I am so fucking tired of rape fics. I am a sexual assault survivor and you sexulise rape. why. why do I work so hard to get better and it all get ruined by some horny asshole just like last time. THESE CHARATERS DONT WANT TO RAPE YOU. rape is horrible, its NOT sexy. its traumatizing. why do you keep talking about it and writing about it. STOP MINIMIZING MY PAIN WITH YOUR DERANGED FANTASIES.
Simon Riley isnt a rapist
Leon Kennedy isnt a rapist
and belive it or not Jonathan Crane ISNT A FUCKING RAPIST
It's unfortunate that some vegans who are morally against meat will, instead of either foregoing pets or choosing an herbivore, choose a carnivore and force an unnatural diet it cannot properly digest, process, or receive the proper nutrients from.
Because, I mean, have you seen guinea pigs?
They're wonderful and vocal companions who can be very affectionate and social, plus they live about 6-8 years. Also? Obligate herbivores (minus occasional cannibalism if things go wrong after a mother gives birth, usually malnourishment). As long as you are patient in getting them used to your presence and touch, they are wonderful little cuddle companions. They snuggle, they purr, and they'll even give you little licks.
They come in all sorts of colors with different patterns and fur styles. These are all either pigs I've had or my sister's family had:
The 1st two are Romeo and Oreo/Double-stuffed (my sister's), 2nd two are Pepperjack and Kolya, and the 3rd two are Baron von Fluffy and Mitya. These are mostly the common American Short-haired guinea pigs, but, Baron was probably a "sheba mini yak" and Mitya was possibly a cross between an Abyssinian and a mini yak? His butt fur got a little long for just being an Abyssinian. For 3lbs furry potatoes, there's so much fur variety!
Yes, their enclosures require frequent cleaning and you should always have at least two at a time, but they have strong personalities and cute behaviors. Plus! If your routine around feeding them involves times you wake up or return from work, they will always greet you (at one point, I unintentionally conditioned my guinea pigs to wheek for treats to the noise of the car alarm "beep beep").
I think it’s important to be able to respect someone’s identity even if you don’t like them- I think only cowards and bigots rely on dehumanizing someone they dislike, and that you’re not really the person on the moral high ground if you can’t find moderate your feelings enough not to immediately turn to being a bigot.
Very rarely does anyone wrong you that deserves scorched earth. You can think someone is valid in their gender identity, respect it, and, y’know, still think they’re a miserable bitch.
Learn to dislike without hate. Shit eats you up inside otherwise.
There are people I don’t really like because they’re crude or vulgar or have an attitude I find shitty. I also recognize these are nothing but minor personal gripes and don’t reflect on them as people. You can just… do that, you know? Stop trying to hunt for a “gotcha!” that “justifies” your dislike, that’s how we end up with these fucking awful bad-faith witch hunts against trans women and shit like that.
You can just Be A Hater over something petty, accept it, and move on. Don’t let your dislike dominate your thoughts every damn moment, or, spoilers, you’re probably gonna turn into an asshole!
Parents get sooooooo mad when anyone even remotely implies that if we know it negatively impacts adults then it’s probably quite detrimental to the health and development of a young mind to stick an iPad in front of a child any time they show signs of Behaviors. “Are you calling me a bad parent?” Yeah. I am.
“Well, what am I supposed to do when my kid Has Behaviors?” Idk. You somehow lived to adulthood without being an iPad baby. What did the adults around you growing up do when you exhibited Behaviors? Was it a positive on your growth and development? If it wasn’t, do you remember what your child-self had hoped an adult would do? Start there.
Anyway. Every generation has its challenges but I think we are all deeply unprepared for just how fucking weird the iPad baby gen, who also had key developmental years during covid social distancing, are showing signs of being.
yo yo yoooo I have nothing to say other than this was a painful chapter to write hahahaha :) But thank you to everyone who has liked, commented, and reblogged this fic, it means the world to me, and I can't wait to write the next installment!
ALSO the title of this fic was based on this song
Warnings/other info: none I can think of!
Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9 Final
The hospital was so clean it almost made you uncomfortable. All you’ve known the past few years was the swamp and mold everywhere, so being somewhere this neat and tidy was… something you weren’t quite used to. You were used to you being this clean. When you first arrived, a couple lovely nurses took you away and scrubbed you raw, and then threw away your clothes. Not that it was much of a loss. They had been torn beyond repair, and were most likely covered in more contaminants than you could count. But, you were given a BSAA logo hoodie and some comfy sweatpants, so it was really a win in your book.
After they ran some EKG’s and a few other tests you couldn’t remember the name of, you were deemed healthy. Now, you were just waiting for the labs to come back with an explanation for your high regeneration. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t scared of what the results might be. You knew you weren’t infected anymore, but the idea of the virus still lingering inside you, it wasn’t exactly a comforting thought. Especially when you knew so little of what it actually was.
Your leg bounced impatiently on the edge of the hospital bed, fingers fidgeting and a sigh leaving you for the umpteenth time. The doctors wouldn’t let you leave your room for whatever reason, and you were getting increasingly impatient. You had received no word about Zoe or Ethan, your only knowledge being that they were stable, and that was it. A voice in your head was telling you to just say ‘fuck it’ and go looking for them, anyway. But, you felt like you were on thin enough ice as it was.
When the door opened, you shot up off the bed and held your breath, hoping to see one of the two people you desperately wanted to see. But when Chris’s large frame came through the door, you sighed and collapsed back onto the bed.
He chuckled. “What? Not happy to see me?”
You sighed, shaking your head, “It’s not that. I’ve been waiting in this room for hours and they still won't let me leave.”
“Well, when the labs come back, I’m sure they’ll let you see your sister.”
You perked up at the mention of her. “Is she alright?”
He sat in the chair next to the bed and pulled it up so he was closer to you. “Yeah. Vitals are stable, she was given the vaccine and the virus seems to have cleared out of her system.”
You sighed in relief. “Good. Hopefully we can put this all behind us soon.”
Silence blanketed the room for a moment as you tried to find the courage to bring up what you wanted to ask next, but you found yourself swallowing down the lump in your throat and just coming out with it.
“Um… How’s Ethan? And Mia?”
Chris tensed, and while it was a small gesture, you still noticed it.
“Mia’s good. Same as your sister, she’s been given the vaccine and the infection cleared out. As for Ethan, he’s… okay. He’s healthy and awake, responding correctly. But, there’s a few things the doctors and I are concerned about.”
You moved to the edge of the bed. “What is it? He’s gonna be okay, right?”
“For the most part, yes. But I can’t tell you the rest. It’s classified.”
Your eyes narrowed. “‘Classified?’ You’re fucking kidding me.”
“I’m serious. Only the doctors, Mia, and I know—”
“Oh, Mia gets to know. The woman who was working for a terrorist organization. That Mia? Yeah, makes perfect sense.”
“She’s his wife. It’s a matter of safety.”
“Safety?! So- So, what you're telling me is that you, her, and a whole bunch of other people get to know, but the man whose safety you’re concerned about doesn’t?!”
“You don’t understand. And it’s none of your concern, either.”
“Bullshit! Ethan and I fought like hell together to get out of that hellhole, I have a right to know what’s going on with him.”
“You’re lucky I even told you we had concerns in the first place! Do you know how much shit I could get for disclosing any amount of information to you?”
“Oh, right. Wouldn’t want me getting you in trouble or anything with fucking Umbrella. Christ.”
The door squeaked open, and a blonde nurse popped her head in.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but if the noise continues, I’m going to have to ask you to step out, sir. You’re causing stress for the patient.”
You waved her off just as Chris went to speak.
“It’s okay. It won’t happen again, sorry.”
She gave you a tight-lipped smile and closed the door, and you sighed once she left, body deflating.
“Look, I don’t wanna fight with you. All I’ve done is fight for the past however fucking long and I’m tired of fighting.”
Chris almost looked guilty, not quite hanging his head, but he wouldn’t meet your eyes for a moment.
“I know. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
“S’not your fault. Fuckin’ red tape bullshit.”
He hummed in agreement, and the silence that followed made your mind spin in circles. What could possibly be wrong with Ethan? You knew it had something to do with the virus, but what exactly? Was it incurable? Was he too far along that any dose of the vaccine would kill him? You could feel your chest tighten with each anxiety ridden thought, and you were grateful when Chris suddenly cleared his throat to get your attention.
“I um, I have something for you.” He reached behind his back and pulled out a photo frame, the back of it facing you.
When you took it from him and flipped it over, your breath stuttered in your chest and your heart stirred. It was an older photo, your parents sitting on the couch while you and Lucas sat in between them and Zoe rested on your father’s lap. This was only a few months after they adopted you. Your mother insisted on getting an updated photo of the family, considering its newest addition. You had never experienced more love and compassion in your life than when you grew up with them, and the memory made your chest warm.
You finally realized you were crying when a tear hit the glass, and you quickly sniffled and wiped at your eyes. “Shit. I’m sorry. I…” Looking up at Chris, you smiled. “Thank you for this.”
"It's the least I could do."
He stood from his seat, making for his departure from your room, when you stood up as well and grabbed his arm.
"Hey." He turned towards you. "Thank you for what you did for me, letting me go after Lucas. I won't forget it."
Chris scoffed, the sound bordering on a chuckle. "Not like you gave me much of a choice."
You huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, I guess I didn't."
Before he could leave, one of the Doctors stepped into the room, adjusting the glasses atop his bumped nose.
"Up on your feet, I see. You feeling better?"
You fought the urge to roll your eyes. "I've been up on my feet and ready to get out of this place hours ago. You guys sure took your time."
"Lots of tests to run. I'm sure you can understand."
With a shrug of your shoulders, you sat down on the bed again. "So? What's the diagnosis?"
"Well," he cleared his throat, flipping through your chart. "Your vitals are functioning normally, but we did find something interesting, of course."
"Regarding my, like, ridiculously fast healing?"
“Yes. Let's put it this way." He set the chart on the bed. “Your infection was more advanced than we originally thought. When you died, it sent the virus into overdrive and started your heart back up, as well as healed any previous injuries you had. You were about to reach the final stages of infection when you got the vaccine, which is why it didn’t kill you, but it didn’t get rid of all of the mold infected cells in your body. “
“So… I’m not gonna end up like my parents, right?”
“No. The vaccine and the antibodies are preventing that. And while you still have residual traces of the E-Series inside of you, you won’t have to worry about being controlled like your family either.”
You slowly let the information sink in, and you found that even with a medical explanation for all this nonsense, it still didn’t make sense.
“What about Zoe? She was as exposed to the mold as I was.”
“It’s completely out of her system. We believe that your death caused an excess of mold infected cells to form to revive you. You were lucky to get the vaccine when you did, or else you would’ve been completely infected.”
You forgot Chris was in the room until he suddenly spoke up.
“So they’re okay? No risk of suddenly growing an extra limb or something, right?”
The doctor chuckled and shook his head. “Not likely, no. Just make sure to get your annual vaccination and you should be fine. But, please remember that you’re not invincible. A shot to the head will still kill you, super soldier.”
You gave a mock salute with your two fingers. “You got it, Doc.”
He was halfway out the door when he turned his head back towards you. “Oh, and you’re free to visit your sister and friend if you would like.”
Your eyes lit up, practically jumping off the bed. When you looked back at Chris to make sure it was okay, he just gave you a nod with a small smile. With a wide grin, you practically burst out of the room and almost knocked down a nurse or two whilst you were rushing to your sister’s room. It took less than a minute to find her room, and while you had been waiting hours to see her, you couldn’t help but stand there, clenching your fists anxiously as you swayed back and forth on your feet. But it only lasted for a moment, and soon you were opening the door and locking eyes with Zoe.
“Holy shit,” she breathed.
You smiled. “Nice to see you, too.”
She laughed and stood from the bed, and you met her open arms with a tight hug. Your eyes squeezed shut, holding her like you haven’t seen her in years. It certainly felt that way. Just hours ago, you thought she was going to die from Evie’s weird, mind power bullshit, and now she was here, standing and talking and smiling. She was okay.
When your eyes started to sting, you pulled away before you could start crying like a baby in front of your little sister. When you got a good look at her, your eyes widened.
“Oh wow, your hair!”
She looked away with a shy grin.
“Yeah, a little parting gift from Evie,” she said, running her hand through her short, white hair.
You stepped back and crossed your arms over your chest, lips pursing as you examined her.
“I don’t know. I think it suits you.”
She scoffed. “Oh. shut up.”
“I’m serious!”
Your laughter bounced off of each other’s, and fuck, it felt so good to feel this again. To just be vulnerable and laugh and not have to worry about how you’re going to survive the next day. If only your parents were there to experience this with you.
You gestured to the bed, and you both sat down.
“So,” you began,“where do we go after this?”
She sighed, as if the weight of the question physically affected her. “I don’t even know how to begin to think about that. Been so focussed on survivin’ all this shit, I…” She grabbed your hand and squeezed it. “As long as we stick together, I don’t care where we go. Hell, we can move to fuckin’ California if you wanted to.”
You grimaced. “Eugh. I’ll pass, thanks.”
She pinched your arm and you punched her leg, falling into a fit of giggles when the door opened. You groaned, irritated that your time with your sister was being interrupted, and turned to whatever sorry soul that walked in.
“Can’t you hear we’re busy—”
The words died in your throat when your eyes locked on a pair of brown ones staring right back at you, and the air in your lungs vanished with a shuddered breath.
“Ethan.”
He let out a heavy breath, shifting on his feet as he took you in.
“Hey.”
Standing from the bed, you approached Ethan with slow, calm steps, despite everything in your body screaming at you to barrel into his arms and cling to him like he was a buoy in a vast ocean. You barely recognized him without the dirt and grime on his face. He looked good, slight stubble on his face and a scar on his nose.
You always dug guys with scars.
Raising your fist, you connected it with Ethan’s shoulder.
“‘Hey?’ I’ve been worried sick about you and all you have to say to me is ‘Hey’?”
Ethan chuckled and rubbed his shoulder. “You want me to ask you how your day’s going?”
You muttered for him to shut up before grabbing his arm and pulling him towards you, wrapping him in a tight hug that he immediately reciprocated. He squeezed you against his front, hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, and you closed your eyes as the warmth of his embrace enveloped you. As far as you were concerned, you never wanted to forget what this felt like. How his arms perfectly fit around you, how his front felt pressed up against yours.
Too bad it couldn’t last longer.
Zoe cleared her throat behind you. “I hope I’m not interrupting your quality time in my room.”
You chuckled and pulled away from him, but the warm hand Ethan kept on your back sent tingles shooting down your spine.
“Zoe. You’re looking well,” he said.
Your sister shrugged. “All thanks to you both.”
“Don’t act like you didn’t do anything. You had to endure our brother’s annoying ramblings when he kidnapped you and Mia.”
She let out a dry laugh, idly playing with a frayed corner of the blanket and suddenly avoiding your gaze.
“Lucas… is he…?”
“Dead. For good this time. I’ll save you all the gory details.”
You could almost feel the relief coming off of Ethan when you confirmed your brother’s death, his lungs releasing a deep sigh. Zoe almost looked disappointed, and if you were honest, you empathize with her. Lucas was barely pleasant even before Eveline came alone, but he was still your brother. Still your family. Even if he was a fucking psychopath.
Ethan cleared his throat, catching yours and Zoe’s attention.
“Uh, do you mind if I steal you for a second?”
You looked to Zoe, and she nodded, giving you the okay. When you relayed the same gesture to Ethan, he gave your sister a quick smile and led you out of her room, softly closing the door behind him. The quiet of the hallway suddenly felt overwhelming, because now you were left with every little thought and feeling you had about Ethan and his stupid, handsome face and every damn emotion felt like it was ready to come spilling out of you at any second.
Ethan Winters, you bastard.
You leaned against the wall opposite your sister’s room, sunlight spilling in through the window behind you. As soon as you looked at the man in front of you, your heart jumped into your throat and it was suddenly hard to breathe.
Fuck this. You hate this.
“So—”
You held up your hand. “Don’t—! I… Just give me a second because if you start talking, everything you say is gonna go through one ear and right out the other because the only thing on my mind right now is certainly not appropriate for our current setting.”
His eyes widened, surprised by your boldness, but then the asshole smirked and you immediately wanted to slap it off of his face.
“Uh-huh… Interesting.”
“Oh, fuck you.”
He barked out a laugh, the sound echoing off the white walls of the facility, and you hated how much you liked it.
“Ethan, I swear to christ—”
You watched as he closed the distance in just a few strides, fingers tracing over your jaw before cupping your face and fitting his lips against yours. You sighed through your nose and brought your hands to his chest, sliding them up until they rested at the base of his neck. It wasn’t a deep or intense kiss, but it was more than enough to have you weak in the knees and craving something more.
He pulled away much too soon for your liking and placed his hand on top of one of your own, giving it a squeeze. His gentle smile sent your heart aflutter, and you almost felt embarrassed of how smitten you probably looked. Like some dumb, lovesick teenager.
“You scared the hell out of me, you know. Going after your brother like that. I knew you would be okay, because somehow you always are, but…”
You gently pushed against his chest to create some distance between you and gestured to yourself. “Hey, look at me. I’m right as rain.”
If the rain had some weird mutation.
Ethan’s lips formed a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and you could still see some leftover doubt in his expression.
“Hey.” You took his hand again. “You just snogged me in the hallway of a hospital. I’m more okay than I’ve ever been.”
He laughed and pulled you forward, kissing your forehead.
“I’ll make sure to kiss you in hospitals more often if that’s what you’re into.”
Eyes widening, you quickly pulled away and searched his face. You knew it was just a silly joke, but the way he said it made it sound like there was a future between you two. Like he would be around to kiss you and hold you whenever you wanted. But you knew that couldn’t happen. Because you barely had the rest of your life figured out and he had a fucking wife. A wife he went through absolute hell to find, and one you garnered zero sympathy for. Would he really waste all that effort he went through to be with you?
No. That’s next level delusional, and you were nothing if not a realist.
“What’s wrong?”
You blinked, realizing you hadn’t spoken for a moment, and cleared your throat as you shook your head. “Nothing. Um… how’s Mia?” Her name tasted bitter on your tongue, but you swallowed down your disdain and tried not to show it on your face.
“Oh, uh, she’s good. Doctors checked her out and she’s ready to go home.”
The smile on your face was forced, and it made your cheeks hurt. “That’s good! I’m glad she’s okay.”
Nothing was said between you for a moment, and you crossed your arms uncomfortably over your chest, suddenly felt dirty thinking about the kiss you shared with Ethan only moments ago. No, you didn’t like Mia. But even still, a part of you felt awful for even thinking about him like that, let alone acting on those feelings.
No shit. It’s her husband, for fuck’s sake.
You sighed. “Ethan, I—”
“Well I’ll be damned.”
Your head turned in the direction of the voice, smiling when you saw your Uncle Joe coming down the hallway towards you. All stressful thoughts were momentarily abandoned as you met him in the middle and leaned into his open arms, his tight hug practically crushing your ribs whilst he lifted you onto your tippy toes.
“Jesus, kid, how long’s it been?”
It gradually became harder to breathe in his embrace, and you took in a deep breath when he finally let you go. Joe’s always been tough, but somewhere in the years you haven’t seen him, you must’ve forgotten just how tough.
“Too long. I’m really glad you’re here.” Turning black to Ethan, you grabbed his hand and brought him forward to stand next to you. “This is Ethan. He helped us.”
He held out his hand, and Joe clapped his own palm against his before giving it a firm shake. You watched Ethan’s face as he winced, and couldn’t help but suppress a chuckle.
“Thank you, son. I really appreciate what you did for my family.”
Ethan gestured his head towards you. “If anything, they helped me. I would’ve been screwed if I hadn’t run into them.”
“Yeah. Tough sonuvabitch, ain’t they?” Joe chuckled.
You rolled your eyes, but chose to accept the compliment anyway. After everything, you deserved a little praise. But then your mind returned to the previous conversation you were having with Ethan, and your lips turned downwards.
“Hey, Unc, um… Could you give Ethan and I just a minute?”
Joe looked between you for a moment, lips disappearing under his beard as he gave you a small grin.
“Sure thing, kid. I’ll go visit with your sister.”
You said your thanks as he walked away and then sighed. Ethan’s expression was one of concern when he turned back to you, and you wished he wouldn’t look at you like that. You didn’t want to have this conversation, but this might be the last time you see him. The thought made your heart crumble.
But, the truth was… well, it was certainly a bitter pill to swallow. Something between you two couldn’t happen. As much as you wanted it to. He had obligations, a wife, a life far away from you that never had you in it to begin with. It was by dumb, stupid fucking chance that Ethan ended up in your life at all, and maybe under different circumstances, things could’ve worked out. But not now. Not like this.
“Everything okay?”
Ethan’s voice brought you back to earth, and you gave him a tight lipped smile.
“As okay as I can be.”
He didn’t seem satisfied with the answer, and when he took a step towards you, you took one back.
Fuck, this hurts.
“Hey—”
“Ethan, I—” you sighed, dragging a hand down your face. “I’ve never met anyone in my life like you, you know. I probably never will. So… When you go back to whatever life you had before you were roped into this fucked up mess, I want you to remember me. ‘Cus I will certainly remember you.”
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… fuck.”
When he moved towards you again, you didn’t try to escape him, keeping your arms tightly wrapped around yourself. He muttered your name, and the sound of it softly tumbling from his lips was almost your breaking point. You swallow thickly, struggling to meet his eyes.
“I have lost so many people that I cared about. And I’ve learned to deal with it and move on because that’s what I have to do. But then… then you just fucking crash into my life and make me care about you. And I have to go through the same shit all over again.”
It hurt, pouring yourself out at his feet like this. But you had to get it out, because if you didn’t, it was just going to build and build and build until you couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. But, you wondered if suppressing it would’ve hurt less than just spewing out all your feelings.
He shook his head. “What? You’re not losing me.”
“What do you think this is, Ethan? That you’re gonna leave your wife, never go back to California, and run away with me while I try to figure my life out? That you’re gonna be patient with me through the nightmares and the pain?”
“We haven’t even talked about this! You’re acting like everything is gonna go a certain way when you don’t know that.”
“It can’t be any other way!”
Your voice echoed down the hallway, and you cleared your throat to try and regain some sense of control over your emotions.
“You have obligations, and I’m not gonna be the one holding you back from them.”
Turning to walk away felt more painful than when your brother smashed your head open, and you clenched your jaw tightly as you willed yourself not to cry. But, the telltale burning of your eyes proved you to be unsuccessful.
“What if it was my choice?”
You stopped in your tracks, turning your head.
“What?”
He started walking. “What if it’s my choice? To leave. To be with you. What if that’s what I want?”
Every word that came out of his mouth was like shrapnel to your heart. You wanted that life. You wanted it so fucking bad it hurt.
So why couldn’t you have it?
Because this was reality. A fucked up, shitty reality. And you couldn’t have everything you wanted.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am.” He gripped your arm, turning you to face him. “I’m serious. I’m serious about you, about how I feel. I know you feel the same.”
God you did. More than he knew. You think you liked him too much if you were being honest. Which is why it hurt all the more when you swallowed down every confession you wanted to throw at him, and said something completely different instead.
“Go to Mia. She needs you.”
“Do you still love your wife?”
That seemed to stop him in his tracks, because he was suddenly speechless as he opened his mouth and tried to search for the right words. Ones that wouldn’t hurt you. His silence did enough of a job of it, though.
You placed your hand on his chest, feeling his racing heart beneath it.
The words were painful to say, and you wished you could take them back. Because god, the look on Ethan’s face when you said them might’ve been one of the most painful things you’ve ever seen.
When you went to pull your hand away, Ethan captured it faster than you could blink and yanked you into his chest, crashing his mouth down onto yours. You inhaled sharply, his hands cradling your face with a gentleness that contrasted with the roughness of his lips. His thumbs on your cheeks caught your rogue tears. It felt like he was breathing you in, committing you to memory with each bruising kiss that sent your brain spiraling and your heart into overdrive.
You clutched his shirt tightly in your hands, and when he finally pulled away with a gasp, you didn’t want to let go. Because this was it. This was probably going to be the last time you’d ever see him again, and the fact was absolutely crushing. Like your heart had been ripped out of your chest and smashed on the ground.
“Hey.” You gazed up at him, watching as he searched his pockets before grabbing a pen that he probably nabbed from a doctor.
“Turning to a life of crime already?” you joked.
He smiled, and damn if it didn’t make your heart stutter. His fingers wrapped around your wrist, clicking the pen before dragging the ball point across the back of your hand. His number.
“Ethan—”
“You said to remember you. I don’t want my only memories of you to be of us fighting for our lives. We’ll keep in touch, I promise.”
With a sad smile, you nodded, despite the doubt you felt in the pit of your stomach. It was better than nothing, and it was all you could ask for. With one last hug, you willed your feet to begin moving in the opposite direction, and it took everything in you not to turn around and give him one last glance. Because if you did, you’d run right back into his arms again, and you couldn’t do that to him. Couldn’t do that to you.
Shit. You didn’t think it would hurt this much. Thank god you were turned away from him, because you couldn’t stop the tears from rushing down your face. Your footsteps sped up into a light jog until you made it back to your room, shutting the door behind you as calmly as you could before the facade broke. Your back pressed against the door, and you choked on a sob whilst you slid down to the floor, hugging your knees to your chest.
For the longest time, you thought growing close to anyone would be impossible. After the constant abuse you suffered in foster homes, and the loss of your friends in the field, you closed yourself off, only letting your family see a little behind the stone walls you took so long to build. And you were comfortable that way. Despite it being a lonely life, you never gave anyone the opportunity to hurt you ever again.
And then Ethan Winters came and smashed your walls down with a fucking wrecking ball.
You couldn’t describe it, but there was something about him that was just so inviting. Captivating. Maybe it was his kind eyes, or the way he spoke to you with assuredness and respect. Maybe it was something entirely different.
You wouldn’t call it love. You’ve known him for all of two days. But… it was certainly longing. A deep ache to fill the lonely void you’ve lived with for so long. Maybe it wasn’t even real. Maybe you’re just so desperate for companionship that you latched onto Ethan like a last resort.
But if that was the case, then why did it hurt so fucking much?
You gasped when there was suddenly a knock on the door, scrambling to your feet and furiously wiping at your eyes. It didn’t matter, the red rings around your eyes were a dead giveaway.
“Just a second.”
You cursed yourself in your head for how your voice trembled, clenching your fists so hard you formed small crescent shapes in your palms.
“Everything okay?”
Chris. It was just Chris.
Breathing a sigh of relief, you hesitantly put your hand on the doorknob and slowly opened the door. He smiled when he saw you, but it immediately dropped when he got a good look at your face.
Like you said, a dead giveaway.
“What’s wrong? Something happen with your sister?”
You shook your head, opening the door wider so he could enter the room. “No, nothing like that. Just some other stuff. I… don’t really wanna talk about it.”
Chris nodded, respecting your boundaries, which you were more than grateful for.
“Alright. I wanted to discuss some things with you, if that’s okay.” He gestured to the bed, and you sat down, him taking his place next to you. “I finished up my report on the mission and the BSAA just got back to me. They were impressed with your performance.”
You smiled, trying to mask the aching of your heart as you pointed both thumbs towards yourself.
“Super soldier, remember?”
He chuckled, and the sound comforted you in a small way.
“What would you think about joining up?”
Your brows shot up. “I’m sorry, you wanna recruit me?”
“You’re good on the field, can handle yourself in a fight. You’re a decent sniper too, right? You were a bit reckless on the mission, but your fast healing made up for it. If you were to join, though, you’d have to make sure not to pull stunts like that again.”
“You say that like I’m considering it.”
“Are you?”
You paused, looking down at your feet that dangled a few inches from the floor. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about joining the fight again. It was all you knew, and you were damn good at it. You just didn’t think it would be so soon.
Of course, what other options were there? Live a boring, normal life, working a nine to five? It sounded like hell. But, you had to think about Zoe first. Because wherever she went, you went, too. Ultimately, you were leaving the decision up to her.
“Let me talk to Zoe first?”
“You should do it.”
You practically jumped off the bed at the sound of her voice, snapping your head in her direction to see her leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest.
“When the hell did you get here?”
She shrugged. “Few minutes ago. I heard enough of your conversation, though.”
She came forward, sitting on the other side of you and effectively sandwiching you between her and Chris.
“You should join. I know it’s what you want. And I can take care of myself while you’re off killin’ god knows what.”
You faced your body towards her. “You’re not worried?”
She scoffed. “Please. You took shrapnel to your leg, fought like hell the past three years to get us out, and you’re still here. Alive. If anything, I’m worried about the sorry bastards that are unlucky enough to come toe to toe with you.”
You smiled at your sister’s praise, glad she believed in you more than you believe in yourself.
“It won’t just be people I’ll be fightin’, Zo. The BSAA deals with bioweapons. As in the shit we were facing those said three years.”
She shrugged. “So? Means you got experience, then. Like I said, unlucky, sorry bastards.”
Shaking your head, you wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into your side. “Alright, shithead.” You pinched her arm, and she pulled away to smack your leg.
With a chuckle, you turned back to Chris, and noticed him watching you with expecting eyes. You sighed, and like that, your decision was made.
“Where do I sign?”
The pack on your shoulder weighed heavy, causing you to slump on one side as you lightly kicked the suitcase at your feet. You had woken up at the ass crack of dawn to get to the airport on time, and after a warm shower and the excessively long cab drive, you were still an hour early.
3 weeks later
Where the fuck is he?
Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you quickly fished it out to see a text from your sister.
You quickly typed up a response, fingers flying over the keyboard.
-6:15 Zoe:
Get there safe?
You smiled at that, glad she was feeling at home. You both had bought a small, two bedroom apartment somewhere just outside of New Orleans, and it was nice enough. Of course, when you brought up the idea of leaving Louisiana, Zoe shut that idea down with a firm “Hell no,” which was exactly what you were expecting. After all that’s happened, this place was still home to you, and you weren’t planning on leaving.
-6:15 You:
Yeah. Way too early for this shit.
-6:16 Zoe:
You’ll live. Apartment is looking nice.
After the shitshow ended, the BSAA and other government officials grilled you and your sister for information, and you told them everything you could remember. No, you weren’t happy with so many persons of authority sticking their noses up your ass, but you didn’t have any other choice. Afterwards, they made you sign some documents swearing on your life and liberty that you wouldn’t reveal any information about Eveline or anything else that happened to you, and you did so with mild irritation.
-6:17 You:
I expect it to be fully furnished and painted when I get back.
-6:18 Zoe:
You gonna send me the money?
-6:18 You:
Government pays well for you to keep your mouth shut.
At least you were safe. That’s all that mattered now.
Your phone buzzed again, this time with a text from Chris.
You rolled your eyes.
-6:20 Sir Punch-a-lot:
ETA 5 minutes.
With a laugh, you pocketed your phone and idly rocked on your heels as you waited for Chris to shop up. Seconds had barely passed before you grew fidgety and pulled out your phone again, mindlessly scrolling through apps. It had been years since you had a phone, and you barely knew how to function. You found yourself using it a lot these days. It was a good distraction from all the racing thoughts in your head.
-6:20 You:
You’re texting me, not the president. Stop being so formal.
-6:21 Sir Punch-a-lot:
It’s convenient. Less words to type.
-6:21 You:
Maybe you should try using a gif next time. Even faster.
-6:21 Sir Punch-a-lot:
Gif?
-6:22 You:
Oh dear god.
You didn’t know why, but your thumb mindlessly pressed on the contacts icon, and you read the three names you had in there.
Zoe
Chris
…
Ethan.
Nibbling on your bottom lip, you pressed on his name and the options to call or text came up. It had been weeks since you last saw him, and despite him saying that you’d keep in touch, you haven't tried to call him once since then. There’d been many times when you considered it, holding your phone close to your face late at night, the UV light burning your eyes as you read his name and number over and over again. But, you always talked yourself out of it.
What if he moved on? What if he didn’t really want to hear from you, and he said all those things just to be nice? What if… What if Mia was making him happier than you could’ve ever hoped to make him?
You breathed out a sigh, clutching your phone tightly in your hand. You were about to travel to the headquarters of the American branch of the BSAA so you could be briefed, and you had no idea when you’d have another free moment to call him. Now was a better time than ever.
Anxiety crawled down your throat as you pressed the call button next to Ethan’s number, and with a shaky hand, you held the phone to your ear.
Ring…
Ring…
Ring—
"We're sorry The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Goodbye.”
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