elliot/elio/eli/e/whatever u want idrc ā¶ he him ā¶ mlm ā¶ ftm ā¶ junior in hs ā¶ future physics major ā¶ mexican + cuban no sabo kid here to speak (whine) into the void
this blog is just meant to be my little digital diary! iāll be posting life updates, things from my day, sometimes pictures (#me), sometimes iāll be horny on (not)main, but mostly iāll bitch about how much i love my physics teacher (#mr.o). wonderful man.
no dni, do wtv, iāll let u know if i donāt want u here
feel free to send asks/dms iām always down to chat:)
likes: coffee (iced or hot, but always black), passionate male authority figures that are loud about caring for me, nature walks (with a lucky strike), space, physics puns, henna, good food, my friends, lamenting my life on the west coast while stuck in the midwest
cocteau twins, lorde, deftones, audioslave, rainbow kitten surprise, fiona apple, linkin park, slowdive, massive attack, bowie, ethel cain, lana, alice In chains, elliot smith, tyler the creator, hozier
dead poets society, interstellar, mysterious skin, saw (all of them), cmbyn, black swan, evil dead (all of themāarmy of darkness especially), moulin rouge, snatch, midnight in paris, bones and all, donnie darko, supernatural, the boys, gilmore girls, new girl, the pitt
dislikes: hateful people, waiting for my life to start after high school, my mother and father (mostly my father)
my tc tags:
#mr. o ā physics teacher! the one iāve been talking about most beautiful, stable man in my orbit. he wears black slacks and a colorful button up every day, my favorites being this dark blue, this lilac purple he usually wears with a dark purple tie, this spring green, and this black and grey plaid. heās shorter than average, but heās so fucking confident about it which makes me admire him, as i am also minuscule. i would quite literally do anything for him. our eyes always linger on each other. iām always the last one to leave his classroom. i go to his office hours when no one else does to just sit and be in his presence. we have very nice chats. heās almost certainly single and iām beyond desperate to be his stress relief
#mr. d ā former math/shop teacher! been my teacher for two years now. heās larger than life, fucking hilarious, and probably the most conventionally attractive teacher that works at that school. heās like a cool dad. everyone loves him, he has zero haters in that school, and if someone does hate him, everyone else hates them. heās married with no kids, but a dog and a cat. i have very few qualms about disrespecting his marriage on here, tbh
#mr. m ā counselor! heās very paternal to me, but whenever i sit with him to chat i canāt keep my eyes off his crotch. heās huge. he cares so much about me and heās extremely gentle, probably more than he should be. no matter how badly iām doing, he never blames me, makes sure iām taking care of myself, and encourages me to put myself first (something my father has never done).
all week splitting headaches, nic withdrawal, nightmares every night, every muscle is stiff, failing half my classes, shaking like a leaf, looking like a sad wet cat 24/7 someone (older, intellectual gentleman) save me please save m
he was helping me finish my final project and asked why i waited till the last minute to do some exam makeups, but then apologized for not being available for other makeups :(
he kept saying āiām sorry i couldnāt help moreā, āyou know i love youā, āi hope things get betterā, and āyou know i adore youā we were alone and he was being so sweet and shit has sucked so much lately hearing all that from him was lovely
HE LOVED THE COOKIES TEHE literally detailed recollection of each kind and said the sea salt on the chocolate chip ones was a nice touch with a lil smirk:3
he found me working on something alone in my shop class to tell me how much he loved the cookies :3 he said he āallowedā his wife to have some with a little smirk on his face augh
i caught him off guard when he turned to leave n told him iād make him some more. he got all nervous and laughed, stuttering out something about how i should take care of myself first ^_^
sometimes it makes me feel resentful & i hate myself for being soā¦ backwards.
he is so sweet, so caring, so gentle and romantic. everything you should want in a man, but in the end, all i want is to be hurt and told how pathetic i am.
how i push them to the breaking point. how its my fault they do what they do. i want somebody to hit me, bruise me, break my nose and then kiss the marks and wipe the blood. somebody to apologize while simultaneously telling me i made them do it.
in the end i am nothing but the perfect vessel to project hatred, rage & the wrong kind of love onto.
gave him his cookies yesterday and he said he remembers the ones i baked for him for valentines day because they were so good :D
i told him theyāre a late bday gift/a thank you for helping me find my path in life. he gave me a little ādonāt be afraid of letting that changeā talk and he told me to come back in 4-8 years to tell him what iām doing!!!! you KNOW iām taking him up on that!!!!!
moment of silence for this yearbook signature itās getting ripped out and itās staying in my wallet forever
