trying to write, genuinely

Writing is cool but I don’t do much. Recently, I’ve been trying to capture feelings with words but I definitely am no where near accurate in doing this. Especially because I get self conscious easily/feel weird being serious in writing when most of my peers see me so unseriously/scared of judgment yadayadayada. It's really hard for me to talk about emotions, moreso than I expected, because I feel like it's just not a side of myself I convey to my friends, or I'm not even sure but it's uncomfortable to share with people who know me. But I’d love it if you read whatever I’m writing because it's nice having the shield of anonymity between us, and it'd be cool if you’d enjoy it or get something out of it too. So follow me if you want, and feel free to submit anything ya want!

[bumbling2amthoughts]

so skeptical of love

[bumbling2amthoughts]

Hahahahahah I was so convinced that I was in love, and it's funny how wrong I probably was. Or maybe I was in love (am in love?)

Or do I fall in love every time I feel like I have a crush

Is romantic love even real if it's so fleeting...

Yadayadayada

[bumbling2amthoughts]

shoulda been my high school lovaaaaaahhhh

haha but really

lol

jk

maybe

idk

[bumbling2amthoughts]

Phuppo

When we arrive at any family occasion, we are expected to greet every member of my over-50-person pack of relatives. I go to each of my father’s five brothers and one sister first, as a sign of respect, but I’m always a little apprehensive to do so besides my usual awkward shyness.

When I greet my aunt, I worry that I will see the pain in her eyes that extends past the slight curve of the lips she shows to those who greet her. After the accident, her eyes just spoke of the defeat in her mind. I was glad to notice the light return with the passing of years, but I’ll always feel a little bit guilty that I’m still here for my family to watch grow up, and my cousin isn’t.

[bumbling2amthoughts]

Choking a little on your breaths but liking how that feels, because that choke let's you imagine yourself on a place other than the one you're viewing. You're watching yourself from above choking a little on a sob and it makes you feel better in some maybe semi-sadistic way because you have reason to pity yourself. So you let yourself semi-automatically gasp for breath successively in an almost panic attack like fashion.

All that really happened was someone yelled at you a little too harshly for your sheltered sense of toughness to handle and your skin peeled from the ripe sun of indigence far too early.  

[bumbling2amthoughts]

hoi

I love writing but I don't do much. Recently, I've been trying to capture feelings with words but I definitely am no where near accurate in doing this. So the feelings I'm trying to convey are probably only perceivable to me personally. Also, I keep trying to cater my writing to the followers I know, because I'm an attention whore/people pleaser. So I think it would be good to stop aiming at a certain audience. But I'd love it if you read whatever I'm writing, if you'd enjoy it or get something out of it too. So follow me if you want, and feel free to submit anything pertaining to my goal here or your own thought-word-feeling-descriptions!

[bumbling2amthoughts]

the song I just found and makes me feel like I'm in a movie

In my head, the camera pans left to where I'm looking with somber and subdued eyes. Then up, following them to the ceiling, which I focus on as I dream big dreams I don't have but wish I did. 

It's two a.m. and I'm not writing my speech because I can't focus on music and a speech at the same time.

It's easier to listen to big talk about wanting to love someone and pretending that I'm in this deep romance and I have all this potential and all the things movies make you feel which maybe you don't even have to feel in real life and you probably shouldn't feel nor expect.

Alright. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQBikeeIQB0