Squishy Poet From Beyond the Stars

pronouns he/him You have a nice day, or don't, whatever. You do you I'm just a chubby guy who doesn't wear a shirt very often and plays way too many fighting games.

[contemptible-scoundrel]

ADVENTURE IS CALLING...

DO YOU PICK UP THA PHONE

[everydaylouie]

véritables préludes flasques (pour un chien)

[mysillycomics]

:0)

[lilaclupin]

In today's linguistics class we talked about metaphors, and we really want two of the ones we talked about to become conventionalised.

So first of all this one girl told us about a newer metaphor in Russian, "I have paws", which is something you say when you don't really want to do something, so you say you're incapable of doing it since you have paws instead of hands. Like, "hey, finish that report" "aw but I have paws :(" and I think that's adorable. It's like "I'm just a girl" but for animals.

We also had the task to invent a novel metaphor and have the others guess what it means, and the teacher really liked my "she's such a capybara" = "everyone loves her". Capybara energy is like golden retriever energy except you're chill about it. You're just vibing and everyone digs that.

Anyway I think these deserve to become more common in English

[lilaclupin]

VERY important addition oh my gosh,,,

[slimetony]

Are clowns patriotic

are you?

[slimetony]

I’m asking the questions here. Would a clown die for its country

everyone who has ever died for their country was a clown

[hammyboney]

[xalatath]

I wanna fuck you like a centipede

Blogger's Note: Centipedes reproduce by the male leaving a spermatophore (sperm packet) on the ground for the female to pick up - no intercourse is involved.

[000l]

[shrewreadings]

like to charge, reblog to cast.

[sukimas]

being on an airplane is a lot like being in kindergarten

[mastermatoyas]

I wanna hear where you're going with this

[sukimas]

-there's snacktime

-there's always some kid screaming

-the authority figures are mostly there to keep you safe rather than get you to do anything in particular

-all else equal they would really rather you take a nap, though

[elliespectacular]

trying to cite a YouTube video but the title keeps changing in order to secure .5% of extra ad revenue

[elliespectacular]

trying to search for a YouTube video but the title was changed in order to ensure less than a percent of extra clicks

[elliespectacular]

trying to show someone a YouTube video but the thumbnail was revised for algorithm appeal so we scroll past it not realizing

[elliespectacular]

trying to enjoy a YouTube video but YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHY I CAN'T 😱

[elliespectacular]

Trying to rewatch a YouTube Video on an interesting topic but I can't tell which one it was since it was just titled "THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING"

[umisima-osakana]

ちょっとインパクトがあった出来事

[angelicguy]

its so fucked that people will be like "yeah i stopped smoking weed because it made me feel like everything was fine, which made me do less" like ok so your primary motivator was fear.

[itsbilby]

i stopped because it made me think i had mind control powers and i started seeing peoples tattoos as spiders crawling on them

[angelicguy]

You did have those powers and you lost them permanently because of your weaknesses

[trucyisright]

my mother is playing pikmin and yelling at them in the exact tone of voice she uses for me and my siblings so we go into fight or flight every time. we thought initially that this meant she regarded the pikmin as akin to her children, but I now fear she’s always viewed us as pikmin

[felix]

whenever i complete chores i get an achievement banner pop up in my head dark souls style

[felix]

[courtofthevampireking]

[killer-arcade]

[courtofthevampireking]

[bluesturngold]

[the-big-mood]

[dorothylarouge]

[lakemojave]

Happy Friday afternoon! 😁☺️ We've done it! 😎😌 We've got to the end of the week ‼️✅️ We've locked 🔒 up ⬆️ our warehouse 🚚 we've parked ⛲️♿️ up our vans 🚐 we have logged off ❌️ our computers 💻 and I've quickly 🏃‍♂️ popped 🫧 into my local favorite pub 🍻🇬🇧 for a cheeky pint of beer ☺️🍺 and look 😳🔎 a little bit of 🤏 early dinner 🍴😋 because the wife 👰‍♀ I love her dearly 🥰❤️ but her cooking 🍳👩‍🍳 ain't that great 🙅‍♂️🤢 and we've got 😮 a stunning ✨️ beef and ale pie 🥧🍮 a bitofmashedpotatoes 🥔🧈 baked beans 🫘 in a pot 🫕 which I think 💭 is wrong 😤 but it's happeninganyway 🤷‍♂️ and of course a bit of gravy 🥣🍲 and you know me 😉 I never look 🚫👀 when I pour 🙈🫗 because I am ☝️‼️ the absolute govnah 💂‍♂️🧑‍💼 And listen goiuys 👂 hope you had a great week 😘⌚️ keep on smashin' life 💥😮 keep givin' it a hundred 💯 and ten 🔟 per cent 🔣 and don't go home 🏠 until you're proud ✌️😌 And listen 🎧🙉 cheers to you all 🏅🎆 You deserve it 😉 A'bosh! ⁉️

[helpimstuckinafandom]

I'M FUCKING CRYING LMAOOO

[the-perfect-wagnerite-again]

This post nearly got me ostracized by two of my swiftie friends and I don't think a third will ever look at me the same again lmaooooo

[servetolive]