Someday, somewhere, in another life.

*degenerate anarchist, dying too slowly* Blog contains sensitive material related to mental health, abuse, grief, etc

[thecollectibles]

Art by Jakub Rebelka

[omatictraumaguide]

Stop Chasing Emotional Ghosts: The Boundary Blueprint

The Boundary Blueprint: How to Protect Your Peace When Dealing With Emotional Unavailability

You've been there. You meet someone who seems interested, engaged, even charming. They flirt effortlessly, they talk about wanting a real connection, and for a moment, it feels promising. But soon, a pattern emerges. Conversations that dip below the surface are quickly redirected. Efforts to define the relationship are met with vague deflections. You start to feel anxious, unsure, and quietly exhausted. This is the hallmark of emotional unavailability—a dynamic that feels like connection on the surface but lacks the depth and consistency required for true intimacy.

Many people mistake emotional unavailability for a personality quirk or a phase. They think, 'If I just try harder, they'll open up.' But the truth is more structural: emotional unavailability is a protective strategy, not a temporary mood. It's a wall built to keep real vulnerability out. And the only way to preserve your own well-being in the face of this wall is to build your own—a boundary.

Step One: Recognize the Pattern Without Self-Blame

The first move is not to fix them, but to see the pattern clearly. Emotional unavailability often looks like: hot/cold communication, avoidance of serious topics, affection that appears only when convenient, and a persistent feeling that you're the only one investing in depth. When you notice these signs, resist the urge to interpret them as a reflection of your worth. They are not. They are data points about the other person's capacity for emotional connection.

Your task here is not to diagnose them, but to become aware of what you are experiencing. Name it: 'I feel drained after our interactions.' 'I notice I'm doing most of the emotional work.' This clarity is the foundation of a healthy boundary.

Step Two: Define Your Non-Negotiables

Boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about defining what you will and will not tolerate. Ask yourself: What do I need to feel safe and valued in a connection? Common non-negotiables include consistent communication, the ability to have deeper conversations, and a mutual investment in emotional growth. Write them down. Make them concrete. For example: 'I need to be able to talk about how I feel without being dismissed.' Or 'I need to know where I stand within a reasonable timeframe.'

These are not demands; they are standards. They are the minimum requirements for your emotional safety. When you know them, you can communicate them clearly and without apology.

Step Three: Communicate with Clarity and Grace

Once you know your boundaries, you must express them. This is the hardest part, because it involves risking the loss of the potential connection. But remember: a connection that cannot hold your boundaries was never truly safe. Use clear, non-accusatory language. For example: 'I've noticed that when I try to talk about deeper feelings, the conversation often shifts. I need to feel that my emotional needs are welcome in this relationship. Can we talk about how we can make that happen?'

If the response is deflection, defensiveness, or continued avoidance, you have your answer. The boundary has done its job: it has revealed the other person's capacity. And now you have a choice.

Step Four: Follow Through with Action

A boundary without a consequence is just a suggestion. If the other person is unable or unwilling to meet your emotional needs, the boundary requires you to take action. This may mean reducing your emotional investment, stepping back from the relationship, or ending it entirely. This is not punishment; it is self-respect. You are choosing to protect your peace over chasing a ghost.

This step is often the most painful, because it involves letting go of the hope that things will change. But staying in a dynamic that drains you is not love; it is a slow erosion of your self-worth. The boundary is the bridge to a healthier future.

Step Five: Reclaim Your Energy

After you set the boundary, redirect your attention inward. Emotional unavailability can leave you feeling depleted and questioning yourself. Now is the time for replenishment. Reconnect with your own interests, your friendships, your goals. Remind yourself that your emotional needs are valid and that you are worthy of consistent, deep, and reciprocal connection.

Your peace is not something to be negotiated. It is your baseline. And when you protect it with clear, compassionate boundaries, you create space for the kind of love that is not a challenge to be won, but a mutual sanctuary to be shared.

✨ If this resonated with your journey, you might find the deep-dive exercises in my Trauma Bond Kit profoundly helpful. You deserve peace.

[bakwaaas]

You gotta understand that some people never really grow. They never learn their lesson. They never recognise their mistakes, they never acknowledge their faults, they never admit they were in the wrong. You will never receive an apology from them, and you will never see their behaviour change.

[lilybee]

if you’re in the notes saying “this is wrong and cruel because everyone is capable of growth” you’re not understanding the post.

yes, everyone is CAPABLE of growth and change. everyone has the RIGHT to growth and change. but no, not everyone will CHOOSE growth and change. some people are not interested in and cannot be made interested in self-improvement or self-reflection. some people will go their entire lives refusing to admit they might be wrong or examine their own behaviors. some people will never, ever accept responsibility for the effects they have on people and the world around them. humans are varied; some are just always gonna be like this.

it is VITAL to understand this if you’re the kind of person who tends to pour energy into helping others, especially if there are already people knowingly hurting you who consistently show absolutely no interest in changing that behavior. you can’t forcibly make them want to change who they are. you aren’t going to find a way to convince them to suddenly care that their behavior is hurting someone.

the motivation to change and grow comes from within. others may inspire us, but WE have to decide we want to be better and work towards that. until they decide that for themselves, nobody else can do it for them. and they might never. people are mortal. we are a finite series of choices. it is entirely possible to make mostly selfish ones.

everyone CAN grow, but not everyone will. not everyone wants to, and nobody can force the desire to grow as a person on someone else.

[prentisswh0re]

i, dick wolf, and my buddy, speed weed, are going to produce a show with especially heinous subjects and you better take us seriously

[peanutgallerymemes]

oh yeah, that’s the good stuff 😩

[mulders-slutty-black-turtleneck]

[screenshotsofdespair]

[peanutgallerymemes]

seriously, there’s no tmi with me. love hearing the socially unacceptable weird topics

[redlipstickresurrected]

Kathrin Rank (German, b. 1967, Bielefeld, Germany, based Berlin, Germany) - In Between I, 2025, Paintings: Oil on Canvas

[staud]

The Terror as Silent Hill quotes

[laissezferre]

[broadwayhoran]

west-central florida gothic

-your yard is covered in strange plants. you don’t question them. visiting relatives adore their leaves. 

-you step outside. small lizards scurry away. you fear you will step on them. there are too many to count.

-sandhill cranes are walking through the McDonalds parking lot in groups of three. no one seems to notice them.

-advertisements for Morgan & Morgan are everywhere. you begin to question who these Morgans are and what they really do. they are taking over. they are ‘for the people’.

-every local sports fan has a picture with the Raymond James Stadium pirate ship. everyone resents the pirate ship.

-you hear soft skittering footstep sounds on the wall at night. your heart pounds; the palmetto bugs are attacking.

-people are arguing over which bagel/pizza/Italian joint is the most ‘New York’. there is an angry person from Brooklyn involved in the conversation.

-it’s sunny and clear outside. you walk into Publix. you buy one of their bakery items. you sniff their fried chicken longingly. you pay and walk into the parking lot. it’s raining. you fear lightning will strike the bottlebrush trees. 

-someone says ‘the Tampa Bay Area’. no one knows where exactly the Tampa Bay area really is. you are probably living in the Tampa Bay area. 

-your neighbor has a boat in their driveway. you’ve never, ever seen the boat leave the driveway. 

-every December, six different ‘I survived the Florida winter 12/16-12/18′ posts circulate Facebook. 

-the Straz Center has advertisements for about thirty events at once. you begin to question how many theaters the Straz Center actually has. you visit the Straz Center. you are horrified at how large the Straz Center is.

-there are fruit stands every hundred yards. they all sell citrus fruits and fresh honey.

-despite being fifty yards away from a body of water at all times, you haven’t gone to the beach in a year. you go to the beach. the sand is white powder. there are sunburnt Michiganders and one three-generation British family. 

[literalstardust]

florida gothic

you enter your local publix. lining an entire wall is carton after carton of orange juice. “50% off blood oranges, grown fresh in state!” says a smiling employee. he gives you a sample. you try to ignore the metallic taste now lining your tongue.

you cross lake jessup as you have every day for the past three years. you can’t help but notice a distinct lack of alligators in the waters below. your windshield is black with splattered bugs. splattered bugs, and also large chunks of green, scaly flesh.

you near the exit of walt disney world’s magic kingdom with your family. a smiling employee scans the chip embedded in your forearm and allows you to leave. your daughter was not so lucky. “the most magical place on earth,” you chant in unison, tears streaming down your cheeks.

the temperature is 64 fahrenheit. you don a thin sweater and comment, “it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it?” everyone within a ten mile vicinity snaps their head around to face you and chants together, “you dont know cold. you have never seen cold. i used to live in new york. you have not lived cold.”

there are no mountains for miles. the ground has no undulations, no bumps, no imperfections. your house is perfectly flat. you are perfectly flat. the world is perfectly, wonderfully flat. you laugh at globes.

“mosquitos are big this year!” someone laughs from deep within the bunker. you do not laugh, but instead paint another protection sigil onto the door with extra strength bug spray. perhaps it will help you this year. if not, the joker will make excellent bait.

the rain comes down in sheets at exactly 4:00 every summer afternoon. the rain stops at exactly 4:10 every summer afternoon. at exactly 4:11 every summer afternoon, you have forgotten it. the grass is parched, the asphalt baking. you do not remember the last time it has rained. 

a small boy from michigan standing near you points excitedly towards a wall. “look, mommy, a dinosaur!” she does not look, only says, “dear, there’s lizards in this state, don’t you know?” you do know. but you don’t remember them being so big, or having such large teeth.

[songofsunset]

Florida Gothic

The further south you go, the further north you get. Directions mean nothing. You drive and drive and end up further away from where you were going than when you started. You only end up in the south (or is it the north?) by accident, and are never sure how you eventually get back.

Several times a year the tourists flock into your town, clogging the highways and the beaches and the restaurants. You look the other way as they wade into water that is just a bit cooler and murkier than it should be. What’s a few tourists, in the long scheme of things?

You see the Snowbirds come, the retirees that visit every winter to escape the cold. You have never met the same one twice. You stop asking for names.

You take a kayaking tour of the coast. Your guide whispers to you to be careful, says that the mangroves can be dangerous, warns you not to get lost. In the distance there is screaming. Your guide says that it’s just the local frogs, and you pretend not to see his haunted stare.

Alligators appear in every body of water. You hesitate to leave the bathtub unattended, never leave the dishes to soak in a full sink, but it does no good. They crawl out of the water pitcher, the birdbath, the puddles on your counter. You try to ignore them. They ignore you. You learn to live with them.

There is a Publix on every street, and you are glad. You love them with a fierce devotion you cannot begin to explain. When you visit other states, you feel empty inside, always thinking of when you can get back.

You do not believe in snow. You have seen it three times, on vacations up north… you do not believe in snow. 

You barely even notice anymore when the hurricanes come, not until the air is heavy and yellow and the wind is strong. You think ‘oh’, and drive to the store to buy the third-to-last loaf of bread, and then it rains for 5 days and you eat canned beans by candlelight. Afterwards you can barely recall that it happened. Outside, there is a pile of woodchips where a tree used to be. You don’t remember why.

There is a man selling oranges beside the road, beside almost every road. You have never seen anyone stop for them, but there they remain. Someday, you think, you will buy some of those oranges. You never do.

In the distance, the clouds loom like mountains. You are not sure what mountains are, but you think they must be mostly like that. A handful of minutes later, they are gone.

[iloveyoudie]

Someone once told me: Time is a flat circle. Everything we've ever done or will do, we're gonna do over and over and over again.

[sangreconcrema]

1. Man is a MORAL animal.

2. You can get human beings to do anything IF you convince them it is moral.

3. You can convince human beings anything is moral.

[deputyrook]

favourite FBI/detectives in film and tv

[mulder & scully - the x-files; lee harker - longlegs; will graham - hannibal; dale cooper - twin peaks; clarice starling - silence of the lambs; rust cohle - true detective]