Untitled @cardiganpunk - Tumblr Blog

Thought that post was cute so i drew it

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

rylandgraces

i think if i were a jedi i would make it my life mission to make yoda angry. i would give anything to hear his little goblin voice mutter the words “thin fucking ice, you are on” and click his little cane on the ground. i would do anything. kick him as im walking and be like “oh sorry didnt see you there.” go with him to the market and try to buy him for four credits and say “oh my bad i thought you were a head of cabbage.” raise all the chairs in the jedi temple just an inch. catch him while he’s sleeping and paint his little nails and then be like “odd that someone caught you slippin master yoda. wonder who could have done that.” leave crumbs in his seat in the jedi council. i mean i would do anything

greseadraws

dungeon meshi but they end up in the back rooms, a cursed idea that was eating away at my brain

nitewrighter

Peer-reviewing @monikoishi's tags because they're banger.

oddarette

Windex Xenomorph

Windex Xenomorph 💦

batmanisagatewaydrug

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

quorpiest

no mi circo no mis feratus

ursiday

Alley cat

letterful

electricheart

a little reminder! by annalaura_art

amwult

swagophile

Unfortunatelt the new rules say we have to sexually torture linux users with blunt instruments and some times knives or hammers so this is just how ifs gotta be . Sorry

lesbx

vibrators will have one setting that works and then 57 others that they were just like Let’s get silly with these. and the order randomizes so you accidentally press the button and it’s four hours until you find the one that works again and by the time yiu do the world is gone. Ash. Did it ever even exist if there’s no one, nothing to remember it