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Tell me your best Dad Jokes.
When does a Dad joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent :D
Also: When it’s fully groan! (☞゚ヮ゚)☞
Why couldn’t all those would-be-kings pull the sword from the stone? They didn’t have the Arthur-ization.
I have an open letter for everyone: C
I have a half brother who’s really tall. I think 6′5″ at least. Imagine if he were a full brother!
When I’m under the weather, I really envy ants. They never get sick with their antybodies.
I wanted to have a better vocabulary so I got a thesaurus, but it’s the worst! Not only is it awful, it’s awful.
I heard they have these glass coffins. I don’t know. Whether they’ll take off remains to be seen.
If you’re ever caught in the rain when you’re boating and want to keep your head dry, just flip it over. Then it’s capsized!
When my doctor told me to go see a chiropractor, I didn’t think it would help, but I stand corrected.
I peeked in the door for a convention hall once when they had an event for married couples. I looked, but there wasn’t a single person in the room!
Gonna add more to this ;)
Geology rocks, but geography is where its at
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, as he started to swing at a tree, the tree shouted “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue.”
Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas
Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners. But cat scan
Well, to be Frank I’d have to change my name
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work
Why do paladins wear chainmail? Because its so holey
Why do rogues wear leather armor? Because its made of hide
What’s a druid’s favorite social media platform? Vine!
AND YOU WILL DIALOGUE
OML
And thank you @xxspotsonxx for bombarding me with a plether of Dad Jokes.
All of these are fantastic.
😂👏👌
Sign me up 😂
When the ending sucked, but fan artists and fic writers got your back
This has never been more true :D
Dissapointed but not surprised SAD!
Supporting violence. I expected no less out of you libs. I'd ask how y'all sleep at night but I'm sure Hitler slept like a baby while he let the genocide go on.
This is pathetic.
Fun Fact: The average American now complains more in a week than people did during the times of the bubonic plague.
See what I’m getting at here?
Beautiful ❤
Why aren't we talking about this? Oh right. Because Islamophobia. Silly me. Read the article. The death toll of last weekend’s massacre of Nigerian Christians by militant Muslim Fulani herdsmen has risen to at least 200, according to a report released Friday by Open Doors, an organization that monitors Christian persecution. As Breitbart News reported earlier this week, heavily armed gunmen recognized as Fulani herdsmen opened fire on Christians in a number of villages in Plateau State of central Nigeria last weekend, killing scores and injuring hundreds more, as well as burning some 50 homes to the ground. Most of the victims were returning home from the funeral of the father of a local Christian minister. Despite the evidently religious nature of the slaughter, mainstream media chose to downplay the militant Islamism behind the attacks, preferring to attribute the violence to “ethnic tensions,” a “battle for land and resources,” or even “climate change.” Meanwhile, two local Catholic bishops have called out the violence for what it was: a “clear agenda for Islamizing the Nigerian Middle Belt” by using Fulani shepherds. One of the bishops, Matthew Ishaya Audu of Lafia, said the attacks are not random or economically motivated, but purposefully target Christians. “They want to strike Christians,” Bishop Audu said, “and the government does nothing to stop them, because President Buhari is also of the Fulani ethnic group.” Other observers concur that the attacks form part of a larger plan to eliminate Christians from the area. “The killings are becoming no longer herder and farmer clashes” but a “deliberate attempt to conquer and occupy the land of the people’s ancestral heritage,” said Dr. Soja Bewarang, while denouncing an attack on a Bible school that trained Christian missionaries in Gana-Ropp village. Reverend Gideon Para-Mallam, of the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students in Jos, said that the violence is part of a pattern, an emerging agenda, which represents “another Boko Haram in disguise.” The intensity of the attacks in central Nigeria is indicative, Para-Mallam said, “because Plateau state is the epicenter of Christianity.” The recent “killing spree” lasted four days, Thursday through Sunday evening and into Monday, Open Doors revealed in its report Friday. During this time, a dozen villages in Nigeria’s Plateau state were reportedly wiped out and on Sunday, 75 of the victims were buried in a mass grave. Among the victims of the massacre included a local pastor, Rev. Musa Choji, along with his wife and son. In a single village, Nghar, herdsmen killed over 100 Christians and burned down all the houses, as well as two churches, according to an unnamed pastor of the Evangelical Church Winning All (ECWA). Assailants killed 14 members of the pastor’s wife’s family, including her mother and sister. In that household, 27 people lost their lives, all of them burned to death, Open Doors said. On the day of the attack in Nghar, only two soldiers and one policeman were in the village, but they reportedly fled as soon as the herdsmen launched their attack. Although the anti-Christian violence came to a head over the weekend, in reality it has been going on for some time, according to Pastor Steve Kwol, chairman of the Pentecostal Federation of Nigeria for Plateau North. Even since the weekend, with a military presence and dusk-to-dawn curfew, the assaults are ongoing, he said. Two more villages—Kwi and Dorowa—were badly damaged on Monday. Most of the buildings were burned down in Dorowa, including four church buildings, and the adjoining buildings, including pastors’ houses, were also destroyed by fire. Herdsmen set fire to a number of buildings, including churches, in Kwi as well. The precise number of casualties is unknown, but many villagers were displaced and are now living in camps in neighboring villages. “We’ve been living peacefully with [Fulani herdsmen]” Pastor Kwol said. “Since this crisis started in Plateau in recent months, our people have not killed one Fulani man. Instead, they have been killing our people one by one. We just buried them and carried on.” he said. “As a result of the ongoing insecurity, there are places where people can no longer go to farm,” he said, “because when they go, the Fulani will come and take their cows, or attack them.” “Just two weeks ago, they shot my wife’s young brother. But he survived. He was discharged on Wednesday and had returned home on Thursday, only to get killed in the last attack, on Saturday,” he said.
Please reblog, this is so important.
I needed this
Is this foreal?
Yes it’s a real service. I do volunteer work for a rape crisis support service in my city and texting is one of the features we provide as well. But just to boost its credibility, I tried it myself:
reblog to save lives!
You can also text “Steve” to 741741 if you’re a young person of color. The website for more info is stevefund.org
My understanding is that it’s more multicultural and some folks feel more comfy with that in mind!
^^^^^THIS
get help guys, please. if you’re hurting, don’t let that hurt consume you. seek help.
I never knew this. It’s spectacular.
Stay safe you guys!! I love you guys, and even if you don’t want to talk to them. Remember my inbox is always open! 🙂❤️❤️
Another person saying that this textline actually works. I’ve used it for myself multiple times after seeing this post on tumblr. The fact that someone posted this saved my life, so spread it around.
Lunatic Maxine Waters: Harass Trump Officials at Gas Stations, Restaurants, and Shopping Malls
Inclusiveness? Does not agreeing with someone really give you the right to harass people? Hmmm...
People messing with their textbook mini DUMP
This may be done out of boredom but it's all pure ingenuity 😸
IT’S THE FANDOM! THEY’RE COMING TO ATTACK!
These are my people 😄
Armed civilian took down shooter in Washington state Walmart, police say
And concealed carry or possession of any firearm is bad for everyone? Ahem. Excuse me. Just for those who have loose screws.
The armed civilian shouldn't have had their concealed firearm in the first place!
But innocent people could've died.
The civilian shouldn't have had the firearm in the first place though! [The only invalid reason any lib can give]
Disarm the guards of public officials and celebrities and take away gang violence and illegal importation of firearms before trying to impose your rubbish on law abiding citizens who just want to be left alone. Remember Hitler, Stalin, Lenin, Mao, and Castro. I'm sure you can piece together the puzzle with just their names.
This has got to be the best MLB comic dub I have ever seen 💚💚💚