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"That’s Definitely Too Big to be a Sea Bass" and 100 Other Lies to Tell Yourself as You Play Animal Crossing a compilation by me

theatlantic

Desert Bus: The Worst Video Game Ever Created

The drive from Tucson, Arizona, to Las Vegas, Nevada, takes approximately eight hours when travelling in a vehicle whose top speed is forty-five miles per hour. In Desert Bus, an unreleased video game from 1995 conceived by the American illusionists and entertainers Penn Jillette and Teller, players must complete that journey in real time. Finishing a single leg of the trip requires considerable stamina and concentration in the face of arch boredom: the vehicle constantly lists to the right, so players cannot take their hands off the virtual wheel; swerving from the road will cause the bus’s engine to stall, forcing the player to be towed back to the beginning. The game cannot be paused. The bus carries no virtual passengers to add human interest, and there is no traffic to negotiate. The only scenery is the odd sand-pocked rock or road sign. Players earn a single point for each eight-hour trip completed between the two cities, making a Desert Bus high score perhaps the most costly in gaming.

threetides

golden-bopit-deactivated2012092

“Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “Hey babe! I like you okay. Do you wanna grab lunch? I think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.”

How To Tell If Someone Loves You (via barbieandken)

itsaubreylmfao

the only aisle i’ll be walking down is the alcohol section of my local grocery store

amanitacaplan

incorrectsylviaplathquotes

“I’d say go to hell, but I never want to see you again.”

Sylvia Plath (via tuffluf)

peterfeld

Buzzfeed’s Gabby Noone offers up 6 unique kids’ birthday party themes guaranteed to be the first on your block, like the Paleo-themed party, the Reddit party, the LinkedIn party or the Mad Men-themed party:

For a fun and unique party game, let the kids show off their bartending chops by playing a round of “Who can make Dad the best cocktail?” Then, have them sit in a circle for a game of “Whose parents have disappointed them the most?” Reward the winner with a gift certificate for 5 therapy sessions.

Instead of regular old birthday cake, serve up slices of Oh, That’s Today? cake, made from a partially frozen loaf of Sarah Lee pound cake. As a party favor, hand out candy cigarettes and fun-sized packets of Advil so the kids can nurse their Shirley Temple hangovers the next day.

caaayleee

Omg hahaha