Lin(duhhh!) I need your help! If iI have to go to a wedding and I need to bring a +1 with me, which HQ peeps would be a good and bad choice to bring? How are they as a faux s/o +1
note: [18+, smoking, alch, debauchery] this has been in my drafts longer than they shouldve been lmaoooo i just couldnt finish them. personally im the get-drunk off free drinks and go home in an uber after making my family mad kinda wedding date.
daichi sawamura ➝ looks classy as fuck. honestly he might be the best dressed man in the place, rip if theres a groom because hes outdressed him. your mom wants you to marry him, but SECRETLY he’s getting utterly sloshed and making your grandma try a blowjob shot (she thought it was fun!!) honestly 10/10 date.
koushi sugawara ➝ somehow he gets your family to do shots with him. gives HORRIBLE advice to your teen cousins about love and relationships, but they adore him. dances like an idiot but its so endearing. talks shit directly to your mean uncles face, and doesnt even bat an eye. takes 1000 photos with you.
asahi azumane ➝ finds the OLDEST person at the wedding reception and learns about their life. someone says his hair is “unprofessional and too long” and he almost cries on the brides shoulder. he looks amazing though, so at least the photos are amazing. only slow dances though.
yuu nishinoya ➝ rips his pants on the dance floor and also wears his tie on his head. but hes easily the most fun date for a wedding, keeps bringing your desserts to for you to try. keeps insinuating that the two of your are next for the aisle even though youre not dating.
ryuunosuke tanaka ➝ amazing partner for any wedding games. literally wins every raffle for some reason. somehow gets in the groomsmen groupchat and they all end up being friends. does some dance moves that involve karate kicks but doing best.
tobio kageyama ➝ is unable to leave conversations with family members and constantly texts you S.O.S. looks great in photos but he looked like he was gonna cry when you two danced. mediocre date only because he wasnt comfortable.
shoyo hinata ➝ caught the bouquet with his mouth like a dog (accidentally). all the old women love him. does the moonwalk across the dancefloor and the video ends up on youtube. compliments you every few minutes and genuinely just happy to be invited.
kei tsukishima ➝ ends up at the front of a conga line, and every photo he looks depressed as shit. begs the dj for “some good shit” but wont say what it is. gets stuck listening to your second-cousins on your dads side story about his lucrative business, and you dont save him because he doesnt deserve it.
tadashi yamaguchi ➝ if this wedding has children, then theyve met their match. for some reason every child just wants to prank/ bully yams and wont leave him alone. a pretty good dancer but hes allergic to SOMETHING in the cake and ends up leaving early to go to the hospital for anaphalytic shock.
ennoshita chikara ➝ fun fact, ennoshita is a trained ballroom dancer. another fun fact, he will dance with ANY person who asks. and so begins the night of him dancing with everyone in sight. barely gets to eat because people want to be swung around. you barely see him all night.
kiyoko shimizu ➝ everyone keeps asking her when shes getting married, and it stresses her out that she downs half a bottle of whiskey and dances to the macarena so aggressively that the questions stop
hitoka yachi ➝ shes honestly a perfect and fun date. makes jokes under her breath for the ceremony, looks great in all the photos, drinks and dances even if shes a little embarrassment, and when you leave she buys you fast food to catch up on family gossip.
tetsuro kuroo ➝ upstages the bride in a silk red tux. literally makes you move onto his other side so that his photos will be his good side. OTHER THAN HIS EGO hes probably the best date to a wedding. woos your family but doesnt let them over step, eats and drinks but doesnt get sloppy, dances with you but also makes jokes with you. perfect. love it.
morisuke yaku ➝ ends up in the FAMILY photos and everyone hates him for it. almost fights your uncle for saying something offensive, but also to assert dominance. swings you around too much when dancing that you puke up dinner. signs the guestbook as “Y/N’S FUTURE HUSBAND” and everyone is shocked.
kenma kozume ➝ single handedly requesting the best music but not dancing. sits around the entire night, eating and making jokes under his breath. but will try to dance with you ONCE (only for an ABBA song). hes an okay date, but he will drive you home and thank you “trusting him to meet your family” which is super cute.
lev haiba ➝ all the tiny moms keep asking how he grew so tall, and they keep saying “if they had him around he could grab stuff off the top shelf for them” the bride tells him to get out of photos because of his height and his creepy smile. hes a surprisingly fun dancer and good date, and keeps doing disco dance moves to make you laugh.
tooru oikawa ➝ got too drunk and accidentally started dancing to the father-daughter dance at the reception and you had to reel him back in and apologize. the bride asks to have him in the important photos to “up the hotness” and it immediately goes to his head. feeds you food dramatically so that others are jealous, but its too dramatic honestly. a great date if not for his ego and inability to stop drinking whiskey sours.
hajime iwaizumi ➝ rolls up his sleeves while dancing and all the aunties froth at the mouth at his biceps. overhears pregnancy news and congratulates them loudly, ruining the surprise and the brides day. deals with it by throwing some of the dessert into a tupperware that he brought, leaving early, and sharing the dessert with you at his apartment. the date ends well, mostly because of the debauchery.
issei matsukawa ➝ the worlds best arm candy. your photos look immaculate. your cousins are jealous. the BRIDE is jealous. he doesnt dance though - he just sits and gossips, or drinks and stands around. begs you to leave early because he cant stand the drama anymore.
takahiro hanamaki ➝ doesnt own dress pants so he wears black jeans instead, and while you want to hate him, he kinda looks fit. honestly he manages to make FAMILY friendly jokes that makes everyone laugh, and someone gives him a cigar so in every photo he’s puffin’ and looking like an idiot. personally MY favourite date of all of them because hes just so ridiculous and doesnt try to press any romance on your date.
akira kunimi ➝ the both of you get so fried that in every photo you both just look like 🔴👄🔴. honestly a super fun night, just eating food, smoking in the parking lot, and photobombing important photos. he signs the guestbook with “glizzy gladiators” and a small drawing of a penis
koutarou bokuto ➝ asked you “whats the wedding prank” and you were like “WEDDING PRANK???” anyways keep an eye on him hes a sneaky one. he coughs loudly during the “I Do’s” of the ceremony and the priest had to go “sorry what was that did you say i do” so now hes blacklisted from being your date for future events.
keiji akaashi ➝ accidentally wore the same colour tie as the groomsmen and so the photographer keeps pushing him into photos and no one knows how to say no. a horrible dancer, just horrid, but damn does he try. you can hear his bones crack when he pretends to throw it back on you. accidentally looks way into the date and keeps saying “this could be us one day” which makes it all awkward.
akinori konoha ➝ wolf whistles EVERY time the spouses kiss. EVERY TIME. without fail. even they want him to stop. looks super good in a dramatically PALE BLUE SUIT that clashes with the reception colours, but he buys you one of those corsages like its a prom or something because he thought it would be cute. it is. 10/10 a fun date and a cute man whos just there to make sure you have fun.
wakatoshi ushijima ➝ honestly he is TERRIFIED of your wedding and everything that is going on. but he makes sure that your outfits are well coordinated. doesnt drink but still manages to be a fun date. doesnt MEAN to dance like a robot but all his dance moves do feel robotic. tries to pick you up like that scene in dirty dancing and everyone is in awe (what hes strong). hes also down for every silly photo. overall a good date who drives you home after, 10/10
satori tendou ➝ brought those fire sparklers to light as a surprise and ended up setting the venue on fire and causing $120K in damages and repairs. but the catch? blamed it on your 8 year old cousin and no one NOT EVEN YOU knows the truth. before the aforementioned arson, he was a perfect date - funny, dancing, eating, being nice to your most offensive family members, overall good. such a shame he destroyed a venue. no one got hurt tho. and the photos are funny.
tsutomu goshiki ➝ the LAST to leave the reception even though no one knows him but you. swings his suit jacket above his head helicopter style ON A TABLE because he got drunk way too early (he was drinking at the CEREMONY in the MORNING). honestly not the worst date, but definitely shouldnt be your first choice. cute photos though.
shirabu kenjirou ➝ easily the worst date for a wedding. complete buzzkill. gets incredibly drunk and rants about why love isnt real and about his fifth grade girlfriend breaking his heart. disaster. cries and snots on your outfit. doesnt allow you to take photos with him.
atsumu miya ➝ king of the dancefloor. all the small children want to be swung into the air by him, and he complies begrudgingly. makes you take the funniest photos with him, especially in the dramatic psuedo-prom poses.
osamu miya ➝ complains about the food the entire time, and will make faces if the cake is vanilla. he literally said to a porter “no compliments to the chef” and the kid was like NO???? he’s not the best dancer but he hoists you up to catch the bouquet and eavesdrops on your family gossip for you.
rintarou suna ➝ why’d he wear a turtle neck under his suit jacket? for the drama. smiles in every photo like he has a secret (he does, he knows everything about the groom for some reason). ends up smoking outside with all the uncles and they are begging you to date/marry him because hes “one of the boys already” big red flag imo. but he is super sweet to the old ladies.
shinsuke kita ➝ possibly the sweetest date. stays close by your side but isnt afraid to drink and dance the night away. hes too nervous to eat and ends up puking a lot up later when hes home, but honestly hes a nice drunk too. theres one photo of the night where kita is taking a shot with the groom and they dont even know eachother (its very cute)
takanobu aone ➝ the workers at the venue thinks hes security and hes too shy to explain that hes not, so they give him a walkie talkie and a badge. he uses these privilege's to swipe extra bread for your table. a FANTASTIC dancer, and he sweeps you up and dances with you all night. not a good talker with family though and they think hes scary.
kenji futakuchi ➝ turns out one of your cousins dated him a few years back and so an entire FUED and FIGHT breaks out. she starts throwing things at him and the bride cries from the drama. the drama of it all, you both leave very early. he buys you a fancy dinner as an apology.
kanji koganegawa ➝ stole the mic at the reception and went “listen mr groom sir i dont know you but you seem chill you should add me on playstation live aha” and everyone looked at him scared. the groom laughed though. you barely had your feet on the ground while dancing with him, and he makes you do wacky photobooth photos as a memory.
yuuji terushima ➝ at some point in the night he disappears and you find him in the washroom puking his guts out. he immediately jumps back out to the dance floor though, nothing stops that man. signs the guestbook as “your fav ex” to stir up drama, and boy does it work. a fun dancer, but cannot handle his liquor.
sakusa kiyoomi ➝ has a panic attack when a group of aunties kiss his cheeks and hug him. not a bad dancer but won’t slow dance. the bouquet falls at his feet and he RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM and everyone keeps telling you he’ll one day be your runaway groom. but the way he smiles at you in photos does make you a little warm.
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