Mahal Kita @bunnie6 - Tumblr Blog

Nights are lonely.. Need some sexual healing

Eh...

School is going great but can be better. Stephen and I are the same. He's not visiting this month because of budget cuts in the school system. He says he will be visiting in April to try and make my 5k. He knows how important it is to me and that I need him to be there. I don't ask for much. I've invited him to 3 different 5ks in the past none of which he attended. Our schedules are not compatible. Work is giving me a hard time. His visits affect my weekend schedule. I'm required to give my availability one month in advance. I feel like I have to repeatedly ask Stephen to check his plans and commit to a scheduled date in order to request time off. He tries his best. I feel alone in the relationship. He texts me through out the day. He has a routine. He texts in the morning, mid day, but not so much at night. Nights and weekends are the loneliest for me. He does call while driving in the car. We Skype a lot. I watch him play video games while I study. It's as if were hanging out but no real conversation. That is pretty much our evenings or weekend nights. To be honest we don't really have much to talk about... He helps me with my school work via Skype. I love being able to talk to him and watch him work. Its fun for me because we're doing something I like and it feels more engaged. If we lived closer we would have other issues like most couples. The distance plays a huge emotional factor in the relationship for me. We definitely don't see eye to eye when it comes to distance, time, money, and efforts. He wants me to be happy w the little time we have together. I want him to be understanding of how I feel. It's a work in progress. I catch myself pulling away. Even though Stephen isn't physically here I'm very co dependent on him. I think it's because we have this great physical distance between us. I cling to him emotionally to make up for whatever is lacking. He seems content with our relationship while I'm trying to be. I know he cares when he makes the drives/flights to OC from SF. His visits are very costly. The latest he arrives is 5 am Saturday morning and leaves Sunday evening. I feel selfish because it's never long enough. It's hard for me when he leaves. I always request time off to recover. I don't get out of bed or go to work. It takes me about a week to get back into my schedule and routine and get my emotions leveled. I wish I could visit him more than once a year. Stephen doesn't think it's a good idea which makes me a little sad. I take what I can. I enjoy our time but it doesn't make it any easier when he goes or when I have to wait until the next month to see him. I would rather be lonely missing him than to not have in my life at all. His sacrifices are physical like time and money. Mine are more emotional. I can't wait until he visits in April. The last time I saw him was Valentine's Day. I will see him in 27 days. And when I do see Stephen it will be 62 days apart. He says that's a lot of counting but in reality I do count down the days. I look forward to his visits. I don't have much going on other than focussing on straight As. I kind of live day by day, but when he is here I put everything aside like work and school. The best thing about Stephen is that I can trust him. Even though we're far apart he makes me feel secure and important. He makes me believe he is faithful and I never doubt him. He's supportive, reassuring, positive, and the best listener. He's practically my best friend right now but just far away. Sigh..

Things are pretty great right now. School starts Monday. I'll be taking developmental psychology, sociology of aging, another psychology class, and japanese. Last semester I received a 3.66 GPA. I was only taking three classes. I want to challenge myself this semester. I recently became teacher qualified and now I'm that much closer to my own high school classroom. I'm interning at my old high school and I'm loving everyday. My boyfriend and I are doing ok.. He's sweet.. Things can always be better. I'm feeling anxious and stressed from life but I'm. Just trying to take things day by day. My boyfriend recently stopped by during his one week road trip. I'll be seeing Valentine's Day weekend. Long distance is hard... It's not what I want but there's really nothing I can do. I don't really want to date other people but I'm not really happy how things are. Sigh... I have to stay positive.