she had always been so sure of herself, so SELF AWARE. but everything had changed. the supernatural had completely turned her world around, and she felt like she had been starting from fresh. it was SCARY, because she didn’t want to change. but circumstances had made it impossible for her to keep a level head and stand her own ground. she used to be the person who never questioned anything, and yet now she was questioning everything —— because she had to. anything was possible now, all cards were on the table. so when someone said something that made her hesitant, of course it was going to weigh her mind —— especially when it was something that already made her weary. her eyes narrowed in on him and she quickly shook her head. ❛ WAIT, no. you never controlled me. get that straight. maybe you had some kind of gross advantage over tracy, or josh, but NOT me. ❜ at one point, he almost did. she was nearly blind to what was going on, and she almost lost liam to it —— until she realized there was something going on with theo. something off, something WASN’T RIGHT. but still, the hard expression on her face softened, faltering just slightly as she thought about it. ❛ and you think i’m the best place to start for a pack? ❜ she repeated, still not understanding WHY he had come for her. she had never been faithful to him, and she thought that meant she was out.
but now, his words made her face fall even more, and she dropped her hands to her sides to remove the barrier between them. maybe he was right —— maybe he had changed. she didn’t know what he had gone through when he left; the same way no one understood what she went through when she had died. she had to have sympathy for that because she KNEW what it felt like to have to explain yourself to someone when they would never fully understand. ❛ is theo raeken ACTUALLY admitting to messing up? wow, incredible, ❜ she spat back, words dripping with sarcasm —— but it was a MASK to hide that she was easing up on him. ❛ i don’t know what you went through —— but if it’s anything like DYING and trying to deal with life again.. i know it’s not easy. so.. if you really want to change, you ARE going to have to prove it. but i really don’t know how that will be possible for you. ❜
❛ —— i don’t know, ❜ she answered honestly, hating herself for not having a solution. but it was far too late now anyway. she was actually relieved when he admitted to not trusting her. she knew he’d be LYING if he said he did, and her GUILT for the situation needed some kind of closure. she raised a brow as he explained, and she continued to let her guard down, giving him honesty. ❛ well, you’re right. if i was there and i knew liam was there… or that he was at risk to be hurt, then yeah, i would’ve been distracted. but i never really understood your plan in the first place. i just —— ❜ was always team mccall, but those words were ones she chose to hold back. ❛ honestly, theo. would you have EVER trusted me, knowing i was with someone from the mccall pack? ❜ she was ACTUALLY sleeping with the enemy, and she had no intentions of giving liam up then. if she were in theo’s position, she wouldn’t have budged on it either. ❛ i wouldn’t have given him up for the pack. liam comes first. even if i DID join your new pack —— that would still be true. could you even handle that? ❜ she questioned, letting out a sigh as she shook her head for even giving him an inkling that she COULD take his side again.
he was right about every member of the mccall pack. there was an issue with all of them; but there was also an issue with everyone in theo’s pack. it wasn’t until the mention of liam that she shot her eyes back at him and quickly shook her head. ❛ liam did that for me. i’m not saying it was okay —— ‘cause it wasn’t. but…. he wanted to SAVE me, and he was angry, and… ❜ she pursed her lips together, knowing she couldn’t defend liam for what he did, even if it was a gesture FOR HER life. her face only fell more as he told her he didn’t believe her. because he shouldn’t; she hated herself for leaving those people behind. ❛ okay, well. yeah, i feel bad. i feel bad for leaving people behind, and i feel SELFISH for saving myself instead of saving them. is that what you want me to say? but if i would have stayed, i’d be DEAD now too. so maybe i’m selfish, and maybe i don’t deserve to be alive right now when tracy and josh are dead, but … i’m HERE, ❜ her voice gradually got louder with each word, and she brought her hand to her hair to tug on it out of frustration. she wanted to believe that she could take theo; but she also believed the others could have taken him too.
YES. that’s what she wanted to say because that’s what she wanted to believe. scott had never given her any reason to believe that he wasn’t good —— except the times he told her he couldn’t give her the bite. he COULDN’T, right? but as much as she wanted to believe he was only protecting her, she only kept reminding herself that he wasn’t. and theo’s words weren’t helping her either. he was persuasive, and the worst part was she didn’t resent him for it. it was only herself. but his words were giving her a new perspective to it all. while scott may be a good alpha, he was a big target. she had seen that herself already, and of course she was scared. she just thought that no pack of people would be able to better protect her than them. ❛ so —— you don’t think i can protect myself? i needed scott to get me HERE. i needed the bite to survive, but that doesn’t mean i can’t fight for myself. i still have my strength and speed, ❜ she insisted, letting out a huff of air. ❛ i don’t buy that. i think people still want you dead, ❜ she admitted honestly, rolling her tongue against her the roof of her mouth as she glared at him. ❛ and what’s your idea of PROTECTING people anyway? you didn’t do such a good job of that last time, IF you remember correctly. ❜
she didn’t want to ask stiles herself. she didn’t want this information AT ALL. it was much easier when she didn’t know, and when she didn’t feel this way about stiles. ❛ are you saying you saved stiles? ❜ she questioned, almost MORE surprised by that. it made her sick just imagining that stiles was really capable of that; but then again, they all were. she just assumed that scott’s pack was ALL GOOD, but her image of them was slowly falling apart. but he was right, and she hated it. they would choose liam because she wouldn’t be here without him. he was her IN, and she had WANTED this because of him. ❛ no. you’re right. but that doesn’t mean i can’t make my own place in their pack. i can be just as worthy as anyone else in the pack. they NEED me too. ❜ not even her tone of voice was certain, and she could hear it for herself too. shaking her head, she turned away ( mostly so she could calm herself down ). at least he understood that she wouldn’t answer to him. she would never be like tracy or josh, and she would never act as his guard dog. ❛ i’m not even safe from you, how could i be safe in your pack? how could anyone be safe in your pack? ❜ she muttered, still avoiding eye contact with him. ❛ so how would you ever trust me again? how could i trust you? how could things REALLY change? i’m ALL you have, right, you’re really making yourself look better. real convincing, theo, ❜ she spat at him, finally turning to him and sighing. in a calm world, she might’ve gone back to theo’s pack with no issue. that was if she knew there would be no repercussions —— but she had a boyfriend, she had friends. she was a werewolf because of scott mccall. how could she leave all that behind, for ONE guy? one bad guy? ❛ you don’t think you’ll be the one with a target on your back if i leave that pack? and what about me? you think anyone will be HAPPY that i’m with you again? no one’s going to be happy. they’ve already got plenty of reason to hate you, this is just another on their list. what’s your plan then? ❜