Catter

my username is a lie, i never draw (tragic) 25 | they/he 🦇

[punkrock-bottom]

If you stay up late to hang out with friends I don’t think you should have to be tired in the morning. I think it should be a freebie

[macchitea]

i like their friendship a lot

[sentennial]

awesomesauce

[most-precious-garbage]

[nealashitposts]

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

[nealashitposts]

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

[hyperrbolic-orange]

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

[dancinbutterfly]

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

[tribblefarmer]

The Bird has been reading up on the human custom called "bowing."

Template by the hilarious @justcakethanks

[kaviary-blog]

BloodyMary Swap AU but it’s Rocky in the SM-13

Does it make sense? No. Do I care? No. It’s funny. Have a silly comic

[capitanpoops]

oh no he's hot

[slowspinningredemption]

after seeing yet another huge post where young people rail against AO3 and older people have to explain that censorship is bad actually, I gotta say that as someone who reads a fuck ton of books a year, these younger people could really benefit from doing the same for a little perspective. fucked up content is not just a fanfic thing, and with books, you don't get any warnings! you just turn the page and gaze upon the most fucked up scene of your life! these people do not know how good they've got it tbh just filter tags my lieges

[expressions-of-nature]

Fontainebleau State Park, Louisiana by Lana Gramlich

[evilscientist3]

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

[ttechniic]

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

[evilscientist3]

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

[ttechniic]

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

[evilscientist3]

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

[ttechniic]

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

[siderealglimmer]

[pineappical]

think about it long time

[battymoonflower7]

ID: Project Hail Mary art of Grace and Rocky in the bio-dome watching the sun set over the sea. The colours are of the Aromantic Asexual "sunset" flag. End ID

[djpachipikachu]

rocky being a fucking freak is my favorite headcanon This is who was first contact with aliens. doomed all eridians really

[merletka]

Does anyone remember my Jason adopts an ugly cat au??? I came back with part 2 all of a sudden hah

Part 1 here

[7-inches-of-satanic-panic]

k but imagine Rocky wanting to learn about how humans became the apex predators of their planet so he has Grace “hunt” him in the biodome as an experiment and during it he thinks Grace isn’t trying or taking it seriously which is bad bad bad because this is for research purposes

only for Rocky to get more and more tired as the experiment goes on just to realize that Grace isn’t which makes him panic so he puts as much distance as he can between them and finds a (hopefully) safe spot to sleep and when he wakes up the human is crouching over him like “got youuu” and Rocky has never shrieked so damn loud before in his life

[alreadyundermygenjutsu]

Give me jelly beans you fuck head

[jtweird-brainrot]

You think there’s someone out there who doesn’t know what BloodyMary is and watched the iron lung YouTube release announcement and heard Mark say “now I can curl up in Ryan Gosling‘s arms” and was super confused like…

Ok??? Bit of a left turn but sure you do you Mark