set me free;

carina bell. 32. head of communications aboard the argo.

[carinabell]

anirudh-rajan:

He had a dream that he was falling backwards through water. Not floating, or sinking, but falling; like all the effects of gravity were imposed on him in double-servings and he was falling down and down and down and he woke up with a jerk, bit his tongue. Somehow waking up didn’t make him feel any better.

Work would, though. It would give him something to focus on, something tangible to complete. And God knows there was enough of it to go around today. He headed to the control room on auto pilot and once he got there he had already forgotten what he was looking for. Results? Reports?

He floated to a chair and strapped himself in, tapping on the screen absently and hoping it would make sense to him in a minute. In his own fog, he didn’t notice Carina until she spoke. He jumped a little and then huffed out a laugh.

“Morning,” he replied with a grin “You gave me a fright”

But Carina was still focused attentively on her work. As he should be. He stared back at the screen blankly again. Numbers, he remembered like a dumb slap. He’d come here to check numbers and stats on the engine. Right. In and out. He cleared his throat and flicked the correct system up before glancing again at Carina. The last flux had hit the comms system the hardest, Ani wondered briefly if Carina had managed to get any sleep at all last night.

“How are you going with it?”

Once Ani spoke, Carina let herself relax. There were few people she could handle this morning, but luckily, he made the list. He wouldn’t push her too far, ask her too many questions. Hopefully, he wouldn’t pretend that everything was just fine. And maybe if he did believe it was nothing but a technical malfunction, he’d be the calming presence she needed in the control room that day.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said with a bit of a laugh, finally glancing over at the man. He also seemed pretty out of it that morning, though she wasn’t sure anyone was exactly feeling good about the power surges lately. She turned her focus back to the screen, trying to determine what she should work on next. Everything seemed to be going wrong at once, and she didn’t want to be behind when the next surge hit. Of course, she had started thinking when not if. Though it might have been seen as a pessimistic outlook at the beginning, she was almost sure that the power surge would happen again. Before this cycle, there had been no constant problems like this. But then again, a lot of things had changed between this cycle and the last.

“It’s…going,” she responded simply, pulling her hands away from her work for just a moment. “I know what I need to do, but the repairs take a considerable amount of time. And I don’t know how much time I have before the next flux hits,” she said with a bit of a sigh. “Everything alright on your end, though?” she asked, a bit of a hopeful tone to her voice. If the entire ship wasn’t falling apart, maybe that was something to celebrate.

[carinabell]

serramurray:

     “Thankfully, yeah,” she said, glancing over in surprise as Carina spoke – she’d looked to focused on her work, Serra hadn’t expected her to engage with more than a courtesy. Not that what she’d said just now was much more than a courtesy, but it was more than some of the others on the ship were willing to give, with things already feeling as if they were stretched unnecessarily thin after only a few glitches.

She couldn’t imagine the stress Carina was under, at the moment; she didn’t want to say anything that might risk making it worse, but at the same time, she didn’t feel like she could just say nothing. She thought about offering to help but it seemed… hollow. She hardly knew anything about the communications system, and it was more than likely if she tried to interfere she’d only make things worse.

     “How are they, er…. communications systems holding up? Did they get knocked out completely, or was it just a temporary problem?”

“Good,” Carina said with a bit of a nod. At least someone was going to have an easier day. There was a part of her that wondered if she should have even started this conversation. She could tell that her fellow crewmate was also on edge, as she was sure could be said about most of the crew. Nothing was wrong with the navigation at this point, thankfully. But who knew? That could change within the hour, or within the day. It wasn’t something she needed to worry about herself, but she couldn’t help but have her mind wander.

“They were, uh, knocked out completely, but it should be an easy fix,” she said simply, her eyes falling on Serra for the first time that morning. “I know what I’m doing,” she said, giving her a bit of a smile. Not that she had any reason to doubt Carina, but she just wanted to ensure her that there was nothing to worry about. “It’s just…it’s funny, isn’t it? That it all starts to go wrong now,” she said after a few moments. She needed something to fill the silence, the quiet hum of machines not enough anymore.

[carinabell]

horationarvaez:

It was a small mercy that the person he was on rotations with the cycle that everything was apparently deciding to go to shit was the one person who he knew felt exactly the same as him. No matter how stressful it was trying to keep everything working when the power was just going out at random intervals getting closer and closer together, it was a comfort to have Carina around because she understood in a way no one else seemed able to. Even just working or being around her in silence was a comfort, really, when not much else was. So seeing that it was her who came into the mess hall to make tea on a brief break, he was as glad as someone would believed they were going to die from hostile aliens or the whole ship shutting down in the near future could be.

He leaned back as she sat down across from him, really taking in her appearance for the first time that day. She looked about as tired as he felt, but she was holding up, and that was a small feat, he knew, if she was feeling as dejected and worried as he was. “Think I’d like it a little more if it was happening outside of our ship rather than up close and personal, but I’m picky about my light shows,” he replied, voice a little too serious for the joke to really land. The fact that either of them was making an effort, thought, felt admirable, even if no one else would see it as a big deal. 

“I hope so too, but it feels a little inevitable, the way things are going,” he sighed, hand going to the now cold cup of tea in front of him. Just dregs at this point. Appropriately. “A warning message and then the power starts fluctuating, hitting different systems each time somehow. I don’t know, Carina, even if we do keep up on rebooting everything between fluctuations, what comes next?”

Even though she was sure Ray knew exactly how she felt, Carina didn’t want to show him the cracks that were starting to emerge in her seemingly calm façade. There was still plenty of work to be done today, but she was exhausted. Even if she wanted to stop thinking about the problems they were facing, there was no time. She just had to keep fixing things and hope that she could stay on top of it.

Carina offered him a small smile as he sat down, trying to make it seem like she was alright. There was no point in giving him something else to worry about, but she knew he was able to read her like a book at this point. Maybe they could get through this if they had each other, but now she wasn’t so sure. “I suppose that’s fair. I’d like it more if it wasn’t hitting all the systems I’m the only one qualified to fix,” she said with a bit of a sigh, glancing down at her steaming hot mug. Maybe it was pointless to joke about the recent situation the crew found themselves in, but she didn’t want to make things worse. Everyone was on edge, and she was sure Horatio was probably doing worse than the rest.

“I honestly don’t know, Ray,” she said, her voice shaking. “We’re not even there yet, and it seems like they’re already pissed. This can’t be just a coincidence, right?” She knew that’s what people were saying. Bad timing, bad luck. There was no other reason for the systems to be acting up, right? Part of her wanted to believe it, even if it just made it easier for her to sleep at night. If they turned a blind eye to whatever was happening, however, Carina feared it would only get worse.

[carinabell]

amodesol:

It seemed not even a walk with their morning coffee could shake off this strange bad mood Marisol had woken up in. Honestly, they weren’t sure why they’d even tried to salvage the day- it had immediately been one of those that left them feeling weak in ways they weren’t comfortable with, ways they swore to themselves they’d never feel again. 

It was something about control, wasn’t it? Having it, or the illusion of it at least was fine until the exact moment it slipped through your fingers… No wonder everyone was on edge. It was hard not to see this as evidence of a mistake, especially when so many of them were scientists, taught or naturally inclined to seek the reasons behind the phenomena they encountered every day. In any case, Marisol’s usual lap around the shuttle was doing nothing to distract them from the same prying questions that occupied everyone’s mind.

They jumped just slightly at Bell’s greeting, if only because they were distracted by the barrage of thoughts and feelings they were grappling with just now. “Morning,” they answered, sounding distracted despite their best efforts. They’d intended to just pass through, especially because they were still jittery and nervous and a bit nauseous from how they’d woken up. Zero gravity hardly seemed like the best way to address any of that, and their colleague seemed busy… it was probably for the best if Marisol didn’t bother her. But just as they moved to pass by, they thought differently. They turned back to her and offered a flicker of a smile, too nervous to be their usual expression.

“Can I uh… help you with anything? I mean… I couldn’t provide any technical knowledge of course, but I am great at holding things…”

It didn’t take a special eye to see that the power fluctuations had thrown the entire crew off. Carina knew it wasn’t a pass to make mistakes or to to take it easy, and she had to do quite the opposite to keep up with all of the damages to the communication systems. She felt like she was working overtime just to rectify the problems that kept cropping up, and she couldn’t see how that was fair. She was the one that wanted to go home, and she was being punished for her crew’s decision to continue on?

Of course, she wasn’t sure who would agree this was a punishment for their choice. It was poor timing for any sort of malfunction, so soon after the vote. To Carina, who was already cautious of everything that might happen, it felt ominous. But to those who were convinced they were going to be just fine? It was an inconvenience at most, an annoying malfunction with the ship’s systems. In the years on the ship, however, they never had so many problems in such close proximity to each other.

Whatever was happening with their power source, Carina was not in the mood to entertain someone right now. If someone was in the control room for actual business, it was fine. There were plenty of problems arising from the fluctuations lately, and she was sure there were problems she wasn’t aware of. But as much as she liked Marisol, she couldn’t think of a reason for them to be in the control room. Their smile, however, made her realize that they were just as nervous as she herself was. “Sure,” she said with a bit of a shrug, her eyes falling on the toolbox. Working was keeping her distracted, and she was sure it could do the same for Marisol. “You can hand me tools, if you want. I could use a screwdriver,” she continued, nodding at the closed box on her seat, strapped in much like she herself should be if it was a normal day.

[carinabell]

emmaihaas

She had come to the control room to gossip. For business. Well, no, she had come to find out if anything had come to affect what was in her purview just yet. She had come from mess after realizing that the place was better for non-work related conversation. Also everyone in there had seemed focused on actual gossip. Or, well, she gone into the room, reconsidered ruining the mood by asking anyone in there, and then went somewhere else. Nothing said ‘I know what I’m talking about’ more than the control room. Emma told herself that she just wanted an answer about whether anything had affected the lab, and then she would continue on her way. It had seemed like an excellent plan to her.

Emma had hoped someone like Davies or Murray could give her a quick answer, but she most definitely got the opposite of her wish in finding the Argo’s most unnerving communications expert. Okay, she had found the only communications expert (cross-training in competencies aside), but it seemed more dramatic and interesting if she framed the situation this way. Emma would hardly let herself acknowledge that she went looking for reasons to not think the best of Bell, but she was actually aware that her panicked, jumpy reaction to a simple greeting for the morning (or what was left of it out in space) could probably be considered an overreaction.

She actually let out an audible gasp, as if she had happened upon a witch and her brew rather than a rightfully frustrated woman that just wanted everything to work. Unfortunately, it was hard for Emma to be reasonable when she took things personally. All she could think to follow up her initial reaction with was, “Well I don’t hate mornings. You look very busy.”

Carina could tell who had arrived from the gasp alone. She didn’t have to turn around to know that Emma had just entered the control room. It could have been anyone else, but the woman seemed shocked to see the head of communications working on the various communications systems that had been affected by the power fluctuations. Where else would she be this morning? Li-Na was sure to be on her if she didn’t start the repairs, and for good reason.

“I don’t hate them either. Well, at least when I wake up to everything functioning like it should be,” she said with a bit of a sigh, pressing a few more buttons on the console. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t a morning person. She just didn’t enjoy waking up to bad news constantly. It wasn’t a complicated fix, but she knew it was going to eat up most of her day. Of course, there was no telling if it was whoever was trying to make contact with them sending them another warning. Carina just couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t exactly a good sign.

“Well, the communication between the control room and the rest of the ship went out last night. It’s not exactly essential for everyday life on the ship, but the sooner it’s working the better,” she said, her voice harsher than she intended. Everyone was aware of the power fluctuations at this point, even if they didn’t know the exact systems that were effected. “Did you need something?” she asked, finally looking away from the control panel towards the woman. There wasn’t a good enough reason for Emma to be in the control one, not one that Carina could think of anyway.

[carinabell]

serramurray:

Ship malfunctions were just about the worst thing that could be happening right now.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the engineers on the ship to fix anything that happened to go wrong; she did, and implicitly, just as she trusted everyone else on the ship to do their job and do it well. No, it was the timing of it: just when they had made their irreversible decision to continue the mission despite the warning they’d received, things were starting to go wrong. Even if it wasn’t a sign – and she didn’t think it was – other people were bound to take it that way.

Especially people like Carina, people who hadn’t wanted to keep going in the first place. People who had wanted to take the message at face value, accept the warning for what it was. And if you took all of this as a sign that the crew had made the wrong choice, well… people were going to start getting worried, and worry was going to start making them sloppy.

She wasn’t excused from that. She knew it.

     “Morning,” she answered, moving to take her seat at her own station, feeling some of Carina’s dejection and annoyance starting to rub off onto her.

Carina knew, rationally, that the crew had these malfunctions under control. They weren’t affecting the entire ship, or even systems that were essential for life support. It was relatively simple things to fix, at least it had been until this morning. But there was still a nagging voice in the back of her head that told her that this was only the beginning. They were still so far away from Proxima B, and they were already experiencing problems. It didn’t bode well for them, but she didn’t exactly want to say that to anyone. So, she kept her hands tangled in the wires behind the comms panel, hoping everything would work out for the best.

“Everything looking good on your end?” she asked after a few moments of silence, figuring that she should at least check on her fellow crewmate. She didn’t want to drag the other down, especially so early in the morning. Any number of things could still go wrong, but they had to keep focused on what they could do to fix the damage. It did them no good to panic about the future, though Carina couldn’t help but wonder if this signified what was to come.

[carinabell]

horationarvaez:

15:00, mission day 1434, the mess hall {open}

To any outsider, the ability Horatio had to sustain a consistent and high amount of worry since the vote was impressive. It was getting exhausting, though, and yet there was no sign of it cooling down, especially with the new added bonus of the strange partial systems failure happening somewhat regularly. That fell into his realm, of fucking course, and from what he had been able to tell so far there was no explanation for it, and it always seemed to go right back to normal afterward. Which wasn’t particularly comforting.

Not only were they now hurling towards apparent danger, but they were already experiencing it. He was more than convinced that it had something to do with the warning message they had received and he wouldn’t hear otherwise. The mantra that kept him from freaking out entirely was a quiet I told you so in his head, which he would’ve been glad to say to anyone who would listen if he wasn’t so damn worried for his life. 

Sitting in the mess hall, pretty much waiting for the next fluctuation, he did what he did often lately, wax poetic to himself about everything that could and would go wrong. “I wonder how long it’ll take before everything stops working completely,” he wondered out loud, forever the pessimist.

The day had been stressful, to say the least. If she wasn’t in the control room, fixing whatever communication problem resulted from the recent power fluctuations, she was busy keeping the rest of the ship in tip-top shape. At least her partner this rotation was someone who understood just how on edge she was at the moment. It was comforting to be able to work side by side with Ray, even if all they did was complain.

She didn’t say much as she entered the mess hall, though she did see her friend perched at the end of a bench. Thankful that it was him and not someone else, someone who could keep perfectly calm during the chaos that was befalling the ship. Though it seemed that the number of people able to stay completely calm was dropping quickly.

Her tea was done when he spoke up, and she chuckled as she made her way over to sit across from Horatio. “You’re not enjoying the light show our friends are performing?” she asked, trying to play off the fear overtaking her. Her hands, when they weren’t wrapped around the mug set in front of her, shook almost constantly now. “Everyone’s keeping an eye on things. I hope it won’t get that bad,” she said, her voice a little quieter now. Of course, the communications systems were important, but if they were malfunctioning it didn’t threaten the crews’ lives. There were other systems, however, that were much more important.

[carinabell]

mission day: 1434 time: 9:15 location: control room status: open

With all the power fluctuations, Carina felt as if she was working overtime. It didn’t surprise her that the communications system was hit the hardest, but she wished that she could catch a break. First the telemetry system, then all the computers in the control room. Now, as she slept the night before, the communications between the control room and the rest of the ship had been knocked out. It wasn’t exactly a simple repair, and she expected to be in the control room until at least lunch. At least the repairs gave her something to do.

She couldn’t help but think of the fluctuations as an omen. They couldn’t listen to the message to stay away, so they were getting another warning. There were too many happening too frequently for this to be a coincidence. Even now, she didn’t feel comfortable bringing this up to the rest of the crew. Even if it was another a sign, another reason to stay far away from the planet they had travelled so long to reach, she wasn’t sure they would turn around. Half of her crew members had a death wish, and she knew that she just had to live with that fact.

Of course, it was asking for too much to have an hour alone in the control room. With everything that had gone wrong in the past day, it made sense that someone else had to come in. Whether it was to check on another system or to start repairs, she shouldn’t have been surprised. “Morning,” she mumbled, not even looking back at who entered. It was nothing against her crew, but she wanted to finish this repair before something else inevitably went wrong.

[carinabell]

anirudh-rajan:

He sighed, and he could feel a flurry of frustration in his chest as he reworked the stitches. He had been counting them. Probably. Maybe. Or maybe not but he’d been trying and Carina was right, it was an easy mistake to make but it was also a frustrating mistake to make over and over again.

There was a resigned certainty to Carina’s voice as she spoke about the vote, about the choice they made, and it settled like a stone in the quiet. Anirudh didn’t know what he’d expected from her, really, but her reaction felt jarring somehow. He’d been in a rapid tailspin ever since the meeting that morning. The message had sent everything off-kilter, and sure he was glad the vote had gone his way, he was glad they were still on task, but his mind still felt like it was buzzing too fast and too wild. His heart hammered every time he thought about it. Carina seemed so calm. And the vote had gone anything but her way.

“Yeah, definitely,” he said and re-stitched the line as he spoke, smiled at her even through the tired ache in his jaw “Nicer to know which direction we’re headed rather than to be floating in limbo. Metaphorically and literally, I suppose”

He made a little huff as he focussed on the work again. Now he’d done the stitches too tight. Great. He glanced at Carina’s neat lines and was only a little bit jealous. He tugged the work apart again, tried to pay attention this time. Crocheting as stress relief wasn’t going well.

“I’m rubbish at this,” he said and he wasn’t sure if he meant the craft or the conversation. Hopefully just the crocheting “What possessed you to bring a box full of yarn into the middle of space again?”

Though she was trying to feel him out, Carina couldn’t tell how her crocheting companion felt about how the vote had ended up. The man seemed tense, and the mistakes in his crocheting weren’t helping him calm down. After all, it was his suggestion to crack out their projects. A part of her didn’t want to discuss the vote further, as she knew it would only worry both of them more. But she also wanted to make sure he was okay. “I guess you’re right, though we don’t have much of a plan past catapulting ourselves towards a possibly hostile alien species, do we?” she said, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. None of this was said with the intention to make him feel bad. It wasn’t purely his decision; the crew had spoken and this was what the majority wanted. It didn’t keep her from being nervous.

“No, you’re not. It just takes practice,” she said, glancing over at the man’s stitches once more. “See, it’s looking better already,” she offered, hoping the words of encouragement would keep him from giving up entirely. It was frustrating when you first began, but Carina found comfort in the familiarity of the stitches, in the movement of the hook. It was a repetitive, calming sensation. Not distracting enough, but at least it gave her something to do with her hands. “I don’t know, actually. I just thought it might give me something to do. And it feels like a bit of home out here, you know?” She had never been very sentimental, and couldn’t think of much else that she wanted to bring with her. There was plenty of room for a few skeins of yarn and a variety of crochet hooks. It never occurred to her that other people might find it odd.

[carinabell]

mission day: 1426 time: 10:30 location: control room with: @nfsemenova

Figuring that sticking to her routine would be the only way to keep her moving, Carina found herself stationed in front of the comms controls. One of her first tasks of any morning was to make sure the comms system was still up and running, and with the new development she wanted to make sure that they hadn’t missed a message. It seemed unlikely they would get more communications from mission control so soon, but she wanted to stay on top of things. It would ease her mind, and there wasn’t much else for her to do but wait.

She often planned her time in the control room to make sure she was alone. Not that she had a problem with the pilot or co-pilot, or most of the others that found themselves doing odd jobs in the control room. She just preferred to do her job when it was quiet. Besides, there weren’t many people she wanted to talk to about the vote just yet. As she started to read the results of one of the many system checks she was planning on doing, she heard the door open. Of course, whatever luck she brought with her on the Argo had to have run out long ago. She pretended not to hear, her eyes still trained on the panel in front of her. If they wanted to talk, she was sure they would approach her in time.

[carinabell]

horationarvaez:

It was good to have a distraction, something that he could do in silence with the one person on the ship who actually had the sanity to agree with him, without anyone looking at him like he was a wounded dog, or, worse, a petulant child. It was good, because everything since the vote had been rough. The defeat wasn’t just painful because only Carnia had voted the same way, it was painful because it meant that little sliver of hope of seeing Pierce and Adrienne again sooner rather than later, without as much danger in the way, had been sapped completely. There was sadness, disappointment, fear, worry, anger, and a dozen other emotions he couldn’t even name. But foosball was a damn good distraction especially since it only required muttered obscenities.

There was an elephant in the room, though, and Horatio knew it was coming eventually. Out of everyone, they were the two who objectively had it the worst when it came to how things had turned out. And he knew that if she was feeling anything like he was, it wasn’t going particularly well. So when she finally asked how his day had been, he was ready for the talk that he knew would follow. It was what they both needed, to be honest, to be around someone who understood, unlike everyone else.

“Pretty shit, all things considered, but what else is new after that mess?” he said with a bit of a bitter laugh, as he spun a handle to block the ball, sending it back to Carina’s side unskillfully. He had never been good at foosball, but damn was it a nice way to let out a bit of his frustration. Horatio continued speaking like they were talking about something as simple as the game in front of them. “I was disappointed at first, but now I’m back to angry and terrified mostly. You?”

For the entire day, Carina tried not to think about where they were headed. It was foolish of her to think that she and Horatio had a chance. They were the only people truly unhappy here, and apparently the only ones that were thinking clearly. The others wanted to fling themselves towards danger, and drag her and Ray along with them. A little part of her wanted to believe that someone else would share their worries, but it was clear from the vote that the rest of the crew felt they needed to push on.

As she maneuvered the goalie to block the ball, she chuckled at his response. Even if she hadn’t said anything yet, she was relieved to just be with someone who understood. With a hard whack, she sent the ball sailing back to the other side. She wasn’t angry with her crew, but with the entire situation. How had someone overlooked such a hostile message and sent them hurtling towards the unknown with nothing more than one untranslatable message? Maybe it was their fault, for not waiting longer, for jumping headfirst into a mission that could be deadly. There was still the feeling, however, that they hadn’t been given the full story.

“I think I’m just scared,” she said, her voice somewhat soft. Even if he felt the same way, she still felt weird saying it out loud. As if she said it, she was admitting defeat. This entire situation, however, felt like a never-ending nightmare. “Which is…probably stupid. I was expecting the vote to turn out like this, but it still scares me. Everyone else just seems so calm about it, which makes me think that I need to be calm, but I just…can’t imagine a scenario where this turns out well for us,” she said, her hands gripping the handles a bit tighter.

[carinabell]

lcvesque:

Joseph did not like to dwell on things. The world moved on with its affairs regardless of how he felt about things, and he learned a long time ago that there was little use in doing anything but moving along with it. People were fixating on the previous day’s vote, and while Joseph understood the concern intellectually, he couldn’t bring himself to empathize with their concerns — or really care at all.

He had to chalk it up to his military background. Orders were orders, even if he didn’t like them — they were assigned a mission, and he’d voted to see it through, and he wasn’t going to jump for joy because he won, because the repercussions of their decisions were very real, but he wasn’t about to sulk. Joseph found that kind of reaction obnoxious, and, worse than that, it was impractical. They needed to be more prepared than ever, now that they were rushing into danger headfirst — this kind of resistance was almost painful.

Joseph didn’t expect Carina to join him for lunch that day. After the conversation over the previous lunch and the vote later that evening, he was fairly certain that their quiet peace had been sullied — and, while her setting down her tray across from him surprised him the slightest bit, imperceptibly. He nodded in recognition, not making a move to speak. Yesterday had been an anomaly — an experiment in interaction, and it went terribly.

Unfortunately, he was realizing, his comparative openness from the day precious had seemed to set a new standard. Some members of the crew went as far as to interpret it as an invitation to try and bond or form meaningful relationships. The day before had built some empathy for the rest of the crew, but he’d rather die than make friends with them. Still, he met her gaze politely, swallowing his bite slowly before he responded. “I’m… alright. Things seem to be settling, thankfully. You?” His tone was more casual than the day before, and he cursed himself — he didn’t want to unstiffen. He wanted to remain untouchable.

Carina still wondered how Joseph managed to stay so calm about the situation. Most of the crew seemed shaken from the events yesterday, even with their decision made. Even yesterday, with the decision hanging over their heads, he managed to have the same peaceful demeanor as always. He made a decision without worrying too much, or maybe he just didn’t show his panic. She was jealous, but knew that things could be worse for them all. Probably.

Pushing the bits of vegetable mush around on her plate, she wondered if Joseph even wanted her to sit here anymore. Some of the crew had made their opinions quite clear, whether during their meeting or after the vote. He didn’t seem like the type to hate her just because she voted for a different option, but they hadn’t really talked in the years they had been on the ship. With Jospeh, she was beginning to realize anything was possible. He was hard to read, with his stoic face and even voice. Besides, she wasn’t sure where else she could sit without getting interrogated, so this would have to do.

“You call this settling?” she asked, the words sounding bitter. The votes had been tallied, the decisions made, but she didn’t think things had settled. She wanted nothing more than to go back to the normal routine of the ship. And if you looked at her schedule, nothing had changed. A normal amount of time was spent with the comm systems, in the lab as a second pair of hands for whoever needed it. Now she was at lunch, even sitting with the man who she thought could make her hands stop shaking and her mind stop racing. There was still a tension in the air, and she wasn’t sure when the ship would feel normal again or if it ever would. Maybe it was unfair to expect the man to pull her out of her head, but she wanted nothing more than to just relax. “I guess I’m fine, all things considering,” her eyes falling on him once more.  

[rosalesernesto-deactivated20180]

the argonauts + tumblr text posts // part two

[carinabell]

so i’m stealing my husband’s idea to post a starter call! i might message you to plot something out, but like this if you want a post-vote starter~ 

[carinabell]

anirudh-rajan:

It would’ve been… fine if she had have wanted to be alone. But he’d made so many wrong-steps already today and Carina accepting the offer of companionship — albeit companionship via crocheting — was a relief. He had let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

“So how have you been today?”

Wasn’t that the question of the hour. Of the whole damn cycle.

“It’s been… interesting. But I’ve been alright,” he said, after a pause. It was only a little bit of a lie. Relative to the situation he’d been alright. At least the vote went my way, he thought and suddenly his heart sank to his gut. Carina was asking him how he was doing? “Definitely could’ve been worse”

He focussed back onto the work in his hands and he frowned. How had he messed it up so quickly? Ani was getting the hang of crocheting. Well, mostly. He liked the easy rhythm of it and it was soothing to follow a pattern, to not have to think, just move his fingers in rehearsed loops and tugs. But truth be told, he struggled to keep his mind squarely on the task (it was so small) and he would drop stitches left and right.

“Okay I’ve definitely done something wrong here. Why are the stitches getting wider?” he asked, showing her the wool. The mistakes rarely mattered. It was relieving to know that. Carina would pull it gently apart, correct him, and he’d do it again. He wished conversations were as easy.

“How have you been today?” he asked. It was a trial, a preliminary test. Anirudh thought of Emma earlier today, how quickly she’d retreated when he’d mentioned the message. He didn’t want to upset Carina in the same way, didn’t want to startle her away by approaching the topic too quickly. By approaching it at all. But she had asked him first, and he did care. All he had wanted was a little bit of normal, a little bit of comfort. But he knew that for Carina, they were hurtling further and further from comfort by the minute.

As much as she wished everything could go back to normal, Carina knew that wasn’t going to be the case. There would be a permanent shift in the atmosphere on the ship. There was no way around it. Even with Ani, who Carina felt comfortable enough around, she wasn’t sure what to expect. He wasn’t one to rub the vote in her face, to talk mindlessly about how good it was that they kept going. He was careful with his words. Thankfully, they both were.

“Interesting is an understatement,” Carina said with a chuckle, her eyes focused solely on the project in her hands. It was easier to work on a scarf than think about what was coming next or who they might meet. She didn’t find excitement in the unknown, not anymore. All she could feel was fear. But crocheting was familiar. She knew the stitches, the patterns, what would come next.

So when Ani asked her what he had done wrong, she set aside her own project and took his in her hands. “You need to count the stitches. You may be adding one at the end of each row,” she said after looking at it for a moment, gently tugging on the two looser rows. “It’s an easy mistake to make,” she said, passing the project back over with a smile. This was something she knew how to fix.

Carina knew his next question was coming, but still wasn’t sure how to respond. Before answering, she picked up her own project once more. The hook started moving, quicker than before. This was supposed to be stress relief, not make her more nervous about the future. Besides, she knew there was no point in complaining when there was nothing that could be done about the situation. It was clear that the crew wanted to press on, whether she herself wanted to or not. 

“It’s been a long day,” she finally said. “I’m glad that we’ve made a decision, though.” It wasn’t a lie; she wouldn’t have been able to handle not having a plan for much longer. The more she thought about it, however, she wasn’t sure they had a plan even now. What were they supposed to do if the aliens were hostile? How were they supposed to protect themselves and the ship from an unknown entity? There were too many unknowns for her to be truly comfortable, but she trusted the commander. That’s all she could do.

[carinabell]

cmndrzhou:

                          “No. They haven’t.” Carina was cold. Maybe not to the rest of the crew, but to her Commander today. They usually had the advantage of a somewhat more personable relationship. However, since the message had come in, it was clear that there was much more tension between them, and Carina was not enjoying the prospect of hurtling at light-speed toward their potential deaths.

                         She wasn’t asking Carina to solve the emotional problems on the ship or to stimulate some personal growth. It seemed that she wasn’t willing to give input into the situation either, entirely focused on her task. Whether that task was working out or ignoring Li-Na was impossible to say at the moment. With a slow breath, she lifted her chin up, refusing to seem perturbed. “You’re used to operating on a divided front and turning things to the positive. You do it professionally on Earth, Carina. If you have an opinion, you do your crew a disservice to keep it quiet.” Everyone was doing that. Keeping quiet. Mouths shut. Eyes down. Thinking about all the wrong things. Focused on a goal that was close and far at the same time. Li-Na’s head was spinning because she didn’t know how to… how to connect with the people on this ship anymore. Even the ones who had wanted to press on. She felt alien from all of them.

                        “Next week. There will be time for it then. I’ll coordinate who can teach and who needs to be learning. Where to start and what to teach.” Drills to write, scenarios to prepare for. It was going to be a sleepless few weeks. Most of her weeks were sleepless though, so it didn’t seem like too much of a stress, she just wished it felt a little less like the crew had changed overnight when she was only just starting to understand the dynamic of the ship.

Even if it didn’t seem like it, Carina didn’t like being so short with the commander. It felt wrong, but every interaction she had in the past few days felt wrong. This was her current problem; not knowing how to adjust, not knowing how to play nice. Not what dangers awaited her, what she had to do to prepare. It should be easy, after four years stuck with the crew aboard the Argo. Still, things felt different in a way she wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

She stood up, trying to focus on anything but the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She still had a desire to impress Li-Na, even after everything that had happened. A solution for this mess wasn’t going to be easy to find, but she wanted to pull one out of thin air. Her legs took her to the elliptical, figuring some other sort of exercise would be more distracting. “The funny thing about Earth is that my work and my private life are separate. I don’t see you asking any of the scientists to fix this. Maybe you should call Levesque,” she said, her voice biting. It wasn’t fair to be so harsh, as the commander was seeing the same thing Carina was. “They think I’m a coward, sir. I don’t know if they would listen to anything I had to say.” She just wanted to be honest, though she was sure that Li-Na would have another rebuttal. Another reason she should be trying harder, pushing further.

“I could help with that, if you need it. Not with the training, obviously, but with…schedules and such,” she offered, wondering if the words would mean anything to her commander. Maybe she couldn’t get them to band together, to want to work as a team once more, but she could try to help in some small way.

[carinabell]

mission day: 1426

time: 19:45

location: mess hall

with: @horationarvaez​

With another flick of her wrist, Carina smiled as the tiny ball sailed into the goal. Foosball had never interested her on Earth, maybe having played a single game at a bar years ago, but it was one of the only games she could stand to play against someone while on the Argo. She had tired of card games, all except for poker and the occasional game of War. A game of foosball, however, never seemed to get old. She smiled as she flicked over another points marker, the score tied between the two.

Looking up at Ray, she wondered if she should say something. The two had played in relative silence for 20 minutes now, which never bothered Carina. The few words exchanged were curse words muttered under their breath, which is often how her games played out. She wasn’t a talker, but she had learned over the years that talking with Ray wasn’t a bad thing. He was easy to be around, easy to open up to. And maybe they both needed to talk tonight. 

As the ball dropped into the middle of the field once more, she spun one of the handles violently before speaking. “How was your day?” she asked, hoping he knew what she was really asking. Carina couldn’t help but be thankful that Ray had agreed to stay behind after dinner. There was something comforting about his presence, since she knew he was the one person on the ship that understood exactly what was going through her mind right now. Thankfully, the only thing they would fight about was her less-than-honest means of scoring goals.