[rumwik]

I’m fondly recalling the time my husband tried ordering a smattering of mushrooms without crust

[celbel96]

[hallandoates1970topresent-deact]

i dont go on skype anymore. chat with me by screaming as loud as you can into the night sky. i will be listening

[pink-rabbits-deactivated2017011]

[weaux-deactivated20170327]

me

[viruzblog]

SHIT

[wlw]

so I work at starbucks right and I was making this old lady a taste test drink to help her decide if she wanted a bigger size and I give her this drink right and as she’s about to take a drink I deadass said “take a fu-” before I stopped and realized I was really about to tell this 78 year old woman to take a fucking sip, babe

[quecooltura]

How I remember a dream right when I wake up: 

me remembering that dream 11 minutes later:

[earthdad]

when ur the last one to get introduced to a group of people

[hamotzi]

hm! poms!

[leethompkins-old-deactivated202]

jake peralta: feminist cop

bonus:

[beachnymph]

self care is listening to Africa by Toto for 22 hours straight, staring into the void until all your feelings, impulses, muscles, and skin melt away and you are but a pile of bones vibrating along to 80’s synth wave

[knowtherealcost]

Nicotine can reprogram your brain. Until all you think about is your next cigarette.

[maria-ruta]

[buttlert]

getting ready to give a presentation in class that u kno u shat out at 2 am the morning of jacked on caffeine pills

[the-kellin-under-the-vic]

omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???

This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material

[joleebindo-blog]

it’s like rock paper scissors: baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby

[femcassidy]

my limit for stress is apparently kitchenware. anything past kitchenware and i start to remember that i’m alive. an apartment can be anything. an apartment can be 20 mugs and no furniture.

[baawri]

clothes I wish I had. ➝ Anju Modi Autumn Winter 2014

[drunkroxybutts]

catching legendary Pokémon has always made me a bit uncomfortable like? tapu koko is in my pc box rn. who’s protecting the island. Arceus is pretty much god and probably has better things to do than follow the commands of a 12 year old but ok