I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back.
The less I give the more I get back…
Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise.
I don’t have a choice but I’d still choose you…
Carter was wandering down the street, a bottle of whiskey in hand as he trailed the opposite along the brick wall that lined the sidewalk. He’d just gotten back from a small vacation in Saint John, partially because he needed a break from all the partner drama in Harbor Falls, but it was pushed forward due to him hearing about Aria being shot. It was inevitable, he couldn’t help it; there had been an innate need to separate himself from her as soon as he’d heard she’d been hurt. There wasn’t any room for any of them to be injured. There was also the fact that when Carter thought about her wounded, there was a painful tug in his chest that demanded he remedy it. He was on bottle number five, and he couldn’t remember where he’d parked his truck, making him pause to scan the streets in hopes of finding a clue. Instead, he spotted an all too familiar brunette across the road, knowing instantly it wasn’t his girlfriend but his partner, the very person he’d been trying to avoid by taking said trip. The liquor was brought to his lips in an instant, as if it could drown the need to go to her, to see if he’d been gone long enough that she was back to full health. Carter took a step back to lean his weight against the wall, suddenly feeling the need for some support. Perhaps he’d drank more than he should; he couldn’t recall the last time he’d actually slept or had a real meal.
Aria had been sitting on a bench on some corner in the small town for a while. That morning apart of her knew Carter was coming back…she just felt it. When he had left the bullet wound in her shoulder had begun healing rapidly, with every mile between them it was almost like magic at how fast it happened. She had battled with her emotions then, one side of her was grateful for the healing, the other couldn’t get over the fact that she would have rathered suffered with the damn injury for a few months then have him be gone for even a day. When she woke up, something told her that he’d be coming back so she just…waited. Aria had never been one to show any emotion besides anger but him being gone worried her more than she would ever admit. Boredom had over taken her before the sun began to set and alcohol became the source of her entertainment. She found herself wandering into and eventually out of a bar, taking several bottles with her. And then she simply sat and waited. Waited to see him. Knowing that the fact he was back in town would immediately cause the nerves that were tearing her apart. It was now late…very late. She wasn’t entirely sure what time it was exactly but the town had been quiet and asleep for several hours. No one had been lurking the street so when she heard footsteps and felt her heart miss a beat, she knew he was back. He was home. Standing up quickly, Aria lost her balance for moment, forgetting that she had drank enough alcohol to probably knock her out for a week. Stumbling a little, she made it around the corner of a building and noticed his figure across the street. Standing completely still she waited for him to notice her, waited for some kind of confirmation that it was him and he was fine. His eyes met hers but instead of words coming out of his mouth, he replaced anything he had on his mind with the bottle in his hand. Rolling her eyes, she crossed her arms and began walking towards him, her own half empty bottle of vodka in her hand. “How was your vacation?” She asked, putting on a smirk - though growing tired of their back and forth that always ended up being both masking their true intentions. “If I was you, I would’ve went somewhere more fun. More tropical.”
Carter rose a brow when she approached, knowing full well it’d probably end in the same old banter they’d shared since Aria had arrived in town. She was drunk too and he knew that it would probably be a bad combination, the both of them being in such a state. Yet he was too tired to fight it, his weight planted him there and all he could do was watch as she crossed the street, the alcohol doing no good to cage his need to just see her. It was why they always ended up in this situation, wasn’t it? Icy blues searched her entire form for any hint of injury and by the looks of things, it seemed as if his trip had done its job… mostly. Originally the purpose had been to distract himself from the woman in front of him, but it had done no good, not in the way Carter had wanted it to. The ghost of her haunted him everywhere he went, even more so when he knew he’d be returning to her soon enough. There was no avoiding it. “It was close while still being far enough away.” Carter’s voice slurred a bit and he clumsily pushed himself away from the wall, bringing himself that much closer to her. “Would you have followed me there too if I stayed long enough?”
Aria frowned, stopping and pushing some of her weight against a street sign. “I don’t follow you anywhere.” The statement pushed itself farther into her mind and only made her that much more upset. Her reasoning for leaving him originally was that. Having a weakness, having him know he was her weakness. Having anyone knowing that all it took was his name to gain her entire attention. When it came down to it, the sad truth was she would follow him anywhere. Checking up on him became a regular routine for her. It appeared she never cared but he was always on her mind. And she hated the fact. She hated him for that reason. The alcohol urged her on that the only way to keep him at a distance was to be mean and cold but her mind was done with the fighting. Dropping her gaze from his face to the ground, she gripped the bottle in her hand tighter. “In case you forgot, I really don’t give a damn about you. If you want to go away so bad, then do it.”
Carter watched her carefully as she spoke, noting how she looked away from him and clutched the bottle as if it were a crutch. He knew. He’d done the same. This time he’d had enough alcohol in his system that when she told him she didn’t care, he just let out a light chuckle, shaking his head as he spun on his heel and began strolling down the street. “Than why are you here right now, Aria?” Carter glanced over his shoulder at her, the corner of his mouth quirking into a smug grin. It might have been in the low thirties but he felt hot, the sensation of Aria being so close making his nerves hum. He needed to release the pressure, which was never any good when it usually led to a body that needed to be buried. The bottle was promptly finished off and thrown against the wall of one of the closed shops, the noise of glass shattering cutting through the quiet, “Where the hell is an open liquor store in this town when you need one? Fucking self-righteous assholes.”
Aria pouted, following after him. “It’s not my fault we happened to be wandering down the same street at the same time.” The fact he could see through her horrible attempt at pushing him away only made her more upset, causing her already blurred vision to become even worse. “I don’t give a shit about what you, anyways. I never have!” She stopped following him, staring at his back for a minute before she began to turn around and walk in the opposite direction. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t let him see her feeling any kind of emotion - especially any feelings towards him. It was the sound of glass breaking that caused her to spin around and look at him, though he started to talk about a liquor store and she suddenly couldn’t help herself anymore. “You don’t even listen, do you?” Glaring, she threw the bottle in her hand, watching it land on the cement next to him. “I hate you, Carter. I fucking hate you!” She felt tears in her eyes before she could do anything to stop it and she wiped her eyes quickly. “I hate you so much. And now my fucking vodka is all over the sidewalk.”
Carter had barely heard Aria’s yelling behind him; he was too distracted with his debate over whether or not he should just break the window and take a bottle. Someone would probably assume it was some punk teenagers and Carter would than be set for another thirty minutes, at least. He was sick of the arguing, he never seemed to be able to get anything genuine out of her anyway. Maybe there’d been that moment at the carnival, a split second where she revealed more than she’d meant to, but it wasn’t enough for Carter to truly hold on to. Just as he was about to slam his fist through the glass, he heard another bottle crash at his feet, shards dusting over his boots. “What the fuck?” He glared at her in skepticism as she began screaming that she hated him. The words struck at his chest, stinging when Carter sucked in a breath, fingers roughly combing through his hair in aggravation. Then he was storming back toward her, his fists balled at his sides until he caught a glimpse of her expression. Were those tears? His muscles relaxed and his steps slowed, gaze sweeping over her as if he could find some secret clue he hadn’t seen before. “You’re the one who threw the bottle.” His words were deadpan; he hadn’t exactly known what else to say at the moment. Another step was taken closer to her and a hand rose with the intention of touching her but he stopped himself, keeping it hovering in the air between them for a second in hesitation. “You don’t fucking hate me.”
Aria slowly took in a deep breath, trying to control whatever was left of her that was still calm. ‘You don’t fucking hate me.’ It echoed in her thoughts and she finally allowed herself to look up and meet his eyes. “Yes I do.” She forced out, still trying to figure out what her next move would be. It was what it always was, a game. A game she had to win, a plan she always had to have the upperhand on. “My entire life has been never having to look out for anyone except myself. Not even Charlie.” Her mind screamed at her to stop but she knew after so many years of holding it back, it was time for some kind of real, truthful answer to be given. “But then you came into my life. And it’s not even the fact that we’re partners or that if you die, so do I.” Aria bit her lip, feeling herself get angry again. Angry at herself but knowing aiming her anger towards him was the better option. “You ruined everything, Carter! I never had to worry about anything. I never cared about the consequences and then all it took was you walking into that medical tent and you ruined everything! I can’t be apart from you. You might have thought when I left that I was gone for good but I wasn’t!” Stepping forward, she placed her hands on his chest and shoved him a little. “I had to come see you. I had to make sure you were okay. Always.” She felt her voice cracking and more tears falling down her cheeks, but she stopped caring about what might happen after she finished her drunken rant. “But then I saw you with her and I couldn’t do it anymore. And that killed me. All it takes is you to completely tear me down.” Stepping closer to him, she pushed him again. This time with barely any force at all. “You’re my weakness, Carter. And I hate you for it.”
Carter couldn’t believe what he was seeing and he actually rubbed his eyes, squinting at her briefly as if it were a dream. Maybe he’d passed out cold on the sidewalk. Aria had already walked away and someone would find his body in a few hours. Everything would be just as it always was; Carter with his heart heavy from guilt and unrequited love. Except that wasn’t the case, this was reality and there she was, standing before him with tears in her eyes, rambling about how he’d made the same type of impact on her that she’d done for him. I had to make sure you were okay. Always. His chest ached and he felt as if he were being suffocated, the weight of her words bearing down on him in an unexpected way. Carter had convinced himself she’d be gone forever. When she pushed him, he refused to budge, his brow creased in a mixture of concern and awe. All it takes is you to completely tear me down. Her words hit him like a brick, stunning him for a few seconds until he felt the light pressure of her hands on his chest once more. This time he caught her wrists, holding her close to him as his mind whirred in an attempt to figure out a response. He was too drunk, too shocked that he was hearing what he was. There was nothing else left to do, so Carter tugged her against him and captured her lips with his.
Aria allowed herself to fall into him, his lips meeting hers was all it took for whatever walls she had left up to fall down. She kissed him back, placing her hands on his cheeks. For a moment she allowed herself get lost in the past…but only a moment. Pulling herself back a little, she shook her head. “This can’t happen again. I can’t do this again.” Her mind was screaming at her to turn around and run but she couldn’t pull herself away from him. Every emotion and feeling she had experienced with him all those years ago hadn’t changed in the least, it was as if they had picked up right where they had left off. “Please.” She was sure she sounded weak and she hated the idea of it but she was too drunk to realize that she had completely let her guard down. “Go back to, Charlie. I’ll leave again. I’ll go as far away as I can.”
Carter felt the familiar ecstasy of kissing her again. It shuddered through his entire body, a sensation of being whole that no one else was ever capable of giving him. It didn’t matter if it was because of the partnership, Carter had always known that they were perfect for each other - it had been what made it all so unbearable. He frowned when she pulled back and told him it couldn’t happen again. Charlie. The other twin was pure, good, everything that he didn’t deserve and another distraction he’d tried in order to forget about Aria. It didn’t mean he hadn’t cared about Charlotte, but it was impossible for him to resist the impact her sister had on him. His hands moved of their own accord, grazing down her sides to rest on her hips to keep her close to him. He didn’t want to let go. “Don’t you get it? I didn’t want you to leave in the first place.” Carter knew better by now than to listen to her words, especially when everything was written on her features. His lips brushed over hers again before he muttered softly, “And you don’t want to leave again either.”
Aria trembled a little as his lips touched hers again. It was as if a shock ran down her spine, something she hadn’t felt since the two were last together in Texas. ‘And you don’t want to leave again either.’ It was the truth. Leaving wasn’t for her own benefit, it was her escape from facing the inevitable. “I didn’t want to leave you. I had to. I’ve seen too many die because they let themselves be happy with their partner. I couldn’t let that happen to us…to you…” She let her thoughts drift away for a second, simply enjoying his warmth. “But just because the truth is out, doesn’t change anything.” Dropping an arm from him, she allowed her jacket to slip over her left shoulder where a bandage covered her skin. “This.” She mumbled, looking at her shoulder. “This was nothing. But what about the next time if it’s more serious? What happens if you get shot? This time in the head? The heart? What happens if one of us gets captured and tortured? Being apart is what keeps us alive. We’re strong…but not strong enough when it comes down to it. At least not together.” Sighing a little, it took a moment for her to accept what she was going to say next. “You being with my sister…is absolute torture. But it’s better for you. She is better for you.”
Carter savored the way she shivered when his lips met hers again, memories flooding back from the time they spent together over a hundred years ago. He’d kissed her when he thought she was Charlie, but it was different this time, he was allowing himself to kiss her, Aria, his partner. When she spoke, he felt his heart drop into his stomach and the desire to find a bottle was beginning to creep up once more. His eyes drifted to her shoulder and he rose a hand to trail his fingers lightly over the bandage, frowning lightly. Carter shook his head, not wanting to give in to the truth in her words, not tonight, not when his head was swimming with liquor and the need to be with her after waiting so long. He cupped her face in his hands, his gaze meeting hers, his tone firm and earnest, “I don’t care. Not tonight. How is being with your sister better when all I can think about is you ever since you came into this town? I’m going to hurt her. It’s what I do. If you checked up on me like you said you did, you know that. You know what I’m capable of. For one night, Aria, just shut the hell up and kiss me.”
Aria frowned, trying to think of some reason that would cause him to reconsider. It would only bring them both more trouble, them being a thing was always trouble. She grew tired of running and the idea of the two being apart ached But she knew he was right…he usually always was. She allowed her hand to wander to his chest, where she let it rest right over his heart. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left…” With that, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.
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