- ey, am i too hot for ya to handle that you're tryin' to cool me down? heheheh
A little redraw, because I really like this idea, but can't look at the old version without tears anymore. Anyway, this one's much better than the previous art.
P.S. congratulations to everyone on the beginning of summer!
You always knew that Sans is a big fan of practical jokes.
From the very first day you met, he didn't miss a single opportunity to tease or prank you. At first, it was either surprising or annoying, but the more you got to know your friend, and then your loved one, the more you became imbued with his silly but charming antics. Even if you couldn't always tell if his intentions were sincere about something, and that often put you in an awkward position. He always apologized if something went wrong, though.
So a few years have passed in this fashion.
One evening, when you were lounging on the couch in your shared home, Sans returned an hour earlier than usual, and after saying hello in passing, he began fussily collecting something in the kitchen.
By then, you thought nothing would surprise you anymore, but Sans seemed to have an endless supply of rabbits in his hat. Abandoning the show you've been so eager to watch all week, you followed your boyfriend and looked curiously through the doorway. Sans didn't immediately acknowledged your arrival, enthusiastically collecting something in two large baskets. When he did, you noticed that he became embarrassed, and with clumsy movements tried to hurriedly hide something at the bottom of the basket.
But it only lasted for a moment. The next second trademark smile and ever-laughing look returned to your beloved skeleton's face.
Well, well, another prank is planned you thought.
“hey, sweetheart, it's not good to peek,” he said, throwing you a wink.
“Oh, please, are you the one to tell me what is right and what is wrong?” you answered jokingly, crossing your arms and giving Sans the most stern look you could muster.
“i have absolutely no idea what you're talkin' about,” he said, looking at you innocently.
“and why such a sharp look, it cuts me to the very soul,” Sans added, putting the case on the kitchen knife and holding onto the left side of his rib cage.
“Are you amused, Sans? But it wasn't very funny to me when you put little eyes on all the food in the fridge. I almost had a heart attack back then!” you exclaimed, barely able to contain your laughter at the memory.
“c’mon, don't be so cold to these little buddies,” Sans replied, taking some can from the fridge, “i just instructed them to keep an eye on you so that you don't overeat too much at night.”
“Hey! It was a one-time thing! I just- I just had a long day! Yeah!” you blushed, your cheeks and ears already burning, “And anyway, you're the one who hangs out by the fridge at night more often. Although I must admit, your method worked. After that incident, I was afraid to go near the fridge even during the day for a couple of weeks.”
“chill down, i don't judge ya,” he teased, walking past you in the kitchen and playfully nudging you with his elbow. He was still packing some things, “you're so hot right now that i could use you as a stove.”
Something about that phrase made you blush even more. You cleared your throat and addressed the elephant in the room.
“Jokes aside, why did you come back an hour earlier and where are you going?”
“not me, but us,” your boyfriend answered, closing and picking up both baskets by magic.
“it’s a surprise. i’m sure you'll like it,” Sans said, nuzzling your cheek.
In response, you raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“I know your surprises,” you said incredulously, “I swear to Asgore, if this is your next prank- Hey! What are you doing?”
Sans just lifted you up in the air along with the baskets like it was nothing and carried you to the exit.
“Sans, this really isn't funny. It's getting late, where are you taking me? I'm not even dressed properly!” you protested.
“ok.” he replied, throwing your coat on you from the hanger on the way and leaving through the front door.
“Saaans!”
***
By the time you arrive at your destination, the sun has almost disappeared below the horizon, turning the lower part of the sky ruby red. The fresh suburban air gave a pleasant feeling of relief after an hour and a half of driving in a stuffy car. You took a deep breath and stretched, trying to loosen up your stiff limbs. From the low hill where you stopped, there was a stunning view of the silver ribbon of the river flowing between emerald trees.
“hey, earth to (y/n)”
You flinched, suddenly hearing the voice of your loved one behind.
“it's too early to space out, wait for the stars to appear,” Sans teased.
“I wasn't spacing out, I just got my head in the clouds for a moment there!” you struck back.
“heh, good one,” he said, after laughing a little, “but seriously, i've called ya a few times already. let's go.”
And with that, he gently led you by the hand to the spread out blanket, on which your favorite snacks were laid out. The lamp in the middle exuded a warm, velvety glow.
“Wow, Sans, you decided to throw me an evening picnic? Since when did you become such a romantic, huh?” you joked.
“heh, i try,” Sans replied, looking away, turning blue and scratching the back of his head.
***
The amber sun has gone, giving way to the stars scattered like diamonds across the dark blue silk of the sky.
The two of you had already finished your meal, and now were just chatting about everything in the world, enjoying the beauty of nature and each other's company.
“And yet, why did you decide to have such an event in the middle of the week?” you asked, leaning back and looking at another constellation, “Why not wait until the weekend?”
“why wait for something?” Sans answered, shrugging, “there's no reason why we couldn't have a picnic today, is there?”
You haven't found an answer to that. Indeed, there was no objective reason to delay. It was just... unusual.
“you know, after coming to the surface, i realized one interesting thing,” Sans continued after some silence, “over time, i’ve got that i can go anywhere and anytime, even get up in the middle of the night and go for an unplanned walk. this contrasts a lot to my perception of life in the underground. there, we were all locked in a limited space, and then there were these dumb resets that could happen at any moment and cross out everything... back then, i didn't want not only to rush off on unexpected adventures, but even do anything at all. it's an indescribable feeling, when you wait every second for some kind of trick. sometimes you just... sit for hours and wait for the end, unable to do or change anything. it really drained out my energy. but here i finally feel free and truly alive. complete. and i don't wanna wait for something abstract in life. not anymore.”
“i have a lot to thank you for this. you played a huge role in this realization, awakening me from my stagnation,” Sans finished his monologue, speaking the last sentences a little quieter and staring at you intently.
Your breath caught in your throat. Sans had shared secrets with you before, but he'd never been so open, and he'd especially avoided the topic of his life in the Underground.
“and i don't wanna wait any longer to ask... will you stay with me forever?”
Now you understand what Sans was hiding in such a hurry back home. He handed you the ring. It was quite modest, but for you it outshone the brilliance of all the stars above your head combined. Because of who gave it to you, and what it might mean to both of you. If only...
You remembered perfectly well what day it is, and that Sans had often played such tricks on you before, that you wouldn't immediately realize it was a prank. He was just... too good at it. Sometimes it was really hard to understand what he had in mind.
But on the other hand, he looked so sincere this whole time. And one more thing... puns. Sans never made puns when he was serious. Yes. There can be no doubt, he would not joke about such a thing, even on April 1st.
“Of course, I will stay with you until the very end,” you replied to Sans, who was already beginning to worry, putting on the ring and wrapping him in a tight hug.
Soon you felt a few drops fall on your shoulder.
“Hey, you must have gotten it all wrong. No need to feel blue, now. After all, today is International Laughter Day, not Tears Day,” you consoled.
“huh?!”
Bonus:
“Oh my God, I can't believe that Sans himself, the great master of practical jokes, forgot that today is April 1st!” you said between laughs.
“no wonder you've been so suspicious all day. man, how could i make such a mistake? guess i really need to ketchup, huh? fortunately, now we have plenty of time for this,” your beloved answered, his eyes sparkling mischievously.
“Oh-oh…”
Yes, your life together definitely promises to be filled with lots of jokes and laughter. And pranks.
Hey! I've noticed that there haven't been any fanfiction updates since last year. I guess I need to fix this, huh?
The previous part is here.
Happily Ever After
Part 1
Chapter 1 - Fallen Down
You began to slowly come to your senses, feeling the gentle rays of the sun tickle your face, promising a warm summer day. Even in a half-doze, you felt some kind of heaviness in your soul. Something happened not so long ago, something unpleasant... Fragments of this thought raced through your head along with others, randomly replacing each other.
At some point, you caught yourself thinking that you don't remember going to bed last night.
You also realized that the light from the window in your room can't possibly fall at that angle.
And somehow it was too chilly and damp for your cozy little apartment.
In addition, you began to feel confused by some kind of puddle in the area of your back and head as you were lying on your bed...
…of flowers.
What?!
The remnants of the dream immediately evaporated as if taken off by the hand. You opened your eyes wide and looked around wildly, not believing what you were seeing. Your breath caught in your throat, and you froze, not able to scream.
Yes, you couldn't deny it anymore. You really somehow got to the place you've been dreaming of for so long. However, your first reaction was not joy, but genuine, animal horror.
You were in an alien world.
Unprepared.
Defenseless.
Homeless and completely destitute.
Alone.
For a while, you just lay there, taking deep breaths in and out, unclenching one by one the cold fingers of dread that bound your neck.
Ok, ok, it's not that bad. After all, I know pretty well what to do in the Underground to get a good ending. Besides, Toriel is unlikely to leave me to my fate when we get out. Yes, everything will be fine. I will definitely make friends with everyone.
Finally, you tried to stand up.
Only to be immediately nailed to the ground again.
Like lightning, a wave of anguish shot through your entire body from the spine, reverberating in head and limbs. You froze, sucking in air through clenched teeth, afraid that the slightest movement would cause more pain.
Of course. According to the story, you were supposed to fall into the Underground from a rather large height. Now you understand what kind of puddles are under you, without getting up from place.
It’s your blood.
Somehow the flowers didn't help soften the fall this time. You chuckled bitterly. Now I understand how Chara felt after collapsing.
But what to do? If your knowledge of the Underground is worth something, then staying put and waiting for help is definitely not an option, because no one ever enters this room. Calling for help is useless for the same reason. Therefore, you'll have to somehow crawl to the next room, no matter how painful it is.
You mustered all your willpower, mentally preparing for the torture...
‘What is taking so long?’
You looked around sharply again, scanning the surrounding walls. Someone else was here. You heard the voice clearly. A child's one.
“Hello?” you asked out loud, “Is anyone there? Please help me!”
‘Greetings. Unfortunately, I will not be able to assist you. In any case, not the way you need to.’ a monotonous voice answered.
The sound seemed to come straight from your head. It felt very strange. As if... thoughts in someone else's voice appeared in your head against your will. Not the most pleasant sensation, to say the least. It's like there's something under your skin that can't be removed.
‘Speaking of which, it is unnecessary to address me audibly, as I comprehend you with sufficient clarity even in the absence of that, regardless of my volition in the matter. To be encumbered with an individual such as yourself is far from agreeable.’
Not wanting to continue the conversation, you tried to get up again. However, when you did, the ache resumed. You could barely stand on your own feet, as they were completely numb. Your head was spinning and it hurt unbearably, you were sick. You squeezed your eyes shut, and tears of pain flowed down your face.
Finally, after making a herculean effort and leaning on some kind of stick, you almost completely straightened up. Glancing at your crash site, you saw that most of the flowers in the middle were indeed painted an ominous dark scarlet, in stark contrast to their cheerful yellow. Turning away in disgust, you slowly and carefully trudged into the next room.
There you saw Flowey, who was twirling a small glowing piece in front of him. As you get closer, you realize that it looks like... a piece of the soul?
Yes, you remember now. You traded a part of your soul for the opportunity to actually be here.
“Howdy! Already awake, huh?” he greeted you, noticing your approach, “You don't look very happy. Where is the joyful smile and determined look, hm? Didn't you get what you wanted?”
Now that you could see him clearly, you felt a bunch of goosebumps running down your spine. You could integrate into this world before, but you still saw everything around you as unrealistic, unnatural, and toy-like. Right now, you wanted to turn away and never remember that sight, which you certainly would not see in your home world. A huge sentient buttercup with a face.
“You'll finally be reunited with your stupid "friends". Golly!” Flowey exclaimed, making an exaggerated "surprised" face, which has further increased your discomfort, “How could I forget? You don't have any yet. Well, good luck making friends with everyone, I'll be watching!”
“Although, I suppose a start has been made. After all, you've already met one of your friends, haven't you?” he added, winking and sticking his tongue out playfully. You could almost see a spark bounce off him.
‘We are not friends, Asriel.’ the emotionless voice cut in again.
“Come on, are you still mad?” Flowey said, looking in your direction somewhat strangely, “I thought we agreed on everything.”
You, in turn, just sighed.
Then something hit you. You craned your neck, listening. Music. You can't hear the music anymore.
“Did you lose something?” Flowey asked in a mock caring voice, “Let me guess, do you miss your precious music? Too bad! Didn't you dream of becoming like everyone else? Besides, you weren't very content with it the last time.”
After saying that, he turned away from you again, continuing to drill his gaze into that part of your soul that was already lost forever. Something about that predatory gaze was so creepy and wrong that you instinctively reached out to grab the missing part of your being. However, being weakened as you are, you lost your balance and fell face-first into the mud right in front of Flowey.
“Oh, no, no, no, it's mine now~” he said in a singsong voice, raising his "prize" higher, even though it wasn't even necessary. You have absolutely no strength left.
But your torment didn't end there.
“By the way, I'm curious if you can still feel this part of your soul. Let's check it out, hm?” with these words, he launched one of his "friendliness pellets" in it.
The effect was immediate. You felt a sharp pain in your chest, as if you had been hit by a poisoned arrow at full speed. Your face contorted into a grimace of agony. You started to lose consciousness again.
“Nice. Veeery nice,” you heard on the edge of your mind, “It still works. Well, I won't keep you any longer. Chin up, buddy, you still have the world to save today.”
And your tormentor dived into the mud with a malevolent laugh, taking a part of your essence with him.
You continued to lie there, motionless, your vitality draining away with every second. The surrounding world was rapidly melting away, giving way to impenetrable darkness.
Dark. Darker. Yet Darker.
You were about to surrender to the mercy of this blackness when you heard a voice from far away. It was different from all the voices you've heard so far, and it was so quiet you were surprised you heard it at all.
You cannot give up just yet... [Name]! Stay determined...
Then you heard the sound of approaching footsteps.
With the last of your strength, you raised your head slightly, your vision blurry. In the archway leading to the next room, a large white and purple figure froze for a split second.
Toriel you guessed
The next moment, Toriel raised both hands to her face, dropping some metal object with a clink, and ran up to you. When she did, you were enveloped in a soft cloud of aromas of homemade baking, burning wood and old books.
“Do not be afraid, I will not hurt you,” she said, and put her hand on your shoulder. Almost immediately, you felt some kind of currents flow into you, wave after wave, and the pain recedes. A minute later, you could stand up as if nothing happened, all that reminded of your wounds were dirty clothes stuck to your body.
You politely thanked the "stranger" for your rescue, holding back any signs of uneasiness, which began to take possession of you again. The feeling was rather... unusual. Being afraid of Flowey seemed natural, given everything you knew about him, so the first time, you didn't pay it much attention. Now, however, you couldn't shake the feeling of ambiguity. It was as if your consciousness had been split in two. On the one hand, you knew for sure that Toriel posed no threat. But on the other, you weren't used to seeing her so realistically. It was like seeing a familiar face, but at the same time, not recognizing it.
“You are welcome, my child,” she replied, looking you over carefully, “I am Toriel, caretaker of the Ruins. I pass through this place every day to see if anyone has fallen down.”
“I think I made it just in time today,” Toriel added, referring to the incident.
“Err, anyway. You must be tired and hungry. Come with me, I will guide you through the catacombs. This way.”
With that, she disappeared back into the darkness of the doorway.
You picked up your stick, took a deep breath, and followed, noticing at the last moment that the metal object Toriel had forgotten was a watering can.
As you entered the next room, you involuntarily squeezed your eyes shut and covered your face with free hand. It was much brighter here than in the previous ones.
When your eyes got used to the light a little, you noticed a red pile of fallen leaves standing out against the background of purple bricks. There was something shining there.
You got closer to this thing and felt a sudden surge of energy.
THE ANTICIPATION OF THE UPCOMING JOURNEY FILLS YOU WITH DETERMINATION.
An old unfinished thing that I've had since September.
At first, I didn't want to post this at all, as I was unhappy with the result, but then I decided why not. I messed around a bit with the effects and it even seemed to turn out something tolerable.
So, I've been thinking for quite a long time about what kind of ijag fanart to draw, but couldn’t come up with any good ideas. And then it hit me. It seems that @voidchillz once mentioned that it would be cool to have IJAG! Sans and Anomaly sing “Take on me” by A-ha. Well, your requests have been heard! I thought, why not, besides, this song has been one of my favorites for a long time already. I know that this thing is far from perfect as I’m just a novice in art, but I still tried my best!
Livehack: if you turn on the song and scroll through the pictures at the same time, you will almost get an animatic!
Cutie marshmallow and his beloved anom-ally for @htsan (thank you again for your incredible fic!)
(In general, I thought that this clip not only fits Sansnomaly, but basically shows how we get attached to the characters. In the beginning, we plunge headlong into a fictional world, sometimes thanks to just one character. Then, when the plot ends, the fictional character moves into our world, living in our heart. And no one can take them away from us anymore.)
I suddenly remembered what day it is. I don't have anything new this year, so I'll show you this old thing again, even though I'm already a little ashamed of it and I don't like most of the frames. I'll have to redo this thing someday, as soon as I get around to it. :D
A sudden nighttime fanfiction, something drew me back to romance at the end of the year.
I also seem to have forgotten how to write during this time.
Inspired by @htsan 's (as you may have noticed, they are my main muse) calls series.
Dialing...
Another chilly day.
The landscape in the window froze again, the thick fog almost completely swallowed up the world outside. Covered up the same old boring, pestering view.
It's incredibly difficult to go anywhere in this weather. Or do anything at all.
Sans was sitting alone in a dark room of his house, the dim light of the almost muted TV serving as the only distraction.
Papyrus had gone to hang out with Undyne after long (and unsuccessful) attempts to pull Sans with him. Sans felt a certain guilt towards his younger brother for not taking part in these "cool friends hangouts," as Paps called them, anymore, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't like big companies and dynamic activities before, but since you disappeared from their lives, disliked them even more.
Somehow, all of it—the sleepovers with board games and snacks; Paps and Undyne's 5 AM runs with upbeat music playing; the cooking lessons that inevitably ended with setting someone's kitchen on fire; watching yet another saccharine anime together, and even just having tea with Asgore or Toriel—reminded him of you. Of similar events that happened when you were still with all of them. Some he remembered clearly, some were a little more hazy in his memory, and some—he knew this for sure—had never happened at all, but he still somehow managed to "remember" them. Probably all the memories, from this life and from others, were mixed up in his mind.
An incomprehensible, heavy longing grew stronger, the air became so thick it could be cut with a knife. It seemed as if time itself had stood still, and the walls of the room began to move closer together (although the latter was more likely a consequence of the subdued lighting and mild claustrophobia acquired over the years of living in the Underground).
As always on evenings like these, Sans didn't want to go to bed. Some kind of anxiety kept him awake. This feeling usually disappeared after calling you.
Yes. He can call you. A discovery he made completely by accident, but which nonetheless dulled the aching feeling of separation. One day he accidentally pressed the contact button with your phone number, and when he noticed this and was about to hang up, you... picked up the phone.
Somehow, even after the monsters were freed from the Underground and you left, he was able to reach you. He practically reached you in another world. As if fate had taken pity on the two of you and allowed this last means of communication.
…Or perhaps your shared determination allowed you two to do it, as you liked to say, – he recalled with a smile. Much less convinced that everything in this world is predetermined, you believed not in fate but in decisive action, trying to convince him that his life was now in his hands, too.
You were always willing to support him in trying times. You were like his little brother in this matter. And he loved you both.
Naturally, he didn't remain in debt, comforting you in moments of sadness and fear, which were sometimes so intense that his soul was falling apart and he would give everything, just to be near you for a moment and help. Or at least to hug you and wipe away your tears. But all he could do was give you friendly advice and cheer you up with his signature bad jokes.
You'd been calling each other from time to time, and he would have called you today, but... you hadn't answered his calls for about a month. Before that, you'd had a serious fight (which, admittedly, wasn't happening often) over some trivial matter he wouldn't even remember. Or rather, it seems like a trifle now, but back then, you were both convinced in one's rightness, unwilling to give in to each other. You hung up, calling him "cruelly unfair," and Sans isn't even sure you were the subject of that argument.
At first, he was hurt too, but soon this feeling devastated him so much that he let it go. You had a fight, and now he's sitting there wondering, "are you really never going to call again?"
So he started sending you voice messages. First with apologies, and then just telling you all sorts of things, hoping that you'd at least listen them.
Although, to be honest, he often felt your presence, even when you weren't talking on the phone. Every now and then he got the strangest feeling of your gaze on him.
Like one day, when he was walking through the evening park, admiring the moon, which had already begun to modestly peek out from behind the trees, and simply... stopped dead in his tracks. He suddenly felt like you were standing right behind him. He could literally feel your breath on his bones. Feeling his soul begin to beat faster, he turned around, your name flying off his tongue before he realized it. But of course, no one was there. But the feeling remained.
At times, he even thought you could read his mind. Considering all your abilities, he wouldn't be surprised.
And today he also had a strong feeling that you were watching him ever since he glanced at the window in the room.
You're looking at him right now as he, tired of waiting for something, dials your number for the millionth time.
Don’t you?
“come on, pick up the phone, please,” he said, listening to the long beep on the other end of the line and looking longingly out the window again at the indistinct, lifeless mess, as if trying to see you there, “i know you can hear me. i just want to hear your voice again. i'm tired of everything that's out there. the days go by one after another, and only one thought keeps spinning in my head – i miss you, i love you. please, please answer.”
But alas. Instead, a cold, mechanical voice announced, somewhat rudely, for the hundredth time: “The subscriber is unavailable.”
“heh. what a fool i am. you're probably asleep by now. well, good night. please call me when you can. i'm starting to worry. send me at least a word; any news would be valuable. thank you.”
☆ After her fall, Catherine stayed in the Ruins along with Toriel and Frisk. She lives in a room that was closed so as not to stir up old memories for renovations that were successfully completed by Catherine and Toriel, fortunately there was very little to do there.
☆ After that, Toriel never entered this room and refused to explain the reason.
☆ Some furniture was bought in the New Home and items were found in the garbage dump in Waterfall.
☆ Catherine adores the flowers of Waterfall, such as echo flowers and blue roses, which also grow in this AU. But buttercups did not impress her at all, as they are often found on the surface, unlike the unique flora of the Underground.
☆ She also likes the glass decor, like the glass unicorn and crystal ball (which is just an imitation) that miraculously survived the fall underground.
☆ The headband with the horns is not from Waterfall. Catherine accidentally found it somewhere in a house in Ruins.
☆ She and Sans had once bought a poster with a planet and glow-in-the-dark stickers in the shape of stars at the annual celebration dedicated to the stars, which had been held in the Underground for quite some time. Sans has an almost similar set.
☆ Catherine reads a lot. She mostly prefers fiction, but since there is little choice in the Underground, she has to read almost everything that comes to hand from the Snowdin librarby library and Toriel's personal collection. After some time, she began to rent books from Asgore, since he hardly reads himself.
☆ She mostly prefers to read not in the bedroom, but in the living room by the fireplace. Frisk sometimes asks to read aloud to them, as it calms them down a bit. Just like Toriel. She likes to watch such scenes, lost in thought. It had been a while since she had spent time in someone else's company. All together, the three of them were almost like a family. Almost.
☆ Catherine once knitted a new sweater for Sans and even sewed a plush toy in the form of a certain skeleton. Sans teased her about the last one so often that Catherine almost wished she hadn't made it at all. She crafted both of these things far from the first time and not without outside help.
☆ She bought a painting with a view of the castle from a local artist. This place has a special meaning for her.
☆ Catherine loves listening to music (and even sings along sometimes if she thinks no one is watching her). So it was a pleasant surprise to find a poster with the logo of her favorite rock band.
☆ Another nice bonus was finding almost new skates, which she sometimes uses in Snowdin.
☆ Her love for literature and music led to the fact that Catherine began to write poetry, albeit not particularly successful. For now.
☆ Catherine still often writes paper letters. She thinks there's something in opening a piece of mail and recognizing a familiar handwriting. Therefore, she was somewhat pleasantly surprised that this type of communication was much more lively in the Underground than on the surface. It's just that connection here is much worse, and sometimes sending a paper letter is really faster than an electronic one.
While I'm working on the continuation of HEA, I brought you this.
Based on @htsan 's 530
409
It was a very tough road.
A nasty downpour that unexpectantly caught him exiting the subway rained lead bullets down from above, forcing to sink into the sticky mud, making his legs heavier with every step.
He had no shield to protect himself from this rain. All he had now was a bouquet of flowers. Your favorite ones. Red, just like your soul once was.
heh
He gave out a dry chuckle.
To tell the truth, he didn't even understand how he managed to remember which flowers you loved. It was the first time in his life that he went through the whole city in such terrible weather, only to present you a bunch of flowers.
And the first time that he ever gave you flowers
He placed the bouquet next to your tombstone with shaking hands and sat down nearby. The rainfall continued to rage, the gusty wind violently tore the fiery leaves from the trees. He didn't care about the weather.
The end of September was approaching. He hated this month now.
But most of all, he hated himself.
After all, it's not September's fault that he lost you. It's his.
He always thought he accepted the fact that you would die before him. Humans have a much shorter life span than monsters, despite all the power of their souls. Or maybe because of it. How was it? 'A candle burning brighter burns out faster?' Yeah. Probably, maintaining the life of a strong soul drains out more of your energy.
He thought he was ready to face your death. Until it actually came.
Because the fact that a person is mortal is half the trouble. The scariest part is them sometimes suddenly dying. Any loss takes the longest to torment by the abruptness of what happened. It scares to realize that your loved one is no more and will never be. Especially when you parted... not on a high note, let's just say. And one's own guilt becomes terribly heavy in front of someone who is no longer there.
He tried his best to forget about you. The past is in the past, isn't it? He can't fix anything anyway, so there's no point in worrying about it.
He carefully avoided the places where the two of you went. Even spent the night more often outside your shared home his house, which had become so huge and empty, so cold and hostile. He refused to take part in conversations about you. He couldn't stand it when others remembered you without his participation, immediately leaving for another room. He burned all the photos of you together. He didn't even go to your funeral. He was desperately pushing away any thought or memory of you.
Just like he pushed you away when you were alive
So much so that he even tried to forget your name.
…
None of this worked.
Your face always loomed in front of him in every window and in every dream. The details of your last conversation were playing over and over in his head like a jammed record.
He was almost mad at you.
It's like your ghost was chasing him day and night, wanting to see him suffer. Without you.
He just wanted to forget. Get rid of the pain if you were never meant to meet again.
Was it too much to ask? Did providence only connect him with you in order to make him regret you forever?
You're dead, and he doesn't need the memory of you anymore. You're dead...
He lifted his head up, rainwater now freely pouring down his face.
The question that tortured him the most was echoing in his head again.
Why did you die?
He would have tried to fix it.
Why?
He wanted to understand everything that happened between you.
Why?
He wanted your love to work, but no matter how hard he tried, he ruined everything.
Why?
He never wanted to hurt you.
Why?
He wanted so bad to return your love the way you wanted it, but it was impossible.
Why?
He needed your love so much.
WHY?
He loved you so much.
…
Or, at least that's what he thought.
Having met you, he did not stop feeling lost in this world at all, but from now on he always saw, or at least felt, an indistinct figure on the horizon, like an angel, a distant but reliable guardian, given to him from above and at the same time not belonging to him. Too bad he never tried to get close to you.
Until now, despite all his kindness, he has always neglected you. One of the manifestations of this was that you knew him better than he ever wanted to know you. Whether you were fooling around or fighting, your remarks was always true, and his words could at best pass for a joke, and at worst they were just insulting. Despite his sincere affection, he never wanted to notice how often you were right. He could rejoice at your rightness so many times instead of protesting.
You were so observant, wise and caring.
Oh stars, sweetheart, have I overlooked you?
And to lose you to something so small, so insignificant... Couldn't he have given in to you for once in his life? Or show interest in you? He should have immediately rushed after you and asked for your forgiveness.
To ask for forgiveness. Right. That was exactly what he was going to do, even though it was already too late. But better late than never, right? He could only hope that his apology would reach you 'on the other side', wherever it was. It won't fix anything now, but maybe your soul will at least know that he's genuinely sorry.
He cleared his throat, and muttered a few indistinct words, his voice not responding well after a long silence.
He called your name.
For a moment, he felt as if a wave had passed over the ground and all sounds had died down, deathly silence hung. As soon as the feeling appeared, it immediately vanished.
Weird. I must be going crazy from exhaustion.
Strangely enough, it became a little easier to speak after this glitch.
“if only you knew how sorry i am...” he began, staring blankly at the place where you fell into eternal sleep. He couldn't even cry. It was as if your withdrawal had drilled a hole in his soul, from which life was pouring out day by day, “god, i'm so sorry, i didn't mean it, i...”
He pulled his hood up to the limit and covered his face with his hand.
“what a fool i've been. now i'll never see you again. i won't feel the touch of your hands. i won't hear your voice whispering softly in the morning...”