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@caljames
this just in. cal has a mild case of prosopagnosia. he isn’t able to recognize familiar faces or any for that matter. defining features on someone would go unnoticed because he would not remember their face. if someone knew him well after a large amount of time he’d be able to recognize them, but it’d take time. he focuses on height, hair colour, voice tone.
Ashton Sanders as RZA in Wu-Tang: An American Saga (2019)
We assume that others show their love in the same way that we do and if they don’t follow that equation, we worry that the love is not there.
Amy Przeworski, The Love in Chicken Broth (via goodreadss)
revoide.
a smile tugged at her rosy mouth, but it didn’t quite make it ; the flesh faltered and her lips parted inside, revealing a hint of her teeth, her face slack. her amusement was her own and it was kept a secret. [ A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME… ] what was so important about a name? wasn’t she more than just that? she wondered if he recognized or, what would be really spectacular, knew anything else about her. how about the sunglasses that she wore, the same ones that she’d bought the day they went out to that farmer’s market and loved the vintage metallic dark - green rims? how about the box of matches that she played with in her hands, marked with a design for the pub where they first had dinner and a drink together? A NAME MEANT NOTHING ; it meant nothing unless he knew her, too.
and what of the things that he couldn’t see? cal’s observant nature hinged on his ability to perceive, perhaps to extent it also relied on his ability to feel, but if she was right and she liked to think that she was, then the man’s feelings were shot. and perception never held up its true form wherever she was concerned… “ maybe we’re both missing, ” she remarked, brows raising high above the twin circles of black shades. she spoke as though she were only joking, teasing him ( like i always do ) in light of his apparent confusion. then, she shut the matchbox with a quick twitch of her fingers and the matches rattled inside with a defiance. she straightened from where she’d been leaning against the warm metal frame of the car’s body, walked over to his side, and looked at him hard. her mouth was set in a resolute line. “ if we don’t burn the car, then there was no point of us going this far out of the way. it’s to be a red herring, you see. everyone will think that we’ve gone this way, when really, we will go that way. it’ll be a nice walk. ” and we used to so love taking our walks, didn’t we, don’t you remember?
there’s a lot more to this interaction than he realizes. than they realize. it wore him down trying to figure out the puzzles his mind has built around this woman. how much it’s trying to hide the answers ... the same way trauma gets buried deep within the mind. this charlotte seems to be rather important, yet her image isn’t clear. faces may not have been easy but objects and little trinkets were, like how he noticed the matches ... since she’s attached to the memories it’s tampered with. she kept tracing her fingers over the back of his hand. their first date. she kept touching his hands ... it comes back in flashes. past feeling like a film he faintly remembers but her ... but who is she and why do they know each other.
“ i’d say i am lost ... company in that would be nice. ”
cal smirks, side of his mouth rising a fair bit to show his amusement. eyes have been fixated on that box, so much so that he can’t help wondering if it was real ... was that memory that’s faded into pieces ...-real. is any of this ? they wander back up until they meet with where he assumes hers are. covered by shades and giving a very mysterious feel. yet it’s familiar. a mysterious blonde woman. it feels very home to him.
“ that is quite a distance to go- ... but a - a walk sounds nice. ”
it tugs at his heart, the urge to know as if his heart had a mind of it’s own. wanting to fill a void that’s hurting him. a void that he wasn’t aware of until now. meeting her. is this what love at first sight is ? or is he going mad ? cal can’t actually see her properly, but there’s more to it. to them. his eyes dull into a grey shade, while a tear falls. the struggle to fight against them is hard. he couldn’t win if he tried his best ... but it’s evident in his eyes. the pain he’s enduring while trying to remember. an internal struggle that’s beating him up. hand quickly rises while his thumb wipes away the tear.
“ WE SHOULD GET GOING, SHOULDN’T WE ? ” they answer for him, wanting the interaction to end. the switch in tone continues. it’s wasting their time when matters revolving around charlotte interest them more. cal sighs, the yelling in his head like a parent hating how he could get anxious and say little to nothing ... having a conversation drag on until the awkward energy he created pulled people away. he begins to walk only to look over his shoulder at her. mouth parts to say,
“ come on char. ”
pennyproud·.
his voice rings in her ears, it catches her off guard; she tries to ignore the vexation that paint her features. it’s fallen from the dip in her brow to the pout of her glossed lesser lip. cheeks tint pink, as does the tip of her ears, while annoyance festers within her, grows from the pit of her belly & stays within the midst of her throat ready to be freed. ❝ mr. i - can’t - call - nobody. ❞ ( had she spoken as quick as she’s used to temper would lace around each syllable like ribbon, spat ‘till it pooled around his shoes. ——— she can’t even pinpoint why she’s so bothered ).
❝ no. ❞ mother taught her not to lie but adolescence steps in before morals. often did she think about that night, cooped in the four walls of her bedroom where everything had been perfect despite cal’s absence. penelope was left frenzied with the crickets humming madly outside her window, pondering his disappearance, anxiety ridden in each toss & turn, insomnia a close friend; she slept at 3 am that night. ❝ you can keep ‘em, i got my gifts, four months ago, thank you very much. ❞ in true aries fashion her arms cross, head turning while those very hoops clink & dangle around cherub shaped cheeks.
❝ i’m sure it’s a very good gift but i’m solid. ❞
“ PENNY I WAS GROUNDED.. , ”
it hurts him ... seeing her angry this way with him. she’s been mad a few times before but this somehow felt different. a new type of anger he hasn’t seen yet. a new version. he knew reasons she could be, and it was valid. stepping out of routine to deal with home problems didn’t only effect him, but her as well. no more walks at 1 AM when she couldn’t sleep. skateboarding along side her as she vented problems about lacienega. phone calls, even when they had nothing to say ... just knowing they were there. comfort in knowing. knowing someone cared. that someone wouldn’t drop you. both falling asleep while their phones drained of battery.
“ i know i do stupid shit, trust. i wouldn’t intentionally ignore my top priority, ” and he meant that. their relationship meant a lot to him. the one person not holding him back, not hurting him with her own actions ... and someone he knew wouldn’t try to just to be vengeful. she meant a lot to him. “ i’m sorry penny, again. you know i ain’t mean to do this shit to you ... things ain’t right at home and- ... i’m sorry. ” head bows unable to maintain eye contact anymore. calvin felt disappointed in himself, but knew there was no avoiding this. he could’ve snuck out, but then it’d mean more time grounded. not helping anyone.
“ if you ain’t take em now i’ll leave em with your parents ... and you already know your pops ain’t like me ... you willing to condemn me to that ? ” as much as he’s trying to joke with her, he is in fact not fond of the thought of attempting to knock on the door only for her father to answer. calvin taking the mans daughter at all hours of the day throughout a week doesn’t leave him on the most liked list.
bleuebird·.
❛❛ GOD — where’d you get that intel, joe hardy ? it’s off the mark by a mile. ❜❜ baby blues slip into characteristic roll, agitation hardening the soft contours of easy mien. her diary is closed, slid off of peer - scratched desktop & into the obscured folds of bag leaning against crossed ankles. the distance between veronica & the rest of the student body had faded in its overt visibility with puberty’s favorable hand * the social call for closing the gap had not fallen in step, her disinterest in classmates & the boys that called late on weekday evenings or slipped notes into locker slats hadn’t lessened in the wake of her bloom. ❛❛ just because you ask someone out in the right way doesn’t mean they’ll say yes, ❜❜ girl sinks down against the cheap rigidity of her seat, arms crossing over chest. ❛❛ nobody has to be doing anything wrong to get turned down. if i’m not interested, then tough luck, better luck with the next one. there’s not exactly a ton of strategy in high school dating. ❜❜
“ OKAY THEN HOW YOU GET A GIRL TO LIKE YOU ? ”
ah yes high school dating, the worst experiences you could ask for unless you get lucky and find someone mature enough to handle your pubescent emotions. calvin smirks at her remarks including the assumption that someone had told him about her and the list of bruised egos in the wake of rejections. fragile masculinity at it’s finest. seeing as this was veronica, she was right as she tends to be. hand is planted onto the middle of her desk to lean against and get closer. as if any information he gave was that confidential. although what goes on in the boys bathroom could be considered.
“ actually it was liam burns. he said a few things but we ain’t gotta get into it ... if anything i’m gonna take a guess that he just got rejected and now he’s cryin’ in corners writing rumours in bathroom stalls. ” the boy who cried rejection and wrote various words in sharpie on stalls about girls who didn’t reciprocate the feelings he had. how pathetic, no ?
“ you know everyone ... you know we aren’t talkin’ about you here. if i thought there was a chance in askin’ you out i would’ve done that like a year ago ... i’m talkin’ ... [ he looks side to side as if anyone would care enough to eavesdrop ] -cherise williams. long hair ... dimples ... my god she always smellin’ fruity. ”
black swan (2010) & the double (2013)
here they are grabbing at straws for a solution ... wandering aimlessly without a thought of what is the problem ? what needs to be solved in order for them to move on ... oh, it’s the fact they are now a we and not an i. cal not alone in his mind, body not his own. eyes unable to uncover the blur of familiarity in those he knew. lost in the world without a small hint tossed. it strikes him every now and then ... the rage. for now though, they’ll just try keeping him in order. just so it’s clear ... a ‘ stranger ’ has been talking behind cal for a while now, but he hasn’t gotten around to tuning into what they’ve said.
“ your annoyance is oddly familiar ... have we met ..? ”
REMOVE THE PROBLEM. STRIKE BEFORE THEY DO.
“ it’s strange to say but, i feel we do ... there’s a comfort to your presence. ” along with them feeling threatened.
@dissonaut ♡
me: makes more blogs cause what is self control.
“ AYE LITTLE MISS HOOPS, ”
it’s been some time ... again ... but can you blame someone when they’re grounded ... again ? acts of rebellion is natural in teens, so boys will be boys and that bull-. calvin smirks seeing her earrings dangle even going as far as poking one to watch it swing back and forth. a chuckle leaves him before he’s pretending to pout .
“ I KNOW I KNOW ... you missed me huh, ” for a while he’d been dodging everyone, but he couldn’t help it. faded into the background due to poor decisions ... poor decisions that were made purposefully with intention to hurt others ... mainly his parents. “ i know how you be liking them pink shits so, ” hand digs into his bag to pull out pink skates. well, pink air forces that turn into skates.
“ i missed your birthday ... i mean i was grounded but shit ... i already bought ‘em. ” and he hates that he didn’t show up with what he believes to be the greatest gift ... he wont let it slip how much they were ... let’s just say his father was not happy about it.
@pennyproud ♡
“ i’m just not big on movies alright ?! ”
it wasn’t that ... his mother just didn’t want him stuck to the tv, and wanted him outside like a ‘ regular ’ child ... meanwhile when he’s out he’s on a board that causes injuries. “ WE NEVER RENTED MOVIES A LOT, ” he proceeds to panic a bit ; confused with how intense the other seems to have gotten. “ NEVER EVEN SAW E.T, TITANIC, GHOST BUSTERS ... NAME IT I PROBABLY HAVEN’T SEEN IT, ” and he’s sinking deeper into the hole he’s dug himself in ... if only he knew this was a way people reached common interests. “ I WASN’T TOLD I WAS GONNA BE QUIZZED ON MOVIES ! ”
he shrugs. “ i just ... the only movies i saw were like grown movies ... jaws ... the sixth sense ... silence of the lambs ... ”
@skeptling ♡
“The Tower is all that stands between light and darkness. For thousands of generations the gunslingers were knights. Sworn to protect it. Now I’m the only one left.”
quintn .
[ 𝙸𝙽𝚃. ] 𝚄𝙽𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙺𝙴𝙳 𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 , / 𝟸𝟸:𝟷𝟾 : NEFARIOUS FINGERTIPS WRING AT HER STOMACH. it used to earn her a smack on the wrists for improper carriage: inelegant for a yearning lady, animalistic. but the instructors of her youth play invisible roles. not staring leads. but she and him? ageless, timeless pair people pay to see. it’s such impeccable, method acting, and he isn’t even aware he’s leading. the gold rings around each finger press against one another and cause the corner of her lip to perk. “ easy killer. said you looked familiar. ” with a grin so sweet, it looks misplaced on the subtle tribulation that lives in her kept face.
“ DEFINITELY SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE. now look. i don’t wanna skip the glacé greetings or maybe y’know, reintroductions, but y’made a wrong turn somewhere. this is definitely not the place y'supposed to be. ” calling the seeping attention to the enclosed environment creeping at their backs. like an animal’s cage: formed to simply be a scummy warehouse with the front door sealed, locked. the kind of junction that doesn’t like company outside the list. but amy doesn’t want to let him go that easily. not when there’s a name to his face ripping at her tongue. so she cants her head, as if her call to criminal activities beyond the front metal door weren’t as loud as the gunshots ringing behind the building. “ are y’looking for something? ”
suddenly an ark for them to be like us. bringing forth a man and erasing his being until he’s lost like a child. no clue where he is ... no clue who he is ... just lost among the crowd. instruction to continue into normalcy have flown away. restless and confused. he, who wonders across the state in search for something. how ... human. searching for a reason. they decide to respond, but voice falls into a robotic mono toned category.
“ WE’RE SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING. ”
he notices the problem in what they’ve said and corrects it quick. “ I - I MEAN I’M SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING ... ” he smiles, attempting to draw attention away. small details lead to a big picture and the one he paints is unsettling ... no one needs to view such a remarkable piece because he’s afraid it’d be the last thing they see. “ ... i’m cal. ” hand is extended for her to shake. whether they knew each other or not he finds he should be respectful, even if this isn’t their first meeting. “ i’m not exactly sure what i’m searching for to be honest ... soul searching type shit ... ” and with more calmness and comfortability he smiles again.
“ i don’t know where i’m supposed to be, but somehow i feel like being around those with guns isn’t frightening ... like i’ve been in this situation before ... you know ? ”
lying. everyone knows how to do it, but doing it well takes quite the talent. spin a web and see who falls in. let their arms be held down and melt into it. they sink deeper and deeper until that’s a holy truth to them. a gospel hymn. your word is trusted until the fateful day it’s unraveled. then what ? do you trust yourself not to fall for them as well ?
“ i don’t believe we’ve met, i have a hard time lately placing people and names ... , ”
cal tended to ramble and unwind what was on him mind ... so much so that escaping or walking away wouldn’t catch his attention. “ NEWLY DEVELOPED PROBLEM, ” he continued. “ RIGHT, MY NAMES CAL, ” hands are busy organizing files and placing more on top ... they believe he’ll snap at any moment. clearly acquaintances. “ I WASN’T AWARE I WAS GOING TO BE- ” and finally it clicks.
he turns to look at them and now it registers. there are few people he knew who had brown hair along with the height. lately key features is needed and so far he’s sure he hasn’t seen her before ... but he could be wrong.
“ YOU DON’T WORK HERE DO YOU ... ? ”
@asesinas ♡
getting to the rest of the starters. been busy my bad.
“i like your personality!” thanks! It’s a complete copy of others traits I picked up along the way to fill the empty shell of the person I am!
Fleabag (2016) dir. Harry Bradbeer
