“better to ask the way than go astray."

enjoy too many series, play too much ffxiv, and needs to remember to go to bed on time.

[loversdreamersandyou]

[lilttlekingtrashmouth]

[assaultand-flattery]

I’ve been victimized

[paper-mario-wiki]

nobody likes the “bad boys” who insult and degrade their partners while wearing pastel polos with popped collars, people like REAL bad boys who wear leather jackets and take a lot of care in how they shape their pompadour and carry around stiletto switchblades and care about their communities and ride a motorcycle and rebel against the government and says stuff like “NOBODY insults my gal” and gets in fistfights with dudes who catcall their girlfriends. THOSE bad boys are the guys everyone wants.

[eternalanimation]

When you’re a ghost and the new owners put ugly decorations in the house 

[systlin]

My neighbor was out taking the insulation cones off of his roses and carefully pruning them today. 

I also went out and pruned mine. (I didn’t give them any special winter insulation. They’re on their own.) And by ‘pruned’ I mean ‘whacked back the bramble hedge with a machete where it was threatening to grow out of bounds’. 

(Seriously my rose hedge is approaching 4 feet tall and almost as thick)

And he was giving me dirty looks the whole time because it pisses him off so much that I pay no special attention to my roses and yet they always do better than his. 

I still haven’t told him that my secret is ‘plant tough-as-nails own root old fashioned rugosa cultivars rather than finicky hybrid teas’ because honestly his quiet frustration is hilarious. 

[all-part-of-the-act-deactivated]

a few centuries ago he probably would have accused u of witchcraft ;)

[systlin]

I mean…to be fair…he would be totally correct in that…

[systlin]

Also my rose hedge is now 6 feet tall and his Mister Lincoln rose, which he carefully mulched and put a insulation cone on, died this year. 

[all-part-of-the-act-deactivated]

was it assassinated

[systlin]

PPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[markv5]

Mom’s Work

[anarcho-occultism]

Reboot to support this hardworking single mom

[butnomatterwhat]

[thebootydiaries]

[the sky is grey and it’s cold outside]

me: yesssss

[the wind picks up and it starts to rain]

me: Y ESSSSSSS

[butnomatterwhat]

[vengeancemoths]

sensory overload, or, as i like to call it,

[flcralgogh]

how come in infinity war they didnt just kiss the infinity stones off thanos’s fingers like in robin hood

[aderukitten]

A few months ago I lost my kitty of 8 years

He was my comfort and my best friend

My last wish for him would be this picture of him in a sweater to go viral

[elder-moss]

[esperhabasi]

I thought Spiderman didn’t murder people

[spectral-cervid]

holy fucking shit

[tin-pan-ali-deactivated20191216]

john mulaney’s dad looks about like how i imagined

‘you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair’ 

[yogurt-gun]

“God can’t hear you.”

[divawithanunspoiledagenda]

“One black coffee”

[thehighladyelf]

I don’t know about yall, but I know too much about this man’s life for this to the the first time I’ve ever seen a picture of him

[onebatch--twobatch]

He looks like the chaotic evil of Fred Rogers

[reilink]

[feyrealms]

I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

[newtgeiszler]

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

[wombatking]

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney - early 20th century

Eric Andre - Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi - Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves - We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum - 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau - Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

[strangehorse]

this is david lynch erasure

[hubblegleeflower]

Who are the female immortals?

[artisanbloodbank]

Jenny Slate - Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt

Helena Bonham Carter - Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish

Lucy Liu - ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion

Bjork - 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie

Whoopie Goldberg - present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind

Tilda Swinton - found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive

[tamjador-deactivated20231120]

this is blatant cher erasure

[aces-and-anime]

Cher isn’t immortal - she can just turn back time

[sketchyfletch]

*laughs*

*gets to the end*

*FLIPS A TABLE*

[butnomatterwhat]

well. it has been so long since i have used my tumblr i don’t even remember when i last logged on. anyway, time to trudge through 500+ blogs i am apparently following and try to clean all that up.

wheee....

edit: this is mae, previously known as ‘nitenao’