idiot cant even make his own pancakes

27 comedy jokes account

[bulbabushka]

just give 5 dollars to a Palestinian campaign. just do it once. just see how it feels. yes there's a chance it's a scam. but if there's any chance it could actually help someone, you are actively helping give hope to someone who is going through absolute hell for no reason other than existing and protecting their land.

save the card number, and then keep doing it. don't go for boba, and send another 5 dollars. obviously don't deprive yourself of the things you need to survive, but if you notice yourself trying to self soothe with purchases, maybe tend to your conscience that is in agony right now begging someone to do something. and you have the power to do it.

[kemafili]

Ko fi (still open 🫶)

[vivian-the-barbarian]

commensalism between slime monsters and certain varieties of fish

[jermaclub]

[prokopetz]

A large part of housecat vocalisation toward humans isn’t goal-directed communication, but rather, affiliative signaling: a simple call-and-response protocol which establishes that the participants are part of the same social unit. Amongst themselves, most housecat affiliative signaling is non-vocal, but humans aren’t really physiologically equipped to respond to such signalling in a feline fashion, and cats, well, they’re adaptable.

Which is to say that when your cat yells, and you yell back, so the cat yells again, and so forth, what you’re really saying to each other is “hiiiiii~”.

[semiramis-audron]

[eldritchsandwich]

This is why it is important to meow at loved ones.

[alex51324]

A largish percentage of human vocalizations are this, too!  When your human co-worker says “Workin’ hard or hardly workin’?” or comments on atmospheric conditions or other readily-observable features of your surroundings, or generally statements that seemingly convey no useful or novel information whatsoever, the true purpose of these vocalizations is to develop and/or maintain the social unit of the workplace!   In effect, they are saying, “We are experiencing this situation together.  We often experience situations together.  Let’s be allies!”

Some humans will even make vocalizations of this kind to complete strangers, such as when waiting in a line or using public transportation.  This behavior is especially common in situation that may involve some form of inconvenience or frustration, such as waiting in a long line or experiencing a delay.  In these contexts, the vocalizations communicate, “We are both experiencing the same unpleasant situation; let’s not make it worse by being aggressive to one another.”  

[guooey]

[hakonohanayome]

Swan - Kyouko Ariyoshi

[viridian-pds]

Deltarune (Deltarune) [Imagery related to Deltarune]

[cadavar]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”

[cheaphalloweencostume]

oh “meeking a smee” made me feel like i was being fucking tazed

[cheaphalloweencostume]

theres a lot of people on this website who dont realize their dad is a gnome

[cosmicanger]

Fragment of a band with floral motif, spain, undated 1700s

[nicholasbritel]

My cemetery’s in Key Biscayne. It’s one of the prettiest in the world. The sky is blue, palm trees, rolling hills. The one is Los Copa’s really sh*t. [sigh] What a pain in the ass you are. And it’s true: you’re not young, you’re not new, and you do make people laugh. And me? I’m still with you because you make me laugh. So you know what I got to do? I got to sell my plot in Key Biscayne so I can get one next to you in that shithole Los Copa, so I never miss a laugh. Robin Williams and Nathan Lane as Armand and Albert in The Birdcage (1996) dir. Mike Nichols

[cosmicanger]

[elitefourkylewantstobattle]

Sucking two dicks at the same time like that pig in chicken little

[elitefourkylewantstobattle]

[boygirlz]

Interesting how no child asks to be born, but every parent feels it's their right to birth.

Interesting how pro-natalism prospers in fascism.

Interesting how many people want to dedicate their lives to raising a child & building individual families instead of building a better world for said children & building community & chosen family.

What have you done for children's rights? Children in poverty? What have you ensured will be there for your own children? Community built? Secondary locations to exist in? Or do you just want a fucking baby.

[boygirlz]

when that child is born & resents you for the sheltered impoverished life & dying planet we give them. What will you be able to tell them? What did you do to build a better world besides pawn it off on the next gen?

[cyberglittter]

photography by néhémie lemal

[milksockets]

guided by voices - ugo rondinone (2000)