ANGEL_

…Lazy. Early into the afternoon it may had been, but that didn’t deter from his inclination to sleep in the day. After all it was her who inspired AM rises. Otherwise current party would not mind sleeping in every single day— or at least whenever the chance would provide. Right though, door. He’d grab some shades to protect eyes from piercing light, but narrowed vision would have to do. Oh.

"…You know how I feel for the cold. Just go ahead and come in." Not a direct acknowledgement yet but, they were on level speaking terms it would seem. "Honestly, rather just stay in under a blanket till later." Wheither or not there was a spot available he did not comment. Least she entered.

Invitation sparked a turbulent mind and knees seemed to ice over in place. Did she really want to go in? Who knows what she'd find. Yet she dropped her heavy heart at the door and stepped in, simultaneously locking away all other emotions as to not let the familiarity of her previous home consume her. "This weather is a gentle breeze compared to what we'll face in the next few months, but if you'd like to sleep for a while longer, I wouldn't mind. I'll just wait here. In the living room."

Weak voice. Stable as she may seem, bedroom memories hit a spot too tender for her to approach. Thankfully, the sight of two canines resting in the corner soothed her soul. "You might need the rest for what I intended to do. So... sweetest dreams, Len. I'll still be here when you wake up."

Day 1

Seventy-two hours. About. A minimal amount of time to any average person, but she hasn't quite been a part of the average scene lately. Those hours she'd spent locked down recuperating and licking her wounds finally brought her forward to his doorstep today. Sunny Friday, high fifties, crisp blue sky without a cloud in sight. Granted the weather would change after, but now was the perfect opportunity to drag him away from his coop and let that sun shine. No matter how he's spent his days as of late or with who, she knew he wasn't a hundred percent yet. Thus time to do her part.

<<Knock, knock!>>

"Rise and shine, Len! It's beautiful fall weather today and we mustn't waste it inside!"

But I can't lie about being scared. I really really hope... I can do this.

"Because you were more than that. Just saying." Ugh. There been too much from what past for him to go any further. If exhaustion actually manifested itself in a limit, that was hit significant time already in the night.

"Keeping you around would only bring us both pain. You know this from dying slowly previously. Don’t relive it with me, correct that much of a mistake."

Nothing but a gentle smile to trace her lips, lashes falling as if savoring the warmth of his words on her soul. Just a little... just for a second, she'd reach out and graze her fingertips against his cheek to send thanks.

"Somehow, I believe we’ve had this conversation before. Or similar. You can and never will be a mistake in my eyes. Nor will ever caring for you be one. I would have stopped a long time ago if that were the case, no? Just please allow me to stay by your side and continue to care every once in a while. You’re the most important person in my life.”

"It’s not your choice to make. For you to stay some.. tool, or simply a character to be there when I choose not for, I refuse it. I will not compose myself in that matter. Nor will I allow it from you. Moving on wasn’t a request. It was a demand."

"But that is the thing! You have never treated me like a tool. I'm not... so much offering my body or my services. After all this time I don't believe I can handle losing you completely. Which is why I had wished for you now even if only as a friend.

You were always very kind to me! That is why, through and through no matter what the circumstances, I will always want to be by your side and repay it all."

"Don’t do that now. You know how much it sickened my blood to see you do that with him. Replicating it with myself.. I rather not." Friend? Hmm. "I was enraged, admit to that. But you poked at something that you were stirring at for so long. Did you really expect me to simply do nothing? I’m a horrible person, accept that much. That said.. you pushed me, to this position. Hence, why I was sorry. Because truthfully, I did not want to."

"Go. Find someone better than me. Honestly, that’s not hard to do."

"You and him are entirely different entities. You two may have the same behavioral habits and socialize with the same methods, but deep down, it's different. I am the one that waits, aren't I?" Even before they kindled romantically, she would wait even for his responses to her random leavings of care packages, just to ensure his well-being. She has always waited. "No. I'm not saying you were wrong. Yes, I pushed you there. There is no need for an apology.

But no. I shall not. My heart is firmly rooted by you and not by who's better than who. You know me well enough by now that even if you lock me out entirely, I will still care enough to find a way to express it when I can. Even if that doesn't involve us being together.

I said I was here for you. Whether you kiss more women or fuel a fire with another that doesn't change. It will hurt, but it will not change.'

"Hmmm.. I won’t deny our time together, I’d be an idiot to do so. You indeed, made me smile for a significant amount of time. That said, I don’t wish for the end of you. You’re a good person- hell, great person. Just made a mistake."

She shakes her head softly, but lets go of a breath she'd been holding for what felt like an eternity. Her question really had been serious. If it would have made him happy, she would have fulfilled that final wish. "I don't believe I'm deserving of your kinder words. In truth, I don't mind how harsh you may be to me. I am simply here to display my willingness to wait for you. Or even simply as a friend at this point."

"Disappear already, will ya? Think I’ve made my point adamant enough. I applaud your effort, but you lost your chance."

#i feel like killing myself #there's no other route for me anyways

"If I really did make for a permanent disappearance, would that make you happy?"

and of course the ones who were never there during his relationship come crawling back the second it's done.

I guess I never was the type to have companions for my issues, let alone a rebound so quickly. Aah, ah. I have waited for a man before while witnessing many of his love affairs. I suppose I can prepare my heart and do it again.

"No."

Silence. She only stays on her knees, fists tightly bound in her lap, still scared, but unwavering. "Have you ever seen anyone fight so hard for you? As much as I'm sure nobody has driven you as mad as I do."

"Please cancel your plans. I’ll refund you and mail out what remains you have in my home. I’ve already done the honor of collecting it all, so. Good luck with the rest of your life."

"There will be no use for a refund, or a collection of my items. The rest of my life can't possibly be any longer. Without crying, I've already felt my body go numb. But it's still shaking. We've gotten so far I wish you'd at least give it a chance. Even if I'm only nothing but a friend or a roommate. I still wished to begin my life somewhere with you. Please."

"Almost a year, Angel. But almost doesn’t count."

"You're so ruthless. You're so ruthless and I'm a moron. I'm so stupid I don't know what to do with myself but all I know is you're all I have. ...And even if you weren't all I had, I would know my heart would follow you no matter where you went or what you did. Please forgive me."