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17 | i just post my thoughts or anything i find pretty

[butterflylvr]

I feel like nothing good in my life ever lasts

so whats the point of trying if everything is always temporary

[butterflylvr]

some pretty pictures i have from Alicante, Spain.

literally the whole city came to the beach and fireworks went off at 12am, after about 3 or 4 days of celebrating a festival:) it is really fascinating to see how different countries celebrate their cultures, Spaniards really value social life and I think that's beautiful.

[butterflylvr]

i value exclusivity to much it makes it hard to form any type of relationship without getting exceedingly jealous

[butterflylvr]

why can't i just love normally, without having to relearn to love myself when it's all over

[butterflylvr]

just a few of many mitski lyrics that tocuh my heart

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[butterflylvr]

during a short period when I was 14, I didnt have anyone. I mean I didnt have anyone close enough to me for me to depend on them, and I sometimes miss that a lot. I cant even remember how life felt like before I was so dependant. I miss how detatched I was from everyone. self isolation used to give me a feeling of such satisfaction, it used to fill the void inside of me. the only thing I cared about was myself. and even though I spent my whole days thinking about food and weight (prime ed times) it was one of the happiest moments of my life. I was so consumed by my ed that I didnt have room for anyone. sure I still had a few close friends but, never did I want to harm myself because I thought one hated me. all I cared about was myself (although it wasnt for the best), I would spend my free time watching shows, reading, learning languages, sometimes I texted the few friends I had. I had a lot more online friends back then. I hated myself then and I still do now yet I miss hose times so much. even though I still self isolate now, it has the opposite effect it had on me then. now, it just makes me feel alone since ive beckme so attatched to people. I dont want to be like this anymore.