Gay Cowboy

He/Him. | Adult. | F.T.M.. | More Than Incidental Demi-Homoromantic Behavior. ♎🟢⚪🔵♐ | Apothisexual. 💜🖤❌♠️🤍 | Viva la Pluto.

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Hosea, an anti-Saint Valentine's Day Demi-Biromantic man: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-.

Bessie: I wrote you a poem.

Hosea, already tearing up: You did?

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Hosea: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Bessie: You are literally making a Valentine’s Day card for Dutch.

Hosea, pointing his hot glue gun towards Bessie: You’re on thin fucking ice.

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[camouflagedacecowboy]

Arthur, approaching Fort Wallace: We’ll get back into there or die trying.

Charles, mildly alarmed: No one’s dying.

Arthur: Not with that attitude.

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Charles, holding something behind his back: Why have you been drinking, Arthur?

Arthur, grumpily: I don’t drink anymore, don’t start with that.

Charles, brandishing an empty canteen: So why was this under your cot?

Arthur, despite never taking a sip of water in game except that one time he drowned in the Guarman Sea: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!

Charles, having banned him from going near water after he drowned swimming back to shore with an Iguana Carcass: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!

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Charles: Hey, Arthur? I need advice.

Arthur: I’m pretty useless at giving advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

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Charles, after fending off a lone cougar attack at Beaver Hollow: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Arthur, sleep-deprivedily with a deer carcass over his shoulder: What? No good morning?

Charles: Oh, right, sorry. Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you?!

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Arthur walking into the kitchen and seeing his whole entire barrel of lemons peeled: Charles, I love you but, what the h-e-double-FUCK. 😨

Charles, sipping coffee happily: I love you too. 🥰

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Charles: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 😊

Arthur: Red Poppies or Mexican Butterfly Weed, why? 🤨

Charles: .... 😳

Arthur: Were you going to get me flowers? ☺️

Charles: .... 🫢

Arthur: .... 😳

Charles: It's a possibility. 🫣

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Charles: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart. 🥰

Arthur: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything. 🥱

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Charles: You have to apologize to them Arthur. 😤

Arthur: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the man you fell in love with! 😠

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Charles: I have feelings for you. 😳

Arthur: Why? What's wrong with you?! Are you sure you're okay?! 😨

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Arthur, being romantically reservedly: Stop doing that. 😠

Charles, confused and just existing: Stop doing what? 🤨

Arthur, brimming with Cuteness Aggression: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the Hell out of you. 😡

[camouflagedacecowboy]

You know what they say, a loaf a day keeps the Allosexuals away. *Throws garlic bread crumbs at the nearest Allosexual.* THE POWER OF CARBS COMPELS YOU!

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Simon: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices?

Bill: Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

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Simon: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?

Arthur: It's just you.

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Arthur: What the Hell're you two arguin' about this time?

Simon: She's using common phrases incorrectly!

Sadie: Cry me a table, Mr. Pearson!

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Josiah, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick!

Lenny: Moose Tracks is good!

Seán: Wha' da fook is dat?!

Lenny: *Gasp!* How dare you insult moo-.

Seán, who learned to spell things the American way: No! No no not that! What the Hell? Why do you spell flavor like: "flavour"? It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like: "Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.".

Josiah, in British Cornish: What?

Seán: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA U when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS?!

Lenny: ... ... ... You done now?

Seán: Yeah ok.

Josiah: ....

Lenny: ....

Seán: ... Can I have the Mint Chocolate Chip flavor?

Dutch: We deopped the "u's" to make words easier to spell, and fhank goodness dod that too 'cause I'd surely get the U and O flipped aeouns the wribf way. [Translation: We dropped the "u's" to make words easier to spell, and than goodness for that too 'cause I'd surely get the "U" and "O" flipped around the wrong way.]

Hosea: And it's spelled: "o.k." because it's supposed to be "all korect" as a joke spelling that came about during The Civil War and was initialized.

Seán: ... ... ... K.

Hosea: ... Seán McGuire-VanderMatthews!

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Pinkerton Agent Andrew Milton: Well, you know what they say: "you can’t bake a pie without losing two dozen men"!

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Hosea: Shut the Hell up Confederate! *BLASTS UNION DIXIE!*

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[camouflagedacecowboy]

Arthur: I mean, Anders Anderson's just standin' there now, waitin' for me I guess, but it's okay, I think he's pretty much settled down. 🤠

Deputy Archibald McGregor: Settled down? 🤨

Arthur: Well, he only stabbed me once. 🤕

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Anders Anderson, to Arthur: Ha! What are you gonna do?! Stab me?! 😈

*Two minutes later.* ⏱️

Anders Anderson, shouting out of the refrigerated boxcar door at Deputy Archibald McGregor: HELP ME LAWMAN, I'VE BEEN STABBED! 😫

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Arthur(13): Is stabbing someone dishonorable? 🤔

Hosea(32): Not if they consent to it. 🤠

Bessie(32): Depends on who you're stabbing. 😊

Dutch(21): YES?! 😦

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Hosea: I love murder mysteries! ☺️

Dutch, trying to impress him: I've been a suspect in at least four murder cases. 😃

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Hosea, texting The Gang Chat: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. ... That's why I own TEN guns! Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder. 🤪

Dutch: You have way more than ten of 'em, and it's 'cause you have a Goddamned gun hoardin' problem. 😩

Hosea: Oh when Arthur stashes a bunch of firearms in his wagon he's ~"Doin' his job as The War Wagon wrangler."~, but when I do it?! Suddenly I'm a gun nut! 😤

Dutch: The N.R.A. keeps trying to send you magazines! 😫

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Bradshaw, seeing a banana in the passenger seat: What the FUCK??

Big Boss Man, climbing through the backseat and buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!

Bradshaw: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM?!

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Big Boss Man: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Goldust: Well shit.

Undertaker: Wait, three?

Big Boss Man: Yeah?

Kane: OH MY GOD STONE COLD FELL OFF!

Goldust: Hah! Good riddance.

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Vince: I think we're missing something.

Stephanie: Teamwork?

Shane: Cohesion?

H.H.H.: A general sense of what we’re doing?

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H.H.H.: I am your king, long may I reign! 🤴🏻

Vince: Well I didn’t vote for you! 😡

Stephanie: You don’t vote for kings Dad. 🙄

Vince: Well how the Hell’d he become king then? 😦

H.H.H.: Dark Prince of the Lake, his arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Hunter Hurst Helmsley, was to carry Excalibur, that is why I am your king. 🤴🏻🗡️🛡️

Shane:  Listen, strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government, supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. 😤

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Stephanie: I just ended a four year relationship. 🙂

Linda: Oh, I’m so sorry, are you okay?

Stephanie: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine Mom, it wasn’t my relationship. 🥰

H.H.H. & China, fighting from across the room: !!! 🤬🤼‍♂️🪑🥊

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Undertaker: There is no future, there is no past, do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

The Brood: .... 😶

Kane: .... 😐

Bradshaw: .... 😑

Everyone Else At Undertaker’s Surprise Birthday Party: .... 😰

Paul Bearer: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake yourself! 😫

Farooq: DAMN!

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Kane: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.

Goldust: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

Undertaker: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists! SELF CARE IS THE FEAR IN YOUR ENEMIES’S EYES!

Bradshaw: Self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.

Undertaker: If you touch my birthday cake?! I’LL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR HANDS!

Bradshaw & Farooq: .... 😰

Kane, nodding sagely: That's my big brother.

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Cake Shop Employee: And what would you like your cake to say?

Kane, covering the phone to look at Bradshaw and Farooq: Do we want a talking cake for Undertaker's birthday party? I think that would be kind of spooky and fit his vibe.

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Undertaker(9): You're not invited to my birthday party anymore!

Kane(7): WELL WHO ELSE ARE YOU GONNA INVITE?!

Undertaker: ... ... ... FINE! BUT YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY OF MY CAKE!

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Happy birthday to the Deadman behind the Phantom of the Opera mask! 🥳

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

Everybody take a Devil's food cupcake and have a wickedly good time! 😜

🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁

Rest in Retirement good sir! 🥃

Thank you for terrifying me my entire childhood! 🤠 🪦🥀⚰️🧟‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧄🧤🥊🥾🪓🔗🤴🏻🧙🏻‍♂️🔮⚡🦇🐦‍⬛🐈‍⬛🔥🕷️🕸️🎃😈💢👻☠️🗡️🛡️⚔️🐉🐍🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🩸🅰️🆎🅱️🅾️🦴🫀🧠🤼‍♂️♠️♦️♣️♥️✊🏻

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Low Honor Dutch: We’re all in this together, if one of us falls? We all fall, nobody is expendable in this gang.

Arthur, cradling Seán's corpse, tears in his eyes: I don't believe that no more, but all right Pa.

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Arthur: You're "the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans", what does that mean?

Low Honor Dutch: It means I was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Arthur: But what’s the first worst thing?

Low Honor Dutch: ... ... ... Arthur, they weren’t always orphans.

Arthur: .... 😨

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Hosea: Arthur, stop this! This isn't you! You've gone mad with power!

Low Honor Arthur: Well of course I have! Have you ever tried goin' mad without power?! *It's borin'*.

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Micah, writing a letter: Dear Santa,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty, ... and it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard!

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[camouflagedacecowboy]

Vince: If you see me talking to myself?! Go away! I’m self-employed and we’re having a staff meeting!

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Kane: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

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Sheamus: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

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Goldust, texting: Don't worry, I have your phone! Text me when you're gonna come get it!

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Undertaker, age 13: I have no respect for Santa Claus, don’t sneak in through *my chimney* and undermine *my authority* by bringing *my family* presents, *walk in through the front door and FIGHT ME like a man*.

[convolutedblasphemy]

I'm curious, reblog this with characters that are aro/ace or aroace to you. Let's amass a little collection. Don't be afraid to name some that people have already listed, I love to see the aroaces come together and agree that that character™ is definitely one of us. I'll start:

Alastor — Hazbin Hotel (actually canon)

Luffy — One Piece (lbr here, basically canon)

Toshinori Yagi — My Hero Academia

Sampo Koski — Honkai: Star Rail (somehow the aces in the fandom gather around this one to study him under a microscope)

Dan Heng — Honkai: Star Rail

Aventurine — Honkai: Star Rail

Alhaitham — Genshin Impact

Pantalone — Genshin Impact

Wanderer — Genshin Impact

Neuvillette — Genshin Impact

Dr. Ivo Robotnik — Sonic The Hedgehog

9th Doctor — Doctor Who

Malleus Draconia — Twisted Wonderland

Fellow Honest — Twisted Wonderland

Winter Schnee — RWBY

JB Cox — The Hardy Boys

Buddha — Record of Ragnarok

Elsa — Frozen

Isabela — Encanto

Keith Kogane — Voltron

Daisuke Kambe — The Millionaire Detective

Nozel Silva — Black Clover

Benjamin Linus — Lost

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Arthur Morgan & Charles Smith.

[camouflagedacecowboy]

I call this one: "Would You Say: "Yes" If I Proposed To You For The Millionth Time Today?".

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Arthur, love-stricken: Nenâpême, I have a question for you. 😍

Charles, sheepishly: Don't ask me again, you simple-minded fool. 😳

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Hosea, former trail boss: I have very high standards for cooks, you know Mr. Pearson.

Simon: I can make spaghetti.

Hosea: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

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Micah: Did you miss me while I was in jail? 🐀

Arthur: You were gone? Hah! No wonder these last two weeks have been nothin' but bliss!

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Arthur: I wasn’t that drunk.

Charles: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said "I was important".

Arthur: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

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Arthur: I’m really glad "fight me" has replaced "sue me" in the common vernacular because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.

Tilly: Arthur, can I borrow 100$(Worth 3,738.87$ in 2024.)?

Arthur, already counting bills out of his wallet: Shuoah! Anythin' for my favorite baby sister!

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Reverend Swanson: Why can’t we all just, GET ALONG?

Arthur: Because most of us are assholes, Reverend.

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Happy Ostara!

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Goldust, to Undertaker: If I make you breakfast in bed? A simple: "Thank you." is all I need, not all this "How did you get into my house?" business.

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Sheamus, to Randy Orton: I don’t know how you have your foot in your mouth, your head up your arse, and your nose in my business, but here we are y' feckin' wizard.

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Undertaker, to Big Show: My expectations were low, but *unHoly* fuck.

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Kane, to Goldust: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just "walk up and join a circle of people talking", but it does sound lovely, thank you.

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Goldust, to Booker T: I regret getting dragged into your Heterosexual tomfoolery.

[camouflagedacecowboy]

The reason Naruto wasn't murdered when he was a kid was because everyone saw Kakashi protecting Kushina while she was pregnant (Konoha civilians are not that dumb, I promise you, I ain't buyin' what's bein' sold to me: "only cheesehead in the village isn't related to Minato". 😂) and now just assumes they'd get smote out of existence by the angriest teenager in Konoha, or you know, torn apart by all eight of his Ninken, even Pakkun would be willing to bite.

[camouflagedacecowboy]

Kane: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly, it just sort of happens. ... You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

🔥👃🔥

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Goldust: I was put on this Earth to do one thing .... Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want. 🫅

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Undertaker: I came out here to attack people, and I'm honestly? Having such a good time right now. 😈

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Stone Cold, picking up a hammer: Stop callin' me you sumbiyitch! 🤬 *Breaks flip phone playing "No Chance in Hell" ring tone.*

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Sheamus: I’m really glad "fight me" has replaced: "sue me" as a common phrase, because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I'm always angry. 😤

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Randy Orton: All right! Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults! 😤

Stardust: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best? 😁

Randy Orton: Obviously. Now, Ted, pass me the shovel. 😈

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Happy New Year! 🤘🤠 🎉