it's an explosion...oh no it's just my mind

[pansyfemme]

sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

[bagofcoldnoodles]

Is it licking boots?

[pansyfemme]

because of sexual desires i will not disclose here.

[wannab-urs]

he definitely fucks but there’s no way he fucks normal

[archliches]

man c'mon

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[enlightened-moth]

[temporalreverie]

anyone have that picture with the 100 pool toy baltos. Its like a modern terracotta army

[temporalreverie]

THEY SHALL PROTECT MY MAUSOLEUM

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[corvids-corner]

I have a degree in environmental biology you can trust me 👍

[the-grey-tribe]

@argumate

[argumate]

*nodding* cute, empty headed, thinks about murder all day; this is a kitty.

[argumate]

to Germans they’re just regular shepherds

[inoffizielles-deutschland]

as a german I feel the need to disrupt your finny tumblr post with the truth.

[northshorewave]

Reading sports headlines while pretending sports doesn't exist suggests a fascinating world of magic and whimsy.

[northshorewave]

[dinosaur-unicorns]

[fulda-gap-express]

[bishopony]

my really funny and original concept

[eldritchboop]

So at one point I had to move across the country with the 50 deer worth of bones that I needed for research.

I’d been waiting to make this joke for YEARS and finally got the opportunity.

[howling-wizard2]

first run of the xenonite suit (grace naively thought he was going to be able to play it cool)

[c-53]

Wild caught clownfish will be like ‘hm you see, the anemone you got me is a slightly different color and tentacle width than the one I had back home, so I will not begin hosting it. I’ll be a sort of wandering ronin for the rest of my days.’ And then a captive bred clownfish will be like ‘ok so I have this curved rock I found and I just sit above it and it take care of me 👍’

[c-53]

Some of my favorite clownfish hosts

[sleepyjump]

there's this guy who works at the convenience store next to my job and every time i come in he tries to upsell me. i'll get a gatorade and he'll say "that's it...? isn't it snacktime?" i'll get a snack and he'll say "just that? don't you want more?"

one time i got a huge pile of stuff and he STILL said it and i said "dude, you would not be satisfied with all the riches of heaven!!" and he said "i don't even get a commission. i just love doing this."

and then i couldnt come in for a while and then i came in again today for just a charger. and i said "that's it today" with a smile. and he looked at me with a gleam in his eye and said "no it isn't. you'll be back later. you'll have to get thirsty eventually, won't you?" with this conniving smile that made me realize i WAS thirsty. i'm out of my depth here. help

[bonniebugsy]

OP I think that might be the Devil

[vibraph0ny]

Everyone's all "ohhh 2026 bring back physical media" until I start talking illuminated manuscripts and then suddenly we're not on the same page anymore

[somewhere-south-of-neutral]

Actually we are on the same page. We've been on the same page for a week because these things take forever to make

[astriiformes]

The polar opposite of corporate accounts trying to come across as hip and super friendly are the ones for libraries, aquariums, parks systems and the like, that are basically just trying to get people excited about learning and the wonder of history/science by posting things like this:

[mangopatch]

[demonladytakkuri]

You know how much I would lose my mind if I was at an aquarium and turned a corner to see a wild ass heron staring at a fish tank

[dicaeopolis]

Human beings b like. *sits and stares peacefully at a fire* *sits and stares peacefully at the ocean* *sits and stares peacefully at a sleeping animal*

[dicaeopolis]

a small rhythmic motion: is happening

us for 6 million years and counting: talented brilliant showstopping incredible

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[digitaldiscipline]

This is the 85 year old creator of Roger Rabbit:

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[sparrownnax]