The Captain

???

[danielkahndyke]

[fintan-pyren]

I was drinking tomato juice while gaming, and I finished it, but then I died and had to reload a save from before I finished my tomato juice, and for a moment, I was genuinely confused about why my tomato juice was still empty.

[hacash]

someone at the marketing department had a little too much fun with this

[villainessbian]

a challenger

[tumblerculosis]

I’ve been obsessed with this tiktok for days now

[coffeedcait]

Person: "Hello sir." he pets the frog with one finger.

Person: "Have a good day. Actually wait a minute. You missed a bug, but I got you home boy. Hold on." he picks a bug up and throws it next to the frog.

Frog: turns around and eats the bug.

Person: "OHHHHH-" sings high pitched and angelic like he witnessed a miracle.

[json-derulo]

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

3 mutuals rb the same post in a row and u have to pick who to rb it from and it locks ur game into their ending of the game

[codecicle-archive]

[orcboxer]

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

[dovik-png]

Dressed up my sheep. Thought you should know.

She's about 20 years old now (pretty old for a sheep!)

[dovik-png]

Sheep update: i sewed her pajamas

Its autumn so here's a perfectly fitting pajamas just for her.

[toskarinfr]

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

[zackthelion]

miderbeas....

[segamascott]

🤤🤤🤤

[evilvillain123456789]

apparently my aggressive and poorly trained dog that is too large for me to physically control is now making fake as fuck stories for reddit gold

[despazito]

they just added sparkledogs to the kennel club registry

[despazito]

[despazito]

they carried a generation

[niceinchnails]

Was carrying my pants i havent worn for a while and 4 gold doubloons and 2 rocks fell out

[shitpeoplesayintf2]

[hotvampireadjacent]

[triviallytrue]

in retrospect it's pretty funny that the most used computer port for many years just completely sucked shit to the point of there being normie memes about it

[triviallytrue]

we as a society lived like this for years and years

[phaeton-flier]

I mean when your biggest tech issue is "takes an extra 10 seconds (at most) to plug in if you're not paying attention" that's pretty good! Imagine if you had a printer and the printer's biggest problem was that the paper took a few tries to insert into the tray. You'd want to fuck that printer.

[triviallytrue]

I'd want to fuck that printer.

[teaboot]

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

[teaboot]

I grew up before the term 'thigh gap' was invented I grew up before 'hip dip' was invented I was born before 'muffin top' was a thing before 'clean girl look' was a thing before 'glass skin' was a thing before razoring off peach fuzz was a thing and I'm so so so fucking tired of us inventing new concepts purely for the purpose of convincing people to hate their own bodies enough to buy products

[teaboot]

Last time Tuberculosis ran through the USA a small number of people got it on purpose to look skinny and waifish and delicate and used makeup to look flushed and bony and when the Victorians figured out tapeworms people would infect themselves on purpose to starve themselves smaller and women and now in the year of our lord 2026 there is a noticeable fraction of the USAmerican population genuinely thrilled about a treatment-resistant microbial parasite that makes you shit and vomit your brains out for a month because side effects include weight loss and STILL we talk about being skinny like it's the natural default setting for all healthy people as if it's a self-sustaining standard and not an imaginary goal that we are constantly constantly constantly beating ourselves with a whip to acheive