Honest Motherhood

Sharing life as I go... 💙Boy Mama💙 Happily Married 💍 🥰

[caffeinateandpray]

Anyone else mentally spiral after sharing their testimony? Been battling CPTSD for most of my life. Sharing is hard for me but worth it.

[yahushuasworld]

[caffeinateandpray]

Sorry I have been MIA. Lots going on in my head, heart, and life. Said goodbye to my last grandma today. Both grandpa's are now widowed in a span of 3.5 years. I have fallen behind in housework because my head has stayed a mess. That and my ADHD does not help matters 🤪 Life is good but emotions are hard and it's crazy how much it can affect daily life. I plan to post more both here and on the mom page I just started a little over a month ago. Ciao!

[caffeinateandpray]

[heaven-to-betsy]

Having kids close together in age is difficult for sure, but it’s also the best thing ever. You get baby cuddles and coos, and playtime and songs and stories from the toddler. It’s just love all around. 1000% recommend.

[caffeinateandpray]

Been a while since I've gotten on here. The Christmas season is busy and my brain goes in hibernate mode.

[caffeinateandpray]

Thanksgiving and/or the holidays can be complicated for many. If you are in that boat I completely understand. Be grateful for the good, and don't fixate on the bad. Look at those babies faces and don't stress today❤️🦃

[caffeinateandpray]

We live in a 200+ year old farm house and let me tell you it is very drafty and cold downstairs. Heat rises so it's nice and toasty on the upper level. I have my boys layered with fuzzy jackets over their jammies. There will be no sitting on the floor today with my babies. We have 30mi/hr winds. I am getting laundry done but still going to love on and play with my boys. It's all about balance and I'm trying to find it.

[caffeinateandpray]

I am almost caught up on housework. Dishes are done, clothes put away (except one basket) and yet I worry I'm emotionally neglecting my kids if I am. If they cry I answer, stop what I'm doing to cuddle, kiss a boo boo, grab a snack for them, etc. I constantly worry I'm not doing enough. I know I need to get on the floor and play with them more. Tomorrow I plan to focus on doing just that and laundry. There's plenty of time in between loads for me to do so. My almost 3 year old repeatedly asks me the same question every. single. day. It's "Where key doe?" and translated that's "Where the kitty go?" We have a sweet, lazy, fat cat named Samson. He mostly hides from the littles. Even when my child KNOWS where the cat went he will still ask. I will tell him he asked me that five minutes ago and he'll smirk. He wants to interact but is limited with his speech. It gets annoying but I have to understand from his perspective. Still figuring out this mom thing, only almost three years in.

[caffeinateandpray]

Sometimes it really sucks to be a neurodivergent person let alone parent. And then to possibly have a neurodivergent child that's different than me is heavy. I don't want my son to ever doubt his worth or ever live his life constantly in comparison like i do. People pleasing and worrying what others think or how they interpret me can be all consuming because I fear being misunderstood. I seem "normal" but I carry the weight of fitting in. He's going to look to me for guidance and so I need to work through this now (I have a counselor) I want him to be confident enough to stand out and be his fun self. Some kids at church made him cry today and he can't verbalize that they rejected him so he just cried, wiped his tears and continued to try to get them to let him play with them. I want to protect him from the world so badly but I can't. What i can do is remind him how awesome he is, loved, and cherished. He may be behind on speech but he is so sharp and smart. My little boy hears and absorbs everything. He has a heart of gold! I may not always understand him but I desperately want to. I wish I could live life through his eyes.

[caffeinateandpray]

There needs to be scream classes where people individually and collectively scream together and then share with each other what's on their mind. I would ersonally love that!

I feel like (not even related to the kids) Having that escape to let out everything built up inside would be so cathartic and healing.

[caffeinateandpray]

These are the days.

This morning I put in my contacts, applied a little makeup, and got the kids up. Although it's been a series of tantrums, my oldest hitting his brother, and time outs (as most any day) There have also been quiet moments and I have gotten to do some embroidery. I love how supportive my husband is and how he doesn't have unrealistic expectations for what I am supposed to accomplish in a day. That really helps me especially in the season I find myself in of crippling overwhelm. (Although some days are better than others with that) He jokes that as long as I keep the kids alive that's all that matters to him. Isn't it nice to lay down the expectations and to be light hearted?It's an easy enough task to keep the kids alive, fed, and cared for. Well except when I'm chasing my toddler around the house trying to get him dressed, lol. But I need to remember that if caring for my kids is all I have accomplished in a day I am not failing. I do try to do things around the house throughout the day but if I find that it's near impossible or I'm finding myself getting irritable then it's best I give it a rest so I am not raising my voice with the kids. They are what it is all about. THE most important work and I think sometimes since I never get much of a break I can take them for granted. And I was just talking to a group of Mama's yesterday that said that they find themselves doing the same. There's a quote that's going around that says (Paraphrased) "I will go back to these days in my head when I am 80." SO often we miss out on the best days and we don"t even realize they are because we are so tired and fixated on our challenges.

[annasanthology]

but part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself - to let go of the limiting stories you've told yourself about who you are so that you aren't trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you've been telling yourself about your life.

[caffeinateandpray]

Postpartum

I heard multiple people tell me how difficult it was for them postpartum after their second child. I didn't struggle for five months and counted myself lucky. I stopped breastfeeding and then I started to slowly suffer and turned into what I am currently dealing with mentally. Truly I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's agonizing. I was so at peace and happy. Now I feel like I am struggling with crippling anxiety, dealing with seasonal depression mixed with the postpartum depression I thought I had dodged. Despite where I am at this current moment I know deep down how blessed I am to have the husband and little boys I do. They are gifts from God! In the midst of the chaos and overwhelm I can easily lose sight of that and raise my voice or get an attitude with my babies. They are my world and I will continue to do my very best. I need to remind myself that my best now doesn't look like my best 5 months ago and that's alright. It's crucial I give myself grace and kindness. Outlets of creativity when there's time, and quiet moments even if that means staying up late at night to unplug and unwind. Self care is key to getting out of this mess and into a better head space. I got a brand new nature bright-sun touch plus light therapy lamp to sit in front of for the seasonal depression. (Got off marketplace for $25 and sells for $69. Such a good deal!) I am praying this helps me. From what I have read and what people have told me, this should get me through the winter months. Also taking Ashwaganda for stress/hormone levels and vitamin D. I have been on Lexapro for a few years now and am considering trying something else. I have been helping with my local Mom group for our county as well, that has been such a blessing! That brings me joy and helps me feel some what normal. I am trusting God through this. I will continue to caffeinate and pray. Trusting that The Lord will guide me through and that there's something for me to learn in this season of life.

[caffeinateandpray]

Just got back from running errands. At the last one my boys were asleep and I had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to wake them. (I won't leave them in the car anywhere) So I booked it home and went to the bathroom. We live in the country so I could let them sleep and leave the car running. This is the closest I have gotten to 💩 my pants.

[heaven-to-betsy]

Having my son was the best thing that’s happened to me (besides marrying my husband). I’ll be stressed or frustrated about something, and then my toddler will hug me and suddenly everything is okay again.

[heaven-to-betsy]

This is why I’ve realised that the horrible message that children ruin your life is completely bs. They make you see things in new and beautiful colors every day. They make you a better and stronger person. They help you weather whatever bad thing is coming your way because they need you, so you step up. It’s a beautiful thing really.

[heaven-to-betsy]

Update: having two kids is even better because I can also watch them build their sibling relationship in real time!

[thatgentlewife]

I was really touched today when my husband looked at me and said, “you make it so easy to come home to.” That’s exactly what I want our home to be, a place of rest, joy, and safety.

As someone who didn’t grow up in a household like this, it reminded me how important it is not only to make the house a welcoming place, but also to be a welcoming place. A husband doesn’t just need a clean home, he needs a wife who greets him with warmth, peace, and love, the kind of love that flows from Christ. Proverbs 31 says, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” That’s what I want to embody.

The world is harsh and draining, but home should be the opposite. It should be where our husbands feel wanted, respected, and cared for. A soft word, a smile at the door, a meal on the table, a spirit of gentleness, these are little things, but they breathe life into a man’s heart.

I’m learning that being a wife means creating an atmosphere where my husband knows he is loved, honored, and safe. That’s the kind of home God calls us to build. ♥️

<3 thatgentlewife