like a mad dog after a rabbit

Catlad5001 on ao3 | aftg sideblog @jjjosten | he/they | writer | occasional artist | pfp by sonacava and banner by drawerbread

[dogpuppy]

[radiantmists]

so i know we make jokes about Jon asking the assistants to commit crimes, but i was thinking about the bits in 81 where he talks about getting brought home by the police three times by age eight, and just… what if he asks for info you can’t get except by breaking into places because he’s so used to doing it himself?

like, I’m just imagining Tim joining the research department at the institute and meeting fussy academic Jon who’s a skeptic but knows a ton about this supernatural stuff, and befriending him because he’s kinda hilarious if you can sit through the acid.

And then they go to do field research together, and the man who Tim half-thought had never been outside in his life climbs a ten-foot fence without a beat of hesitation because this is where the statement happened, Tim, now hurry up, we’re wasting enough time on this blatant fabrication already…

[future-crab]

I love the fear-summoning rituals in the Magnus Archives. When you first hear about them you sort of assume they’re these ancient, intricate rites that have to be carried out in a very specific way, but as the show goes on you realize that no one knows what they’re doing, and avatars are all just trying to do something Fucked Up enough to rip a hole in reality.

Like, the Flesh really went, “What if we threw a whole bunch of meat in a hole? Just way too much meat. Do you think that would work?”

[ghost-cassette]

Things People Tried To Summon Their Favorite God in The Magnus Archives:

- Meat Hole

- Very Hot Lady

- Fortnite Building in the Middle of Nowhere

- Build a Second Sun But Like, the Opposite?

- Even Bigger Hole (with less meat)

- World's Worst Apartments

- Haunted Murder Boat

- Clown Prom

- Run Forever (forget to finish ritual)

- Traumatize Some Nerd (this one worked)

[future-crab]

”Do Not Open” is such a weird episode when you think about it. They went, “Welcome to our horror anthology series! In this week’s story, a man is given a coffin and told not to open it. He doesn’t open it. Then the people who gave it to him show up and take it back. We will not explain what the deal is with the coffin for another 60 episodes, but at this point we’re still presenting the podcast as a series of unconnected stories, so as far as you know you’ll never learn what the coffin’s deal is. It’s episode 2, by the way. Hope you keep listening!”

This isn’t a criticism, btw. I love episode 2 with my whole heart, I just think it’s a VERY bold choice

[annabelle--cane]

something @feathered-serpents said the other day made me realize that I may, perhaps, have been misinterpreting what everyone else has been meaning by this "[x] would have been a better archivist" thing. it appears that everyone else meant that being a better archivist would entail dealing with problems safely and efficiently and foiling jonah's/the web's plan to end the world, whereas I had been thinking that being a better archivist would mean better fulfilling the role of the archivist, i.e. being incredibly obsessive and curious and collecting all marks in as short a time as possible. I now see that when people say "sasha would have been a better archivist," their intended meaning is "if sasha had been archivist then the world wouldn't have ended because I see her as more cunning," and not, in fact, like I had been assuming and agreeing with, "if sasha had been the archivist then the world would have ended like a year earlier because the first time we meet her she describes getting marked by the spiral and the corruption within the space of thirty seconds." this is good information to now have.

[thisismyideaofhumor]

Why haven't I seen any Magnus Archives/Monster's Inc crossovers. Where's the fic where they find out Humor is stronger than Fear and Jon has to become a stand-up comedian

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Canon Jonah Magnus is way funnier than fanon Jonah Magnus. Why does everyone try to change him. He’s perfect.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Everyone writes him like Stereotypical Creepy Looking Villain Who Is Easily Angered Into Mistakes but he’s so much funnier than that. He’s trying to destroy the world and put everyone in perpetual misery specifically to avoid someone doing that to him first and his Secret Fear Factory is a shitty paranormal research institute full of offices and bureaucracy because he genuinely prefers it that way. The highlight of his week is on Wednesdays when he does the scheduling for next week and the protagonists trying to get out of their shitty fear jobs use this against him. 

He almost never gets angry at anyone because he genuinely does not care, he does actually try to be reasonable and convince his employees not to try to kill him or break his stuff, and considers using his See Everything Powers and Evil Mental Torture powers on them to be a strenuous inconvenience. When he is annoyed or threatened enough to pull out the Evil Torture Mind Powers in self defense, he just does it and then washes his hands of it and goes back to being the Totally Normal Institute Manager he genuinely enjoys being. Dude could hire and blackmail people into doing all the boring tedious parts of his job but he just likes doing them himself. 

Half of the dude’s character is how Totally Normal he is. Whenever someone has a big revelation about his evil mind powers or his secret immortality or about how he’s killed someone or screwed them over in some way he completely takes the wind out of their sails by acting like this is a normal thing and he forgot they didn’t already know, like they’re inquiring about when they need to attend a new HR seminar by. He treats them like they’re being unreasonable and need to keep up and it’s funny every single time. He’s so good at being a Helpful but Incompetent Office Manager that it’s usually impossible for the protagonists to tell how much he knows and whether he’s screwing them over on purpose at any given time (he always is). He considers little matters like “my employee keeps trying to kill me” and “my employee got me sent to prison for murder” to be minor inconveniences and never holds grudges against anyone because he genuinely doesn’t care about them enough to be angry. 

It’s never stated why he has so little control over what the Head Archivist decides to do at any given time; he just seems to hate micromanagement. He let Gertrude do whatever the fuck she wanted for 50 years no matter what danger or inconvenience it caused (it’s reasonable to assume that the vast majority of attacks on the archives during Gertrude’s day were from people who were specifically pissed off at Gertrude’s actions) and only killed her when it was necessary for self-defense. The whole thing is just a sitcom to him. Everyone is an NPC in his Destroy the World Adventure and he doesn’t seem to take anything personally. He’s Owen Burnett who thinks he’s David Xanotos and it’s the funniest fucking thing.

He overreacted and killed ONE GUY with a lead pipe and now half the fanfic treats him like an incredibly weird little murdergoblin who can be incensed into making mistakes with a bit of namecalling and throws his Eye abilities around constantly. The canon version is so much funnier.

[hatersmad]

jonathan sims was really the character of all time. he was kidnapped three times. his only friend was his ex-girlfriend. he pretended to be a skeptic while also working as a ghost secretary. he said “good lord” unironically. he was a stalker. he called a merry-go-round “thrilling.” he hung out and listened to soap operas with a woman who kidnapped him and tried to slit his throat. he said mercy-killing another guy that kidnapped him was “like doing a favor for an old friend.” he could almost definitely suck his own dick. he was forcibly moisturized by a clown for a month. he lied about being ten years older than he was for no discernible reason. he wasn’t even mad about the third kidnapping. he thought his coworker was a ghost. he died once. he tried to cut off his own finger. he was even bi

[valtsv]

i know it's fucked up and horrifying in universe but it's very funny conceptually that the entities of fear in the magnus archives basically choose people to make into avatars by going "oh that guy is such a nasty little FREAK. i want them so bad. i'm going to make them worse."

[valtsv]

blorbo from my endless reign of terror

[jordankennedy]

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Incredible

[hetslop]

im actually an anatomy students defender until i DIE they didnt do anything wrong!!! they just wanted to learn about the body they even WAITED FOR THE TEACHER TO LOOK AWAY before they adjusted anything!!! they didnt want to scare him!! they showed up every class and waited for him and paid FULL attention you KNOW if that man just stopped fucking judging them for not being able to get their hearts right the first time they would be the best class he ever had. they even left him an apple!! they didnt know apples dont have teeth its not their fault!! anatomy student haters dni actually

[swanpyart]

Cecil Palmer could do TMA but Jon Sims could not do WTNV. Cecil has no fucking curiosity, as the Archivist he would read all the statements and go “golly, these sure are fun :)” then find out about the Fears and kill Elias in three days. Jon in Night Vale would be fired and eaten day 1

[annabelle--cane]

"what even happens in the magnus archives" Everything Happens In The Magnus Archives. it's all in there. you name something that is in any way scary or unpleasant and it's in there somewhere. if you have a niche phobia or recurring nightmare of any kind, no matter how obscure you may believe it to be, then one day you are going to queue up an episode and listen to the intro music play and then they'll read out the title "episode 42069, catching you in 4k" and recite your own personal worst fear Directly into your ear canals, in exactly the words you would use to describe it. the sixth episode is about exploding worm sex that kills you. and then there are 194 more episodes after that.

[lustyvoidsandvoidylusts]

Someone gets eaten alive by tiny spiders?

[annabelle--cane]

getting eaten alive by spiders is not only a recurring motif but also centrally thematically important to the entire main plot

[duckiart]

Jonathan Sims in a skirt <33333

[soapcan18]

Please tell me someone hasn’t already made this

Og image and alt version below!

[snail-smooch-artworks]

The Magnus Dresscode (feat. my headcanons)

I think Jon dressed very traditionally in s1 and s2, but around s3 when they realized they can't quit or get fired, he said "fuck it" and just started wearing whatever he liked. Including skirts

.......which results in mutual irritation between him and Elias.

**Bonus: Elias acts all offended, but secretly he knows he'd rock a pleather miniskirt

[marowreck-archive]

the tma wiki is a big mood tbh