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Renee: Why does Aaron look so upset?

Andrew: He took one of those “Which one of the foxes are you most like?” quizzes

Renee: Okay and who did he get?

Neil [crying of laughter]: ME

If you’re not following @raindovemodel on Instagram, then you should. They’re trying to get to 250k in order to qualify for a campaign they’re interested in. They’re very woke and all about defying gender stereotypes and breaking gender roles.

secifosseluce

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE.

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

secifosseluce

normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*

normal person: walking faster

secifosseluce

even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so

kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:

moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳

Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :)

her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this:

bargains-by-duckface

This post is so Christian, but it’s the spicy kind of Christian that gets you murdered by other Christians for heresy, so I’m torn.

secifosseluce

literally biggest form of compliment i’ve ever gotten

dogdude420-deactivated20140914

i-was-today-years-old-when

i learned that Tom Hanks treats child patients to special screenings of Toy Story 4 (x)

primordialsandstonedevice-deact

movies are so weird people hang out like twice and theyre all like “im in love with you” calm down maybe

blackqueerblog

I’m not crying.

unicornempire

Often times effort matters so much more than the thing itself. Whatever you can do, simply trying to do it at all is often more than enough.

thegayfleet

He’s not a gimmick. He’s not the butt of a joke. He’s just a kid, existing in high school who loves musical theater and has a passion for it.

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iamoutofideas

sorry mate I can’t talk right now I’m being chased by a lit trail of gunpowder

mockiato-deactivated20200315

Hey what’s that pouring out of your pocket?

iamoutofideas

oh god

aiwa-sensei

Anthony being naturally good with kids is so soft, help.

Set of doodles from Patreon prompt list :D

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valtsv

you know that trope where someone pushes their powers far beyond their limits for an extended period of time & when they finally burn out they stagger back and almost collapse from exhaustion but their love interest is there to catch them… hoo 🤧🤧🤧

lookataleaf3000

one thing I’m grateful to my mom for is telling me from a very young age that if a man ever says he’ll kill me if I don’t do what he says, that I should fight and die. that it would be better to die than to be brought to a second location, it would be better to die instantly than live a little longer after god knows how much violation. i know that other people’s moms gave different advice, to be quiet so you can live and get away. little girls all got some kind of advice on what to do, though, huh? like… WHEN a man wants to hurt you. it’s surreal to think about how this shadow affects the landscape of girlhood

myothercarisauhaul-original

YES my mother said the same thing. Plus bite and scratch to get DNA, scream that you don’t know him, cause the biggest scene you can….but DO NOT get in a vehicle/go anywhere with him because “you have to assume that if you don’t get away right then, then you won’t get away at all”.

appropriately-inappropriate

Your mom was right. That is standard self-defence advice — fight, scratch, scream, aim for testicles, eyeballs and and the throat. Use your teeth, your nails, your elbows, whatever you can. Maul the fucker.

If someone grabs you and intends to move you towards a second location, fight like your life depends on it:

Because it does.

inqorporeal

And in case you think, “I’m smaller than him, I can’t do shit!” my trainer likes to tell this one:

Think of a cat. Cute, fluffy, adorable, right? Much smaller than you. Imagine picking up that cat… and then having a friend dump a bucket of water over it. Hell no, right? You’d get straight-up shredded. Even a big solid guy wouldn’t want to do that.

You don’t have to be the dude. You just gotta be the cat.

mehmehmehetc

You don’t have to be the dude. You just gotta be the cat.

Thank you for this, I’m taking this with me in all walks of life.

ruby-white-rabbit

Can reach the eyes? Stab and scoop them from his sockets. Reach his balls? Crush and twist. Hand over mouth? Fingers are now baby carrots. Chomp chomp

If you’re on a bike, cling to it. Make it harder for them to snatch you because now they have a bike to deal with as well. Be embarrassing. Make a fool of yourself to make scene. Scream bloody murder the whole time you’re able.

Show no mercy for you will most likely be shown none as well. Go down in a rage. Make them regret even thinking of considering you.

dovewithscales

No one is intimidating right after they’ve been poked in the eyes.

If he’s got both hands on you he’s not defending vulnerable spots. You’ve either got at least one hand or your teeth and legs free and it takes 8 pounds of pressure to do serious damage to a throat.

Do not be quiet. Do not fight fair. Do not hold back. If you’re being attacked and someone’s trying to make you move, whatever’s gonna happen if they get what they want is worse than whatever’s gonna happen if you maim or kill somebody and get away.