when oceans rise

cameron lassiter. 21. lost. you gave me forever within the numbered days & for that i'm grateful.

[bellafqu]

I would love that.

[Her stomach twisted uncomfortably when she thought of Braden away from home, angry at the world yet thrust into it without his brother. Her arms tightened around his neck, fingers tangling in curls at the nape of his neck before she just barely brushed her lips over his] We’ll figure it out, we’ll bring him home.

[cameronlassiters]

Me too.

[he had thought about his brother for a while, he was worried sick. His child was gone and it was all of his fault. He had maybe pushed him too hard. But he did it because he loved him. He had looked at her and then nodded his head, thinking about it before he had eventually shrugged.] It's just -- maybe he needs it, you know? After all, we're living proof that you can live & survive with pain. He'll be okay. He's gone through worse. He had to grow up too fast. And when he comes back-- I'll welcome him with open arms.

[bellafqu]

I’m going to hold you to that, Cam.

He- shit, you don’t know where he went? Cam, he’s only fifteen, have you tried his phone? [She blinked before falling forward, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug]

[cameronlassiters]

I look forward to it. It's-- it's been a while since I've taken pictures of anything. You were my muse before -- you still can be again.

[he shakes his head before he held up his brother's phone.] He left it. [he wraps his arms around her waist pulling her closer, inhaling her scent, their foreheads pressed together, lips inches apart he pursues his lips.]

[teenwolf-is-kinda-hot-deactivat]

[werealiveandsinging]

I told this girl about God while I was drunk in her living room We were talking about love she said yeah I see the love in you and I’m not saying that it was right but I do think it’s true That God uses some pretty foolish things to get inside you

Levi the Poet (via werealiveandsinging)

[bellafqu]

I’m pretty proud of myself, if I’m going to be honest.

Promise? I’m sorry I just sort of, uh, took off.

[cameronlassiters]

You should be proud of yourself. You're going to go far. I know it. I'll be there on the sidelines taking photographs of you making it big.

Promise. No, it's okay. You needed to go. I'm fine. Braden's gone. He left me a note saying he'd be back soon. So it's just been me. I work full time at the bookstore now. [he shrugged a little before smiling sadly at her.]

[bellafqu]

I was offered a job, actually, for once I graduate from the university. My aunt came through, I’d be working in fashion, provided I attend all my classes and get my marks up. As for finding myself, I can only really do that in Covington.

[She smiled weakly, shifting from one foot to the other] And how are you?

[cameronlassiters]

That's amazing, Bella. You're gonna have so much fun doing that. I'm proud of you.

Oh, me? I'm doing okay.

[bellafqu]

Last name basis now? Rough.

Good to be back.

[cameronlassiters]

[smiles a little, laughing looking down, rubbing the back of his neck before he shrugged a little.] Did you find yourself out there or have fun, I hope?

[lovequotesrus]

[bellafqu]

You are correct.

[cameronlassiters]

Glad to have you back, Fields...

[bellafqu]

After a nine hour layover & a crazy time navigating Atlanta’s airport, I’m finally back home in Covington. What’d I miss?

[cameronlassiters]

Me.

[bellafqu]

[Once she heard Cameron moving around, she felt better. Knowing someone else was there, breathing and moving- living- she felt relieved. Knowing he’d have a nasty hangover, she tossed a few slices of bread into the toaster before he woke up, and an old slightly rusted tea kettle sat on the back burner of the stove if he needed peppermint tea for nausea. His hand resting on her shoulder burned through the thin fabric of his tee she wore, and she rested her hand on top of his briefly. Bella glanced up at him, swallowing past the lump in her throat before standing up, seeing him leaning against the wall. Her arms wrapped around his torso and she could only bury her head into his chest, taking deep breaths. He was standing, and sobering up; Braden was safe in his bed. Her boys were accounted for, at least. And they were hurting, so badly it broke Bella to see, but they were alive. The pain meant they were living. Glancing up at him, Bella stood on tiptoes and gently kissed his cheek; her brown eyes softening as she set her empty coffee mug into the sink and took his hand. The two of them simply sat on the worn couch, her hand tightly holding his. They were each other’a anchors, keeping the other safe and secure in hard times, in rocky waters. Bella opened her mouth to speak, the tears in her voice thick] I don’t know what else to say…

[cameronlassiters]

[After a while they had settled back into the couch, he wasn't sure what time it was he was just glad that Braden was home in bed. Though when he got up he would probably head back out like he always did. Coming home was like coming home to a graveyard in a way and he knew how it went. When his mother was first sick he was never at home and he was always running away from the problem instead of facing it. He looked at Bella and then held her against him, his headache was something that was really making it hard for him to think. He pushed it away, though. He owed Bella everything. He looked down at their hands and studied them, the wrinkles and the scars, the markings and torn skin. He kissed her forehead letting himself enjoy the small moment.] I'm sorry for doing that to you. [he replied looking down at her, leaning their heads against each other.] All that.... all that pain I put you through. That's not fair to you.

[bellafqu]

[His words hit her like a brick wall, bringing sharp tears to her eyes. When he retreated to his room, she sank against the wall and took a deep breath to collect herself before slipping into bed beside Cameron. He was fading in and out of sleep, his chest rising and falling. Her fingers combed through his hair, as she softly hummed a song. She couldn’t sing; had never been able to. Even karaoke nights had been brutal. But she sang softly under her breath to try and allow him a few hours of sleep. Rest from his weary mind. When she could tell he was asleep, she collapsed into herself as the tears building up in her eyes slipped down her cheeks. Her body quivered as she held him tightly, staring at the ceiling blankly while her tears made tracks down her skin. Eventually, Bella cried herself to sleep and woke up a few hours later. She slipped out of bed, gently adjusting Cameron so he could continue sleeping and as she went out to the tiny kitchen to get coffee, she saw Braden crawling into bed, still fully dressed from last night. Her heart sunk in her chest and she tiptoed over to him, brushing his curly hair from his forehead before kneeling beside him. He was acting as if he was sleeping but still, she spoke] I’m not trying to replace your mother, B. But I love you. And I don’t want to see you or Cam getting hurt. I can’t bring your mom back, and I-I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for that. [Her tears blurred her vision, before she bent and kissed his forehead. Closing the door to his room, she poured a mug of coffee and fixed it; sitting at the kitchen counter with her head in her hands as she waited for Cameron to get up. All alone with her thoughts was a dangerous place to be, and by the time Cameron woke, she could’ve thrown up from anxiety.]

[cameronlassiters]

[It had been a long night, and it was even weirder for his friends seeing Braden come back after leaving for a few minutes. He didn't talk to them when he did come back, he just sat there in the quiet room as they smoked a lot of weed and drank a lot of alcohol. He wondered where it all came from and how much money it would have cost and what it would be like if he ever got so low into the game like that. He knew that his brother drank, and he never used to in front of him, but ever so often at dinner, when it was just Cameron and Braden, he would get a glass and just drink it straight with whatever meal they had. Braden wasn't stupid enough to drink any of his brother's stash and he knew that coming home with beer stained clothes wasn't always the smartest, but he just stopped caring. He didn't know who his real father was and he didn't really even know his mother. He felt like he was completely parentless. Coming back here he started off like he was, and then he slowly progressed into something awful. He wasn't this person, and he also didn't want to be that naive boy again. He picked up on the clues. And summer was full of possibility. He gulped now, She was still here by the time he got back. He took his shoes off before he crawled into bed. When she came into his room he froze -- and when she stepped closer he felt himself start to close in again. He wasn't angry at her for trying to be his mother -- he was just angry about the situation. He loved Bella, that was the closest thing to a parent he got, but he also felt so unsafe here, and he didn't feel like he belonged anywhere. He didn't know what to say.]

[he felt that feeling he got when he found out his mother die. Guilt. He didn't know why exactly he felt it, but he knew he did. He was never a hard child to take care of-- and he supposed he was now making up for the last time, he wasn't exactly bad now, he just.... lost himself. He had felt himself start to drift, he didn't say anything more to her as he fell asleep and then she exited the room. Cameron had finally gotten some sleep and the birds chirping had woken him up and the empty bed. He had looked at the sheets, before he rolled over, trying to see if he could fall back asleep but he couldn't. He squinted as he ran a hand through his hair, feeling his hangover. He walked and then opened Braden's door. He was there, asleep. He watched for a moment, it was the longest moment of his life. He understood that saying, mothers loved watching their children sleep -- his mother said it to him once, there was some kind of innocence to it, and innocence that he had lost recently. He smiled faintly before he looked over at the empty bottle by his bed side, he went over and grabbed it, picking it up before tucking the boy back in, grabbing the old stuffed animal he refused to sleep with and putting it by his arm. He exited the room and then went to the kitchen throwing the bottle away. He saw Bella with a coffee mug, he didn't know what to say but he knew that she had been crying. As he passed her, he placed a hand on her shoulder before he grabbed a mug and poured coffee in it, and taking a sip, he leaned against the counter and then the wall, resting his head against it. It had been a long night and he would be recovering from it for a while. He wanted to say something but he had no idea what to say, but he had remembered what she had told him.] I love you, too.

[bellafqu]

[Once Cameron was showering, Isobella sank down wearily onto the couch; holding her head in her hands. Tears streamed down her cheeks silently while she wondered what there was to do for these brothers. As she sat there, Braden came sneaking in and instantly stopped dead at the sight of Bella crying. His face had guilt written all over it, while she stood; standing in front of him. He reeked of beer and pot, and all she could do was shake her head.] Braden Lassiter, this is it. You’re done. No more smoking, no more drinking, you have a curfew for a reason, and you’ll pull your grades up. This isn’t going to work anymore. You do not get a free pass because you’re hurting, trust me, it doesn’t work like that. The world has moved on from seeing you as the boy who lost his mom, and I know it hurts. I know. But this self destructive behavior is hurting your brother too, and I know you don’t want to do that. I want you to go to bed, I don’t want Cameron seeing you like this. Now go. [Her voice cracked as she stared at him, his face frozen when she started talking. Without a word, Braden nodded slowly and trudged to his room; his door closing with a sense of finality. She heard Cameron get out of the shower and she sighed, changing into a pair of his flannel pajama shorts and a t-shirt of his before crawling into bed beside him. Bella slipped her hand into his, kissing his forehead tenderly before looking down at him with red rimmed eyes] I know. It hurts. [That was all she said. All she needed to say, as he slumped against her. Gently brushing her lips over his, she gathered him in her arms and held him tightly; a lump in her throat as she prayed for the broken boy to pick up his pieces]

[cameronlassiters]

[Braden was a lost boy, perhaps he had always been one from the start, he knew that what he was doing was hurting his brother, and in a selfish way he wanted it to hurt. He wanted to feel all of that anger and sadness because he felt like he couldn't feel anything. Seeing Bella crying had caught him off guard -- with her moving out, he felt as if she had replaced him in a way. He had grown attached to her and knowing she left, he felt like he was gonna lose everything else. He was lost, and he was broken, and he knew that if he kept doing this he could potentially lose everything he worked for. He looked at her, and then whispered to himself:] You're not my mother. [He felt his own set of tears start to unfold as he closed the door. He was right, she wasn't his mother, he didn't have one anymore. But he did have a brother and he was selfish. He had opened his window, and then jumped out again. He couldn't risk Bella or Cameron knowing. He couldn't breathe being in the apartment again. He was running away but he would come back as he always did, and he would try to get himself better, but no promises. On the other side of the house, Cameron had gotten into bed and when Bella laid beside him, he closed his eyes feeling the exhaustion hit him like a hurricane before feeling himself against her, her arms wrapped around him. It reminded him of his mother in a way, she used to do that when he was a scared boy, and he was still that scared boy now. He drifted in and out, wanting to say thank you, but not being able to. His throat felt dry, but his heart was starting to slow down to a normal speed and that anxiety was slowly fading away. He was far from being okay -- but this was definitely a very, slow, start. And Bella was the one to have brought him back, again.]

[bellafqu]

[She knew that he was broken beyond anything she could do; she knew because she had reached that place and no one could fix her. No one could take the shattered remains and piece back the girl she used to be. All she could do now was start over. And he could too. His brother was as lost as he was, they were just a couple of lost kids trying to figure out how to survive broken hearts. Although Bella had signed a lease on an apartment a few streets over, something inside of her knew that she’d be staying overnight the way she had been for awhile now. If only to lie in bed, as Cameron stared at the ceiling; his head resting on her stomach, her fingers in his hair. It was always like that; either she was holding him tenderly, or he had her intertwined in his arms. It worked for them, the way they could calm each other down. As he agreed, her features softened as her thumbs gently grazed his neck.] I think that we should get you showered, and then we can lay in bed and talk, or sleep, or- anything you want. Come on. [Standing up, breaking that third space they’d created between themselves, she kept ahold of his hand and pulled him up. Bella wrapped her arm around his torso and walked to the bathroom with him, before tugging his shirt over his head and gently setting it down] Are you dizzy at all? Can you stand and not fall over?

[cameronlassiters]

[it was moments like these where he could have needed a mother. He never once wanted a father because he never knew what having one was like. He didnt miss it. But now, he missed having a mother, they was something he did know how to have. And now? He knew what it was like to not have one anymore. And that was the tragedy with the world, you're granted one parent -- two, if you're lucky. And you're the most blessed if they love you and care for you. Cameron was granted one parent who was crazy about her children and wanted the best for them. Though, circumstances got in the way, as they usually do, Cameron & Braden were stripped of both. All Braden knew was a father. By the time he grew up, her cancer had already eaten the best part of her. Cameron felt like he couldn't do this, he was.... lost. He had gotten up, that in itself was a heavy task. His whole body felt like it was made of concrete. He walked slowly to the bathroom, and peeled his clothing. He didnt say anything but he gave Bella a look. He could handles shower. He nodded his head as the hot water turned on. He sat on the toilet with the seat down looking at his trembling hands, he was surprised he hadn't already passed out. He peeled the rest of his clothes off and sat in the shower for a good twenty minutes, letting the scalding hot water whip at his back; it had let him know he was alive. When he got out, he put clothes back on and walked almost like a zombie to the bed and laid down, waiting for bella. He half expected her to be gone by the time he got out of the shower. He took in a deep breath and then exhaled -- and it hurt, it physically hurt him to breathe it out, it was like something was forever broken inside of him. He laid his hand out for her to take and pulled the covers up, and he felt it then: exhaustion.]

[allteenwolf]

[bellafqu]

[Bella knew he had been drinking; how drunk he was, she wasn’t sure. But she knew he tasted like alcohol, and his hands were warm on her waist. There was a difference between drunken touches she’d had in the past; she was sober. She was wide awake and feeling everything, from the way his breath hitched to how he pulled her flush against him. When his mother had been sick, there were so many nights they’d spent on the couch curled up holding one another; one was losing his mother, while the other lost hers to a job that took her away from her children. Bella’s heart was threatening to pound right out of her chest as she shifted slightly to rest her knees on either side of his hips; her fingers combing through his hair. There was a lump in her throat, as she knew that she was putting herself forward to risk rejection, even anger. Cameron loved her; and she had used him for so long. But now it was different; now, the feeling of his tongue swiping across her lower lip or his fingers curling against her hips made her feel as though in a way, they both needed to grow up even though now, they were like small lost children holding hands to find their way home] —- Stay with me, Cam, don’t fall off the edge. Please.

[cameronlassiters]

[he was a broken boy trying to fix another broken boy. The pieces that they were given in the game were not a good one. He knew that, it wasn't a fair game but there was nothing left to lose now. He had to stop chasing after ghosts because he knew that the ghosts wouldn't chase him back. This might not have been all of his fault, but he felt like it. Every decision he had made was constantly on show for everyone to see. He was tired of hurting all the time. But right now he had felt so alive. It was something he didnt feel often. He didnt feel like he was alive most of the time, and though his thoughts were irrational and drunk, the most soberest of thoughts had always come into mind. He loved Bella, and he knew that there must have been some other people who loved Bella, too, and may e this was out of pity or maybe it wasn't -- and what she felt was true, he didnt know, but he couldn't afford to think about it. He kissed her again, the heat radiating off of each other, with his hands on her, and her hands in his hair, he felt himself slowly start to come back even if it was just for a moment. When she pulled away he closed his eyes, feeling the heat between the two, he simply nodded his head, forehead against forehead trying to slow down his breathing. The only thing he could be mutter in a whisper was this:] Okay.

[imlikewhaaaatt]

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Afire Love - Ed Sheeran