Captain Mango's Captain's Log

[captainmangos]

December 11th 2020

Me Texting at 7 AM: Do I want to go into work today or work from home?

Friend: *probably sleeping*

Me: You're right, I'll work from home

[captainmangos]

November 5th 8:04 AM

Friend: How are you holding up?

Me: Well yesterday I was on an all day combination of expired Ativan, wine, yerba matte, and marijuana. So depending on your feelings of substances...very well or very bad.

[captainmangos]

November 5th 11:48 AM

Neighbor 1: I'm so ready for a low key weekend

Neighbor 2: Yeah, but uh we're gonna be in Vegas

Neighbor 1: Right but like as low key as possible

Neighbor 3: Aye uh can you unlock the door? I gotta get a trashbag because the bag with all my clothes just burst.

.........................

We've moved into an apartment complex filled with undergrad youths. I'm actually living for it.

[captainmangos]

November 3rd 11:20 AM

Therapist: So what is your self-care plan for this election week?

Me: Snuggle the cat, sleep, and honestly I'm going to smoke ungodly amounts of weed. I just want to blackout this whole week. I know that's not really good selfcare though...

Therapist: Honestly, "good" selfcare is overrated at this point.

[captainmangos]

October 26th 10:56 PM

Truck Commercial: You woke up this morning, got up, showered, brushed your teeth, got ready for a day of hard work

Me: *shouting into my phone mic* IF YOU WANT TO TRICK ME INTO PARTICIPATING IN CAPITALISM, YOU BETTER IMPROVE YOUR AD ALGORITHM BECAUSE NONE OF THIS APPLIES TO ME

[captainmangos]

October 26th 10:43 AM

Friend: Hey

Me: Hanging out in Anxiety Town USA

Friend: So, not down to hang out today?

Me: The mental distance of Anxiety Town is 300 Miles away, so I won't be able to make it to any plans today.

[captainmangos]

October 22nd 10:08 PM

You know things are bad when you are begging your significant other to do the TikTok baby fart challenge on you because you’re in so much pain. 

-Captain Out (but the gas is not)

[captainmangos]

October 22  PM 7:13 PM

Friend: Are you watching the debate tonight??

Me: No

Friend: Still banned by your therapist?

Me: Yes, but also I already voted so why the fuck would I expose myself to that? I have depression but I don't hate myself THAT much.

[captainmangos]

October 21st 9:46 PM

SOS

My stomach is trying to kill me via the most painful cramps I’ve ever experienced.The hot water bottle broke on my stomach and scalded me. Meds aren’t working. May the giant spaghetti monster take my soul and release me from this pain. In the name of the marinara, the garlic , and the holy Parmesan. Bon appetite.

Pray for me.

Captain Out

[captainmangos]

October 16th 12:45 AM

I’ve been having crippling anxiety that makes it incredibly hard to focus on doing any projects. So I decided to stay up so late that I’m too tired to be anxious about anything and start projects. It’s weirdly working. This can’t be healthy. I drank coffee and that’s practically cocaine to me.

Will I regret this tomorrow? Most likely. But am I getting work done, yup. Maybe this will end up with a neutral outcome.

Captain Out.

[captainmangos]

October 15th  9:48 AM

Me: *Watching TV. Trying to relax*

Every Lotion Commercial Ever: LISTEN HERE YOU CRACKLY SKIN BITCH.

[captainmangos]

October 13th 9:08 PM

Colon Medication Commercial: You’re the type of person who takes care of themselves.

Me: Bold of your to assume that

[captainmangos]

October 14th 2:05 PM

Boyfriend: Why is all this stuff stacked up in my closet?

Me: Oh I had to do my therapy session on the floor in your closet so our roommate couldn't hear me talk about her

Boyfriend:.....

Me: Also, my therapist wanted me to put all my anxiety in a vessel and I used your shoe, so sorry about that aura.

[captainmangos]

October 12th 11:34 PM

A song with lullaby vibes. Wish me luck. Maybe it will help you if it doesn’t help me.

[captainmangos]

October 12th 11:30 PM

    When you’re out of tune with your body so you don’t notice when the caffeine you drank causes anxiety, and then the anxiety makes you tired, so you drink more caffeine, which gives you more anxiety and then you can’t eat which makes you more tired, so you drink caffeine and then you’re wide awake at midnight with nothing to do but stew on your anxiety and this repeats forever and ever until you die. 

Captain Out....well maybe....depends on what thoughts pop up before sleep

[captainmangos]

October 11th 9 AM

Me: A huge grad school success!

Roommate: What happened?

Me: I had a project meeting and convinced everyone I had done the work I said I'd do. STILL GOT IT.

[captainmangos]

October 11th 10:57 PM

The Oregon Coast was beautiful. I just wish life hadn’t taken a huge dump on me as soon as I got home. 

If you go on vacation in 2020, don’t come back just stay wherever you are. 

Captain Out