on cycles, the reconstructing of a narrative, and everything caught in the crossfire — or, why will’s coming out scene is Like That
despite firmly planting myself on the conformitygate bus, there’s always still been something i could never quite manage to wrap my head around.
if there truly are meant to be episodes that are ‘fake,’ followed by the surprise of the ones intended to be real, then…why the hell would you put the coming out scene in the former? and not, you know. in the version of your show you’re actually intending to be good?
last night, though, i had an epiphany. and something just clicked.
if you happen to be viewing this from outside the bus, this analysis doesn’t really center around the assumption that the bus will be guaranteed a destination, so you can read this regardless of whether you believe or not. i even provide thematic closure at the end, and everything. i promise.
the coming out scene, despite how it presents itself, is not a coming out scene. not as its primary function, anyway.
it’s eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. and henry has personally engineered every single second of it.
let me explain. (eventually. we kind of need to establish some things first.)
if you’ve been in this tag and somehow haven’t seen mention of it yet, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (esotsm) is a 2004 film about a couple who have their memories of each other permanently erased. the reason it’s been so heavily discussed here is that the duffers themselves brought it up as something season 5 would heavily call upon.
the current biggest interpretation of what this means (from bus discussions, at least) is that it will be a main element of any future content we could get; that mike and will will be made to forget each other, and mike will travel through either memories or time to set things right.
i…slightly disagree. both in that i don’t think it’ll be quite so literal, and that it’s already well underway. because henry has made it so, and he’s already fully told us his reasons as to why.
i don’t think it will come as much of a shock to say that henry and will are foils of each other; they are what the other would be had their lives been more similar. as is revealed in episode 8 (and also, i assume, the first shadow, though i haven’t quite gotten around to digging for that yet), henry is being controlled by the mindflayer in the same way will was/is. both were ‘chosen,’ i suppose, to be the victims of this monster for reasons that will likely never really be fully comprehended.
episode 1 reminds us of the allegory that is being made here. henry and will are both victims of the same metaphorical trauma, but the way henry has gone about processing what was done to him is by doing, when it comes to this sort of thing, the one thing you really can’t— he tries to rationalize it. this act of unimaginable cruelty had to have some sort of reason behind it. he must have something about him that made him ‘chosen.’ that made him different, and thus inevitably singled out. the thought that this is true is easier to accept than the fact that it is not.
as henry says when will tries to reason with him in episode 8, the mindflayer “showed him the truth.” it showed him that the “world is rotten.” henry continues the cycle of abuse because he has firmly planted himself in the idea that bad things happen to people because they themselves are bad in some innate, unchangeable way.
this is why he’s so fascinated by will. and simultaneously despises him.
because will, for all that he has endured— and for how similar it is to what henry has endured— he has never truly let it change him, his view of the world, or his view of himself, in the way it has for henry. when vecna gets his hands on other people, they shatter. will, even back in season 1 when he was another little boy bullied and ostracized by his town, survives.
were he to come to see the world in the same way henry does, and submit to him willingly, then vecna would have himself a truly perfect vessel. one he could utilize as much as he wanted, for whatever he wanted, and never worry about it breaking down under the weight of it all.
there’s just one problem. will, the wonderful little guy that he is, is surrounded by the one thing henry never was— love. from his friends, from his mother, and from the boy who spent the days when he was at his absolute lowest never once leaving his side. will’s love for mike is what keeps him sure of the good of the world, and mike’s love for will is what ensures he will always have someone there to help guide him back into the light whenever he’s in danger of falling too far.
if vecna wants will, wants to win, this can not continue to be the case. he needs a new tactic, because mike, and the love will has for him, will keep getting in the way otherwise.
and by sorcerer, he’s figured one out.
“can you see them…william? can you see the children? do you know why? why i chose them to reshape the world? it’s because they are weak. weak in body and mind. easily broken. easily reshaped. controlled. the perfect vessels. and you…will. you were the first. and you broke so easily. you showed me what was possible, what i could achieve. some minds, it turns out, simply do not belong in this world. they belong in mine.”
do you see it? vecna is reshaping the narrative here. reshaping will’s narrative of himself. all of the things that make will strong, are now being framed as the reasons why he will never belong anywhere except for at vecna’s side. one of the scenes that plays over the “and you broke so easily” line is a flashback to a tearful will confessing to his mother about how deeply everything that’s happened to him is affecting him in season 2.
vecna is taking this moment of incredibly brave vulnerability, of a terrified little boy deciding to believe that regardless of what is going on, someone he loves will be able to comfort and help him, and twisting it into a moment that proves that will is weak. that emotional vulnerability is nothing but a display of failure on will’s part. vecna says the children were chosen because they are weak, and easily broken, and then goes on to say that will broke the easiest of all. ie; the weakest of all.
he’s trying to get will to do the same thing he did; rationalize the terrible things that have happened to him. to come up with a reason behind why vecna decided to go after him, of all people, in the first place. was justified to, simply because of who will is at his core.
then, when vecna says that some minds “simply do not belong in this world,” the scenes that play are all moments of will experiencing anguish specifically over being queer, or over his love for mike. i don’t think i need to really explain the association vecna is trying to impose here.
so the viewpoint vecna is trying to get will to adopt is clear: that he was taken and used because he is fundamentally, inherently different to everyone else around him. that difference is founded in him being queer, and that difference made him weak before vecna ever even set his sights on him.
(considering that will and henry are foils, and representative of who the other could have been, this feels more like projection from henry for me than him just being evil and homophobic. but i am Not the person equipped to unpack all of that, lol.)
unfortunately for will, vecna does not decide to end things here.
throughout the season, will has moments where he comes off a little suspicious, but i think we can say for a fact that the will we see in episode 7 is not entirely alone in his head. for all of episode seven. including— and almost especially— that scene with joyce. when el tells the will on the bed to show her where he is, you can hear ticking sounds. will is not leading her to him here; henry is. i think noah has said about season 2 that he played some scenes as will, some scenes as the monster, and some as a mix of both. the talk with joyce, to me, falls into that final option.
from episode 4 on, you can see this rhetoric surface more and more in will’s dialogue, but the way this plays out makes me think that vecna may be doing something akin to pushing will through it forcibly until he doesn’t have to use force anymore.
go back and watch this scene, and look at the expression his face shifts into from when he says “the truth is i never stood a chance. and he knew it.” to “he’s always known it.” it’s very small, but his head and brows slightly lift, and it almost looks like “he’s always known it” is said with the slightest hint of henry’s pride. when will says “that’s why, out of everyone in hawkins, he chose me,” his voice gains a level of anger that makes it sound like henry is leaning down and spitting that right to his face. this indicates to me that though will is speaking, henry is still holding the reins of his thoughts, and slips forward to the forefront whenever his grip gets too tight. the fact that will is already fully spouting the same ideas vecna had just given him proves that he’s got at least some sort of a hold on him here.
the scene with max and vickie is, i believe, fully vecna, because he is ominous as hell for the majority of this conversation, and i think henry takes control specifically to find out how max had escaped.
and i also think her answer gives him an idea, or sort of refines the one he already had. the end of the scene has will turning to look at that drawing on the window, and if you look closely you can see that his eyes briefly move down to look at the ‘x’— conveniently positioned directly over will’s heart. and we all know who that means.
vecna may not even fully remember this cave max talks about anymore— but the feelings henry has associated with it are still strong enough to influence how it functions in his world. this proves what ultimately trumps what in this scenario. were the emotions surrounding the cave to change, so too would the way it represents itself to him.
so our eternal sunshine of the spotless mind parallel actually isn’t fully eternal sunshine of the spotless mind— it’s something worse.
to win, and get will more or less on his side (not necessarily in agreement, but in the thought that he simply has nowhere else he can go), vecna is not aiming to erase mike and will’s memories of each other. he’s trying to reframe them. to make it appear like the feeling that has always been there, and still exists currently, was never what either of them thought it was at all. to devalue mike’s role to will, and devalue will’s role to mike.
and so…we get the coming out scene.
the reason absolutely everyone they’ve ever met is present for this conversation is because when mike walks in on will and his mom, vecna sees the chance he’s been afforded.
the ‘you need to hear this. everyone does’ is a perfectly aimed arrow directly into mike’s heart. because while mike is obviously not entitled to this confession, the fact that will is practically handed the chance to speak with mike privately first and turns it down in favor of just telling everyone at the same time— effectively saying that the way he would’ve conveyed this information to mike wouldn’t have been all that more intimate or different to how he’d tell it to someone he’s barely ever spoken to. why would will need to talk about this with mike, if he’d just be saying exactly the same thing he’d be then repeating to erica, or murray, or kali?
this is why it had to be a coming out scene, essentially. if it were any other topic, mike probably wouldn’t be as affected by being grouped with everyone else, but this is the single biggest secret will has ever kept. and mike’s importance to will’s internal struggles and feelings regarding it has been significantly reduced. it’s less that he told everyone at the same time, and more that he could’ve had a private talk with mike first and actively chose not to.
there’s an interview the duffers did post this episode where they’re asked if mike knows about will’s feelings for him, and they basically give a very vague answer that doesn’t at all answer the question, so i’m inclined to think the answer is still no. the tammy line alone wouldn’t really be enough to make mike 100% sure will was referring to him and thus be devalued solely through that, so i believe that this really is what the purpose of the giant crowd is for.
if you think that this single incident alone wouldn’t be enough to make mr michael wheeler here suddenly doubt his position in his best friend’s life, i will remind you of two things.
the first, is that this is not the first time this has happened. we know from how he first treated max when he thought that will was looking too excited by her presence (yes, really. great post here) that jealousy is not a new feeling for our dear, repressed friend, especially whenever will is concerned. and, from the perspective of someone who doesn’t know robin is a lesbian, their sudden closeness and shared glances look a lot like will could be having a crush on her!
will is also sort of…snippy, in shock jock? at least whenever mike tries to excitedly hype up his newfound status as a sorcerer. he dismisses it, or downplays it, or he doesn’t really say anything at all. (people have attributed this to will being possessed here, and i can definitely fully see that, i’m just not sure how vecna then wouldn’t know about their plan in that same episode. so i think it could also be that being right out of vecna’s monologue + blaming himself for all the kids getting taken means that will doesn’t really want to hear about how ‘great’ his powers are at the moment, with possibly a little trickling in from vecna on the side.)
(and also, in which other stellar relationship have we seen this dynamic before? hmm. sure would be a shame if mike had a precedent for how a relationship feels when this specific action of his gets this specific sort of reaction, huh.)
the second thing i will say, is that in esotsm, clementine, the female lead, wears an orange hoodie. joel, the male lead, wears a dark green beanie. if we think back to what mike and will are wearing in the coming out scene— the first time either of them are shown wearing these outfits, mind you— the answer of who is meant to represent who becomes quite obvious. and in esotsm, the only reason joel decides to go and get the procedure to have his memories removed is that he learns that clementine has already gone and gotten hers done first.
and so now…we come to will. that tammy line is infamous, at this point, but i do want to take the time to actually look at what it means within the context of everything we’ve just discussed.
“and i uh, i had this…this crush on someone. even though i know…i know they’re not like me. but…but then i realized he’s just my tammy. and by tammy, i mean it was never about him. it was…it was about me.“
…looks familiar, doesn’t it?
“it was never about him, it was about me.” vecna has taken will’s genuine, real love for mike and reframed it into something that only resulted as a consequence of will’s own faults. of his weakness, and his difference— his queerness— that all prove he will never truly fit in with the people around him. the love he feels for mike no longer feels genuine, but instead like a failing of will’s. ‘even though i know they’re not like me,’ he says. EVEN THOUGH. as if will is saying he knows that this was foolish, and his own fault, and his own failure, because why should he have ever let himself fall for someone who will never ever be like him?
the reason mike doesn’t show up in those flashbacks when will is talking about his happy memories is not because they’ve been literally erased. they’ve just been recontextualized, and are no longer happy memories anymore.
the series of things will then lists out are only serving to drive this separation point home further. the milkshake line lets us know that henry is present, here, but if the conversation with joyce was more henry than will i think this one is now more will than henry, and the nudges to push him towards thinking this way presumably ever since their confrontation together have really begun to work.
(and, once again, since henry and will are foils to each other, i think the little slip from henry here hadn’t been intentional. getting a bit too lost in what that old version of you wished you could’ve had, hmm?)
so will goes through that long, long list of everything he and everyone he knows have in common…but still, after all of that, brings things back to their one, intrinsic difference. he is gay, and they, as far as he knows, are not. robin is a lesbian, yes, but she has also never been a victim of vecna’s, which has now been made to feel like an inevitable consequence of will’s entire identity. at the end of the day, he is queer. he is different.
this is why i find the execution of something like this in this particular setting so sinister. because even though literally everyone and their mother comes up to tell will that they will still support him, now, in the context of what used to make will feel safe and heard and understood (his emotionally vulnerable moments), a line has still firmly been drawn in the sand between them and him. They can tell him they love him and care for him all they want, but he will still always be aware of the single, glaring difference that will forever set them apart.
and so, with this scene, vecna has swiftly removed each of the obstacles that stand in his way of making will see things his way— that he is the things that have happened to him (and is vecna not. the most literal representation of this you could get?), and everything he’s ever thought he felt towards these people that will never truly be like him was only ever a result of his own weakness that brought him to his situation in the first place. will can still be friends with mike, sure, but…will is who he is. so that’s all it’ll ever be. and that’s just how things are.
there’s one more thing about eternal sunshine of the spotless mind i’d like to mention.
towards the end of the film, in the midst of his memory-erasing procedure, joel realizes that he doesn’t actually want to go through with it; he loves clementine too much. and though the operation is still completed anyway, and his memories of her are gone, that isn’t where the movie ends.
instead, in the final scenes of the film, even with their relationship supposedly completely wiped out, the two still manage to find each other again.
so whether you’re on this crazy, wild bus or not, and regardless of whether conformitygate is real or not, you can rest assured that mike, eventually, will always find his way back to will.
