you know, iâll never forget that the very first time i tried to confide in my mother about my depression, suicidality, and terror over mysterious health concerns, she slapped me across the mouth so hard she split my lip because she was too angry that i had hidden from her that i had failed junior english (because i was so buried under depression that i had given up caring about homework at all) until right before the start of my senior year to listen to me literally crying and begging for help and understanding.
the only âhelpâ i got was a single cursory doctorâs appointment she never bothered to follow up on and an arrangement with the school to let me make up my class so i could graduate on time, because everything else was, to her, just âmaking excuses.â was just me lying and making excuses for my failures and sins because i wouldnât just hurry up and âget overâ a decade of childhood bullying, because i wouldnât be a âgood obedient daughterâ and stop fighting with my stepfather.
because i was dismissed as âmaking excusesâ instead of listened to as providing context and reasons for my troubled behavior and the resulting embarrassments, i suffered more than a decade more of undiagnosed, unacknowledged, untreated depression and anxiety after that that never had to happen to me.
if you are a parent reading this, when your children fuck up, when they start failing classes, when they lie to you and withdraw and retreat into hardened, sullen, silent, frightened shells, if they finally begin to speak to you about why, do not dismiss them as just making excuses.
you donât have to condone or wave away the behavior, you donât have to dismiss them from dealing with their consequences, but my god, listen to your children. sometimes you may feel like youâre hearing an excuse when what you should actually be listening to is a confession of fear, of pain, and a broken plea for help and support.
donât make it worse. donât compound the shame. donât shut them down or silence them because you donât want to hear âexcuses.â if you do, youâre not teaching them a lesson in responsibility or honesty or obedience. youâre teaching your child to poison themselves, and to never trust you again.
be better than my mother. listen.
izzy806
areudirty
prguitarman
pixelskylines
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