feel better.

20, snaps not claps, please. I've got no time for the foolish mind. Keep it strong, move along. what the hell are you doing on a poetry blog anyways?

[callme-blackkat]

You can't imagine how difficult it is to lay still. You just can't. I'm through being polite and shy.

[callme-blackkat]

I know the bedroom life we had before isn't practical, not with our shiny new corporate lives. But I miss being surprised and having you kiss me into a frenzy, I miss coming through the door and feeling heavy with how much I wanted you, being soaking wet just over the way you would look at me from over your desk. Like you were imagining how my clothes would come off of me before you made them come off. I still want you just like that, I still get dizzy just looking at you, whether you're dressed up or not. Watching you do the most mundane things turns me into a puddle in my panties and i cant tell you about it because you get so annoyed and frustrated. Its not my fault! I cant tell you anymore because it feels like fucking me is such a chore for you... I guess when your bed is the center of the room, it's the center of your life. God I miss feeling like lighting, like I struck the ground and lit you on fire. I see the boredom of me in your eyes, the complacency. You wont even teach me how to touch you, like my hands are too big and clumsy and fuck... I didn't mean to make myself cry, I had no idea how much this really bothered me. You used to be fire, baby, what happened? What made you cool off? What did I do? I'm not cooling off, not for a second, not anytime soon. I want you, in every way, ceaselessly, there's so much passion inside me I don't think it will ever go away, but God I'm so sick of watching you struggle to want me like you did before. I'm so scared that you want to be done, my king, I feel like we're just starting. I don't want you to see this but I cant just delete it if it's gonna make me cry and feel inadequate.

[callme-blackkat]

Sometimes I fall in to depressive holes so deep, I cant get myself out.

[callme-blackkat]

Its 4:08 in the morning and I haven't slept a wink and I'm just watching you sleep and it's so peaceful. But all I wanna do is run my tongue across the Cupid's bow of your lips and moan into your mouth. (But I don't think you'd appreciate being woken up for sex) I've been doing everything wrong lately haven't I? Don't mention this to me if you see it.

[callme-blackkat]

Most of the time, I just wanna fuck. Rarely, I wanna make love. Neither of those things will occur with you, Not like this. Come back when you aren't a coward.

[callme-blackkat]

Good god I just need to know Everything, as much as I can.

In particular about you.

I took a drive down highway 1 on a foggy morning with another man.

But it’s you who I connect with that memory. Burying my face in your chest, it takes me back to the taste of the thick ocean fog, the damp earth, the light menthol of the eucalyptus groves,

I smell the sea salt air rolling in from the bay, and dream of the curve of your neck and how it melts into shoulders, your biceps, your strong forearms. Your decisive hands.

My hands, decisive for the very first time, seeking to devour you.

I’m getting better at this and so are you and we both know it because we both look at each other in awe and wonder when we finish each other’s sentences and learn something unexpected about each other and when we come together.

I’m getting better at this. So are you.

I tried to be picky, being selfish. Hell, I’d planned on it and worked hard for it. But there’s nothing to nitpick, and I can’t just suddenly stop giving you every bit of me that I can.

It’s 3:27 in the morning and I can’t sleep, I just want to spray your J Crew on your pillow and curl up for bed again.

The ocean is fucking trapped in your cologne, I swear.

And the ocean is arousing to me now.

[callme-blackkat]

I think I made you

I think I made you in my dreams But my mind is not a resting sea Nothing as calming as you comes from there. Nothing is calming about my dreams. It's all danger, hell, you are danger. Despite that, you're the danger, the dream, that's soothing to me.

[callme-blackkat]

I can't stand it anymore.

You don't see it and that's incredibly to me. You are so beautiful. You are so fucking beautiful that when we were in the shed, lighting up, so many times I had to tell myself "Don't kiss her, don't kiss her." The moonlight was so gentle and you were so fucking beautiful and your lips just looked so incredibly soft and inviting and for a crazy second I swear to God you were teasing me! I swear to God, you would look downward, throw your gaze back up to me and maintain eye contact while you let the smoke drift from your gorgeous lips. It drove me absolutely wild. And I couldn't help myself! Throughout the night I just had to stop myself over and over and over. I couldn't stop admiring that sexy little figure of yours, you are perfection. I can't believe you don't see it. I'm in this constant state of arousal just being near you. I just want to cry that you don't see how fucking beautiful you are because I worship your body. You are so sexy and attractive. I just want to travel every single curve of your body with my tongue, you are so fucking sexy to me. I feel so plain around you, I really do! Because I don't necessarily love my body, I'm still working to put on weight. I gained a pound today and that made my fucking day. If I had your body, I would be the most confident woman on the planet! You have the most perfect, shapely thighs and the sexiest little tummy. I don't have a problem staring at your ass every time I get the opportunity, I WANT you to catch me doing it. Catch me staring at your perfect body. Catch me in the act of sexualizing you. I do it every fucking day. All I want to do is sit in a bathtub and rub coffee scrub all over you and take my fucking time appreciating every single inch of your perfection. If it wouldn't make you uncomfortable, I would probably just stare at your breasts all day. I know you don't like them, and once again I can't FATHOM WHY because they are so delicious and perfect. Lets do something fun with them. Lets go get them pierced. Put pretty jewelry on them. Maybe you'll like them then. Until then I will sit here constantly brooding in the corner wanting to see your perfect body.  I love being your best friend.  But I also want to be that fucking animal I once was in the bedroom that one night watching you come over my fingers again, and again, and again. Teasing that pretty little pussy with my tongue.  I swear to God.  I need a light. 

[callme-blackkat]

How about you don't be so Naive

Don't kiss on the mouth and cough down your sleeve. "I don't understand,"

Well, let me explain:

"I hate people who judge before they honestly know. I disgusts me that people don't give us a proper chance. We're condemned by the time we've made it to the trial. I can't stand these people and their shit ways."

But then, you turn around. And suddenly, 

*cough*

"I know you weren't in those photos, but you're clearly a drug addict."

*cough*

"I haven't properly spoken with her, but I know she's a brainless, untrustworthy bitch."

*cough*

"Why don't you think of your family before you ruin our image."

How about you own your decisions and opinions instead of hiding behind the guise of being a lovely person. How dare you judge me. 

I love you more than anyone in the world. You mean more to me than absolutely anyone. I would move mountains for you. I will take care of you when you are sick. I will forever mourn your death.  So how can you possibly do this to me?

[callme-blackkat]

I Think It's Time

I should move on from here.  I think I'm ready.  Everything is on fire here and it's burning me up.  It feels like I need to breathe.  London, I'm coming back.  I need a breath of fresh air. 

[callme-blackkat]

A day of firsts

Best I've ever had. I owe someone an orgasm. I'll get my chance, Sir.

[callme-blackkat]

I was up till 5am

And it was pretty fucking glorious.  I don't think it'll ever be the same.

[broodingbitch]

do you ever just

make a friend and think

I am so glad this friend is mine

[callme-blackkat]

I Just Remembered

There was a moment at your house when we were home alone, but I was avoiding you. I put away all the dishes in the dishwasher for something to do. A couple hours later, you ran downstairs and opened the dishwasher. "You put the dishes away? Oh, thanks."  Not but a few minutes later, your dad came home from work, asking if you'd put the dishes away. Not wanting to lie, you said "It's been done, yes." Your dad looked at me expectantly, and without skipping I beat I outright lied to your dad and said "He wouldn't let me help."  Satisfied, you dad went upstairs. And you and I looked and each other, holding back smiles. We burst into laughter right there in your foyer. That's one of my favorite memories from that trip. You weren't sad or angry. Just a moment of childish fun. We laughed and laughed....

[callme-blackkat]

Something I've Missed

I am impatient, and because of that, I miss things, people, and places with an incredible amount of fervor. But I can feel my patience bleeding back into my veins, because my world is more or less coming together. This must be the right season for me.

[callme-blackkat]

I've Truly Come Into My Own

I've noticed something in the past few months and it becomes more and more noticeable every time I look into a mirror. I have truly come into my own. I own who I am. I looked in the mirror just now, wearing pajama pants and a grey cardi-robe, and nothing else. I watched my ordinary-as-the-air brown hair tumble over my shoulders and my lips peal back over not-as-white-as-they-should-be teeth, and I looked at myself and there is a goddessry about me. My eyes had this glint in them, just wild and free and entirely sexy. I don't know how to explain what I saw in myself on a level that would communicate what it truly meant to me.  I think every facet of my confidence has grown, not only in my self-worth, but in the men that gave me a second glance in 2013, in the two weeks that I traveled solo, abroad. In the moving out of the house, facing financial hardship, working my ass off, having no one I could truly confide in. I think I really developed. Inside of me, something is growing, like fire deep in the pit of my stomach, and it drives me. That fire makes me shine with confidence and love and yes, sex-appeal, but the kind of sex-appeal that attracts me to myself.  I love myself more than I ever have, as I dance around my house wearing little more than a men's tshirt with wineglass in hand, in pajamas sitting on the couch with a notebook on my lap, in grey cardi-robes looking into a bathroom mirror I don't clean often enough.  I have come into my own.

[callme-blackkat]

You Think This Can't Survive

But there's  Things, People, Places, Feelings, Opinions, PEOPLE, That I'll write about my entire life.