bouncing off of you to talk about this crazy, crazy chapter congratulations on activating Can't Shut Up Disease. this is 2000 words.
INSANE, ALL OF IT IS INSANE.
Repeating pictures for ease of reference (for readers, I. am dual screening. Because Harusono-sensei is bonkers and so is this fandom and itmakes me ill.)
Everyone has pointed out Hirano Over Kagiura, Kagiura Under Hirano (close to crotch, Sensei, PLEASE). Sub Kagiura real by which I mean Puppy Kagiura real by which I mean every smut writer in this fandom is RIGHT to describe Kagiura as worshipping Hirano, boy can you CALM DOWN
It did immediately stand out to me that Hirano is leaning back slightly, and I'm saying this 'cause I trust my little tumblr circle niche of this fandom. There's still so much Hirano isn't sure about, this is so NEW and it's just not stuff that comes easily to him But we know this doesn't mean he's rejecting Kagiura outright based on Freaking Everything Else. LITERALLY just hugged him, literally just FORCED KAGIURA TO THE FLOOR SO THAT HE COULD TRY OUT THE METHOD OF TOUCHING HIM THAT HE'S BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR HOW MANY HOURS NOW hold on we gotta back up
Wait also real quick, I do just wanna say that "Not going from the back?" / "I want to do it from the front." does sound worse in English what with the Vagueness of "it", but that's just typical Japanese leaving out the subject. Probably. Honestly some of the HEY GUYS HEEEYYYY HOLD UP is probably still there anyway. Also, I need to do a proper comparison with like Sasaki and Miyano sometimes, but I am enamored with how Kagiura speaks casually to Hirano. Or maybe I need to analyze Yashiro's speaking patterns 'cause it could be literally just normal for roommates like obv they're gonna be closer than normal senpai-kouhai friends, but. Endears me nonetheless. Also because I don't think I've said this out loud, Hirano speaks THE MOST casually by FAR. It's always hard to tell where you should use like swear words because Japanese just fundamentally does not have the same breadth of Bad Words that English does even before getting into how casual esp young people can be about using curse words, bUT. Hirano absolutely swears. Him I'm sure about. Hirano absolutely says shit piss and fuck. ☝️ not in front of teachers.
WE'RE ONE PANEL IN AND AT 4 PARAGRAPHS APOLOGIES TO ANYBODY WHO CLICKED ON THAT READ MORE
Brief sidebar to the Near Kiss Panel.
I know. You Know. wtf Sensei. oh my god.
Extremely good point that Hirano's eyes are closed. It's like he's feeling that sort of Anticipation that people usually feel before a kiss. I don't think he's Actually expecting a kiss because he trusts Kagiura to honor his boundaries. That Trust is also why he melts into Kagiura's hugs every time. Theory.
I'm desperately hoping that we'll have an arc about Hirano really learning to lean on Kagiura. Like, yeah he got to learn basketball from him, but that's not really a display of Trust, right? He relied on Kagiura, asked for his help, but for something that ultimately isn't super important. Hirano cares enough about the sports festival to cheat, as we heard, lmao, but I think that's more about him being a little competitive go-getter who likes Doing Things. With a violent streak. Mayhaps also part of why he gets along with Hanzawa. Sidebar off the sidebar, Hirano must be doing little workouts with Kagiura like all the time because a) we know they do that, we know Kagiura works out in their dorms on top of all he does at club and b) on God's green earth why is a guy who sits around studying all day so strong. Natural tendency or a body type that easily gains/retains muscle only goes so far. I love that he's still weaker than Kagiura, though, thank you Harusono-sensei for honoring logic. My sidebars are TOO LONG. BACK TO HIRANO AND LEANING ON KAGIURA.
Hirano is a guy with a decent sense of responsibility. He goes furthest for Kagiura, obviously, but in general he's a guy who looks after others--Miyano, Sasaki, being on the disciplinary committee, the teachers always asking him to help out with stuff. I think it's part of his like. I don't want to say inflexible, but maybe rather straightforward thinking? Which I'm sure helps him with academic studies, but human relationship stuff is much more wibbly wobbly, and that's where he struggles. Not in that he lacks good interpersonal relationships, of course! Like, in many ways, it's exactly normal for all teenagers to still be figuring out How Humans/Relationships Work. He knows the general Rules of how to interact with people, and also honestly people respond well to his style of straightforwardly approaching things without being pushy. I am overthinking. I have Many Thoughts. Hirano is an extremely likeable guy who likes to do things that benefit others, most of all Kagiura. Looking after people is the right thing to do! It's good and honorable AND rewarding. ANYWAY.
ALL OF THIS TO SAY, Hirano is used to standing on his own. Not in a bad way, he is obviously supported by his parents, things seem fine there since he mentioned feeling homesick in the light novel and all (which might be part of it, he's in a privileged position where he has the tools to stand on his own without that requiring crazy extra work) (SOON, HOPEFULLY SOON WE LEARN MORE. DAD CONTACT ON PHONE. COLLEGE IS COMING.) This is a slice of life, modern story, it's literally fine, he's fine. Which is why relying on anyone is so awkward for him. He literally is fine, he doesn't need to???
And the thing is. The thing is. It is nice to lean on Kagiura.
He doesn't know how to do it. But when Kagiura grabs him, when they hug. Just for a second he can hide behind those big shoulders. He can rest there.
It's weird. He's not used to it. When he can initiate, when he hugs Kagiura from behind, that's easier, like a lot of stuff on this dating journey. A few chapters ago, he bravely let Kagiura hug him from behind, and it took him a few seconds to get comfortable, but he did get used to it. He instinctively protects himself. Unknown = threat, basic human instinct. But! He knows it's not a threat, so he takes a second to tell his nerves to shut up, it's Kagiura... Okay, we're good. He's sooooo. I love him.
And on top of the aroace hangups, HE'S A TEENAGE BOY WITH HIS FIRST LOVE, FIRST BOYFRIEND. HE'S JUST PLAIN SHY!!!!! I want to touch you!! That's so embarassing to admit out loud!!! I want to hug you!!! But he's trying to match Kagiura's loud, loud honest affection!! That's his baseline for How to Do This! That's the System they've established with the ten seconds, asking specifically how and where to touch!
Hug from the front, just had a fight, desperate to show Kagiura that he loves him in a way Kagiura will understand, desperate to show Kagiura he loves him, end of sentence. Hug from the back, oogugughghh he's so in love right now, experiencing his first butterlies and thinking his boyfriend is CUTE, and all that awful mushy stuff. But also also. Hug from the front, Kagiura didn't know it was coming. Is cautious about responding right now--just got slapped for kissing Hirano, and this after touching Hirano's lower back and finding out he doesn't like that. Hug from the back, though!!! This is after more ten second touches and confirming they're dating and HIRANO LOWKEY BEGGING FOR IT. GET ON YOUR KNEES SO I CAN HUG YOU. LITERALLY WHAT THE HELL, MAN.
THIS FACE SHOULD BE ILLEGAL
I'm getting distracted. I'm always distracted. Every panel brings their whole history back around, everything they are going through and figuring out and moving towards.
Important point about the hug from behind: Kagiura is leaning into it. It's not just Hirano hugging Kagiura or Kagiura hugging Hirano. This time, they are Both Prepared For It. Both want it. Hirano is doing what he's comfortable with, so automatically this is going better than Kagiura's hug from behind that Hirano wasn't sure about, on a day where Kagiura was questioning everything. And Kagiura, of course, always wants to hug Hirano, to touch him, and this time!! He knows for sure that Hirano wants this! Wants it so bad that he's physically throwing Kagiura around to get it!!!!!! As Kagiura says, this is their first time hugging as a proper couple!! We shan't get into "to embrace someone" is literally a euphemism for sex the way we'd say "sleep with someone". We simply don't need to. You understand.
Literally insane how erotic this page of Kagiura literally just turning around is like ??????? I thought so and then you saying this is a sex metaphor did explode me 'cause I didn't think that far, but aLSO
anyways in conclusion theyre both switches but it's Important that when they start having sex hirano gets to have the high ground literally or figuratively at least until he gets more comfortable with sex. and kagi is all too happy to oblige since he loves having hirano above him and being dominated lets be honest. wait thats probably what those panels-
looking at it again hirano starts to put his arms around him before kagi has even turned around but kagi does as he was told and lets hirano hug him from behind and they have a good time. so good hirano even lets him hug him from the front afterwards. im uh im cooking something wait
that panel literally has hirano on his knees taking kagi from the back. the first time they touch as lovers. and then doing it from the front afterwards
tl;dr this whole scene as a metaphor for sex ok bye
LITERALLY BEING SO SO SERIOUS WHEN I SAY I WROTE THE EXACT SAME CONCEPTS IN THE TAGS OF ANOTHER POST THE OTHER DAY but then I had a moment of oh my god. I gotta stop being so horny on main, and I deleted them all. They're switches, and they do their first time with Hirano taking Kagiura from behind (maybe researched, I think I've heard that's the easiest position), but then from the front because wanting to see his face (who's face? yes). But also!!! I bet it'll go exactly like this chapter, with Hirano being able to handle it when he's in control, but being far less sure about letting Kagiura take control.
Not! because he doesn't want it!! It's just like all of their touches. Every time, Kagiura begs, Hirano balks, they look for what they both want, let Hirano be in charge, then Kagiura pushes a little more. I don't think he tests things necessary like Sasaki does who said that but he Asks. Takes what he is given, maybe a little more because!! neither he nor Hirano really know where the lines are!! At least Kagiura knows what HE'S comfortable with--which is basically anything and everything--but Hirano doesn't know!! He doesn't know what he himself is okay with! Especially since it's evolving! Hunger theory of desire. He's not starving the way Kagiura is, so when presented with a whole buffet, he doesn't know What looks good until he eats it. And what's unfamiliar and weird on first bite might actually be pretty good.
I can't wait to see them develop. Poor Kagiura. Like the parallel chapters recently, Hirano was relatively cheerful--confused, but excited by his own progress!! Meanwhile, Kagiura was in the mental TRENCHES, so so afraid and confused. That's probably going to keep happening, stressing, looking for where they overlap, Hirano actively getting used to things. I think I am repeating myself just like a lot.
In conclusion, they are in love. Get married and die happy, idiots. This is the sexiest nonsexual manga. Harusono Shou is an evil genius scientist concocting the greatest love story in the world. I shan't survive it, I fear.
