Just another thing we're being asked to tolerate.

Love the one you're with.

[mmleepmlorp]

My five year plan is to just see what happens

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: Listen, there are only three living people I want to have sex with but I still kind of wish one of them weren't Sidney Crosby.

CW: Who are the other two? Is one of them Colin Morgan's throat?

SZ: OMG, that throat. No, I would literally crush Colin Morgan. I would roll over in my sleep and that'd be over.

CW: Like SIDS, but worse.

SZ: Either way you gotta leave in the middle of the night and start a new life in Montana.

[caitlinandshannon]

CW: I bled through my pants today at work. That was nice.

SZ: I love that. I love the shame that lingers upon me for the rest of the week.

CW: I'm still wearing the underwear.

SZ: Why ruin another pair?

CW: You get me.

[caitlinandshannon]

CW: A dead bug just fell out of my hair.

SZ: Make a wish.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: I'm stuck behind a 95-year-old woman getting her first library card.

CW: She probably has nothing but limited time.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: We turned out okay, kinda.

CW: Eh.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: [sending a Yogi well-wish] [Yogi: You're inspirational!] Whatever.

CW: "You're inspirational. Whatever."

SZ: Yogi doesn't make well-wishes for people like me. "You are tolerable." "Hope you live another day, acquaintance."

CW: That's the nicest thing you've ever said.

[caitlinandshannon]

CW: Benedict Cumberbatch is really attractive for a guy I'm not really attracted to.

SZ: I probably couldn't even walk that far into the wilderness. But I want to. I'd live off the land. Probably eat some poison berries. Die choking on my own blood.

CW: What?

SZ: Family dinner.

CW: Ah.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: I can't even fathom how different my parents' lives were. They literally built a house.

CW: That is mesmerizing and terrifying all at once. Who can even afford a house?

SZ: That is a thing you pay professionals for. None of us even died in it. What a goddamn marvel.

CW: I've only ever seen that in movies where Kevin Kline tries to bond with his son and then dies.

SZ: That is the logical sequence of events.

[caitlinandshannon]

CW: I'm still drinking coffee even though my stomach is kind of upset from too much ham.

SZ: I wouldn't think you'd admit to there being such a thing as too much ham.

CW: I never thought my ass would admit to it, either.

SZ: Ambiguous.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: I would rather die under a pile of spiders than with a loved one holding my hand.

CW: I'll keep that in mind.

CW: I would eat a human being if it was cooked in marsala wine.

SZ: I'll keep that in mind.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: I want to savor this whiskey ginger but I also want to be tipsy right now.

CW: The struggle is real.

[caitlinandshannon]

CW: Putting on 8 pounds of makeup. If all goes well, I'll look like someone else.

SZ: If it goes really well, you'll look like Tim Curry.

CW: I couldn't even hope for that.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: Nothing is perfect. Except Marian Hossa.

CW: I'm willing to accept that as a reality.

SZ: Part of me was like, "Don't add that second part," but part of me was like, "Tell the truth."

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: I just assume all professional athletes wake up to a pot of hot Gatorade.

CW: Mmm, nothing like a steaming cup of Blue Glacier.

SZ: Start your day the electrolyte way.

[caitlinandshannon]

SZ: Guy standing behind me in a Maple Leafs jersey. We just had words. Tense silence now.

CW: The Maple Leafs probably get knocked around by other teams so much it's a miracle they even spelled "maple" right.

SZ: Marple Leafs.

CW: It could have been the Blackhawks vs. Mayrpl Loofs.

SZ: Making yesterday's loss even more embarrassing.

[caitlinandshannon]

[watching hockey]

SZ: White guys interrupting each other to state obvious things, my fave.

CW: #allofhistory