Duckface is here

Yours for the lowest prices.

[famouspainterwombat]

[yugiohz]

[girl-blorbo-polls]

If you were handcuffed to your girl blorbo with magical unbreakable handcuffs for 24h, would you be okay with this?

I trust her, I’ll be fine

I trust her, but it’ll be a stressful 24h

It depends on what kind of day we’re having

This is gonna suck…

Other/nuance

Voting ended onJul 19

[yamada-ryo]

genuinely the best 2 word combo ive seen all year

[sanrio-stud]

Unit 8200 - Wikipedia

[boringkate]

Don't forget that mouths are also for fingering! Just poke and prod around in there as much as you want!

[bargains-by-duckface]

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

Everytime this gets a note when its nowhere near christmas I question my sanity just a little bit more

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

No, it is July, stop that, stop giving this notes, you guys have lost reblogging privileges

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[themostrandommoon]

happy april

[youhaveaguineapigwhere]

Sincerely, fuck you.

[hermitrad]

its christmas

[velvetys]

How is bnha anime of the decade...... they aren’t even anime of the hour of the minute of the second

[grimeclown]

The notes on this post were so toxic that staff just axed em

[abraxasrinbalt]

1969.........

[harperhug]

Yes, when the original post is deleted from the server (not just the blog, but the Tumblr servers), there is no root post for notes to be added onto, and also no root post for time to be counted from, so it starts from zero. Most computer operating systems use Unix, which was launched in 1971 with t.he epoch date of midnight on January 1, 1970 as 1. Therefore zero is one second behind that date: December 31, 1969. Also, very unfortunately, this also means nobody except you and anyone you reblog it to will see this explanation, as you cannot open the notes to see comments when there are no notes.

[ti0mumu]

[nick-nonya]

Tumblr is truly one of the webbed sites ever

[solnight99]

ohmg

[aroace-ryland-grace]

[thegreatlazule]

post's haunted.

[hellorivolta-blog]

Captain America knows what’s good.

[thehobbitranger]

STAY WOKE

[bottle-of-bucky]

This is the Captain America we need in 2017.

[gehayi]

Let’s hear Cap’s entire speech:

“Listen to me– all of you out there! You were told by this man– your hero– that America is the greatest country in the world! He told you that Americans were the greatest people– that America could be refined like silver, could have the impurities hammered out of it, and shine more brightly! He went on about how precious America was – how you needed to make sure it remained great! And he told you anything was justified to preserve that great treasure, that pearl of great price that is America!

“Well, I say America is nothing! Without its ideals– its commitment to the freedom of all men, America is a piece of trash! A nation is nothing! A flag is a piece of cloth! I fought Adolf Hitler not because America was great, but because it was fragile! I knew that liberty could be snuffed out here as in Nazi Germany! As a people, we were no different than them! When I returned, I saw that you nearly did turn American into nothing! And the only reason you’re not less then nothing– is that it’s still possible for you to bring freedom back to America!”

–Captain America, “What If (Captain America Were Not Revived Until Today)?” Volume 1 #44 (Peter Gillis, writer), April 1984 

[xtealx]

[contact-guy]

sherlock holmes deduces you are trans before you've figured it out yourself and refers to you with those pronouns and then when you look confused is like "ah...had you not arrived at that conclusion yet?" and wafts away in his dressing gown to smoke seventeen pipes, leaving you in a gender crisis

[skipppppy]

Hercule Poirot deduces you are trans by accident because he suspected you of murder and broke into your house and searched your stuff then puts 2 and 2 together when Hastings makes an innocuous observation about your fashion sense or something and he jumps up and cries “mon dieu!!!” before striding over to you kissing you on both cheeks and saying “ah, cher ami, you must live as you choose!” and then running off to confront the real culprit while you stand there in befuddlement

[ospreyonthemoon]

Columbo deduces you're trans from context clues while he's talking to you about the area, immediately uses your preferred pronouns and starts telling you about his cousin, who's also transgender, and how they got this job doing security, and how they told him that a security guard always locks up, and asks you if the guard locked up last night, and isn't it weird the place was open? And you're like, well, someone else must have opened it up. Maybe the guy in charge? He has a spare key. And then he nods and goes "the guy in charge has a spare key... well, how about that?" And then he offers you a cigar and wanders off, and a day later your boss gets arrested for murder.

[deathsmallcaps]

Fanon Batman deduces you are trans and suddenly a free hormone clinic opens up by your home a couple months later

[answeringmysister]

Miss Fisher learns youre trans and simply gives you hormones, and a little cocaine as a treat. she also invites you out to a club to meet like minded individuals. at the club you watch as she seduces the bartender and then the next day the bartender is arrested for the murder.

[viridianchronicle]

[totallynotgayforyou]

[petrichordiam]

@solipseismic thank u for the insight 🫡

[muzzlesbian]

nice outfit LOSER!!! 2001 called, they

[muzzlesbian]

hold on.

[muzzlesbian]

oh my god

[bideogaymes]

i love when women.

[bruzum]

my impact is mind;blowing

[cheaphalloweencostume]

this actually makes more sense to me than like anything else happening in the world currently. like it blows catastrophically to be sure but it checks out

[freyjaofthenorth]

today i learned a bit more about the tataria conspiracy theory and wow here i thought the ancient aliens people were bonkers but the tataria peeps are at a whole new level

essentially the position that the whole world was covered in a globe-spanning technologically advanced civilization of "white giants" which was destroyed by a global mud flood in the 1800's, as evidenced by *checks notes* ignorance of basic architecture, not knowing the basics of how early photography worked, and old maps that just lump all of the varying ethnic groups of the western eurasian steppe into a nice simple "eh they're all tatars right"

doing the whole "Mystic Ancient Knowledge That Could Never Be Replicated Today" but instead of the pyramids and stuff it's like some neoclassical early 20th century train station truly this is peak pseudohistory nonsense<3

[tsunflowers]

this book I’m reading on female evolution for some reason uses bill and hillary clinton as examples of the typical differences between male and female vocal structures and the author is like “imagine if bill clinton had a throat sac like an ape which caused his voice to resonate” don’t say that? I don’t want to imagine that?

[tsunflowers]

billiam clinton saying his famous line “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” in a booming voice that can be heard up to two miles away and everyone starts hooting like monkeys and banging their fists on their chests