Broken Lives [Wonwoo Angst] Part 1
Summary: He left you without telling you why. For three years, you lived all alone, wondering where he disappeared to until one day, you save a child from a car accident. The pain from the accident hurt, but the truth why he left hurt more.
The streets were dimly lit, making the stars in the sky visible. Stopping your night stroll for a moment, you tilted your head and gazed at the millions of specks shining beautifully above. You missed it. You missed laying on the field of grass at the park and taking in the breathtaking view of what seemed like a black cloth scattered with silverdust. You missed him. You missed the one who was always there beside you, holding you tightly in his arms as you rested against his shoulder. Watching the stars was something you two did together, side by side, forgetting all troubles or problems and simply enjoying each other’s company under the night sky. But now, it was just you and the stars. The moon shone the brightest but you wondered how it could stand being all alone. It was the obvious odd one out and you realised how much it reminded you of yourself. Did you ever have another moon beside you way up there? Well, I used to have someone with me way down here. I guess we both lost them.
Smiling slightly, you found it funny how you were talking to the moon. It made you feel even lonelier than you already felt. After all, you wouldn’t be talking to it if he was still around. You wondered how he was doing without you. Was life better for him after he left you? It sure wasn’t better for you. Then again, he was the one who fell out of love. You had always loved him and without a doubt, you still did. Perhaps that was the reason why you let him go so easily. If he wouldn’t be happy with you, you’d rather him be happy with someone else.
“Ah, what am I doing really…I should be getting back home by now..” You muttered to yourself and continued your walk down the street. You could almost feel his hand holding yours, the familiar feeling from years ago which you couldn’t seem to forget.
“Myungsoo!” A shout came from behind you and you turned your head to find a small boy standing on the road, clutching a stuffed toy carrot in his hands. What is a little kid doing on the road? The shout came from a woman who was walking down the pavement, waving her hand to get the boy to get off the road. There are cars and it’s dangerous! What is she even doing? Walking? All of a sudden, you saw a dim light from afar and you found yourself on the road, holding the little boy in your arms. The light became brighter and soon, it blinded your eyes when you found yourself right next to it. Pushing the kid away from you with just enough force so as to hurt him as little as possible, you shut your eyes tight and dealt with the intense force that came in a split second, knocking you down instantly. You heard a shriek and felt immense pain, pain that you’ve never felt before. Am I going to die? A certain liquid trickled down your head and your vision became a blur. It hurts so bad. Soon, the pain went away and the lights went out.
Groggy. You head pounded and your whole body ached. Why did you feel as if half your body was wrapped up? Gradually opening your eyes, you tried to adjust to the light as your hand lifted up to support yourself. Shit. With one movement, you felt a sharp pain shoot through your left arm which caused you to fall back onto the bed. So I can’t move my left arm. Gritting your teeth, you lifted your right arm and surprisingly, it didn’t hurt at all. Gripping the bar beside your bed, you slowly got up and frowned when you felt something heavy on your right thigh and something even heavier on your left. Having sat completely upright, you saw the cast on your arm and two heads resting peacefully on your lap. You were shocked but you decided to stay still just in case you woke them up. Who in the world are they? Why is there a man and a boy sleeping at my bedside? All you knew was that you were in the hospital with your left arm, right leg and forehead wrapped up with bandages. Right, the accident. Light was pouring in from the window, making it clear that it was daytime. Crap, it’s the next day? Sighing, you closed your eyes and leant against the bedframe. The weight on your left leg seemed familiar, as if you remembered it from somewhere. Has anyone ever rested on my…oh gosh.
Your eyes shot open, and you stared at the man’s sleeping figure, his hair, his shoulders, his hands…those hands…you knew it. A ring. You noticed an unfamiliar ring on the familiar hand, your eyes then shifted to the sleeping boy. “Myungsoo!” The voice that called out from behind you the previous night rang in your head and you finally pieced everything together. So Wonwoo has a family now. And your heart broke into a million pieces.
This was the first time you’ve seen him in 3 years since he left you. He didn’t tell you why he left. One day, you woke up and he was just gone but now you knew why. Myungsoo was definitely older than 4, you could tell by his speech and his size. To confirm it, there was a bag with a kindergarten’s logo on it which had the name ‘Jeon Myungsoo’ on it. So Myungsoo was born while we were still dating. Jeon Wonwoo. How could you do this to me?
Using your right hand, you pushed Wonwoo off your lap and gently shifted Myungsoo’s head from your lap onto the bed. Wonwoo stirred in his sleep but didn’t wake, making you remember how he was a heavy sleeper. Getting off the bed was a challenge, having an arm and leg down but it wasn’t impossible to plonk yourself onto the wheelchair waiting for you beside your bed. You were broken, your heart was shattered and hatred and disappointment filled you. All the ‘I Love You’s, all the kisses and hugs, all the dates were all fake. Somewhere out there while you were loving Wonwoo with all your heart and believing that he was yours, he had a child.
You wheeled yourself to the lounge area in the hospital where the entire wall was made of glass. Brick by brick, your walls came tumbling down. You didn’t care who saw you crying, you didn’t care whether people would judge. You just broke down. The sobs weren’t loud. In fact, they were silent ones, but the soft cries were always the worst. Wonwoo killed your trust, your self-esteem, your happiness. There were so many explanations for why he left but you had never thought that it was because he had a family out there.
Suddenly, you felt a strong pair of arms around you. You knew very well who they belonged to and you didn’t want that pair of filthy arms to touch you. “Get off me.” Managing to choke out those three words, you looked at the window where you could see Wonwoo’s reflection.
“Fine. You don’t want to leave, then explain to me. Explain to me how Myungsoo can be older than four and be your son when you left me only three years ago. Tell me who’s the lady that I saw, strolling towards her son who was on the freaking road and probably not even caring whether he was in danger or not.” Wonwoo’s hands fell to his sides as he looked away, too ashamed to face you.
“I…Myungsoo…Wait what did you say? There was a lady who was walking when Myungsoo was on the road?” He asked, tone sounding uneasy as if he didn’t really want to hear the truth. So even he is surprised how his wife can be so nonchalant about her own son in the middle of the road.
“________ I-I know you hate me and I’m a liar-”
“Then leave me alone. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to be reminded about how I’ve had to live all alone for the past three years without an explanation, I don’t want to be reminded how much I’ve missed watching the stars with you. Wonwoo, I don’t want to be reminded how you are married with a wife and child.” Closing your eyes, you held in as much tears as you could and took a deep breath to calm yourself down.
“You left me so easily. I’m sure staying away isn’t that hard.” Turning your wheelchair, you held the glass for support. Seeing you struggling, Wonwoo held the handle on your wheelchair and helped you turn completely around and you could tell because moving around wasn’t normally so easy.
“You made me feel pathetic when you left me.” Reaching behind you, you pushed away his hands. Your left arm hurt a little from that slight movement and you cringed. Seeing this, his hands automatically reached out for you again but your glare which was full of resentment and hate stopped him from doing so.
“Don’t make me feel worse. I can live without you.” Placing your right hand firmly on the wheel, you gave it a push away from Wonwoo and continued the tiring movement until you were completely out of sight. You were gone from my life. You can’t just come back when you want to.
Entering the room, you saw Myungsoo sitting on the bed with a colouring book in his hands. Seeing him reminded him of what Wonwoo did to you but you couldn’t help but smile at how much he resembled the man you loved so much. What puzzled you was the fact that Myungsoo stayed overnight, sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. Why didn’t he go back home? Myungsoo saw you and hopped off the bed.
“Myungsoo, I’ll ask you a question okay?” You smiled and Myungsoo nodded his head cutely, taking a seat in front of you. “Why did you sleep overnight here? Didn’t Daddy or Mummy bring you back home? You must have been quite scared after almost being hit by that car.” Scanning him for any injuries, you heaved a sigh of relief when you spotted no wounds. He’s alright. That’s good.
“I wanted to follow Daddy to stay with you. Well, Mummy was supposed to bring me back but she didn’t come.” Myungsoo pouted and you stopped yourself from cursing out loud. His mother didn’t even come? What is she even doing? Is she some crazy busy woman with absolutely no time to spare?
“Then wouldn’t Daddy have sent you back?”
“Daddy said that Mummy would come. He held your hand while I played with some toys and fell asleep. It was very late. Mummy didn’t come and Daddy looked really comfy so I slept too.” Myungsoo grinned sheepishly and you ruffled his hair.
“Yeah! At home, Daddy sleeps on the hard sofa while Mummy takes the big bed. I don’t know why but Daddy looks like he doesn’t sleep well.” Then, Myungsoo said something that made your eyes grow wide.
Wonwoo stood there, looking out of the window. Your words sounded full of anger, full of disdain and he knew that he deserved it. You left me so easily. I’m sure staying away isn’t that hard. All he could think about was you for the past three years and leaving you wasn’t easy at all. Staying away was even harder. Wonwoo would visit your usual places in the hopes of seeing you again but would leave almost immediately, thinking that he had no right to even see you or speak to you again. He was sure that you hated him and he just confirmed it. You made me feel pathetic when you left me. Wonwoo’s heart broke when those words left your lips. All he thought about when he left was preventing you from ever finding out about his child which was so selfish. He made a mistake and he left you in the hopes of his sin never being revealed. But leaving you made you feel worthless as if you were a liability which even your boyfriend couldn’t handle. No. Wonwoo didn’t feel that you were a burden. In fact, you were the most precious person to him in the entire world. But that was why he couldn’t bear to see the person that he loved so much finding out that all along, he was a cheating liar.
Wonwoo always wondered whether he did the right thing. Should he have confessed? But he would have to leave you sooner or later. Myungsoo was his responsibility and he couldn’t have his own child being fatherless. Although Minah was the last person he wanted to be with, Myungsoo was innocent and Wonwoo truly loved him. At first, Minah seemed like a thoughtful and loving person but when they got married, she started showing her true colours. She cared about nobody but herself, going out and leaving Myungsoo at home alone, forgetting to pick him up from Kindergarten, scolding them for every little thing that they did but there was no going back. He already married her.
Suddenly, a thought struck Wonwoo’s head and he whipped out his phone, dialling Minah’s number. As usual, he waited for quite some time before Minah picked up the call. She was probably out there, doing her own things, spending his money.
“What is it?” Minah answered rudely, like how she normally did.
“Why didn’t you come to bring Myungsoo back home? I woke up to find him sleeping in an awkward position on _________’s lap!”
“Oh, it was quite late. Besides, you were there right? You could have brought him back home.” That was what he expected. ‘You could have’. That was what Minah always justified herself with. He could have done it, so why would she? “And I have something to ask you. Why did you spend the night there?”
Wonwoo rolled his eyes and replied, mimicking the sarcastic tone that Minah was using towards him. “Because _________ got into the accident because you didn’t take care of Myungsoo properly.”
“Excuse me, I was calling for Myungsoo to get back on the pavement but he didn’t listen-”
“A car was driving towards him for goodness sake! And you…called for him? What would calling do huh? Magically stop the car from driving or enable Myungsoo to fly out of danger?” His tone was rising higher as his blood boiled at the thought of his wife thinking that she already tried her best to protect Myungsoo.
“I shouted for him to get off the road Wonwoo-”
“_________ ran onto the road and risked her life to save our son. What you did was nothing!” He spat. Minah scoffed and his fist clenched when she did.
“_________ risked her life to save our son? So what? I’ve brought our son up from the very beginning. I gave birth to him. Without her, our son might have died but without me, our son wouldn’t even exist.” Wonwoo was shocked. How could she come up with such ridiculous statements to justify herself? Minah thought that she was the best mother in the world, the best wife?
“You brought up our son? What bullshit. You’re never around. The number of times Myungsoo had to wait for hours at the kindergarten because you don’t show up. The number of times you left him all alone at home-”
“Well, you’re never around either!” She shouted and Wonwoo ended the call. Throwing his phone onto a sofa, Wonwoo ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. Disgusting, irresponsible-
“Daddy?” Wonwoo froze when he heard the soft voice of his dear son from behind him. Myungsoo sounded so frightened and so scared, his voice reminding him of all the other times he walked into a fight. Turning around slowly, he saw Myungsoo wrapping his arms around your neck tightly, face pale as if he recalled a scary nightmare which was partly true. He was recalling the times when Wonwoo fought with Mina at home. Your right arm held Myungsoo’s hand tightly, letting him know that he was safe as long as you were around. The past half an hour had been spent talking with Myungsoo in the hospital room. The little boy told you all the stories of him walking in on Minah shouting ‘mean words’ at Wonwoo, what you guessed was a child’s definition of vulgarities. Myungsoo told you how Wonwoo never had the chance to speak, being cut off by his unreasonable wife before he could even say a word. From all that he told you about, you knew for sure that his home was a crappy environment for a small kid to live in and your heart ached at the thought of him having to go through something like this at such a young age. Wonwoo. You were concerned for him too. No matter how many times you told yourself that you would get over him and that he didn’t matter to you any longer, you knew that you were just kidding yourself. You loved him. You always did.
“M-myungsoo…” Wonwoo felt like he was the biggest failure in the world, the worst boyfriend, now the worst father. Every single time, he would tell himself that he wouldn’t let Myungsoo see him fighting with Minah ever again but history would repeat itself and it just did. He noticed the way his son held onto you tightly, feeling much more secure knowing that you were there to protect him, just like how you did when the accident occurred. He saw how your hand wrapped around Myungsoo’s tightly, assuring him that there was nothing to be afraid about. He saw how his son buried his face in your shirt cutely, the way he said ‘Daddy’ with so much concern and worry. He loved his son. He saw how selfless you were, caring for his child despite having dated him before. He loved you.
“Daddy is angry…” Myungsoo whispered in your ear and although it was meant to be a whisper, Wonwoo heard it loud and clear.
“Daddy isn’t angry at you, Myungsoo. Don’t be afraid. Daddy loves you.” You assure him as you give him a bright smile.
“I know that. Daddy is angry at Mummy. I’m angry at Mummy too.” Again, Wonwoo heard this and his heart sank. I can’t even give him a proper home.
“What did you promise me?” Giving Myungsoo a knowing look, you asked him and his lips curved upwards into a smile. Wonwoo stood there, amazed at how well the both of you got along with each other. A promise? What could Myungsoo promise ________?
“That I’ll support Daddy all the way! Together, we can defeat Mummy for sure!”
“No no no Myungsoo! You’re not supposed to defeat Mummy! Mummy isn’t a bad guy, she just doesn’t know how to express her love for you. Daddy needs you as his strength, as someone whom he can confide in. You’re the one that makes Daddy happy. You’re a very important person.”
“Yeah! You promised me something too!” Myungsoo looked at you and you pinched his nose. Wonwoo watched as you handed Myungsoo a piece of paper. Receiving it, Myungsoo beamed at you and unlatched himself from you. Walking to Wonwoo, he held his father’s hand which made you smile. Father and son standing side by side was such a lovely sight. If only Wonwoo had married someone better.
“Okay Myungsoo! You better go back home now and get some rest!” Nodding his head, Myungsoo waved goodbye as you turned your wheelchair around to go back to the hospital room.
“_________.” Wonwoo called your name and you sighed. Ignoring him, you continued pushing the wheel but you stopped suddenly.
“Wonwoo. Let me go.” Why did he want to make life so hard for you? You were trying so hard to forget about him but there he was, reminding you just how much you couldn’t let him go.
“I need to talk with you, _________. Please, just-”
“Your son. Your son is so precious and I can’t bear to see him get hurt but you? I hate you Wonwoo. You’re the last person I want to see, the last person I want to talk to so please go away.”
“I’m trying, _________. I still love you, I always have. I miss you and it hurts me to know that you dislike me so much-”
“You love me? You feel…hurt? Newsflash Wonwoo! You had a child while you dated me, left me for a horrible woman and I am the one feeling hurt. I am the one who cried all night and thought about you all day.”
“I left because I didn’t want to continue being with you because I felt guilty that I was lying!”
Remembering that Myungsoo was standing there, you held a hand up to stop Wonwoo from talking. “Myungsoo sees you and her fighting all the time. I don’t want him to see us fighting too.” Wonwoo was surprised at how you thought about his son’s feelings even as you were in an argument, something that Minah would never do. Something that he himself didn’t do. “Go to him, bring him back home and let him rest well. Stop wasting your breath on someone whom you’ve already lost.” And with that, you pushed the wheel, bringing yourself further and further away from him with each push. If only I hadn’t stopped to see the stars. Then I wouldn’t be here today. But then if you hadn’t, Myungsoo might have been knocked down. If only Wonwoo’s wife was someone better. Then leaving me would have been worth it. Then I would at least know that he’s happy. But it still broke you, the fact that he chose someone else over you. If only I hadn’t met him. But meeting him was the best thing that happened to you in your entire life. If only I didn’t love him. But you did.
Woah, this is the longest thing I’ve ever written…idek, I have a lot of feels for Wonwoo these days…should I write a part 2 where the thing you gave Myungsoo will be revealed? Hahahha….besides, Minah has to be dealt with and more angst has to be done…Like usual, feel free to give comments and requests are allowed! Have a lovely day guys~
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