mother, I crave violence

cats and chaos can be found here

[heavensghost]

theres a special place in hell for printers

[achillesinhighheels]

[petitebabydolli]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

[xenosagaepisodeone]

🙅‍♀️❌️ NEVER ❌️🙅‍♀️ regret spending your 20s smoking weed, jacking off, and playing video games.....some of us spent our 20s being stingy workaholics 😔 weed smoking coomers are the true inheritors of earth. ℕ𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕨𝕒𝕪...

[segamascott]

[lockdoutofheaven]

We at the hotel motel holiday innnnn

[bpdohwhatajoy]

[only-cat-memes]

[cosmonautroger]

monday

[whatcoloristhatcat]

black with low white spotting

[mind-altering-bugs]

The best part about turning 30 was, legitimately, unlocking the ability to use this image

[hometoursandotherstuff]

(Sound on.) Bonus clip today: Penguins navigating stairs.

[insomniac-arrest]

You can survive almost anything through the right combination of:

Bitching and moaning

Hater-ology

Doing a goofy little bit about it

Having a buddy say "that's so fucked up" at intermittent points (you can also be your own buddy)

Destroying the cursed amulet you carry everywhere, why do you even have that thing

[only-cat-memes]

[only-cat-memes]

[nealashitposts]

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

[nealashitposts]

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

[catchymemes]