the back of his neck without looking at you. “Figured Bruce probably has… y’know. A warehouse.”
You stare, deadpanning. “That’s why you’re here?”
“It’s… one of the reasons.”
“One of.”
“Yeah, the main one.”
Silence settles again.
“So you drove here,” you start slowly, “to rob Bruce of -what- twenty dollars’ worth of fabric.”
“I didn’t say I drove for the masks. But….they’re custom.”
“They’re tiny.”
“They’re expensive tiny.”
Despite yourself, your mouth almost twitches. Almost.
Jason notices and upon it, hope flashes across his face so quickly it almost isn’t there. It disappears just as fast when your expression hardens again.
“Oh.” He looks back down. “Never mind.”
Your chest tightens—you hate that it does. “You could’ve texted, we would have sent you some.”
“I know.”
“You’ve apparently just remembered phones exist. Congratulations, Jason.”
The irony in your tone is demanding, burned and etched inside the sharp blade of what you truly mean. It’s a pity that you wish you didn’t speak of it, it’s even worse to taunt Jason just for an answer. One that you know you shouldn’t be asking for.
You wonder, why does it matter so much, why does it make you sick to your stomach to think about him in this specific context that you can’t dip your tongue inside your brain, choosing the other alternative that is dripping poison out of it towards him.
Jason of course, isn’t any better. He doesn’t stand motionless when being attacked.
“That’s not fair.” He mumbles.
“Nothing about you has been fair, Jason, so forgive me if I’m not real broken up about it.”
“‘M sorry.”
“Then why’d you do it?” you just stare at him, unimpressed, arms crossing over your chest like it might hold something else in besides your ribs.
“Because it’s easier than the truth,” he mutters, and it comes out before he can stop it—you can tell, because his jaw goes tight right after, like he’s biting down on the rest of the sentence before it can escape too.
Something in your chest does an unwelcome, traitorous little -flip- and you hate it immediately. You squash it down anyway, the way you’ve been squashing everything down for weeks, and go back to your monitor like the shipment manifest is suddenly the most fascinating document in Gotham history.
“Well. When you’re ready to say the actual truth, I’ll be here. Working. Alone. Like usual.”
He flinches. You feel it more than see it—a shift in the air beside you, like he’s folded in on himself an inch. Good, some small, ugly part of you thinks. Then, immediately, you feel worse for thinking it. You hate making him feel small and unwanted.
Then the spell of absolute silence stretches again. Longer this time, uglier if that’s even possible.
“I’m not—” he starts, then stops. Drags a hand down his face, over the scab on his jaw, wincing slightly like he forgot it was there. “I just don’t know how to do this part.”
“What part?”
“The part where I—” He exhales hard through his nose as his chest catches, frustrated with himself in a way that’s almost satisfying to watch, if you weren’t so busy being furious. “The part where I show up after ghosting you for so long and act like everything’s normal, and it’s not normal, and you know it’s not normal, and I know you know, and I still don’t know what to say.”
“You could start with why.”
“I— Why?”
“No, really.” You finally turn to face him fully, and it costs you something to keep your voice even, to keep it from cracking open on the next word.
“You disappeared after—” You don’t finish that sentence either. Some things don’t need saying out loud in a cave that echoes. “And then nothing. Weeks of nothing. And now you’re here asking about domino masks like that’s a real reason to drive to the one place you knew I’d be.”
He doesn’t answer right away. When he does, his voice has dropped, gone rough at the edges in a way that makes your traitor of a pulse skip. “I actually also needed to see you. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Could’ve called.” You nonchalantly shrug.
“Would you have picked up?”
You don’t have an answer for that one. You both know you wouldn’t have, and the knowing sits between you like something with eyes and teeth and claws.
“I need—” he tries again, then stops, shakes his head like he’s trying to physically dislodge the right words from somewhere they’ve gotten stuck.
His eyes are doing something complicated—guilt, mostly, thick and obvious, but underneath it something almost like fear, like he’s standing at the edge of a conversation he can’t take back once he starts it.
“Not here. I can’t—there’s servers, and cameras, and Alfred’s probably got eyes on half this cave, Tim on the other, even at midnight, and I can’t say this with a camera on us.”
“Say what? You think everyone’s an idiot? That they haven’t figured out about you and me?”
“Pfffffffft—” Jason sighs, eyes closed in that anxiety induced way “Come for a drive with me?”
You stare at him. “It’s midnight.”
“I’m aware of the time, genius.”
“Where.”
“Cherry Hill Beach.”
He says it fast, like it costs him to get the words out at all, and something about the specificity of it—not just a drive, but a place, a real destination in the dead of night—makes your stomach twist somewhere between anger and something warmer you’re not ready to name, yet.
You should say no. You have a case open. You have every reason to say no, and exactly one reason to say yes, and that reason is currently looking at you with his big, green eyes like you’re the last solid thing left standing in his life.
“Fine,” you hear yourself say.
Something that isn’t quite a smile crosses his face—too tired, too guilty around the edges to be a real one—but it’s there.
“Yeah,” he says. “Okay.”
“Oh my god, get to the point already,” Dick groans, dragging both hands down his face. “You two and your emotional constipation, I swear—”
“You want me to skip it?”
“No! No, I—” He waves a fry at you accusingly. “I take it back. Continue. Slowly. I need to know everything.”
“You’re the worst listener.”
“I’m the best listener, I just also have opinions, which is different.”
You give him a flat look. He gestures for you to keep going, mouth full of stolen fries while his own cardboard box of fries remains full, and despite everything—despite the ache still sitting low in your chest from reliving it—you feel the corner of your mouth twitch before you catch it.
You busy yourself with your milkshake instead of answering, which is, apparently, answer enough.
“Oh my Gooooooood.” Dick’s whole face lights up, delighted and horrified in equal measure. “Something happened at the beach.”
“Things did happen at the beach.”
Dick’s chewing slows to a stop mid-fry, eyes narrowing at you like he’s trying to read the next paragraph off your face before you say it out loud.
“It’s not what you think.”
“I haven’t even finished thinking about it yet, so I’m gonna go ahead and guess it’s exactly what I think.” He points the stolen fry at you again, triumphant. “You did it. On the bike. Like a couple of teenagers.”
You don’t answer, which, again, is an answer, and Dick actually claps once, delighted, before catching the look on your face—the one that isn’t delighted at all, the one that’s still sitting somewhere back in that gravel lot with Jason’s forehead against yours with words hanging inside that would eventually be about to detonate everything.
His grin falters. “Okay. Okay, that face means it went bad. How bad.”
“Bad,” you say quietly, turning your cup in slow circles on the table, watching the condensation ring smear wider at its bottom.
“On a scale of one to ten?”
“Eleven.”
Gravel and sand crunch under the kickstand as Jason slowsthe engine of the bike, and the sudden hush after thirty minutes of highway wind feels enormous, like the world’s holding its breath along with you.
Much like Bat-Burger, Cherry Hill announces itself first as a smell—salt cutting through the fading city exhaust, creosote and brine and something colder underneath, the particular mineral chill that comes off open water at night. Then the road opens up, gravel ultimately replacing asphalt, and the beach spreads out ahead of you under a sky finally dark enough to hold a few real stars, not just the handful Gotham’s light pollution grudgingly allows.
The abandoned lifeguard tower stands crooked against the treeline, paint peeling, a relic nobody’s bothered tearing down. The boardwalk stretches out toward the water on tired wooden legs, half its bulbs dead, the ones still working flickering weakly like they’re not sure they’ve got the energy to commit. The tide’s out far enough that the wet sand gleams under what little moonlight makes it through the minimal clouds, and the waves come in slow, unhurried, nothing like the frantic churn of Gotham Harbor.
Jason parks facing the water and kills the engine, the endless quiet after hours of background highway noise feel but a mere buzz; distant enough that it proves not to be filling the air between you.
Neither of you moves for a second.
“So,” you say, when the silence gets to be too much even for you. “We drove out here. You gonna talk now, or should I start guessing? Because I’ve got a few theories, Jason, and none of them are good.”
He doesn’t answer right away, he’s staring out at the water instead, like it owes him something, jaw tight, one hand still resting on the handles even now that he isn’t driving anymore.
You swing your leg off the bike first, knees stiff from holding on too tight the whole ride, and Jason follows a beat after, pulling his helmet off and running a hand through hair gone flat with sweat and salt air.
“Pffft— where do I even start?”
“Uhm,” you say and clear your throat mostly to fill the silence before it can get its claws in. “You gonna tell me where you’ve actually been, or am I supposed to guess between ‘dead again’ and ‘ignoring me on purpose’?”
“Bit of both, honestly.” He leans back against the bike’s seat, arms crossing, eyebrows scrunching, and for a second he almost looks like himself again—easy, a little smug, the Jason who steals your fries and calls it affection. “San Francisco, mostly. Bludhaven for a week. There was a thing in Metropolis I’m not gonna talk about because Clark still hasn’t forgiven me for it.”
“What’d you do to Clark?”
“Nothing permanent.”
“Jason.”
“He’ll live. He’s Superman.” He shrugs, unbothered, and you almost laugh despite yourself, despite the time of silence still sitting sore in your chest and deep in your belly. “Bizarro says hi or ,like uhm— bye, by the way. He’s mostly just been breaking things and then he looks at me like I’m supposed to know what he means.”
“You adopted an ‘Upside down’ clone.”
“I did not adopt—okay, maybe I adopted a clone. He’s good backup though. Doesn’t ask questions.” Something flickers across his face there, quick as his gloved finger touches yours, gone before you can name it as his eyebrow raises. “Unlike some people.”
“I ask questions because you disappear, Jason. That’s how questions work. And plus, I’m worried.”
“Yeah.” He looks down at his boots, at the sand already working its way into the treads. “Yeah, I know.”
The quiet that follows isn’t comfortable, exactly, but it’s not the brittle kind from the cave either—softened some by thirty minutes of road and the ocean’s steady white noise. You find yourself watching the line of his jaw in the dark, the scab still healing there, and before you’ve fully decided to do it you’ve closed the distance between you, your hand coming up to his face like you’re checking the damage.
“What happened here?”
“Nothing.” Then, at the strict look you give him, he continues, “Fiiiine. Deathstroke. It’s a long story and it makes me sound worse at my job than I am.”
“You’re always bad at your job though.” you tell him, pursing your tongue out of your mouth.
“Rude.” But he’s smiling now, small and real, and he catches your wrist before you can pull your hand back, holds it there against his jaw like he’s not ready to let the contact go yet. His eyes drop to your lips, just briefly, just enough that you gather your tongue back in your mouth and feel his gaze land somewhere invisible and low in your stomach.
He says your name low, half a warning, half something else entirely.
You don’t know which one of you moves first, because maybe it doesn’t matter.
His mouth is on yours a second later, and it isn’t gentle exactly—it’s a long time of silence collapsing all at once, his hand sliding into your hair, yours fisting in the front of his jacket like you’re afraid he’ll disappear again if you let go.
The bike creaks under his weight as you crowd him back against it, and he makes a low sound against your wet mouth that you feel in vibrations more than hear, one hand finding your waist, bulky thumb pressing into the curve of your hip like he’s trying to memorize the shape of you all over again.
For a second—just a mere, tiny second—it’s easy. It’s months ago, before the container full of girls and Penguin and Lex Luthor, before having sex in his shower and crying yourself to sleep alone in his bed, before the silence, before his birthday, before any of it fell into that vicious circle of repetition again.
It’s just his needy, slobbering mouth, your mixed drool slipping down a path on his chin and his hands roaming your body and the salt air and the stupid, traitorous hope that maybe, just maybe none of it needs to be complicated after all.
You break apart only because you have to.
The kiss leaves both of you a little breathless, the cool ocean air rushing into the space between your bodies as if it's been waiting for the chance to break you apart, but neither of you moves very far. Jason's forehead brushes yours once before he reluctantly steps back, one hand lingering at your waist for a second longer than necessary.
Should he tell you now?
Before this escalates into something else entirely?
The motorcycle settles with a soft creak beneath Jason as he stops his train of thought and swings one leg over it. Instead of taking his usual position, he turns himself around on the seat until he's half facing you, his back resting against the fuel tank, the handlebars framing him.
He glances at you with the ghost of a smile.
Stepping closer, you stop next to his right knee. His legs are spread just enough to make room for you, the fabric of his pants brushing lightly against your thigh as the bike rocks almost imperceptibly under the shift in weight.
Before you can argue, he reaches up, brushing a few windblown strands away from your face with surprising care. His fingertips graze your temple, then your cheek, lingering just long enough to make your pulse skip.
"There.” Jason's thumb traces your jaw almost absentmindedly before he lets out a quiet sigh. “C'mere."
"What are you doing?"
"Trust me."
You roll your eyes, but the corner of your mouth betrays you.
He doesn't say something that could resemble an argument. Instead, his hands slide gently to your hips, giving you plenty of time to pull away if you want to.
You don't, not really.
With an almost questioning glance, he guides you the last few inches closer until you’ve climbed on top of him on the bike and now, you're perched comfortably on the seat that his lap has turned into, the motorcycle dipping even more slightly under the combined weight. It's more intimate than practical—there simply isn't much room—but it leaves your knees over his, your shoulders nearly touching, the two of you sharing the narrow space as the ocean murmurs in the background.
His mouth sloppily finds yours again before either of you can think better of it and quickly, the kiss turns hungry without being frantic, like both of you have spent weeks rehearsing this in your heads and neither version came close to the real thing.
Your fingers bunch in the front of his jacket, pulling him closer, for some stability, until the leather creaks beneath your grip and his hand slides from your waist to the small of your back, steadying you as though you're something precious and precarious all at once.
The sea breeze tugs at your skin, where your costume doesn't cover and sends loose strands of your hair across both your faces. Jason laughs quietly into the kiss, the sound warm against your lips before he chases you again, slower this time, lingering.
"Mmmh. There you are," he murmurs. “Much better”
You don't answer. You couldn't, even if you wanted to.
Instead, you kiss him again, your free hand slipping up into the hair at the nape of his neck. His breath catches almost imperceptibly. The reaction sends a dangerous flicker of satisfaction through you, one you try very hard not to examine too closely.
"I missed you," you admit between wet kisses, the confession escaping before pride can stop it.
Jason stills for the smallest fraction of a second. When he looks at you again, the guardedness is gone.
"I know," he says softly. "I missed you too."
His forehead rests against yours, noses brushing as the words settle between you. For a heartbeat you almost believe they're enough. You try to convince yourself they are, at least.
"I don't know if I believe you."
His thumb brushes absentmindedly along your side, and before either of you realizes what's happening, you're kissing again.
This one is slower, less desperate and overall, more dangerous in the sense that neither of you is rushing or seems willing to be the first to stop.
You lean into him until your shoulders bump lightly against the motorcycle. Jason follows without thinking, one arm circling your back to keep you balanced. The distance between you is reduced to less than a spec of dust, every breath of yours is shared, every pause between kisses lasting only long enough to search each other's face before closing it again.
His hand finds yours, fingers threading together as naturally as breathing.
"I kept picking up my phone," he says quietly against your temple before placing a gentle kiss there.
You blink at him. The moonlight catches the fading bruise around the scab along his jaw, the tiredness around his eyes, the tiny crease between his brows that only appears when he's worried. "What?"
"I'd write half a message." He lets out a humorless laugh. "Delete it. Figure it'd already been too long to say all I've been meaning to.”
He has to tell you now.
Now.
Now.
But if he does it’ll be like he’s murdering himself a little and burdening you an awful deal of lot.
Your hand rises almost on its own, fingertips brushing the healing cut near his cheekbone now. Jason closes his eyes, leaning into the touch ever so little. It’s so uncharacteristically vulnerable that something inside you softens despite yourself.
He looks exhausted.
You know well it’s not the kind of exhaustion that sleep fixes. It’s the kind that settles into someone's bones after too many nights spent moving from one city to another, one rooftop to the next, convincing themselves that standing still for even a minute might force them to think.
And you aren't helping.
You keep pushing, prying at every cracked seam you've managed to find tonight, waiting for him to finally split open instead of sealing himself shut with another joke— you keep bombarding him as if he’s proven to be fireproof. Or like he’s a bomb you’re trying to urge to go off.
Maybe that's cruel on your part. Maybe it's, also, outright necessary. Maybe the way you press your demands for an answer is what gets him to finally buck his hips into yours.
Then again, the latter might just be because you’re sucking his lower lip into your mouth, biting hard enough to let him know you don’t want to part from him yet, when he tries to pull back again.
"You look terrible," you murmur, and roll your hips against his once, twice, thrice, until you feel his cock starting to harden inside his pants.
You might just be outright mean for all he cares.
So mean.
But Jason’s fought meaner, so it will be alright.
Jason moans, kiss swollen lips glowing red as he’s rolling his hips underneath you again and the motorcycle creaks in futile sounds. "I've been told I wear it well."
"You don't."
"I was hoping you'd lie." He huffs a laugh, dragging a hand across the nape of your neck.
"I'm still mad at you."
"I know."
"You keep saying that."
"'Cause it's true." His eyes open again, impossibly green, impossibly gleamy in the dim light, but you lose sight of them when he dips his head so he can kiss the open, soft space where your ear finds your neck.
"So why are you kissing me? If you’re mad?" he rasps.
You don't have an answer. Maybe because you're angry. Maybe because you're lonely.
Maybe because every part of you has missed him more than you've been willing to admit.
Whatever it is, it’s gotten you ridiculously wet. So instead of speaking, you close the distance once more. Grabbing him by the jaw, squishing his cheeks between the pads of your fingers, bucking yourself onto him, until he lifts his head and finally submits into kissing you once again.
Jason groans softly, the sound catching deep in his chest as his hands tighten sharply around your hips, anchoring you in place even as he yields completely to the momentum you’ve forced. The leather of his jacket shifts beneath your fingers, cold against your palm, but the heat radiating off him, even from between his chest pads, cuts straight through it.
Because of your devious kissing courtesy, his mouth is a thing that’s demanding now, teeth grazing your lower lip just hard enough to sting before his tongue sweeps past your lips and settles inside your mouth sloppily, twirling around until you can’t help but do the same.
You huff out, tongue squashing, rubbing and twirling and fighting against his, until both of your jaws are sloppy and wet with rivers of spit. Smooching sounds override the sound of crushing waves against the shore, even the faint traffic sounds from the highway nearby.
So so filthy, but so much needed nevertheless.
Needed.
Needed.
Needy…
Like the thing that’s slowly growing a burning flame down between your legs, leaving you soaked in its aftermath.
In this specific moment, as you’re trying to roll your hips faster against Jason‘s to chase that flame, you feel so thankful to whoever suggested the lightweight fabric of your costume shorts as an alternative to the gladiator style skirt. They’re so lightweight in fact, that you can feel your sleek seeping through in hot, squelching streams.
Panties impossibly ruined —you know they’re beyond saving now, no matter the need for heroics even over a cotton cloth— lower tummy churning, you can only work and work and work your hips into Jason as you feel your puffy clit catching and dragging on the raised seam of Jason’s pants.
Every shift of your weight against him draws a rough, hitching breath from his throat, his cock throbbing painfully inside his pants and cottony boxers, so much he can't even ignore it anymore. There’s bead after bead of precum oozing from his tip, wetting his boxers and he can feel the heat of your own ruined pants as well on him and—fuck—there needs to be a way where he can adjust himself without getting his hands off of you.
And right then, in that exact moment —Thank God— as if you could read his thoughts, you reach down and start fumbling with his belt, tugging at the buckle until it’s loose. His button and fly come next, right before you dip your hand inside his boxers and grip his pulsing cock.
"Shit" he murmurs wetly against your mouth, the word breaking apart into another hungry collision of lips.
One of his hands slides up your spine, tangling firmly in your hair at the base of your skull, tilting your head back to deepen the angle until you're breathless, dizzy, and entirely consumed by the weight of him beneath you.
The other hand however, grips hard where the curve of your waist is, pushing you down firmly, then back and forth now that his cock doesn’t sit painfully anymore, into a rhythm that could never be steady, for how desperate it is.
The cool salt air whips past your skin, completely ignored as your pussy weeps, throbs and ultimately clenches around nothing while your dizzy head is entirely focused on the friction of his hand moving you, the hard length of him sliding directly against your soaked shorts. The wet heat between you is insane, slick and all-consuming, making every downward rock of your hips feel like a jolt straight to your chest and tummy.
And eeeeverywhere his lips land, it burns.
Jason's hand tightens bruisingly at your waist, guiding your momentum with a desperate, frantic urgency that matches the ragged hitch of his breath against your cheek. You chase the drag of your clit over the wet patch on his boxers, a sharp gasp tearing out of your throat and straight into his mouth as a tremor starts low in your belly, coiling tight and churning.
"Keep going—fuck— just like that," Jason demands, his voice a gravelly rasp as he pauses for a fraction of a second, his green eyes burning up into yours with an intensity that completely strips you bare.
The vulnerability from before is back, razor-sharp and terrifying, before he crashes his lips against yours again, driving his hips up to meet you in a hard, punishing thrust that crushes against your sensitive clit, and leaves you entirely breathless.
Your hand, still wrapped firmly around his length against your palm, pulses with every erratic beat of his heart. The oozing, gluey stream from your pussy coating his boxers makes every movement even more slick, heavy, friction sliding into something dizzying and frantic as you try lifting his cock only a little, just to grind down on it again, chasing that sharp, agonizing pressure building behind your navel.
Jason makes a rough, choked sound in the back of his throat, his forehead dropping heavily against your shoulder, teeth catching hard on the sensitive skin right where your collarbone meets your neck, despite the fabric of your costume. A sharp jolt of pain blooms there, hot and grounding, and you let out a ragged gasp that gets swallowed up entirely by the curve of his throat.
"Fuck—wait—let me—" he manages, his grip on your waist shifting.
His fingers move to the front of your body, digging deep into the soft flesh above your shorts, right between your legs, as he tries to force a stuttering pause into the momentum just so he can adjust his fingers. But you don't stop. You can't, not when Jason’s fingers have finally found their place right over your clit and press tight circles on it.
Your throaty yelp clashes against his lips, right along with inaudible cursing. The sensation of it is too much—Jason knows exactly how and where to press, when to loosen his touch and when to tighten it and you can’t help but go crazy about it, sliding back and forth on his lap like a madwoman.
It’s pathetic almost. Insane. You’re both dressed completely, your pussy’s begging to be filled with something, anything, even a finger could be enough for your velvety walls to be satisfied momentarily. It shouldn’t feel this good, no, when you’re just humping and grinding like highschoolers messing around months before getting into third base.
The coil inside you is wound far too tight to think clearly anymore, vibrating right on the edge of coming undone, and the slide of your slickness over his palm and his hardened length is driving you entirely out of your mind.
You tilt your hips forward, dragging yourself higher and pressing down with a heavy roll that forces every inch of him to rub against your soaked cunt.
And Jason, Jason’s looking at you with that lecherous look in his eyes, the one translating desperation with his full, furrowed brows and his beautiful green eyes, tacky with brewing tears.
You know that look, you try to search for it inside the crevices of your mind, back to every time you’ve been over this particular edge and despite being desperate out of your mind yourself, you find that satisfactory little piece of information that tells you—he’s about to cum.
And so, in response, you simply swipe your thumb against his mushroomy tip, smearing oozing precum on his sensitive skin as you’re trying to toy with the tiny hole on his tip all while griiinding down on him as fast as you can.
Jason's breath hitches violently upon the act. His hand leaves your hair, shooting down to grip your wrist, trying to stop your hand from moving against him, trying to slow the pace before it shatters completely. "You're gonna—god, you're gonna make me mess up right here—"
"Then do it," you bite out against his skin, your voice trembling with a raw, vicious need that leaves no room for argument. Your thumb presses hard against his tip as you sink down onto him again, and the sound he makes is half-curse, half-plea, completely stripped of any leftover control.
“Make a mess Jay..”
That's all the warning he gets before the restraint of either of you completely shatters.
The low, rumbling growl that tears from his chest vibrates straight through you, rattling your teeth and sending a fresh wave of heat flooding straight to your core. The hand wrapped around your wrist instantly slackens, fingers opening to let you move however the hell you want, before sliding up to cradle the back of your head with a desperate, anchoring weight.
He stops trying to slow you down. He stops fighting the pull entirely.
Instead, Jason meets you in the middle with a sudden, brutal lift of his hips that knocks the remaining breath completely out of your lungs. His one hand grabs the fat of your ass, spreading your cheeks apart and bouncing you against him until your puffy clit gets squashed between his fingers and his throbbing cock.
The impact is dizzying. Every boundary between where you end and he begins blurs into a chaotic, overheated mess of friction and heavy, gasping breaths.
Your fingers tighten around his length now, milking him like he’s a lever to your pleasure, your pussy pouring out straight up syrup as you’re riding him fiercely.
The roaring crash of the ocean waves in the distance fades into absolute nothingness, replaced only by the wet, rhythmic sounds of clothes against clothes and buckles that clash and the ragged, broken sounds falling from Jason's lips.
"You're driving me insane," he grits out, his voice cracking raw against your ear as his teeth graze the lobe just hard enough to leave a mark. "Every single time... god, you don't even play fair."
"Shut up, shut up, shut uuuup" you gasp out, though there's no heat behind it, only the frantic, spinning vertigo of an edge you're hurtling toward at breakneck speed.
Jason’s never been good with taking orders at heart and following them, but now, he makes an exception. He pushes back the oozing pain of the awkward position of his hand and picks up the pace of his fingers on your clit until he watches you get reduced to a mess of shrieks and moans and embarrassingly shaky legs.
The coil in your lower belly snaps.
It hits you like a physical blow—a blinding, white-hot flash of pleasure that radiates outward from your clit, locking your muscles tight and stealing every coherent thought from your head. You cry out, your back arching sharply as your gooey walls clamp down around nothing, your hips stuttering helplessly against his as wave after wave of intense contractions tear through you.
Jason feels the exact second you go under, speeding up your grinding before desperately slowing down, body locking in that familiar way.
His eyes fly open, dark and dilated in the dim moonlight, and the absolute wreck of raw adoration and raw hunger written across your face is enough to push him right over the precipice with you. With a hoarse, ragged shout that gets swallowed by the night wind, he thrusts up hard one last time, his entire body going rigid as he spills hot and heavy ropes of milky cum against your palm, his fingers quickly leaving your hips and bunching into your hair to hold you onto him, so hard it borders on pain.
For a long, suspended moment, neither of you moves. The trembling silence settles over the two of you, broken only by the ragged wheeze of your shared breathing and the slow, receding murmur of the tide. His chest rises and falls erratically, your eyes keep slipping to the back of your head, and for a lust driven second you try to think of the fastest way to get rid of your costume without moving an inch or ruining it by tearing it apart —it would be extremely hard to explain why you need a new costume when quiet nights have lately been a thing in Gotham, and you’re not willing to think of an excuse. Not right now at least—because this can’t be it. You have to have him inside you.
You need it.
Need him.
Jason's forehead remains pressed heavily into the crook of your neck, his breathing coming in slow, shuddering gasps that fan hot against your sensitized skin. He doesn't pull away, doesn't try to break the contact or retreat into that guarded, untouchable shell he wears like armor. Instead, he does something worse.
His hand slowly unwinds from your hair, the grip softening from desperate and bruising to something agonizingly tender, his palm smoothing flat against the back of your head, then tracing the soft curve of your face before sliding down to rest between your collar bones.
"We shouldn’t have done that," he whispers against your skin, his voice still roughened and shredded around the edges.
There goes the faint effort for pressure—he’s trying to push you back and off— and your fingers, sticky and still warm where they're still trapped between your bodies against his spent length, finally loosen their hold. You let your forehead drop forward to rest against his shoulder, the leather of his jacket biting faintly into your cheek, utterly drained of the fight that could have arisen inside you if you weren’t this spent.
“What— what do you mean?” You manage between faltering pants and huffs.
Jason doesn't answer immediately. His forehead remains against your shoulder, but you feel the slow left and right shake of his head before you hear his voice.
"I mean..." He swallows hard, like whatever he’s saying hurts him "This."
The word is barely more than thin air.
He has to tell you now or else—
His hand slips away from your chest first, not abruptly, neither coldly, but with the reluctant care of being convinced that holding on another second will only make leaving harder.
He rests both palms against your thighs, then, like he’s not ready to let go despite his very last movement, refusing to look you in the eye and staring instead, somewhere, past you and the motorcycle, but toward the dark line where the ocean disappears into the night.
The silence feels different now. Heavier. Not awkward—worse than awkward.
Honest.
"Every time," he says quietly, "I tell myself I'll explain first."
You lift your head enough to look at him. The moonlight catches the strain around his eyes, the guilt that had briefly disappeared now settling back into every line of his face.
"You kissed me because it was easier than talking?" you ask, your voice still uneven.
Jason finally looks at you. "No."
The answer comes way too quickly to be rehearsed.
"I kissed you because I've missed you every damn day, but I, I shouldn't do that, not anymore." He rubs a hand across the back of his neck, eyes dropping again. “Artemis will—”
"Artemis?" you cut in, staring at him with irises shrunk from absolute terror. "What the fuck?"
The night seems to stop. Time seems to freeze and crack; even the waves feel farther and farther away.
Jason goes utterly still.
"No," he repeats, quieter this time, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That came out wrong."
"Did it?"
"It did." He says, panicked
"You literally just said—"
No. No! You can’t let him know. He still doesn’t know. Cannot know. That you’d already done the math on this a long time before he found the nerve to say her name out loud on a beach thirty minutes from home.
"I know what I said." He swears under his breath. "Jesus Christ."
"Are you with her? Is this what you wanted to tell me?"
His silence lasts barely a second and though, it feels like a whole year. And your eyes do that awful thing where they weep at the corners, waiting for an answer that could either stop, or kickstart your heart.
"No! Yes!? Kinda?"
The tide keeps working the shore somewhere behind him, slow and indifferent, and for a long moment that’s the only sound either of you seems willing to make room for.
You feel him breathe. In, and then a long, uneven exhale that shudders slightly on the way out.
“I keep doing this,” he says, so quiet you almost lose it to the wind. He says it like it’s something he’s been carrying so long it’s finally worn a hole clean through him. “Coming back. Taking whatever you’ll give me. And then I leave again and tell myself it doesn’t count.”
You don’t answer. You simply don’t trust your voice yet.
“I’m not going anywhere,” His hand tightens, just slightly, against your thigh, like the words hurt on the way out. “Not with my life. Not with anything. I look at where I am and it’s just—circles. Same fights. Same city. Same you, same me, doing the same thing to each other every time I come home, and neither of us ever says what it is, and neither of us ever stops.”
Your throat goes tight. You sink your face to his shoulder and keep it pressed there so he won’t see it, or the way your eyes are watering.
“And then I’m out there,” he continues, voice dropping further, rougher now, “and everything’s different. New city. New team. People who don’t know every version of me that’s already screwed something up. And she, Artemis—” His breath catches, just barely, on the word. “It -she- feels like maybe I could be someone that isn’t just wreckage for once. Like maybe something could actually go somewhere instead of just—looping.”
You don’t lift your head.
You can’t.
Because you understand, in the ugliest, most honest part of yourself, exactly what he means, and understanding it doesn’t make it hurt any less—if anything it hurts more, knowing there’s nothing wrong to argue with, nothing cruel to push back against, just a boy who loves you enough to be honest and not enough to stay.
Jason’s hand goes still against your leg, like he’s run out of whatever nerve carried him this far.
"So what?" you ask, voice muffled by the leather of his jacket. "You were going to come here tonight, tell me you've been someone else..."
"I wasn't.” he says, then to spare you, he adds “We’re not together, with Artemis, I mean."
"...kiss me—"
"I wasn't planning to."
"And then what?"
Jason drags a hand over his face. "I don't know."
“It’s okay, I— I get it.” You pull back slowly, and Jason looks genuinely pained now, like every sentence is digging the hole deeper. “I get it now.”
His hands fall away from your legs like they’ve forgotten what they were doing there, and he watches you climb off the bike with an expression that looks almost like relief bleeding into something worse—like he’d braced for a fight and doesn’t know what to do now that one isn’t coming.
You busy yourself with your costume instead of looking at him. Zipper, the places it has bunched up, the mechanical small tasks that keep your hands occupied and your face angled away. The sand’s cold under your boots and you remember Jason’s helmet landed somewhere you’re not bothering to locate yet.
Your name is spoken, careful, like Jason’s testing whether it’s allowed.
“I said it’s okay.” You don’t recognize your own voice. Too even. Too practiced.
“It’s not, though. You’re not even looking at me.”
“I’m looking for my uhm, my-your—”
Jason calls out your name again.
You find his helmet —as if you went actually looking for it—half-buried near the front wheel and yank it on harder than necessary, giving it to him with the kind of focus usually reserved for things that actually require focus. Jason stays where he is, watching you, guilt written so plainly across his face that some cruel part of you almost wants to make it worse, just to see if there’s a bottom to it.
You don’t. You’re too tired for cruelty tonight. It takes more energy than you have left.
“You don’t have to explain the rest,” you say, still not looking up. “I got the important part. You feel like you’re going nowhere here. I’m not going to sit here and argue you out of wanting to feel like you’re going somewhere, Jason, that’s not—” Your voice catches, just once, and you hate it, hate that even now your body’s giving you away. “That’s not a thing I get to argue with.”
“That’s not what I—” He stops. Starts again, quieter. “I didn’t say I don’t want to be here too.”
“You kind of did, though.” You finally look at him, squinting your eyes and cheeks in that pained expression for a quarter of a second and it costs something to keep your face remotely steady while your eyebrow twitches. “You said it feels like a loop. Same fights, same city, same me. That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement of sticking around.”
He flinches at that, actually flinches, like you’d hit something he hadn’t braced for.
“That’s not—” His jaw works. He looks, suddenly, painfully young, the way he sometimes does when the Red Hood posturing falls away completely and there’s just Jason left, twenty-something and still catching up on all the things nobody taught him how to survive. “I don’t hate this. I don’t hate you. I’ve never—”
You don’t want to hear it, can’t. It hurts in your chest and in your head, and you should have known better than rush into anything with him again. Because the truth is, no matter what, Jason brings out the worst in you. And now he keeps trying to explain and all you can hear are excuses.
You need him to stop.
Because you don’t get to need him at all!
“I said it’s okay, I understand!” You hiss, finally.
Jason looks at you for a long moment, something breaking further behind his eyes, and then he nods, slow, defeated, and reaches for his helmet without another word.
“Ah, that’s it?” Dick shrugs. “He told you about Artemis?”
He says the last part too casually, like he’s asking whether Jason remembered to mention the weather forecast. You go completely still, burger halfway to your mouth, the grease-soaked paper crinkling in your grip.
“…Excuse me?”
Dick frowns, and your pulse pounds against your ribs, loud enough you’re almost sure he can hear it over the fryer noise and the kids shrieking two booths down.
“You knew about this?”
“I mean, yeah. I met her and all.”
Your eyes harden. “Do you all collectively hate me or what?”
Dick has the decency to look a little sheepish, at least. He sets his milkshake down slower than necessary, condensation smearing under his palm, like the extra second will buy him something.
“It’s not like that,” he says. “I met her, like, once. At this thing. It wasn’t some big secret hangout you weren’t invited to, I promise.”
“How long.”
“What?”
“How long have you known about her, Dick.”
“Does it matter?” He winces before you even answer, already hearing how that sounds.
“Yes. It matters.” Your voice comes out sharper than you mean it to—sharp enough that the kid two booths over glances up from his cardboard Batman mask, tracking the sudden tension the way kids always seem to.
“…A while.”
“A while.” You blink, something cold settling behind your sternum. “Woah.”
“Look, it wasn’t my business to tell you! That’s a Jason conversation, not a Dick conversation, there’s a whole—” he gestures vaguely, fry waving like a tiny, greasy flag of surrender “—chain of command thing on who gets to say what.”
“There’s also a pyramid scheme of how much of an asshole you can be, and you’re at the top right now.”
“Whatever you say.” Dick holds his hands up properly this time, fry still pinched between two fingers, a small, useless white flag. “Point is, it wasn’t mine to tell. And for what it’s worth, from what I saw, it didn’t look like—” he pauses, choosing the next words with more care than he’s used the entire conversation “—it didn’t look like what you’re picturing. She and Bizarro, and him—it’s more like a weird little found-family thing. Doesn’t mean it didn’t still mess you up. Doesn’t mean he handled any of it right either.”
You stare down at your burger. Your appetite, along with most of your patience, has left the building entirely.
“But we are the found-family thing,” you mutter.
Dick’s jaw tightens. “That’s not—I didn’t mean it like that. We are family. I just didn’t want to blow up your situationship with Jason over at Batburger.”
“Well, congratulations, because now you’ve totally saved it.”
“Hey, that’s not nice—”
“Isn’t it?” You cut in, and something ugly and quick surfaces before you can stop it, before you even want to stop it. “You’ve always been weirdly protective. Ever since—” You stop yourself, but not soon enough. Dick’s face shifts, already bracing, like he can see the sentence coming a full second before it lands.
“Ever since what?”
You should let it go. You know you should—you two swore, once, a long time ago, to never drag this particular thing back out into the light. But you’re tired, and hollowed out, and some petty, wounded part of you wants him to feel even a fraction of what’s currently sitting in your chest like a stone.
“Ever since us,” you say. “You and me. Back when. Maybe this isn’t about protecting Jason at all. Maybe it’s easier to keep me distracted with him than to actually just say whatever it is you never said back then.”
The silence that follows isn’t the comfortable kind Dick usually settles into so easily. His mouth opens, closes. For once, he doesn’t have a joke ready, and the absence of one is somehow louder than anything he could’ve said.
“That’s not fair,” he finally says, quiet. “And you know it’s not.”
“Maybe.” You don’t take it back, though. You’re not sure you can, not tonight. “Doesn’t change the fact that you sat on this for weeks and let me walk in blind.”
“I didn’t think—”
“No,” you say, standing, gathering your jacket off the booth’s cracked vinyl. “You didn’t. That’s kind of the problem. And I don’t understand why!?”
You pause for a moment, jacket half-on, to actually think it through.
“Oh my God.” Something clicks, ugly and sudden. “You were protecting your own shot!” You stare at him, something between disbelief and hurt cracking your voice. “We’re supposed to be friends now, and you do me this dirty, Dick? Fuuuuuck you!”
The automatic doors hiss open behind you, and you barely make it two steps into the parking lot—the night air a slap of cool after the grease-thick warmth of the diner—before Dick’s voice cuts through it.
“Hey—wait. Wait, come on.”
You don’t stop walking. The gravel crunches under your boots, and somewhere behind you, Dick’s footsteps break into something closer to a jog, quick and uneven against the lot’s cracked asphalt.
“I’m not chasing you through a parking lot just to get my steps,” he says, finally catching up, falling into step beside you, breath a little short. “Can you just—stop for a second?”
“I have things to do.”
“At 9 pm.”
“Apparently no one thinks about my timeline, so I’m making up for lost time.”
“Okay, that’s fair, that’s—I deserve that.” He steps in front of you, hands raised, and you’re forced to either stop or walk straight through him. You stop, arms crossed, jaw tight, the Batburger sign flickering somewhere behind his head, buzzing faintly like it’s got something caught in its wiring.
“Look. What you said back there. About us. That’s not—I need you to actually hear me out on this.”
“I don’t need the speech, Dick.”
“You’re getting it anyway.” His voice softens, but there’s something urgent underneath it now, something less practiced than his usual easy charm. “Artemis and I met. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. I’m not sitting on secrets to protect Jason’s love life out of some noble family loyalty thing.”
“Then why.”
He exhales, and for once he doesn’t have a quip ready. “Because before you and Jason first happened—and kinda between that whole mess—you and I had our own thing.”
“So what?” Your voice comes out flatter than you intend, guarded, arms tightening across your chest like you’re bracing for something.
“And, yes, I wanted it to be more than brief.” He says it plainly, like it costs him something to put it out there without wrapping it in humor first. “I did. I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t try, a little, after. That wasn’t just some rebound thing for me, even if it was for you. I care about you.”
“Dick—”
“I’m not saying this to guilt you. But we’re friends! And I don’t want you getting hurt! Okay? I wouldn't try to keep this a secret just to snoop in between you and Jason. But i'm kinda in the middle, because Jason is my brother and you are one of my best friends. I just don't think it's okay to go around and telling either of you eachother's business.”
You stare at him for a long moment, the anger in your chest slowly losing its grip, sliding into something more tired and more honest. Behind him, the Batburger sign gives one last flickering buzz before steadying, casting a weak reddish glow over the cracked parking lot.
“You could’ve just said that,” you finally say. “Weeks ago. Instead of letting me find out over bat-fries and a milkshake.”
“Yeah.” Dick rubs the back of his neck, and for once the gesture doesn’t look practiced—it looks like he genuinely doesn’t know what to do with his hands. “In my defense, ‘hey, the Amazon who helped your mother stage her death is kinda seeing your situationship’ isn’t really a text you send casually.”
“You could’ve tried.”
“I could’ve tried, yeah,” he agrees. “For sure.”
The wind picks up, cold enough to cut through your jacket, carrying with it the smell of the highway a few blocks over, exhaust and rain that hasn’t fallen yet. You hug your arms tighter around yourself, and Dick notices—of course he notices, he notices everything, it’s the most infuriating and endearing thing about him—and shrugs out of Bruce’s stolen hoodie without a word, holding it out.
You look at it. Look at him.
“I’m not wearing your weird guilt hoodie, Dick.”
“It’s not a guilt hoodie. It’s a fine, we’re-standing-in-a-cold-parking-lot hoodie. Completely different category.”
Despite yourself, something in your chest loosens—not fixed, not entirely, but loosened, the way a knot gives an inch before it gives all the way. You take the hoodie. It smells like Dick’s cologne layered over something that’s unmistakably Bruce, cedar and old leather, and you pull it on anyway.
“For the record,” you say, voice quieter now, mouth pouting, “I don’t actually think you were trying to sabotage anything. I think you’re just bad at knowing where the line is between protecting people and managing them.”
“Ouch.” He winces, but there’s no real sting in it. “Accurate. But ouch.”
“You do it to Tim too. And Damian. You did it to me tonight.”
“I contain multitudes of bad coping mechanisms,” he admits. “It’s a whole personality.”
You almost laugh—actually almost laugh, the sound catching somewhere in your throat before it can fully escape, and Dick catches it too, something in his shoulders easing at the sound like he’d been bracing against the cold and the silence in equal measure.
“So we’re okay?” he asks, and for the first time all night, he sounds almost young about it. Younger than the easy grin usually lets on.
“We’re okay,” you say. “But you owe me. Big.”
“Name it.”
“Coffee. Every night this week. Or else you'll be picking sides.”
“Deal.” He says it too fast, too relieved, and it makes something in your chest go warm despite everything. “I’ll even throw in the good coffee. Not the cave sludge.”
“The good coffee, Dick. I mean it.”
“The good coffee,” he confirms, holding up two fingers like a scout’s honor, and this time when he smiles it isn’t the sheepish, bracing thing from the diner—it’s something closer to the actual Dick Grayson smile, easy and a little dumb and entirely genuine.
You bump his shoulder with yours, and he bumps back, harder than necessary, nearly knocking you into the side of your car, and you shove him off with a laugh you don’t bother holding back this time.
“Go home, Dick.”
“Go solve your crimes, weirdo.” He backs toward his car, parked crookedly enough across two spots that it’s clearly meant to be noticed, hands shoved into his jacket pockets now that the hoodie’s yours. “Call me if the spreadsheets on your case get violent.”
“They’re always violent. It’s Penguin. Everything he touches turns into a nightmare.”
“That’s oddly specific trauma for a spreadsheet.”
“You have no idea.”
He laughs, real and warm, and it echoes a little in the empty lot, bouncing off the Batburger sign’s dying buzz. You watch him climb into his car, watch the engine growl to life, and for a second—just a second—things feel almost normal again. Not fixed, but something closer to it than you’ve felt in weeks.
The cave is quieter than usual when Jason rolls in—no Tim mainlining his tenth coffee anymore, no Dick’s obnoxious mixtapes bleeding out of the Batmobile’s speakers, just the low hum of servers and the drip somewhere past the trophy cases that never seems to actually run out of places to drip from.
Same old as about three hours ago.
Which is why the melodic sound hits Duke like a physical thing the second the garage door grinds open.
Something slow. Something with a lot of feeling in it. A voice crooning about heartbreak (?) and bad decisions (?), muffled, suuuure, but unmistakably coming from inside Jason’s helmet, which is still on (what the fuck?), even as he swings off the bike with all the theatrical weariness of a man who has personally been wronged by the universe.
Seriously? Why is Jason akira-sliding his bike to… sorrows? By Bryson Tiller?
Duke, halfway through restocking a med kit, does not move, does not blink. He just squints, confused and watches Red Hood clomp past the med-bay partition with his shoulders slumped and his helmet blasting what is unmistakably now Spotify’s “This is Bryson Tiller” playlist at a volume no tactical helmet has any business supporting.
“…Jason?”
Jason doesn’t stop walking. “Not now.”
“Is that—” Duke tilts his head, listening harder, squinting even harder, like the song might change if he just focuses. “Is your helmet playing music?”
“It’s a feature.”
“It’s not a feature, I used that helmet as reference for mine, there’s no—” Duke sets the med kit down entirely, because this deserves his full attention. “Why would Red Hood’s tactical helmet be playing a Bryson Tiller song?”
Jason finally reaches up and unclips the helmet, and the second it comes off, the music gets louder, not softer—still playing, tinny and mournful, from some internal speaker Duke definitely was not aware existed until this exact moment.
Jason sets the helmet on the counter near the Bat-Computer, gently, like it’s the only thing left in his life currently behaving the way it’s supposed to. Duke seems even more confused by it, if that’s even possible.
“Long night,” he says, and keeps walking toward the lockers on the top floor, jacket already half off his shoulders.
Duke stares after him. Then looks at the helmet. Still singing. Something about reminiscing and facing the truth and mistakes.
“Are you gonna turn that off?” Duke raises his eyebrows at Jason in genuine question.
“No.”
“It’s just gonna sit there, singing?”
“Yep kid, take it or leave it.”
“Jason.”
“Duke.”
“This is genuinely one of the weirdest things I’ve witnessed in this cave, and I watched Damian try to fight an invisible Ra’s al Ghul for forty minutes because he was on fear toxin and refused to accept it wasn’t real.”
Jason pulls his turtleneck over his head, muffled and irritable. “Different night, different trauma.”
Duke picks up the helmet like it might bite him, turning it over, trying to locate an off switch that clearly wasn’t installed with this scenario in mind. The song shifts into a bridge, something aching and a little too on the nose about somebody standing while watching somebody else walk away.
Duke’s expression does something complicated.
“Wait.” He looks up, dead serious, like everything finally slid into place in his mind. “Is this about you-know-who?”
Jason, from somewhere inside the locker, says nothing, which is somehow the loudest answer ever available to Duke.
“It is. Oh my God, it iiiiiiiiis.” Duke, smiling sets the helmet back down with the exaggerated care of a man defusing something. “What happened? Did you guys fight? Did you—Jason, did you break up with her? Is that a thing that happened tonight and that’s why you’re in Gotham? Spill!”
“I’m not talking about this with you.”
“You’re talking about it with your helmet and Bryson Tiller, apparently, at full volume, sooooooo.”
Jason emerges from the locker in a hoodie two sizes too big and a clean pair of pants, his hair a disaster, expression somewhere between exhausted and personally offended by the general concept of feelings. He crosses the cave, picks the helmet back up, and—mercifully—finally silences it with a firm press of his thumb against the side panel.
The cave falls back into its usual hum and drip.
“Better?” Jason asks flatly.
“Kind of a letdown, honestly. I was invested.”
“Go back to your med kit, Duke.”
“I have so many questions.”
“And I have zero answers.”
Duke studies him for a second— the scab on his jaw, the exhaustion sitting heavier than usual under his eyes, his swollen lips and the particular slump of someone who drove for too long and came back having ruined something he didn’t mean to ruin.
Yup! This is a 'you' thing for sure.
“For what it’s worth,” Duke says, quieter now, dropping the bit, “whatever happened—you look like garbage, man.”
“Thanks. Very supportive.”
“I’m serious. Go sleep. Come back and be a person tomorrow. The... helmet radio thing can wait.”
Jason huffs something that isn’t quite a laugh, but isn’t nothing either, and heads for the stairs, helmet tucked under one arm, silent now except for one very faint, barely audible hum of bass still bleeding out from somewhere inside it—like even switched off, it hasn’t quite let the song go yet.
Duke watches him go, then looks down at the med kit, then back at the stairs. The second Jason is gone, he pulls out his phone.
[Duke Thomas]: Hey, Tim. Jason just came in the cave blasting Bryson Tiller!? Wtf?
[Tim Drake]: WDYM? Y disnt U TELL ME immediatley!?
He came in and literally stole you-know-who like three hrs ago
[Duke Thomas]: WTF you're kidding! I KNEW IT! I think they broke up! He was listening to BT's sad songs
[Stephanie Brown]: Yall this is too juicy WHAT! They were dating? And we didn't know? I thought it was a situationship fr
I'm patrolling with her rn but obvs i can't ask. She's mad tho!
Tim do something!
[Tim Drake]: They weren't! + Im nt supposed t know about ts, yet! I’ll ask Damian to get more intel by you-know-who.
Duke ur on Jason duty. Lock him in there if u need to.
[Bruce Wayne]: I fear you all seem to forget I am in this groupchat. Please do not interfere on personal matters. Do NOT get Damian involved in this.
[Bruce Wayne has been removed from 'Fam Updates']
[Stephanie Brown]: TIIIIIIM! WHO ADDED HIM? WAS IT YOU?
[Tim Drake]: TF? no!
[Cassandra Cain]: I did! It's the gossip groupchat and Bruce is fun to gossip with
I'm sorry :(
Jason Todd Masterlist
~All rights reserved: @/strawberry-nugget, 2026. Please do not copy, over write or steal my work // Likes and reblogs are so appreciated but if you you liked this you can let me know in the comments <3
A/N: I so promise once i'm done with everything that happens before the events of 'Baby Came Home' i will eliminate the angst ;p Anywayzzzz, the next thing i post will explore what exactly Dick and reader were talking about in the parkig lot, because it's not about just the time they dated! Stay. Tuned.
The last scene of this fic was inspired by this TikTok
(if you asked to be tag and do not find yourself in this list i saw no indicator that you are over 18 anywhere in your blog! If you’re not a minor, however you can dm me and I’ll add you. Or I have not seen your comment about wanting to be tagged and I’ll fix that asap as long as you comment it under my jason masterlist or under this post)
Jason is the epitome of “would you still lοve me if I was a worm” in the sense that… well, he died. But instead of phrasing it like that, he asks you “what was my funeral like/ did you go to my funeral?/ would you have gone to my funeral?”
featuring: wally west, tim drake, dick grayson, jason todd
content: smau, established relationship, fem!reader, talks of pregnancy (non-serious), potentially sexual themes ??? this is just crack don't mind me
— wally west
— tim drake
— dick grayson
— jason todd
a/n: baby's first SMAU! this is a prompt that has floated around in my brain for a while and i'm honestly kind of shocked that i've never seen it done before (let me know if u have). all the pictures are from pinterest btw. let me know what u think!
likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated <3
Content warnings & tags: hurt/no comfort, literally just misery I’m so sorry please consider yourself warned, Jason is extremely traumatised and needs a hug and lowkey so does reader, canon typical violence I guess??, no use of y/n for reader insert, I'm pretty sure it's gender neutral (no physical descriptions of reader though they do wear Jason's shirt at one point and are implied to be shorter than him, but the dude's super tall okay so anyone is probably shorter than him)
Word count: approx 2.3k
a/n: I apologise up front for this!! I hurt my own feelings writing it. Listen to the cure by Olivia Rodrigo while reading to inflict maximum pain upon yourself (I did this while writing, hence the title, and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover lmao)
Read on ao3
Jason was tired.
Not in the ‘it’s been a long week and I need to rest’ way or the ‘I only got a couple of hours of sleep yesterday and if I shut my eyes right now I’d pass out standing upright’ way, though both of those things were true.
No, this was the type of exhaustion that started somewhere deep inside your soul and bled into every other part of you. The kind of fatigue that makes you want to curl into a ball and fall asleep forever, and would persist even beyond that. Jason knew only too well that in fact it did carry on no matter how long you fade away for. After all, he’d taken quite the lengthy nap in a wooden box six feet deep, and as soon as he came back the weariness had come right along with him.
He honestly couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t felt this way. People always say that Gotham has teeth, but no one knew the truth of that better than Jason. He’d been shown the razor sharp incisors when he was too young to even understand what they were, being chewed up and spat out unceremoniously more times than he could count.
Meeting Batman, being taken into what should have been a loving home, becoming Robin, had all felt like finally somebody had muzzled the jaw that had been taking bites out of Jason his entire life. Then came the horrible realisation once again that nothing good can ever last, that he would never be good enough for anybody, even a father who had chosen him. The only certainties in Jason’s short life had been pain, loss, and betrayal; a trifecta that had been reinforced by Joker’s crowbar and a warehouse explosion followed by a dirt nap at just 15 years old.
Jason tried his hardest not to dwell on the tragedy that had been his first life. In fact, he tried his best not to think about it at all. It had been years now since he’d crawled his way out of the ground, since he’d become Red Hood.
He was still caught in the grip of Gotham’s teeth, but these days he was like a piece of gum kept in too long; no longer malleable. Time had toughened him right through to his core, and when the teeth clamped down now, Jason would just spring back.
His second life had finally levelled out into something far less dramatic than the first ever had been. He had a roof over his head, food on the table, he wasn’t arguing with Bruce nearly as much (mainly because he made a concerted effort to avoid the older man whenever possible, but still), and he’d even managed to build a relationship with his pseudo-siblings that almost resembled the bond shared by real brothers.
And most of that, of course, was thanks to you.
Jason had found you in a dark alley two years before, hands covered in blood that wasn’t your own, examining the ruined strap of your backpack that some would-be mugger had cut off your shoulder and tried to get away with. Jason, in full Red Hood gear at the time, had followed the screams and ended up standing before you.
“Bit late there Hood, I already got it handled.” You’d smirked at him as you fished a rag out from the side pocket of the bag and wiped the blood from your knuckles. Jason’s heart had done a funny little skip at the sight.
“I can see that,” even through the helmet’s modulator, Jason hadn’t been able to keep the laughter from his tone, “let me walk you home safe at least?”
You had bent over to take a quick look at the passed out mugger’s very clearly broken nose, and nudged him with the toe of your boot. You’d shrugged at him as you carried on walking down the alley, the one remaining strap of your bag slung over your shoulder. Jason had taken that as his cue to follow.
In the weeks after that, through ‘chance meetings’, walking through darkened alleys alongside you, and just straight up appearing on your fire escape on multiple occasions, the pair of you formed an unlikely friendship. He discovered that you yourself were all too familiar with the inside of Gotham’s gaping maw, though you hadn’t let yourself end up quite so scarred as he had. By the time he showed up at your door with his helmet off and a stab wound in his side several months later, begging you to patch him up, it felt like you already knew everything important there was to know about one another.
It had been all too easy for Jason to fall in love with you, but harder to admit that to himself, and harder still to gain your trust. Growing up in the city had roughened your edges. You had added spikes around your heart along the way. Walls and barriers to keep people out. To keep you safe. Keep you alive. And Jason’s defences matched your own.
What’s the saying - ‘hurt people, hurt people’? That couldn’t have been any more true for you and Jason both. Any time one of you made some headway, let down a barrier a little, dismantled a wall brick by brick, the other would build another one back up just as fast. Your friendship was tumultuous, neither of you wanting to put a name to what you were to one another. You spent just as much time fighting with another as you did laughing.
It had come to a head one night in the same alley where you had first met. You were in yet another argument, this time because you had gone to the corner store on your own after dark. He had told you a hundred times to call him if you wanted to leave the house at night, not to go out alone. You never listened.
“God, why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?” You’d screamed at him, clutching the paper bag of groceries to your chest. “Why do you care what happens to me anyway? You know I can take care of myself perfectly well without you.”
The panic that he felt every time you willingly put yourself in danger was uncontrollable. It clawed wildly at the inside of his throat, forming words he hadn’t thought all the way through before they spilled out.
“Why do I care?” He had scoffed, “Because I’m in love with you, you fuckin’ dumbass, that’s why!” The words hit their mark, dismantling the very last defence you had against him. A soft noise slipped from deep in your chest on a breath. Jason’s eyes were clenched shut, jaw tight, so he missed the final wall falling down. Missed you stepping softly across the distance between you both, setting the bag of groceries to one side. He had disappeared so far inside his own head, frozen by own confession, that he almost missed it when your hand stretched out and gently brushed across his jaw. When his eyes snapped open at the sensation, they were met with yours right in front of him, wide and filled with shock.
“You love me?” Your voice had been hushed, your breath warm as it fanned across his face. You had patched him up more times than he could count, had been this close to him on nearly a nightly basis for months now. It always made his heart race, his palms go clammy, but this was different. Your thumb had come to rest right below his lower lip, almost touching it, but not quite.
“I mean, yeah. I figured that was obvious by the way I follow you around like a sad lost puppy all the time,” Jason laughed gently, but his face grew serious, “I know you don’t feel the same way though, you don’t gotta say it back. I like things the way they are now.” You were watching his walls rebuild themselves in real time. You didn’t want that to happen.
Words didn’t come easily to you, but they weren’t needed to show him you felt the same way. Without hesitation, you stretched up to press your lips against his own. Not gently, you poured every last bit of emotion you had into the kiss, determined that he would be left with no doubt at all about exactly how you felt about him. A strangled groan had escaped his throat as he pulled you close, his lips moving against yours hard enough to bruise.
Things had gotten better for Jason after that. Of course, you still fought. Being in love seemed to soften some of the sharper edges, but not all of them. Frequently one of you would cut the other by accident, words slicing yet more scars into one another's hearts. But even still, things were better than they had been before.
For a long while, the permanent exhaustion Jason felt faded into background noise. Never gone, but lighter; easier to ignore with you pressed into his side. It felt like he had finally found the answer. You could heal one another, slowly but surely. Everything would work out. He could be happy.
You encouraged him to fix things with Bruce, with Dick and Tim and Damian. He started taking better care of himself, because you worried when he didn't. For a while, sleeping with the warm weight of you beside him even stopped the nightmares that had plagued him since his dip in the Lazarus pit.
Eventually though, as it had with every good thing in Jason's life, the cracks started to appear. The arguments got more frequent. Watching you flinch as his words cut too deep began to bring him physical pain. The nightmares crept back in, slowly but surely, and no matter how much you soothed and comforted him they didn't leave again.
By the time you had been together for almost two years Jason woke screaming nearly every night again. The realisation that you no longer felt safe, like home, threatened to crush him. He still loved you, he was sure he always would. But it wasn't enough anymore.
The tiredness seeped back in slowly but surely, like the tide inching back to the shore. Jason felt its weight heavier than he ever had before. It was oh so familiar, but the muscle he’d used to hold that weight for his entire life had grown stiff from disuse, and carrying it hurt. He was just so, so tired.
It would have been poetic if things had finally fallen apart in the same alley where you'd met, where he'd told you he loved you that first time. But it didn't. It happened slowly, piece by piece. Jason wasn't good at letting go of broken things, and neither were you.
So, you both held on far longer than you should have. And in the end, it wasn't even an explosive argument that brought things to an end. No one cheated. There was nothing huge that screamed out that things needed to be over between you. Just that heavy knowledge that things didn't feel right anymore, growing more certain by the day.
Until one night, after patrol, Jason just didn't come home.
The weight of everything that was wrong was too much to carry. He just had to put it down before it broke him. And honestly, you felt the same way. You didn’t even question it when you woke up that morning to find the bed cold and undisturbed on his side. Didn’t think much of it when he still wasn’t back when you got home from work. Jason texted you while you were making dinner to say that he was going to stay in Blüdhaven with Dick for a while, that he needed some space, and you shrugged it off.
It was only when you were getting ready for bed, pulling one of Jason’s too-big shirts on, that you caught a lingering hint of his scent. The warm leather and spice, faded cigarette smoke and rain, the undertone that was just Jason. The smell that had been your comfort, your home, for two years.
It hit you like a freight train. The grief had been drip feeding its way through you for months as it dawned that your relationship was doomed. It still hadn’t prepared you for this moment, for the realisation that this was it. That you and Jason weren’t going to make it. That no matter how much you had tried to fix one another, to love one another hard enough that it could plug the holes left behind by all the hurt you’d each suffered, it wasn’t going to be enough.
You were more alone than you had ever been before, the silence of your shared apartment pressing in on you like a weight. Suffocating you. Your breaths came short and gasping as you pressed your face into Jason’s pillow, searching for more of the smell that could fool your fragile heart into thinking he wasn’t gone. He should be here right now. He should be getting ready for patrol while you make yourself comfy in bed. He would never leave for the night without pressing a kiss to your forehead, the warm pressure of his lips wrapping you in a cocoon of his love, safe and warm until he came back home to you.
Not tonight. As you cry into his pillow until the fabric is soaked through and your eyes burn, you just feel lonely and cold.
And so very tired.
a/n: If you read this thank you so much because based on the tags alone this is exactly the kind of fic I avoid reading because everything about breakups makes me feel sick to my stomach 😭 I do have happy, fluffy stuff for Jason in the works but everything I write seems to spiral from a one shot into a series and is taking me forever to write. In the meantime, this ate away at my brain until I wrote it. I didn’t know it was going to be so sad until halfway through writing, but by then it was too late :’) </3 Sorry that the ending isn’t great, it was making me too sad to write any longer 😭😭I might write a part 2 for this eventually if anyone wants one, because in my head Jason and reader could still work it out and be okay, but that could just be wishful thinking on my part lmao
pairing: Jason Todd x gn!reader
cw: mentions of death, pure fluff
wc: 2.5k
an: currently going through a horrible block and im incapable of finishing my disgusting porn-ridden works, so we go back to the basics. how i love Jason </3 i missed writing him. hopefully you enjoy!! (I SWEAR THE OTHER WORKS ARE COMING).
Jason woke with dirt in his mouth.
In actuality, his tongue found only the stale dryness of sleep and the metallic taste left by a split lip from two nights ago, but for several seconds his body refused to accept it. The dark above him was a coffin lid, the blanket was packed earth pressing against his ribs. Somewhere close, wood groaned beneath a terrible weight, and every breath came back warm against his own face because there was nowhere for the air to go.
He opened his eyes.
The bedroom ceiling hung above him, gray in the weak light coming through the blinds. A water stain spread over one corner in the shape of a continent; you had been asking him to talk to the landlord about it for three weeks because, according to you, you could not bargain with anyone who sighed at your complaints.
The mattress was beneath him. The radiator ticked near the window. A delivery truck drove through the intersection below, its brakes squealing against the street; somewhere in the building, pipes knocked inside the wall.
The grave disappeared.
His body did not believe it yet.
Jason lay perfectly still, staring at the ceiling while his heartbeat struck against his ribs with such force it felt like something was trying to claw its way out. His hands had curled into fists beneath the blanket, his fingernails pressing crescents into his palms, and the muscles across his shoulders felt drawn tight enough to tear. Every breath wanted to become a gasp, but he held it behind his teeth and let the air out slowly through his nose.
He had learned how to wake without moving.
It was a skill, like clearing a room or stripping a gun in the dark; one of the softer, stranger techniques his life had required. He knew which floorboard creaked near the bed and how much weight the mattress could take before the springs complained. He knew how to swallow panic without letting it make noise, how to pull his hand away from a weapon before he was awake enough to understand whose apartment he was in.
Most importantly, he knew how not to wake you.
You slept beside him on your stomach, one arm beneath the pillow and the other folded near your face. The blanket had slipped low over one shoulder. Your breathing remained deep and even, untouched by whatever had dragged him out of sleep.
Jason turned his head toward the clock.
5:03 a.m.
The middle of the night, as far as he was concerned.
He had gone to bed a little after two, which counted as an early night by his standards. You had already been asleep, though you had left the lamp on beside him and a note on his pillow reminding him to rinse the plate in the sink.
The nightmare had not been one of the worst ones, he told himself, though that was a truth that only felt comforting after dawn. There had been no crowbar this time; no laughter scraping against the inside of his skull, no bright camera flash, no chemical stink so foul it seemed lodged permanently behind his eyes. His mother had not been shooting up in the next room. His father had not been disappearing through the door with a careless glance over his shoulder. Bruce had not stood above an open grave, silent and too late.
It had only been the coffin.
Only waking beneath six feet of earth with his lungs already beginning to burn.
Jason loosened his hands and flexed his fingers beneath the blanket. Pins and needles moved through them. He concentrated on the small irritations of the room—the seam of his shirt twisted beneath his back, the ache in his left knee, the dry air catching in his throat. Mundane discomfort helped; it gave his mind something ordinary to dislike.
Beside him, you made a sound.
Jason froze.
Your breathing changed, but you did not wake; your face pressed deeper into the pillow, brow drawing together as though you were arguing with someone inside a dream. He watched you for a moment, waiting for your eyes to open.
They did not.
Carefully, Jason began to sit up.
The mattress shifted by a fraction. He moved one shoulder, then the other, keeping his weight close to the edge so the bed would not dip beneath you. His feet had nearly reached the floor when your hand moved across the sheets.
It found the space he had left.
Your fingers opened and closed once against the warm indentation in the mattress; then, still asleep, you reached farther.
Jason stopped.
Your hand brushed the back of his shirt, merely a drag of your fingertips over the fabric, but something inside him wavered. You made another sound, quiet and incomprehensible; the words had no true meaning, no more than a soft complaint.
Jason looked down at your hand.
He had no idea how you did it.
He had become nearly perfect at leaving the bed without disturbing you; he had done it on mornings when patrol ran late, on nights when sleep refused him entirely, on the occasional emergency that pulled him toward the window before his phone finished vibrating. You rarely woke. Yet there were times—only these times, only when the nightmare had followed him out—when some hidden part of you seemed to notice the difference.
You did not answer clearly. The next sound might have been his name, or it might have been a demand to lie down, or a complaint about the dishes, or an accusation directed at some unrelated figure in your dream.
Your fingers remained curled in his shirt.
Jason looked toward the window.
The blinds rattled in the draft. The city beyond them was beginning to pale from black to the opaque blue that came before sunrise, though the alleys below still held their darkness. He could get up. Drink water. Stand beneath a shower until the memory of dirt left his skin. He could sit in the kitchen with every light on and wait for his pulse to come down.
He had done all of that before.
Your grip tightened again.
Jason let out a slow breath and eased himself back onto the mattress.
You moved immediately, your knee catching against his thigh and one arm sliding heavily across his stomach. Your face found the space beneath his chin, your nose pressed against his collarbone, and your breath warmed the skin above the neck of his shirt.
Jason went still beneath the sudden weight of you.
You sighed. The sound was quiet and deeply satisfied, as though this had corrected whatever had gone wrong with the night.
One of your hands spread over his chest.
His heart was still beating too hard. There was no possibility you could miss it; it struck beneath your palm with embarrassing force, fast and uneven, the rhythm of an alarm that had not yet realized the fire was out.
You did not wake. Your thumb moved against his shirt.
“Here,” you murmured.
Jason closed his eyes.
The word had come out blurred by sleep, almost incomprehensible; he might have imagined it. Even so, it sank into him slowly, warmth moving through cold muscle.
Here.
He was here.
Not beneath the ground. Not inside that warehouse. Not sixteen and choking on blood and deafened by laughter. He was in a badly insulated apartment owned by a landlord who believed mildew was no more than a cosmetic defect. There was a plate in the sink he had almost rinsed, and a grocery list on the refrigerator in your handwriting, and your elbow was digging into the tender space below his ribs.
The pressure hurt a little.
He loved it.
Jason lifted one arm and settled it around your back, carefully, because some part of him still believed too much movement would break the spell. You responded by pressing closer, your leg sliding over his until half your weight rested against him. The blanket bunched awkwardly between your knees.
“You’re a furnace,” he whispered.
You breathed against his throat.
The answer was entirely unintelligible.
Jason rested his cheek against the top of your head. Your hair tickled his nose. The room smelled was cold, smelling of morning, old radiator heat, and the citrus hand cream you used before bed. Beneath it was the warmer, softer scent that was simply you, familiar enough that his body began to unclench around it.
His hand moved slowly up and down your back.
He did not need to think about the motion anymore. Somewhere along the way, he had learned the shape of you in sleep—the place between your shoulders where his palm fit, the way your muscles softened when his fingers traced small circles near your spine, the exact pressure that made you sigh and go heavy against him.
You had learned him too—more than anyone else ever had.
Everyone who knew Red Hood knew he carried weapons inside his jacket and anger beneath nearly everything else, but you knew the ordinary details. You knew he hated being cold after a nightmare because it reminded him of graves and winter dirt, so you tucked your feet between his calves even though they were usually freezing. You knew silence was sometimes safer than questions; you knew not to touch the back of his neck suddenly, and that he could tolerate almost anything if he felt your palm against the center of his chest.
You also knew he left cabinet doors open.
You knew he always used the last of the coffee and returned the empty container to the shelf as though perhaps a new supply might generate inside it. You knew he would wash every dish in the apartment complex if you asked directly, but somehow remained incapable of rinsing one plate before sauce hardened on it.
Love, Jason had discovered, was humiliatingly domestic.
It was not only the grand things—the nights you cleaned blood from his hair, the mornings you counted bruises while pretending not to worry, the arguments about risk and honesty and whether a person could belong to a city without letting it consume them. It was also you standing in the kitchen holding a fork with dried egg welded to it, asking what thought was going through his brain. It was you handing him the landlord’s phone number and saying, with complete sincerity, that you could not bargain.
Your hand shifted over his chest.
Jason looked down.
Your face was relaxed again, your mouth slightly agape against his shirt. There was a crease on your cheek from the pillow. You looked nothing like the holy thing his mind sometimes tried to make of you after nights like this; you were a real person who stole the blanket, forgot where you left your phone while holding it, and had once started an argument at midnight because he had used your good towel to clean gun oil from the table.
You were not an angel sent into the dark to drag him toward the light; you were sleepy and warm and drooling on his collarbone, holding him because some part of you had noticed he was hurting.
Jason’s throat tightened.
He lowered his mouth to your forehead.
The kiss barely touched your skin.
You shifted beneath it, brow furrowing for a moment, then tightened your arm around him. Your hand caught a fistful of his shirt and held on.
“Don’t go,” you murmured.
This time, the words were clearer.
Jason stared into the dim room.
He had not been planning to leave—not the apartment, at least—but he understood what you meant anyway. There were many ways to go without opening a door. He had spent years mastering them; he could leave a conversation while sitting across from someone, could vanish behind a joke or a fight or the blank red face of the helmet. He could make himself absent even while his body remained.
You always noticed eventually.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered.
Your grip loosened slightly.
Jason settled deeper into the mattress and pulled the blanket over your shoulder. He tucked the edge behind your back, creating the tight pocket of warmth you preferred, then he let his hand rest at your waist.
His pulse slowed.
The coffin still existed somewhere in his memory, waiting with all the other rooms he could not demolish; if he closed his eyes too hard, he could feel wood beneath his bloody nails and taste soil against his teeth.
Jason breathed in.
Your chest rose against his.
He breathed out.
The tension eased, pain draining from his muscles. His jaw unclenched. The ringing in his ears faded until he could hear the refrigerator humming in the next room and the scrape of branches against the building.
You made another noise.
Jason ran his fingers along your side. “What are you saying?”
Your mouth moved against his shirt. He caught only the last word.
“—dishes.”
A laugh escaped him before he could stop it. He pressed his lips into your hair to hide the sound. “I rinsed them.”
You frowned without opening your eyes. “Liar.”
Jason looked toward the bedroom door, through which the edge of the kitchen counter was just visible. The plate sat in the sink.
There was probably still sauce on the underside.
“Mostly,” he amended.
You exhaled, clearly disappointed. Then your hand drifted upward, slid over his collarbone, and came to rest against the side of his neck.
Your fingers were warm.
Jason leaned his face into your palm.
“I’ll do it in the morning,” he whispered.
You were already gone again, sunk deep into sleep; still, your fingertips threated lightly near his jaw, not quite a caress and not quite accidental.
He closed his eyes.
The nightmare waited at the edge of sleep, as it always did.
Sometimes it wore the Joker’s face. Sometimes Bruce’s. Sometimes his mother was calling from a room he could never reach, her voice drowned beneath the sound of a train. Sometimes Jason was still dead, and everything after had only been a final chemical spark moving through a broken brain.
Tonight, the grave remained open.
But you were heavier than the dirt.
Your arm lay across his chest, your leg pinned his beneath the blanket, and your breath warmed the hollow of his throat. Every place you touched him carried a small, undeniable pressure.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Jason covered your hand with his and held it against his heartbeat. Your nose was cold where it touched his neck.
By the time the blinds began to glow pale around the edges, his breathing had finally fallen into the same rhythm as yours. His last clear thought was that the landlord still needed to look at the ceiling; his second-to-last was that he should clean the plate before you woke and discovered his definition of rinsed remained questionable.
Beneath those thoughts, quieter and deeper, was the certainty of your arms around him.
Jason let sleep take him again—not because the darkness had become safe, but because you had found him inside it without even waking, and held him.
request could you do a mini series or one shot of batfam finding out about your depression or you having a panic attack?
content jason todd x gn!reader, established relationship, graphic description of a panic attack, panic attack, dissociation, trauma references, aftercare
word count 3.9k
masterlist | jason masterlist
It started with the sound of glass breaking.
Not a window. Not a bottle. Nothing dramatic enough to justify the way your body reacted, really. Just a mug slipping from the counter because your fingers had gone clumsy around the handle, because your mind had been somewhere else, because the kitchen light was too bright and the rain against the windows had been too loud and the whole apartment felt suddenly tilted, as if gravity had changed its mind about which way was down. The mug hit the floor and shattered into white ceramic teeth across the tile, coffee bleeding between the pieces in a dark, bitter spill.
For half a second, there was only the crash.
Then your body decided it was in danger.
Your breath snapped in too fast, a hard, startled gasp that cut at the inside of your throat. The apartment blurred at the edges. The counter under your palm seemed to drop away even though you were still holding it, knuckles pale, fingers locked around the cool stone like it might keep you from being dragged under. You could hear your pulse everywhere: in your ears, in your teeth, in the soft meat behind your eyes. It was too big for your body. Too loud. A frantic animal throwing itself against the cage of your ribs.
You told yourself it was just a mug. You told yourself you were in Jason’s apartment, in the little kitchen with the crooked drawer he still hadn’t fixed because he claimed it had “character,” with the rain sliding silver down the windows, with the smell of old books and gun oil and the basil plant you had bullied him into keeping alive on the sill. You told yourself there was no blood, no smoke, no hands reaching for you, no voice telling you that you were too slow, too weak, too much. But your body did not care about logic. Your body had its own religion, and tonight, it worshipped fear.
The first wave hit like a fist closing around your lungs.
You tried to breathe around it and couldn’t. Air came in thin, useless ribbons. Your chest locked down harder the more you fought it, muscles turning to iron, throat narrowing until each inhale felt like it had to scrape through broken glass. You bent over the counter, one hand pressed to your sternum, the other still gripping stone, and the room lurched in a slow, nauseating spiral. Your vision splintered into details you could not hold together: ceramic shards, coffee spreading, rainlight on tile, your own foot too close to the mess, the edge of the fridge humming like an electrical wire inside your skull.
You did not hear Jason come in at first. The front door opened, rain whispered off his jacket, his boots crossed the living room, and all of it arrived through the panic as muffled, distant sound, like you were underwater and he was calling to you from the shore. Then his voice cut through—not loud, never loud, not when it mattered.
“Hey,” Jason said, careful and low. “Sweetheart?”
You flinched anyway.
He stopped instantly. You felt the pause more than saw it, a stillness blooming behind you. Jason Todd, who could move through gunfire like the world owed him room, went quiet as a shadow at the edge of the kitchen. No sudden motion. No grab for your shoulders. No demanding what happened. He took in the scene fast because Jason always took in a scene fast, eyes flicking over the shattered mug, your bare feet, the coffee, the angle of your body, the way you were gulping down air that didn’t seem to reach you.
“Okay,” he said, and the word was soft enough to be placed in your hands. “Okay, I see you. Don’t move, baby. There’s glass.”
Your brain caught on that: glass. Your feet. The floor. The danger that was real, small and sharp and ordinary, waiting under you. You looked down and immediately wished you hadn’t, because the pieces seemed too bright, too many, and your mind turned them into other things—bone, teeth, shrapnel, evidence. Your breath hitched, broke, collapsed in on itself.
Jason swore under his breath, not at you. Never at you. You knew the difference by now, knew the way his anger curved outward when the world touched you wrong. He moved slowly into your line of sight, hands visible, palms open. His hair was damp from the rain, the white streak at his temple plastered darker than usual, and his jacket dripped onto the floor behind him. He looked too big for the kitchen and too gentle for what he had been made into, all broad shoulders and careful eyes, a bruised saint with blood on his history and tenderness in his hands.
“I’m gonna get you off the glass,” he said. “I’m not touching you until you tell me I can. Can you look at me?”
You tried. You really did. Your gaze climbed from his boots to his knees to the wet leather of his jacket, but when you reached his face, everything slipped sideways. His features wouldn’t hold still. His eyes were green, then too bright, then far away. The room buzzed. Your fingers went numb.
“I can’t,” you choked, or thought you did. It came out small, torn into pieces by your breathing.
Jason’s expression tightened, but his voice stayed steady. “That’s all right. You don’t gotta do anything fancy. Just listen to me. I’m right here. You’re in my kitchen. You dropped a mug. Scared the hell outta your nervous system, dramatic little bastard that it is.” His mouth twitched like he was trying to give you something almost like a smile, something you could hold without having to smile back. “But we’re not in danger. You’re not in trouble. I’ve got you.”
Your chest cramped. The words I’ve got you should have helped. They did, somewhere deep down, but the panic was louder, a storm with teeth. Your lungs kept clawing for air. Tears blurred your vision before you realised you were crying, hot and humiliating on your face.
Jason lowered himself into a crouch a few feet away, putting himself below your eye level, making his body less like a wall and more like shelter. The sight of him kneeling in the coffee and rainwater without caring about his clothes did something terrible and tender inside you. He knew, you remembered suddenly. Maybe not this exact shape of fear, not this exact trigger or this exact night, but Jason knew what it was to have your body drag you back into a war that had already ended. He knew what it was to wake up with death in his mouth. He knew how memory could become a room and lock you inside it.
“Can I touch your hand?” he asked. “Just your hand. You can say no.”
You wanted to say yes. You wanted to say please. Your tongue felt too large, your jaw too tight. All you managed was a frantic little nod.
Jason reached slowly. His fingers closed around your wrist first, warm and calloused, not restraining. Just there. Then his thumb found the inside of your palm and pressed into the soft centre of it, firm enough to give your body a fact. His touch was steady. Not a demand, not a cage. A landmark.
“There you are,” he murmured. “Good. Feel my hand? Focus on that for me. You don’t gotta breathe perfect yet. We’re just gonna make the air a little less of a jerk.”
A broken laugh tried to claw its way out of you and got lost halfway into a sob. Jason’s thumb kept moving in slow circles against your palm. He shifted closer, still mindful of the glass, and slipped his other hand under your elbow.
“I’m gonna lift you onto the counter,” he said. “Glass is all over the floor and I’m not letting you step in it. You with me?”
You weren’t, not fully. You were somewhere between the kitchen and the panic, between Jason’s voice and the thunder of your heartbeat. But you nodded again because you trusted him with the parts of you that couldn’t answer.
He lifted you like you weighed nothing, one arm braced around your waist and the other under your thighs, careful and smooth. The movement made the room swoop, and you grabbed at his shoulder with a strangled sound. Jason froze for half a breath, holding you against him as if the whole universe had narrowed to not scaring you worse. Then he settled you onto the counter away from the spill, keeping one hand at your hip until he was sure you were stable.
“There,” he said. “Feet off the floor. No glass. That problem’s handled.”
Handled. The word slid through the panic like a blade through rope. One problem handled. One danger named and removed. Your brain wanted to spiral into a thousand other dangers, most of them shapeless, but Jason had pinned one down and killed it clean.
He shrugged out of his wet jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair, then came back to stand in front of you. Not too close. Close enough that you could see the rain caught in his lashes, the small scar near his jaw, the pulse beating in his throat. He was breathing deliberately now, slow and visible, chest rising and falling like a tide trying to teach yours the moon.
“In with me if you can,” he said. “Don’t force it. Just follow when it feels possible.”
You tried to match him and failed. Your inhale stuttered, shallow and ugly. Panic punched up again, furious at the failure, and you made a helpless noise that sounded too much like pain.
Jason’s eyes flashed, not with fear but recognition. “Nope. Hey. No beating yourself up. That’s panic talking, and panic is a lying asshole with bad manners.” His hand returned to yours, palm against palm. “You’re not failing. Your body thinks it’s saving you. It’s just got ancient software and no damn updates.”
If you hadn’t been drowning, you might have smiled. Jason and his stupid, perfect mouth. Jason, who could make jokes at the edge of hell because sometimes a joke was a handhold, because sometimes laughter was the first crack in the locked door.
He pressed your joined hands gently against his chest.
“Feel that?” he asked.
His heartbeat thudded under your palm, solid and slow. Not calm exactly—you knew him too well to mistake control for ease—but steady. A living drum. A proof. You stared at where your hand rested against him, at the black cotton stretched over scarred muscle, and tried to let your body understand that this was now. This was Jason. This was not whatever your blood kept mistaking it for.
“Count it,” he said. “Don’t count your breaths. Count mine.”
So you did. Or tried to. One beat. Two. Three. The numbers kept scattering, but Jason did not correct you. He just breathed and let you borrow the rhythm. His thumb brushed the back of your hand. The rain kept tapping at the window, softer now, less like a warning and more like the weather. The fridge hummed. Somewhere in the living room, a floorboard gave its familiar little complaint. The apartment began, piece by piece, to become itself again.
Your breathing changed without asking permission. It didn’t settle all at once. It came in ragged negotiations, the body bartering with terror. The tightness in your chest loosened by a cruel inch, then another. Air reached deeper. Your fingers tingled painfully as sensation returned, pins and needles waking under your skin.
Jason noticed because Jason noticed everything. “That part sucks,” he said. “The tingling. Feels like your hands are turning into TV static. It’ll pass.”
You looked up at him then, really looked, and found his face drawn with something so tender it almost hurt worse than the panic. His brows were low, mouth set, jaw tense with the effort of not showing too much. Protective Jason was a dangerous thing on patrol, all red helmet and loaded silence, but here, in the kitchen light, he was protective in quieter ways. He kept his voice soft. He kept the glass away from your feet. He made himself into something warm and patient and impossible to weaponise.
“I hate this,” you whispered.
“I know,” he said.
“I hate that you have to see it.”
His expression cracked. Not breaking, exactly. Softening around an old bruise. “Baby, look at me.” You did. “I am not mad. I am not disappointed. I am not keeping score.” His voice went rough on the last word, and his hand tightened around yours. “You’ve seen me come back from nightmares swinging at ghosts. You’ve sat on the bathroom floor with me when the Pit crawled up my throat and made me feel like my skin didn’t fit. You think I’m gonna look at you having a panic attack and decide you’re too much?”
Your eyes burned again. “It feels like too much.”
“Yeah,” Jason said, honest enough not to argue with the feeling. “It does. That doesn’t mean it is.”
The words landed somewhere fragile. You closed your eyes, and the room tilted less violently this time. Jason stayed quiet for a while, only breathing, only holding your hand against his chest. He had never been good at empty comfort, never one for shiny lies or sugar-glass promises. He did not tell you there was nothing to be afraid of. He did not tell you to calm down. He simply stayed, and because he stayed, because he had survived his own impossible things and still come home to you with rain in his hair and gentleness in his palms, the panic began to run out of road.
When your breathing finally evened into something human, exhaustion rushed in behind it.
It was obscene how tired fear could make you. Your bones felt hollowed out. Your shoulders ached from clenching. Your mouth tasted metallic, and your cheeks were stiff with drying tears. You looked down at the floor again, at the broken mug and the puddle of coffee, and shame rose sharp and immediate.
“I made a mess,” you said.
Jason followed your gaze, then snorted softly. “Yeah, tragic. A mug died. Gotham mourns.”
“Jason.”
“I hated that mug.”
“You bought that mug.”
“I make mistakes.” He reached up and wiped your cheek with the backs of his fingers, so gentle it made your throat close for an entirely different reason. “Stay put. I’m cleaning it up.”
You wanted to argue, but the idea of putting your feet on the floor made your stomach twist. Jason saw the argument forming anyway and gave you a look that was pure Red Hood filtered through domestic concern.
“Don’t even start,” he said. “I’m wearing boots. You’re barefoot. This is not a democracy.”
That did pull a tiny laugh out of you, weak and watery. Jason looked absurdly pleased with himself, like he had just won a major battle instead of coaxing one broken sound from your chest. He got the dustpan and moved around the kitchen with efficient care, sweeping the large pieces first, then the smaller glittering shards that hid near the cabinet edges. He wiped up the coffee, checked under the counter, then checked again because his version of love had always been a little obsessive around the edges. Danger did not get to linger in rooms where you were trying to breathe.
When the floor was safe, he washed his hands and came back to you. “All clear.”
You stared at him, the massive shape of him in the warm kitchen light, the damp curls at his forehead, the old scars disappearing under his sleeves. “Can I have a hug now?”
His face changed so fast it almost hurt. “Yeah,” he said, voice low. “Hell yeah, you can.”
He helped you down from the counter, but before your feet fully touched the tile, he scooped you against him, arms wrapping around your back with that careful strength that always undid you. Jason hugged like he was building a barricade between you and the rest of the world. Not crushing, not trapping, just complete. His chin rested near your temple, and his body heat soaked through your clothes, grounding you more deeply than any counted breath.
You melted into him all at once, the last of your control giving way. Your hands fisted in his shirt. He smelled like rain, leather, soap, and the faint smoky bite of the city. He rocked you once, barely, more a shift of weight than a motion, and murmured into your hair.
“There we go,” he said. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. You did so good.”
You made a small, embarrassed sound against his chest. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You survived your brain turning the lights off and setting off the fire alarm. That counts.” His hand moved slowly up and down your back, broad palm tracing the line of your spine. “Trust me. I’m an expert in brains doing haunted house nonsense.”
You breathed him in and let the warmth of him fill the spaces panic had emptied. It was strange, being held by someone who knew the monster by a different name. Jason’s fear came in green flashes and grave dirt, in crowbars and laughter and resurrection wrong enough to bruise the soul. Yours came in other shapes. Other sounds. But the body did not care about the exact story when it was drowning. It only knew the water. Jason knew the water, too.
After a while, he guided you toward the couch, one arm still around you as if he didn’t trust gravity not to get ideas. He sat first and pulled you down with him, arranging you against his side, tucking a blanket around your legs with a gruffness that would have fooled no one. The apartment had gone dimmer, gentler. Rain blurred the windows. The kitchen light reflected off the clean floor where the mug had been, no evidence left except the faint smell of coffee and the ache in your body.
Jason pressed a glass of water into your hands. “Small sips.”
“You sound like Alfred.”
“That is the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
You huffed a laugh into the rim of the glass and took a sip because he was watching like the water was a sacred mission. He had disappeared for barely twenty seconds and somehow returned with water, a soft hoodie of his, and one of the emergency snacks he kept in the pantry because he had learned, somewhere between dying and coming back and loving you, that bodies needed practical kindness after emotional catastrophes. The hoodie settled over your lap, warm from where he had held it. The snack packet crinkled when he opened it for you without comment, sparing you the indignity of fighting plastic with trembling hands.
For a while, you ate because he asked you to, and he pretended not to notice when your fingers shook. The television stayed off. Jason knew better than to fill the room too quickly. Instead, he sat beside you and let the quiet grow soft around the edges.
“I’m sorry,” you said eventually.
His head turned toward you. “For what?”
“For scaring you.”
“You didn’t scare me.”
You gave him a look, tired but unconvinced.
Jason sighed, leaning back into the couch. “Okay. You scared me a little. But not because you did anything wrong. I get scared when people I love hurt and I can’t punch the hurt in the face. It’s very inconvenient for my brand.”
The corner of your mouth twitched. “Your brand?”
“Big scary crime lord. Excellent thighs. Emotionally constipated but in a charming, marketable way.”
“Very marketable.”
“Exactly.” His smile faded into something quieter. “But you don’t apologise for having a nervous system. Not to me.”
You looked down at your hands. They had mostly stopped shaking. Mostly. Jason covered them with one of his, warm and scarred, knuckles rough from a lifetime of choosing fists when words failed him. He was still learning words. You could tell, sometimes, by the way he handled them like live wires.
“I know what it’s like,” he said. “Not exactly. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend my mess is your mess. But I know what it’s like when your body decides it’s back there. Wherever there is. I know what it’s like to be safe and still feel like you’re about to die.”
The honesty of it settled over you heavier than the blanket. You leaned closer, shoulder pressed to his ribs. “What helps you?”
Jason was quiet for a long moment. You wondered if you had asked too much, stepped too close to a locked door in him, but then his thumb moved against your knuckles.
“Depends on the night,” he said. “Sometimes space. Sometimes pressure. Sometimes I need the lights on and every exit clear. Sometimes I need someone to remind me what year it is, which is annoying as hell but works.” He swallowed, eyes fixed on the rain-streaked window. “Sometimes I just need somebody not to leave.”
Your chest ached. You turned your hand beneath his and held on.
“I’m not leaving,” you said.
He looked at you then, something raw and young flickering beneath all the armour he wore in daylight. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I know.”
Later, he coaxed you through brushing your teeth and changing into his hoodie, which swallowed you in warmth and the faint smell of him. He checked your feet again, even though you told him you hadn’t stepped on glass, because Jason’s love was a locked door, a second sweep, a hand at the small of your back when the world got crowded. He cleaned the kitchen one more time. He turned off the big light and left the smaller lamp on because darkness after panic felt like too much too soon.
In bed, he pulled you into the heavy curve of his body, your back against his chest, his arm draped over your waist with careful weight. Protective but not possessive. Present but not trapping. The shape of safe, you thought, was not a place after all. It was this: Jason’s breath warming the back of your neck, his heartbeat steady behind you, the rain softening the city outside, the knowledge that fear could come and still not take everything.
“Jay?” you whispered.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Thank you.”
His lips brushed your shoulder through the hoodie. “Anytime.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.” His arm tightened just slightly, a promise made in pressure instead of words. “Me too.”
You lay there until your body stopped waiting for the next wave. Sleep did not come quickly, but peace did, small and cautious, padding into the room like a stray cat deciding whether to trust the offered hand. Jason stayed awake behind you longer than he needed to. You could tell by his breathing, by the way his thumb occasionally swept over your ribs as if checking you were still there, still breathing, still his to keep warm against the night.
Eventually, the rain thinned. The apartment settled. Your eyes drifted closed.
And when the last of the panic finally loosened its claws, it did not leave you empty. It left you held.
Tags/CW: Jason x ex! Wonder girl reader, heavy angst, implied cheating (Jason kisses reader while she's dating Dick), hurt/ no comfort, takes place during the events of Batman: Under the Red Hood
₊˚⊹♡ indirect prequel to this || Jason todd Masterlist
Jason is alive.
Right here, right in front of you.
The undeniable proof wasn’t the unclosed tab on the batcomputer matching the Red Hood’s DNA to the second Robin’s that you saw earlier. It’s him, standing right just across from you now. Pointing a gun at you.
The world seems to drop out from beneath your feet, a cold, sickening plunge. Every carefully constructed wall of grief, every bitter memory, every rationalization you’ve clung to for years—they all shatter. You see the familiar stubborn set of his jaw, the slight angle of his stance that is pure street fighter, pure Gotham born and raised. But his eyes... those are the worst. The bright, sharp blue has been replaced by a hardened, cynical green fire, blazing with an awful, unquenchable rage.
“Jason,” you whisper, the name catching in your throat like you’ve swallowed broken glass. It is a plea, a question, an affirmation, all twisted into one ragged sound.
A harsh, short laugh—devoid of any humor—breaks the suffocating silence. It’s a sound you haven’t heard in years, yet you recognise the timbre instantly.
“Don’t. Don’t use that voice,” Jason spits, his voice rougher, lower than you remember, edged with an unholy malice. His grip on the gun doesn't waver. “That pathetic, sorrowful little whimper. Save it for the eulogy you all gave me.”
You take the calculated risk, forcing a step forward, your leather skirt blowing slightly in the wind. The movement is meant to be non-threatening, but it cuts the distance between you, making the threat immediate.
“Put the gun down, Jason. Please. We can fix this,” you plea, the 'please' escaping before the tactical of your mind can stop it.
“No, we can’t,” he hisses, stepping back to maintain the precise distance, his training still terrifyingly intact. “It’s too late for fixing. It’s too late for talking. It’s time for you to finally face the consequences of your weakness.”
He raises his free hand, and a small, remote device is visible against the black leather of his glove. He clicks it.
No bullet strikes you, even if you don’t make the move to dodge it. Jason shoots in the night sky above and the sound makes you flinch back.
Hot, salty tears fill the inseams of your eyes, stinging as silent seconds pass by.
You only searched to find him because you couldn’t believe it was real.
You mourned him. You spent the first night after his funeral at the cemetery so he wouldn’t be alone in a place full of strangers because he’d hate it. You spent sleepless nights clinging onto his bed, wearing that kitsch nirvana shirt he gave you three years before he died because you begged for it. You dropped out of high school. You couldn't eat. You couldn’t even go to the bathroom without physical help. You couldn’t wash. You couldn’t live.
And now he stands with a gun pointed at you, giving a warning shot into the sky so you won’t get closer like some sick and twisted joke.
“The consequences?” you echo, your voice now ultimately quivering. “Your death destroyed me and you’re talking about consequences?”
“You think you know what I went through,” he finally manages, the words a low, dangerous rumble. “You think you know what it’s like to claw your way out of that pit, only to realize the only thing waiting for you is the knowledge that the man who loved you like a son let your killer live? Don’t you dare pretend your feelings compare to what I lost.”
You spread your hands out to your sides, a gesture of exasperated, reckless surrender. “Go on. Shoot. Give me the final consequence. I died the night we buried you Jason. And now you’re alive. In front of me. I keep thinking that you’ve been alive for all these years and you didn’t come to find me. You think shooting me will hurt? That it’ll make a difference? Shoot me all you want. Make it overkill”
“Don’t you dare,” he whispers, the word catching on a strangled, rough sound that has nothing to do with malice and everything to do with a devastating, twelve-year-old boy's memory. His lips pull back from his teeth, not in a snarl, but a grimace of pure, agonizing refusal. “Don’t you ever tell me to do that.”
The sight of your pain, the unmistakable quivering in your voice, should have been a comfort—proof of your devotion. Instead, it feels like a spike through his own chest, a new wound on top of all the old ones.
In your intercom, Batman is yelling at you. That he’s at the other end of the city and he won’t make it in time. Telling you you should fleet the scene and forbids you from engaging any further with Jason.
Any comm that you have with Batman, with a fluid, decisive motion, you yank it. The small comm piece from your ear is thrown onto the wet ground. It shatters with a pathetic crunch under your heel, the sound loud in the narrow alley, in an attempt to show Jason that you’re not here because of his father..
You walk towards Jason, until the exposed skin of your chest touches the barrel of his gun.
It doesn’t make a difference if he kills you. You die a thousand times at the thought of him being alive and away from you. Your heart stings at the lost years, the ones spent without him, moving on with your life just enough, taking one step forward each day and three steps back when you’d visit the manor and automatically greet him only for him to not be there anymore.
You die again today, as Gotham rain washes over you –both of you– and he’s not a mirage that your mind created.
Jason pulls the gun back sharply, the click of the safety catching echoing loudly in the sudden, silent air. The cold fury has replaced the raw pain, settling into something far more dangerous. He raises his free hand again, the remote device flashing under the single streetlamp.
“This isn’t about killing you, the Joker is the only one who should be dead.”
The rain, which had been a soft drizzle, suddenly intensifies, sluicing down your face and plastering your hair to your temples. It washes over both of you, a sudden, cold baptism for this terrible reunion.
“Good,” you state, your voice cutting through the downpour, devoid of the earlier plea or quiver. You take the final, reckless step, closing the infinitesimal distance between you until the silver chest piece of your costume brushes against the fabric of his leather jacket.
You reach out, not for his weapon, but for his gloved wrist that holds the gun. You grab it, your grip surprisingly steady, and deliberately press the cold, hard steel barrel flush against the vulnerable skin of your neck again, right over your jugular vein.
“You want consequences? You want to hurt Bruce? Then do it,” you challenge him, the rain mingling with the salty sheen of your core shattering frustration. Your heart is an erratic drumbeat in your chest, but you don't care. “I am the one who spent her nights at the cemetery so you wouldn’t be alone in there. I am the one who couldn’t breathe without you. If you want to walk away, Jason, you will have to kill me first. Because I’m not into losing you again. Not to death, or to a silent resurrection that leaves me mourning in vain.”
Your fingers tighten on his wrist, a painful, desperate anchor. You’re not fighting him; you’re clinging to him. The desperate, possessive need in your eyes is clear, a direct mirror of the devastation his death caused you.
He bites his tongue instead of asking you why you didn’t kill the Joker. He stares at you, his face a mask of shock and unholy conflict. The gun is pressed against you by your own hand, his finger inches from the trigger, and he is paralyzed. His eyes sting at the notion of your words – staying at his grave at night so he wouldn’t be alone– and his skin crawls.
He shouldn’t cry. He can’t cry. He can’t–
His knuckles, white against the dark leather of his glove, finally relax. He pulls the gun back, not in a fast, threatening jerk, but slowly, reluctantly, as if severing a painful connection. The sudden cold where the metal had been on your neck is jarring.
You wish you hated him. You wish you could hate him. That there was worse in you than just love.
The ache that engulfs the entirety of your heart at the sight of him is as real as it gets. Gone is the boy you once called your best friend, replaced now with a man too tall, too muscular, whose voice is not the one you knew.
Or perhaps, you’ve completely shattered your soul tonight at the realization that you can’t even remember how his voice used to sound. But none of it matters. All that exists is the agonizing truth in his broken voice and the realization that his new life, his new identity, is built on the same shattering grief that ruined yours.
With a choked gasp that sounds like a sob but is laced with desperate resolve, you launch yourself forward, crossing the final step he’s created between you.
"No," you bite out, the word muffled against the damp fabric of his armor.
You throw your arms around him, bypassing the weapon and the mask entirely. Your arms lock tight around his neck, pulling him down, pressing your rain-soaked cheek against the hard, unyielding curve of his shoulder pad. It is a reckless, full-contact embrace—a physical, undeniable claim.
He hadn't anticipated this. He had prepared for a fight, for an argument, for tears, for a defiant lecture. He hadn't prepared for the crushing, familiar weight of your love, the scent of your rain-soaked hair, or the utterly desperate strength in your grip. He hadn’t even thought he’d come to notice the way the time you spent apart has taken its toll on you.
Gone are your teenage puffy cheeks. You’re taller, slightly- a woman now, who has fully grown into her body. It’s so strange, it hurts.
The difference in your body—the height, the defined angles that replaced the softness of adolescence—is a jarring, agonizing record of the time he lost. He remembers every tiny mark on your face that is now dull, every soft curve of your cheek, and the sudden realization that his death forced you to grow up, to become this woman without him, feels like a betrayal of the cruelest kind.
"Get off me!" he snarls, the sound hollow and automatic, lacking any real force. His hands instinctively rise, not to shove you away, but to hover uselessly, unable to grasp the weapon he just dropped, unable to push away the only thing that had ever truly mattered to him.
"Jason," you whisper fiercely into his ear, tightening your hold until your muscles ache. The years of sorrow and longing are distilled into this single, frantic gesture. "You can't let me mourn the memory of a ghost when you're right here. Please."
It hurts. It hurts too much. It hurts so fucking much to know your embrace is a move that’s involuntary and unreciprocated to the deepest core, that your body moves on its own and refuses to let go. Your heartbeat is a loud pulse in your ears and your eyes still sting when you sniffle to keep your tears at bay. One hot salty droplet runs down your face, tickles your chin before another one copies it and before you realise it, you’re sobbing.
A pathetic little crying session that you thought you could control, like you’ve done before has now turned you into a sobbing mess. One in which your mouth stays open and your breathing is facing the lamp in your throat like the absolute obstacle. Your chest burns like you’ve been pierced by a sword right in the middle of it.
But Jason understands.
Your tight, trembling grip around his neck, the desperate pulse pounding against his ear, snaps the last weathering thread of his composure. The rage he’d nurtured for years, the focused hatred for the Joker and Bruce, suddenly redirects itself—not at you, but at the sheer, overwhelming pain of this moment.
A sound tears from his throat; it’s not a snarl or a sob, but a deep, guttural cry of pure anguish, muffled against your hair and the storming rain. It is the sound of the twelve-year-old boy, trapped inside the kevlar-armored man, finally breaking down.
His arms abandon their uncertain posture and wrap around you with crushing, savage force. He lifts you slightly off the ground, holding you so tightly you can barely draw a breath, mimicking the desperation of your own hold.
"I know," he rasps, the voice raw and thick, stripped of its menace, sounding younger and more devastated than you’ve ever heard it. "I know, I know, I know. I shouldn't have..."
The scent of the rain, the cheap city grit, and you—that familiar, devastating scent that belongs only to you—floods his senses, ripping the control from him. The polished, cold shell of the Red Hood cracks, exposing the raw, wounded core of the boy wonder who died.
Your hands instinctively move, leaving his neck to grasp the edges of the shoulder pads of his jacket, bunching the fabric in your fists, pulling him closer to ground you both in the agonizing, beautiful reality of this moment.
For a long moment, Jason doesn’t move. His breath shudders against your temple, uneven, almost disbelieving. Then his hands find your back—hesitant at first, then sure—pressing you closer until your ribs ache from it. You can feel his heartbeat, fast and erratic, like it’s fighting to make up for lost years.
"I didn't let you go," you whisper, the words an affirmation not a plea. "I never let you go. And I'm not going to now. I don't care about the guns. I don't care about the mask. I don't care about Bruce. All I care about is that you are here."
Jason holds you tighter at that, a sharp breath tearing through him. For a second, it feels like he might actually stay.
But then when he reminds himself why he’s here—he pulls back first. The move is abrupt, as if the contact scorched him. You feel the absence instantly, the cold rush of air between your bodies. His gloved hands linger midair for a heartbeat before they fall uselessly to his sides. The gun lies forgotten in a shallow puddle at his boots.
He doesn’t look at you right away. Just stares at the rain-slick asphalt, jaw tight, chest heaving like he’s run miles instead of standing still. When he finally does lift his gaze, there’s something almost worse than anger in his eyes—understanding.
“You shouldn’t have come,” he says, quieter now, voice rough like gravel dragged across steel. “You don’t belong in this part of the story.”
You want to answer, but the words choke, they twirl into a sob. You only manage a whisper “And what story is that?”
“The one where I stopped being someone worth saving.”
Lightning flashes—brief, white, merciless—and you catch a glimpse of the scar running just under his jawline.
“I tried to come back the right way,” he mutters, rubbing a hand across his mouth. “Thought maybe Bruce…Dick… maybe you… would understand what needed to be done. But you all just—” he cuts off, laughter cracking into a choked sound. “You moved on.”
“That’s not fair,” you say. “We buried you, Jason. We grieved you.”
He meets your eyes again, and for a heartbeat, you see the boy who used to fix bikes in the manor’s garage and complain about Bruce’s curfews. Then it’s gone, replaced by the man who crawled out of his own grave.
“Yeah,” he says softly. “You grieved. Bruce kept his trophies. Dick kept pretending everything was fine. And I…” he gestures vaguely, the motion sharp, empty. “I came back and found Gotham exactly the same. Joker still murdering innocents. Crime Alley still stinking of blood. And me—what was I supposed to do? Come home?”
You take a slow step forward, hands trembling but steady enough to reach toward him again. “You could’ve,” you whisper. “You still can. Bruce cares about you. We could–”
Jason shakes his head. “No. I made my peace with who I am.” His voice cracks on the word peace. “I’m the thing Gotham needs when Batman can’t cross the line. I’m the thing he’s too scared to be.”
You can see it—how badly he wants to believe that, how the justification barely holds against the storm inside him.
“Then why are you shaking?” you sniffle.
He freezes. A muscle jumps in his cheek, then his shoulders tense like a scared, cornered animal.
“I’m not,” he growls, but it’s a lie. The gun stays on the ground. His hand doesn’t move for it.
You step closer again, close enough to touch the edge of his jacket, and say, softer now, “Because if this was really peace, Jason… you wouldn’t still care.”
The words land like a hit he didn’t see coming. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t speak—but the silence between you roars louder than the rain.
The world narrows to the hiss of the storm and the erratic pulse of his chest against yours. Your grip on his jacket loosens slightly, and Jason exhales sharply, a slow, shuddering sound that speaks of anger and loss and oblivion, all spilling out at once injected in your steaming tears.
Finally, he steps back, just enough to create space, but close enough that the warmth lingers. You both stand there, drenched, soaked in the aftermath of what just happened, neither ready to leave nor fully capable of speaking.
Without a word, he gestures toward the rusted fire escape at the side of the alley. Something about the quiet promise of shelter calls to him, and you follow.
The two of you end up beneath the fire escape, despite it being one of those places in Gotham that still smells like brick dust and gasoline. The rain’s calming to a thin drizzle, enough to keep the city hissing.
Jason leans against the brick wall, water dripping from his hair onto the soaked leather of his jacket. He pulls out a battered pack of cigarettes and fumbles for a lighter. A few clicks later, he mutters, “Great. Wet as hell.”
You arch an eyebrow. “You still smoke?”
He shrugs, a ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips. “Don’t judge. Some habits die slower than people.”
He fishes a match from his pocket. Striking it, the tiny flame sputters against the drizzle, painting his face in a fleeting, warm glow. He takes a long drag, exhaling smoke through his nose like he’s trying to smoke out a memory that won’t leave him.
You reach for the pack and even though Jason looks at you with a crooked eyebrow, he doesn’t ask you anything about it. You pause for a moment, giving him space to speak if he wants to, readying yourself to tell him you started smoking when he died, then pluck a cigarette from the pack. The filter’s a little crushed, not that it matters.
Your own lighter is useless in the rain, no matter how much you fumble with it.
Jason glances at you, a flicker of frustration passing over his face, and you shrug, wet hair plastered to your forehead. He grins faintly, tilting his cigarette toward you. “Come ’ere. Light yours at the end of mine.”
You hesitate for a heartbeat, then hold your cigarette to the end of his. The tiny flame licks yours alive, and your fingers brush—brief, accidental, but electric. The shared warmth in the cold drizzle, the way your hands meet over the glow, feels intimate in a way neither of you says aloud.
You inhale when your faces have a safe distance again, the smoke sharp and metallic, the flame reflecting in both your eyes for a suspended moment that somehow makes the years apart feel smaller, if only for a second.
You take another slow drag, letting the smoke curl lazily around your damp hair. “I can’t believe you still smoke this shitty brand,” you mutter.
Jason shrugs, one shoulder rising under the wet leather. “You think I’d let something as reliable as these go? They last longer than most people I know.”
You laugh softly, the sound almost foreign in the quiet of the alley. “I guess that makes sense. Some things never change, huh?”
“Yeah,” he says, exhaling a plume of smoke. His eyes flick to yours, catching the reflection of the streetlights on wet concrete. “Some things don’t. Others… you try to, but they break anyway.”
You nod, understanding the weight in his tone. “I get that.”
He glances around the rooftop, the rain slowing to a drizzle, and smirks faintly. “Still can’t believe you came running the second you found out I was alive. Reckless, even for you.”
“Not like I had much choice,” you reply, teasing just enough to mask the ache in your chest.
He studies you for a long moment, and you realize the calm in his expression is fragile, like there’s something he’s holding back. Then, without warning, you add casually, almost to yourself, “Dick’s gonna freak out if he smells this on me.”
Jason freezes mid-drag, the cigarette hanging loosely between his fingers. His green eyes snap to yours, sharp and incredulous.
“You—what did you just say?” His voice is low, dangerous, but there’s an edge to it that isn’t just anger —it’s disbelief, a raw wound laid bare.
You shrug, trying to keep your tone casual, though your pulse spikes under the scrutiny.
Jason’s head tilts, just slightly. “Dick?”
You hum, eyes fixed on the glow at the end of your cigarette. “Yeah. He’s—uh—he’s my boyfriend now. We’ve been together for a year and something.”
The pause that follows feels longer than it should. Jason doesn’t move, but you can feel the temperature shift, the air tightening.
Neither of you talk for a tick of the clock. Just breathe and smoke, the world narrowed down to the rhythm of inhale, exhale, heartbeat.
Then, Jason laughs once, short and ugly almost strangled. “Huh. Should’ve guessed.”
You glance over. His jaw’s tight, the cigarette burning down between his fingers untouched.
“It’s not like that,” you say, but the protest sounds weak even to you.
He blows out a stream of smoke, sharp and humorless. “It’s exactly like that. Wonder girl and the golden boy. Perfect symmetry for the perfect family.”
“Jason—”
He cuts you off with a shake of his head. “Don’t. You don’t have to explain. I died, and life went on. I get it.”
You open your mouth, close it again. The rain ticks against metal. The smell of smoke sticks to both your clothes.
Finally, you murmur, “It wasn’t about replacing you.”
Jason doesn’t look at you, just stares out at the city lights bleeding through the fog. “No,” he says, voice gone rough. “It was about surviving me.”
He flicks the cigarette away, the ember dying as it hits the wet concrete. “Guess I can’t even be mad at that.”
But he is. You can feel it pulsing under his calm — the old hurt wearing a new mask.
He stays turned away for a long beat, staring at the rooftops like the city might offer him an excuse. When he finally looks back, his expression’s flat, too calm to be real.
“So tell me,” he says, voice low. “Does he know?”
You frown. “Know what?”
“About this,” he gestures vaguely between you, “about tonight. That you came running the second you heard I was alive.”
You take a slow drag, let the smoke curl past your lips before you answer. “He knows enough. That I needed to see you.”
Jason huffs out a laugh — no warmth in it. “Right. Because that’s all it is. Closure.”
“That’s not fair.”
He steps closer, rain dripping off his hair, his shoulders. “What’s fair got to do with it? I come back from the dead and find out the girl I grew up with is with Dick. I mean, damn—” he stops himself, jaw tightening. “—you don’t even see how that sounds?”
You toss your cigarette, watch it spark out against the concrete. “You think this is about picking sides? You were dead, Jason. You left a hole in everyone’s life and we had to learn how to live around it.”
“That easy, huh?”
“Nothing about it was easy.”
“You don’t even realize how much this hurts me,” he mutters, voice rough, almost pleading.
Your chest tightens. “Nothing was ever easy for either of us.”
He swallows, the rain dripping off his face. “And yet here we are.”
The air between you thickens. Your hand reaches for him, brushing the wet leather of his shoulder. He doesn’t move back — not yet. Just holds your gaze, unblinking, as if daring you to take the next step.
He takes another step forward, too close now, the smell of smoke and rain and gunpowder thick between you.
“You were pretty reckless to tell me to shoot you, y’know” he says, not as a question but as an accusation.
You meet his eyes through the rain, steady. “Maybe I knew you wouldn’t.”
Jason’s mouth twitches — a grim, humorless shadow of a smile. “You had that much faith in me?”
“I had that much left to lose,” you answer quietly.
For a moment, neither of you speak. The city hums belowcars, sirens, a train in the distance — life carrying on without either of you in it. Rain gathers at his jaw, slips down the line of his throat. You want to reach up, wipe it away, but your hand just hangs there, useless.
He watches you with that look — half disbelief, half something you don’t want to name. “You shouldn’t have said that,” he mutters, voice low. “You make it sound like I still matter.”
“You do,” you say, before you can stop yourself. “You’re always going to matter to me”
The words hit harder than you meant them to. Jason’s breath catches — a subtle hitch, but it’s there. His eyes soften, then harden again, fighting something he doesn’t want to feel.
He takes a step closer. You can feel the heat coming off him despite the cold. “You keep saying things like that, and I’m gonna forget you’re dating Dickieboy.”
Your pulse kicks. “Maybe we–”
The rain starts again, harder this time, as if Gotham’s trying to drown the moment before it goes any further.
You stand there, both soaked and shivering, the smoke gone but its scent still clinging between you. You could let him walk away. You should. But you don’t.
The way your eyes shake is what breaks him. His hand lifts —hesitates— then finds your cheek, the leather of his glove cold against your skin. His thumb grazes your jaw, and he shakes his head once, like he’s trying to talk himself out of it.
As a teenager he never had the chance to make a move on you. You were always out of reach, two years older. Confessing back then felt like a cruel joke. But now? Now that he’s come second to Grayson again? Now he doesn’t care. If he closes the distance between you he’ll kill two birds with one stone.
“Yeah,” he warns, voice barely above a whisper, too condescending to carry any good action.
You’re close enough now to see the lines time has carved into him — the small scar at the corner of his mouth, the darker circles beneath his eyes. There’s something haunted in the way he looks at you, like he’s already bracing for pain.
“I missed you,” you whisper.
He exhales, shaky and furious. “You should’ve missed me less.”
“Whatever you say won’t push me away. I promise”
Jason’s breath catches, a visible tremor in his chest. The rain beads on his lashes; his hair sticks to his forehead. “Don’t do that,” he mutters, voice low. “Don’t say things you can’t take back.”
“I’m not taking anything back.”
Before you can answer, his hand catches your wrist — rough, gloved, uncertain. He doesn’t pull you in, not yet. Just holds you there, suspended in the space between wanting and warning.
“I really shouldn’t,” he says.
But neither of you moves. You tilt your face just enough that your breath brushes his mouth. The air between you goes still.
Then, finally, he leans in.
It isn’t soft. It’s clumsy, angry, necessary. His lips crash against yours, tasting of rain and smoke and everything that never got said. You catch his jacket with both hands, pulling him closer as if that could anchor either of you. For a moment, he kisses you like he’s trying to prove he’s alive. Then, just as quickly, he pulls back — breathing hard, eyes wide, as if he’s broken some sacred rule. He dives in again and the kiss deepens — messy, desperate, too much and not enough all at once.
When he finally pulls back, you’re both breathing hard, foreheads still touching. His eyes flick open— bright, wet, and wrecked.
You dwell on the hate you weave for yourself at the realization that his lips– soft, plump– fit perfectly against yours. This has probably been the best kiss of your life and for a moment you wonder if this is what people say that kissing feels perfect with the person you’re in love with.
The worst part about this situation is that you don’t even feel bad about it. You just kissed your boyfriend’s adoptive brother and you don’t even feel a spec of guilt. No tremor in your chest. Just a profound augmentation in heart pulses. It’s just you and your blood running scorching hot inside your entire body.
That is even more dangerous on its own than admitting against Jason’s lips that–
“This was a mistake,”
Jason lets out a sorrowful, shaky breath. “Yeah. Probably.”
Wait! The person you’re in love with?
“Jason—”
“Don’t,” he says again, voice rougher now, almost pleading. “If I stay, I’ll ruin whatever’s left.”
You shake your head. “You already did. I–”
A faint, pained smile flickers across his face, more a grimace than anything else. He reaches out, tucks a wet strand of hair behind your ear, and says quietly, “Tell Dick I said hi.”
You almost laugh, but it catches somewhere in your throat.
Then he steps back into the rain, shoulders squared, hood pulled up. Within seconds, he’s swallowed by the fog and the hum of Gotham, just another shadow walking away.
You stand there long after he’s gone, the ghost of his mouth still burning against yours, the taste of smoke lingering like a confession you never got to finish.
~All rights reserved: @/strawberry-nugget, 2025. Please do not copy, over write or steal my work.
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