like a mad dog after a rabbit

Catlad5001 on ao3 | aftg sideblog @jjjosten | he/they | writer | occasional artist | pfp by sonacava and banner by drawerbread

[dogpuppy]

[sadmages]

[ID: Archivist: I'm just saying... If I took my place in the Panopticon, I'd hoped I could make it easier for everyone, but... maybe I could just make it faster. Shuffle people towards The End. Accelerate things. /End ID]

Obsessed with this option actually. Apocalypse any % speedrun

[strangehorse]

#SDHFLKDJFKDSHF GOD THIS OPTION IS SO FUNNY#JUST KILL EVERYBODY. THEN WE DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE

[seasonallyappropriategoth]

gertrude robinson who had cut the eyes out of all the books in her home hanging out w gerry and making him cover up his eye tattoos w bandaids

[regicidal-defenestration]

Everyone who now remembers the apocalypse adding to their carrds like "dni if you were in the plague village, sorry but you're all snakes <3", "I post about the ant tunnels lots so bear that in mind!", "this user lost their face on the carousel and all they got in return was a gender crisis"

[seefasters]

‪statement of martin blackwood and jonathan sims, regarding a list‬

‪(based on the song ‘a complete list of fears ages 5-28 (aprox) by the yellow dress!)

[evileidolons]

i dont listen to magnus archives but based on yalls art this jon guy needs some lotion, maybe a dermatologist

[evileidolons]

who is nikola

[evileidolons]

based on yalls information he needs a therapist actually

[bananonbinary]

i know that every statement in tma was canonically real just because it would be kinda shitty storytelling if it wasnt, but oh my GOD i wish we got to hear jon tearing an actually false statement to shreds. especially if it was a live statement. imagine youre some dumb frat kid and you go give a statement to the spooky research facility about Dick Butts or whatever and this tiny little man with a stare that could curdle milk who looks like he maybe died sometime last week just fucking yells at you for 90 minutes about proper story structure and pacing, and if you were going to waste his time you could’ve at least been original or creative and he wanders away still ranting like “i put the clown apocalypse on hold for THIS”

[bananonbinary]

alternative: you go in, you’ve rehearsed your story a hundred times and practiced looking suitably Upset in the mirror, and one of the assistants tells you the archivist is out right now, he should be back in a few minutes, would you like to wait? and then the most tired man on the planet walks past you at a somewhat concerning speed, doesn’t even look in your direction or stop walking, just says “no” and slams the door in your face.

[gay-homophobic-elias]

joshua gillespie my beloved

[of-void-and-stars]

[ID: a still image of the red heart locket meme. The heart locket is closed and labeled "Do Not Open", an iron chain with a padlock is drawn over it. /ED]

[cocoabats]

The Magnus Archives was a podcast

[adhdarchivist]

This whole time I’ve been assuming that obviously Gertrude would have foiled Peter’s ritual attempt sometime after the whole thing with the Spiral, but? No?? Apparently not?? This bitch shattered Peter’s world with a newspaper article and then a few years later just casually hit him up for a ride to the Arctic Circle???? We stan a legend.

[santhomedusae-deactivated202006]

#gertrude: oi fog boy me and my twink assistant need a ride#peter “i hate confrontation and i’m saving eye contact for marriage” lukas: yes ma'am (via @everchased)

[ieattaperecorders]

A week after arriving Somewhere Else -

Martin stares solemnly at Jon's wound with tears in his eyes, Jon holds him and murmurs reassurances, promising he doesn't blame him, both of them barely whispering as if they're afraid to speak of it too loudly.

7+ years after arriving Somewhere Else -

Jon: (Trying to get out of doing the laundry) C'mon YOU KILLED ME

Martin: AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN IF I HAVE TO WASH MORE OF YOUR BLOODY SOCKS

[annabelle--cane]

tma has a lot of name crimes, but at the same time the names do kinda rock. this is very abstract, but is there any character whose name doesn't completely fit them? "jane prentiss" has a sort of hiss sound in there, evocative of bugs. "annabelle cane" sounds elaborate and a bit mysterious. "tim stoker" sounds solid and has a sort of weight to it. "elias bouchard" just sounds evil, man. martin said it himself, his name sounds like it wants to be warm and happy. to go with minor characters, hezekiah wakely can't sleep properly; sebastian skinner is threatened with flaying; I'm willing to bet real life money that hope was named "hope" just so we could get that "hope's dead" bit. I know we clown on the names, and with good reason, but I still think they're nifty.

[radiantmists]

so i know we make jokes about Jon asking the assistants to commit crimes, but i was thinking about the bits in 81 where he talks about getting brought home by the police three times by age eight, and just… what if he asks for info you can’t get except by breaking into places because he’s so used to doing it himself?

like, I’m just imagining Tim joining the research department at the institute and meeting fussy academic Jon who’s a skeptic but knows a ton about this supernatural stuff, and befriending him because he’s kinda hilarious if you can sit through the acid.

And then they go to do field research together, and the man who Tim half-thought had never been outside in his life climbs a ten-foot fence without a beat of hesitation because this is where the statement happened, Tim, now hurry up, we’re wasting enough time on this blatant fabrication already…

[future-crab]

I love the fear-summoning rituals in the Magnus Archives. When you first hear about them you sort of assume they’re these ancient, intricate rites that have to be carried out in a very specific way, but as the show goes on you realize that no one knows what they’re doing, and avatars are all just trying to do something Fucked Up enough to rip a hole in reality.

Like, the Flesh really went, “What if we threw a whole bunch of meat in a hole? Just way too much meat. Do you think that would work?”

[ghost-cassette]

Things People Tried To Summon Their Favorite God in The Magnus Archives:

- Meat Hole

- Very Hot Lady

- Fortnite Building in the Middle of Nowhere

- Build a Second Sun But Like, the Opposite?

- Even Bigger Hole (with less meat)

- World's Worst Apartments

- Haunted Murder Boat

- Clown Prom

- Run Forever (forget to finish ritual)

- Traumatize Some Nerd (this one worked)

[future-crab]

”Do Not Open” is such a weird episode when you think about it. They went, “Welcome to our horror anthology series! In this week’s story, a man is given a coffin and told not to open it. He doesn’t open it. Then the people who gave it to him show up and take it back. We will not explain what the deal is with the coffin for another 60 episodes, but at this point we’re still presenting the podcast as a series of unconnected stories, so as far as you know you’ll never learn what the coffin’s deal is. It’s episode 2, by the way. Hope you keep listening!”

This isn’t a criticism, btw. I love episode 2 with my whole heart, I just think it’s a VERY bold choice

[annabelle--cane]

something @feathered-serpents said the other day made me realize that I may, perhaps, have been misinterpreting what everyone else has been meaning by this "[x] would have been a better archivist" thing. it appears that everyone else meant that being a better archivist would entail dealing with problems safely and efficiently and foiling jonah's/the web's plan to end the world, whereas I had been thinking that being a better archivist would mean better fulfilling the role of the archivist, i.e. being incredibly obsessive and curious and collecting all marks in as short a time as possible. I now see that when people say "sasha would have been a better archivist," their intended meaning is "if sasha had been archivist then the world wouldn't have ended because I see her as more cunning," and not, in fact, like I had been assuming and agreeing with, "if sasha had been the archivist then the world would have ended like a year earlier because the first time we meet her she describes getting marked by the spiral and the corruption within the space of thirty seconds." this is good information to now have.

[thisismyideaofhumor]

Why haven't I seen any Magnus Archives/Monster's Inc crossovers. Where's the fic where they find out Humor is stronger than Fear and Jon has to become a stand-up comedian