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[âAfter making a speech about stereotypes in media to a roomful of older teenage students in 2016, I was invited to stay for lunch. As we ate, the conversation turned to how difficult it was to confront classmates about difficult topics such as racism, heteronormativity, gender identity, and sexism. âWhat do I do,â asked one girl, âwhen boys Iâve known since kindergarten are standing next to me in the hallway laughing at a rape joke? Worse, when they do it standing next to a girl who they know has been assaulted?â
We went over some strategies: for example, cultivating a network of boys who understood the importance of bystander intervention and could use the fact that they were boys to speak to their peers in a way that girls could not. There was, in the group of more than three dozen students, only one boy. He raised his hand. âI think you would convince more boys if you said things in a nicer way,â he suggested. âI just think that you sound too angry.â His was a typical rerouting from discussing the cause of our anger, which he undoubtedly felt uncomfortably implicated in, to condemning our expression as counterproductive.
In 2016, researchers Octavia Calder-Dawe and Nicola Gavey from New Zealandâs University of Auckland worked closely with a group of teenage students to learn what they thought about everyday sexism. They concluded that the adolescents lived in a general environment in which âgender equality is taken for granted and the possibility of enduring sexism is firmly rejected.â If asked directly, students described sexism as affecting men and women equally. The students they surveyed went out of their way, regardless of gender, to stress symmetry in sexismâs effects. But despite the drive to make things equal, boys and girls parted ways when asked to describe actual incidents of sexism or violence.
Sexism against boys and men was discussed primarily in rhetorical, theoretical, and speculative ways, whereas sexism against girls and women was shared in painful individual or witnessed incidents. When students were asked âWhere, if anywhere, does sexism come up in your everyday life?â girls told personal stories of sexual harassment or violence, denigrating humor, and demeaning stereotyping. The boys, however, provided mainly hypotheticals. All of the students reported witnessing acts of sexism against girls and women. There were virtually no actual examples of antimale sexism. Instead, students focused, for instance, on stereotypes in advertising.
People who deny sexism will always be more hostile to your anger than to what is actually causing your anger. A lot of the difficulty of denial is that womenâs inequality is woven into menâs identities in early childhood. Teenage boys are heavily invested in masculinity and achieving it. They can and do suffer real penalties when they donât.
Earning money and keeping people safe are basic responsibilities of manhood. Womenâs equalityâin the form of work, sexual liberation, public powerâgenerates gender-role stress. Four in nine men say that because of greater gender equality and labor competition, itâs harder to be a man today. Men whose wives threaten to earn as much or more than they do, work more hours. When women make more money, they do less housework. Men with higher-earning wives are more likely to have erectile dysfunction and depression.
Itâs not only money, though, but the idea that men are supposed to protect. Hearing about street and sexual harassment and threats of assault directly challenge a manâs ability to keep âhisâ woman safe. This triggers not only confusion, doubt, or anger but also stress and feelings of inadequacy. When women are honest about these issues, their honesty can be experienced as a threat to masculine identity. The core issue is that, no matter where you may live in the world, dominant norms of masculinity are actively constructed out of womenâs vulnerabilities. What are âreal menâ if they canât protect women? What are âreal menâ if women can provide financially for themselves and their families?
In addition, talking about sexual harassment and violence means that men have to face their own vulnerabilityâand, sometimes, their own sexual assaults as boys. Most assaults that men experience happen in childhood, and they are smothered in shame and trauma, not in the least because being violated is considered feminizing.
Much of the denial we encounter is constructed to protect these masculine ideals. Even when men overcome these threats to their identity, masculinity and male centrality reassert themselves. Fathers are often particularly surprised when they learn that their daughters will face sexism and that their own privileges or attempts to protect them will not be sufficient to offset the impacts. A common response is to empathize by defining women, the ultimate in unhelpful patriarchal thinking, relationally: âMy daughter, my wife, my sister, my mother.â This defines women not by their rights or as individuals but as extensions of men and their rights. Women have a right to walk, go to school, look nice, and work unmolested by entitled bores, independent of their relationship to a man.
This frame of reference is also apparent in denials that almost always begin with âWomen over there . . .â That might mean across town or in another state or country. Instead of listening to what is being said to them, people who have probably rarely before expressed concern about âwomen over thereâ respond by pointing out that there are women who are poorer and sicker. Who have acid thrown on them. Who are more likely to be abused, raped, and beaten. Without fail, when women and girls point to forms of oppression in their lives, someone has this responseâa polite way of saying, effectively, âShut up, and be grateful we treat you as well as we do.â This line of thought is, at its foundation, an argument about men, not women. It asserts the superiority of some men over others who treat âtheirâ women less well, as in, âConsider yourself lucky that we are not selling you on Amazon.â
Women are not in competition with other women for their human rights. My rights are not relative to another womanâs pain and vulnerability. They should not be contingent on affiliative male status.â]
soraya chemaly, from rage becomes her: the power of womenâs anger, 2018
Animals: a guide
One side has monkeys and tigers and elephants and capybaras, the other? Squirrels and deer
I forgot Bison and Sea Otters
Have you seen a moose, megafauna are cool.
I DO NOT!!!
I am sorry
I live in the US and one of the things that really reframed the way I think about animals was when someone I knew in Brazil posted a picture of a marmoset hanging out outside their window and I realized that monkeys were to them what squirrels are to me. Recently a friend in Hungary sent a picture they took at the zoo of a raccoon and it was like my worldview was being shifted all over again because what was to me the mildly annoying, somewhat cute, critter that makes weird noises behind my house at night was a wonder to someone else. They have little hands and bandit masks. They wash their little hands. How is that NOT a wonder? All animals are cool Iâm just used to raccoons.
Everything is cool, it's just that when you're familiar with something you can become desensitized to its coolness.
Genuinely despise the headcanon that Merlin fully prioritized Arthur above the freedom of magic peoples. Put the shipping goggles down for a second. He has faith in Arthur and the prophecies because he believes Arthur is the kind of man who will eventually free magic.
Even if there are short-term delays, he believes that they will be free in the long-term and expresses this daily. The second that Merlin does have a crisis of faith in Arthurâs position on magic (1x10, 2x08, 4x03), he focuses his efforts on protecting magical creatures and peoples (1x11, 2x09, 4x04). Even in 5x05 with the Disir, he is not actually expressing a desire for magic to stay banned, nor is he placing Arthur above magic. He and Kilgharrah legitimately believe that if Mordred is given the opportunity to kill Arthur, that magic will never truly be freed in the long-term. To Merlin and Kilgharrah, this short-term delay is necessary to ensure a long-term future for their people.
Is the logic Merlin applies flawed, considering the fact that we already saw a wrongfully executed Druid boy return as a vengeful spirit and attempt to kill Arthur? Yes! No matter what choice Merlin supports in 5x05, he cannot actually change anything about the future. Does this mean he thinks Arthur alone is more important than the greater good? No! He believes that Arthur is the way to the greater good, and it is his job to protect Arthur as he creates (in Merlinâs words) a fair and just land.
Do I personally think that Merlin was correct about Arthur? No, I think that ultimately the prophecies were fulfilled by Gwen, though of course it was her relationship to Arthur that put her in such a position to make this change. Is it logical to expect Merlin to know this before it happens when the prophecies point to Arthur being the one to return magic and instate a Golden Age? No, even the audience didnât predict this plot twist (and even still denies that Gwen freed magic at all, despite the obvious implication in her discovery and quick acceptance of Merlinâs magic).
Just because an opinion is popular or treated as a default, unquestionable fact does not make it correct! Do you really trust the people who romanticize the continuation of a genocide to determine character motives? When the approach itself is flawed or incomplete, so too is the outcome, like using the wrong formula for a math(s) problem. If Merlin was actually prioritizing Arthur above the greater good, rather than the truth that he is conflating Arthur with the greater good, that would be utterly horrific, not romantic! You simply do not need to listen to people who possess no moral backbone when it comes to the topic of whether the genocide matters enough. It does. But some fans do prioritize Arthur above the greater good, and it is very easy to misconstrue Merlinâs (or anyoneâs) actions due to their own projected biases.
Case in point, watch the show through your own gaze, not the gaze of strangers online who think that ignoring a genocide for the very man committing it is the peak of romance.
He likes the blue ones better. The yellow ones are his second favorite. He does not stop eating crayons after this.
Commenting fanfiction is the easiest thing in the world once you start doing it.Â
I leave a comment on every single fic I read. Sometimes when I read published books I go and leave a comment somewhere the author can find it. Granted, I literally majored in âleaving comments on ficsâ (English Education), but once you start doing it it just becomes second nature. Now youâre gonna go to the Ozymandias school of leaving comments:Â
Problem: I canât leave kudos again.
Beginner: This is a second/third/fourth Kudos
Advanced: This is my second/third/fortieth time reading this, I still love it so much. Here are a few new things I noticed. I like the way you personally do x, y, z compared to other authors Iâve read (in this ship/genre/fandom).
Problem: I donât know what to say :(
Beginner: Just list what you did to read this fic. âI stayed up late reading thisâ, âI read this on a crowded trainâ, âthis kept me company while sickâ.Â
Advanced: X,Y,Z parts made me get butterflies, and I had a physical reaction to this part of the story, I squealed outloud when characters did x,y,z. I blushed at this part. I laughed out loud here. Whatever.Â
Problem: Iâm embarrassed to leave a comment (what if I annoy the author?)
Beginner: Short answer: you wonât EVER annoy the author (unless youâre needlessly mean) But to start, be generic, you donât have to spill your soul in the comments section. âI liked thisâ âI enjoyed reading thisâ ânice ficâ.
Advanced: This really meant a lot to me that you wrote this. This is something I feel like Iâve always wanted to read. This fic hit me in all the right places. Etc.Â
Problem: I donât know how to express myself/my experienceÂ
Beginner: My beginners go to is to highlight a line, put that in your comment and say âi liked thisâ or to identify basic emotions you had while reading and comment those âthis made me happyâ âthis part made me sadâ âi almost criedâ âyou made me laughâ Advanced: âHighlighted lineâ This line made me smile because it has to do with character development/itâs really romantic/itâs so unique/itâs moving. Sometimes I donât highlight a line at all, I just talk about the stuff Iâve noticed were unique to the fic. âI love the way you did this particular thing with this characterâ.Â
This? This is an amazing post. This is the Captain Awkward of commenting postsâit addresses all your fears directly and gives you actionable scripts for each one.
yeah i canât speak for others but if you Cannot Words but want to comment on my fic, finding a bit you really liked, copypasting it into the comment window, and labeling it something like âwowâ or âbestâ or âthisâ or w/e goes a really long way
I use chains of <3<3<3<3<3<3 or heart emojis when I canât make words work but want to show my appreciation
GROWING PAINS
@/field.of.ink The Dog // Rainbow Kitten Surprise Painkillers // image unknown Mitski A Burning Hill // W.R. On the Death of Summer and Baptismal Promises // Jeanette Winterson Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? // Aftersun (2022) dir. Charlotte Wells // tiktok // Zen Cho The Four Generations of Chang E // Charles M. Schulz Peanuts // Mitski Class of 2013 // Ethel Cain God's Country (Demo 3) // Richard Siken You Are Jeff from "Crush" // The Mountain Goats Birth of Serpents // ćŒćŒ Didi (2024) dir. Sean Wang // Noah Kahan The View Between Villages // unknown
on identity
ojibwe / noah kahan / richard siken / unknown / elliott smith / oamisoa / cameron awkward-rich
The great divide and wishbone deluxe coming out the same day is like depression barbenheimer
My fourth album, The Great Divide, is yours to listen to. It is hard to even begin to describe what these last few years making this album has felt like. The collision of fear and pressure and joy and luck and total love has left me wordless, and if you know me personally, I hardly ever shut my mouth. I spent many months walking forward in complete darkness, hands out in front of me, desperate to touch something familiar that would show me I was near the light switch again. As lonely as it felt, and as unfamiliar as the world seemed in those moments, I was never really alone. I donât think any of us ever truly are. I was guided through the wilderness by calm voices, by the stillness of my home state, by the total commitment of my band, producers, and team, by the steady and loving touch of my wife and family, and of course, by the constant and enduring encouragement of you all, who I am so lucky to have as fans. I am very proud of what we are doing together and I hope we can live this dream for a long long time
noahkahan.lnk.to/thegreatdivide
sorry boss i canât come in to work today. yeah noah kahanâs new album is out and iâm experiencing the full range of human emotions for the first time in months. yeah itâs gonna be all day
Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again
Thank you noah kahan đ«Ą
noah kahan is so fucked up, wdym he wrote "we aint angry at you, love, you're the greatest thing we lost " and then wrote a whole fucking album about everyone being ANGRY about others LEAVING AND GROWING UP
the great divide really is, in its entirety, about a great divide.
itâs about growing up, leaving home, building a life elsewhere, and realizing that return doesnât restore anythingâit only reveals whatâs been shifted. the buildings are still there, your old haunts are still there, the people still recognizable, the past still intact in its own way, but something in the way you meet it has changed. you have changed, and in that change, no longer fit in the same way.
what the album keeps circling is not any one moment, but an accumulation: missed conversations that never fully reopen, relationships that continue but subtly drift, versions of yourself that still surface in memory but no longer really exist in the present tense. a yawning gap that forms not in rupture, but in time.
and layered underneath that is something sharper: the way separation isnât just geographical or relational, but expressive. the voice itself changes. what you want to say doesnât come out the same anymoreâfiltered through distance and everything that has happened in between. life lived apart. time that has left everything slightly out of sync with itself.
and so even the attempt to reach becomes something else: not return, but translation. not closure, but articulation across a space that no longer guarantees being heard properlyâat all like before.
time doesnât heal all. success doesnât overwrite where you came from. leaving doesnât undo what you still carry. it just changes what youâre able to access, and what only exists now as something you can look at but not step back into.
what emerges is separation as lived condition: the strange experience of loving what you no longer fully belong to, of still recognizing who you were without being able to become that version of yourself againâa version that once fit here, without question.
a divide between past and present; memory and lived life; who you were and who youâve become.
MISS CONGENIALITY (2000) dir. Donald Petrie
Random hero: Is it true Batman gave birth to all of you?
Nightwing: Of course not. Robins are kinda like minor dieties, personifications of values that just kinda errupted into being. I am the personification of truth.
Red Robin: I'm justice.
Red Hood: I am the American Way (holds up his glock)
misha collins, salute to supernatural (creation entertainment), new jersey, 2022 / spn 5x04 âthe endâ / stands (april 25th, 2022) / this post by @casgirlâ / misha collins (april 26th, 2022) / cemetry gates, the smiths / lament for icarus, herbert james draper / litany in which certain things are crossed out, richard siken / brokeback mountain dir. ang lee (2005) / nice dream, radioheadÂ