I’m not sure what breeds they are so if anyone on clownblr wants to take a stab at it please do! I’m curious… I think the first and third ones are from the same sire if that helps.
The first one looks to me like a textbook Pierrot (a cross-breed of a Mime and Sad), due to the white face, the high ruff, and the pointed conical hat.
The second one is definitely a breed of Jester, due to the tailed hat and the telltale “motley” coat-- however, I’ve never seen one with that type of coloration. Perhaps it has some Circus blood?
The third one is harder to pin down, for me... The large pants and suspenders put me in mind of another Circus breed, but I’ve never seen a hat like that before. The floppiness and the bell would make me say Jester, but nothing else about it suggests that breed. All in all, it’s definitely a mutt, but it’s strongly exhibiting traits of Circus (the pants and suspenders), Sad (the hat shape and ruff), and possibly Party (the buttoned shirt and rounded shoes).
At clown funerals, clowns pass out bicycle horns to all the attendees, like party favors.
During the service, if a clown thinks about something the deceased did that made them laugh, the clown will honk its horn. A proper funeral will have frequent honks as the mourners fondly remember the life and humor of the deceased.
If a clown, during this time, honks its horn many times in a row, this means they’ve thought of something very funny, and wish to share the story with those around them.
I initially visited the school because I heard rumors about a communicable disease that turned people into clowns. These kinds of rumors resurface every RSY or so, but rarely do they turn out true.
Another false alarm.
The "disease" was just some viral contagion, and the association with clowns was mainly due to the clowns being its main vector. Odds are, a single human got infected by clownhood and the virus at the same time, and started a misconception.
I did, however, find a new C. Subplex specimen while I was there. I'll do a dedicated write-up for it later, but long story short...
A popular fad resurging among the youth right now is clown schools. This is the practice of temporarily sending your clowns to another host so they can be socialized, taught, and tamed.
Doing this with friends is okay. Doing this with family is okay.
But please remember that commercial clown schools are illegal for a reason.
It's a stupid reason, but still. Be careful. And for the love of Pacquis, don't incriminate yourself on social media.
Determining the truth about clown fusions is difficult because of our inability to observe the insides of a clown. All our information has to come from clown accounts, rather than our objective observations.
This is why nobody knows what they’re talking about.
The basic idea behind clown fusions: two clowns bind together to create a different clown. But “fusion” can refer to one of two different phenomena.
True Fusion
True fusion between clowns occurs upon initial universe infection. If two clown souls touch during this time, they will bind permanently together and become a single clown. It possesses only one consciousness, but both sets of memories.
This is, I emphasize, permanent. The fusion will behave just as any other clown. The only way to tell if a clown is a true fusion is to ask. One can always rule out possibilities, though; a true fusion will have above-average power, and will always be at least second-life age.
It is unknown if more than two clowns can combine upon inception. However, logic suggests that true fusions can compound upon each other with multiple re-infections, as they are effectively normal clowns. If anyone has any examples of either, please contact me (you will be compensated).
Twobody Fusion
This variant has many names because every circle translates the clownspeak differently. The most common translation I’ve heard is “twobody,” though other examples include “splithead,” “halfsie,” “puppet,” and even “clusterchuckle.”
This is the type of fusion most people think of when they hear “clown fusion.” In contrast to the true fusion, twobody fusion is temporary, detectable, and replicable.
If two clowns happen to be dead, in the same universe, at the same time, they will rarely come in contact with one another because of the vastness of the universe. However, if they do manage to find each other, they are able to interact physically. If their souls are in physical contact at the time of respawn, they will manifest as a twobody fusion.
In order for the twobody to disperse, it will have to die. After that, the two clown souls are free to let go of each other and respawn separately, or remain together until their next spawn and become a twobody again.
A twobody fusion is an odd creature-- almost alien to our conceptions of personhood. It will, on the surface, resemble a normal clown. But it’s really damn bizarre unlike anything else we know of.
The name “twobody” is misleading. It is not a clown with two bodies. On the contrary, it’s closer to a single body with two clowns. The two original clowns remain separately conscious, but they share control of the new body. They are fully aware of their situation, and still able to separately use clownspeak to communicate with each other as well as nearby clowns.
The experience of piloting a twobody, I’m told, is “like giving someone two sets of instructions and hoping they’ll match.” Each clown experiences the body’s sensations normally, but their “outputs” get filtered through a third party. It’s unclear exactly what this third party is, but it seems to be some sort of personality matrix for the twobody. It makes executive decisions based on the other two clowns’ input. Sometimes the outcome is entirely different from the original commands.
(Personally, I would kill to know exactly how this matrix works.)
If the clowns stop inputting commands, the twobody’s behavior will slow and eventually stagnate. It will continue autonomic processes, and even follow directions, but any distinctive behavior will stop and it will appear emotionless (hence my theory about the personality center).
While being fed inputs from both clowns, the twobody will be able to clownspeak on its own (with a distinct voice and style) and even express emotions and opinions that don’t stem directly from its component clowns. In this sense, it may seem like the twobody has a personality and life of its own, but upon examination, its actual sense of self is tenuous at best.
Do twobodies have egos? Are they people? Wouldn’t we like to know. No clowns were willing to die so I could continue my questioning. Furthermore, I’m not sure if “threebodies” are possible for that same reason.
(EDIT: Someone has pointed out to me that an initial clown infection often manifests as a singular mass of multiple clowns, and suggested that this may be an extension of the twobody phenomenon. I’ll follow up with my case studies for their opinions.)
Further questions
According to the clowns I interviewed: separating, then re-fusing, creates roughly the same twobody every time. My question is: what’s the relationship between a given pair’s twobody fusion, and their true fusion? Are they, effectively, the same clown? (Note that a true fusion advances the life stage of its clowns, while a twobody tends to appear as roughly the average of the clowns’ ages.)
Should we continue referring to both phenomena as “fusions?” What other nomenclature might we try?
4 half-clown hybrids that identify as male because their other halves did.
1 mostly-male-aligned juvenile clown of the “Fool” breed, only barely capable of clownspeak, and therefore unable to answer any questions.
All of these have... some potential. But they don’t help me without a control group. I did, however, also find:
6 unconfirmed reports of male juvenile clowns by word-of mouth, albeit very reliable word-of-mouth.
1 confirmed male juvenile clown under custody battle, with its current caretaker uncooperative.
So, yes, baby boy clowns do exist! But they are very very hard to find!
At this point, I’m considering just interviewing mature clowns about their previous lives. It’s a terrible idea, certainly, but it’s better than nothing.
I'm composing a post about clowns and gender, but am missing a surprising demographic.
(Well, not so surprising if you know what I know... But I'll share that soon enough.)
Do any of my readers have any juvenile male clowns?
And would you be willing to let me study them?
("Juvenile" here meaning first-life, regardless of temporal age. And "male" meaning any clown that aligns that way by its own definition. Hybrids are acceptable.)
It occurs to me: how can I provide for the Public, without knowing what the Public needs?
Readers of all backgrounds are welcome to submit questions, requests, case studies, and so forth. Education is a team effort.
Here are topics I intend to touch on, eventually. Feel free to suggest more, or tell me which one you are most excited about so I'll get around to it sooner.
Clowns are often formed with, or later develop, certain abilities that seem to be related to clownhood.
Of course, I’m not talking about the abilities they happen to have as a function of their containing universe. For example: “walking” is not a clown ability, since it’s not clownhood that grants them this ability. More often, their general forms are determined by their surrounding luminy (or, in the cases of juvenile universes, any refined and/or luminiferous ether).
For an example of cases that aren’t clown abilities: I once treated a young sickly noss whose every crate had some associated power. As a result, every clown in his repertoire also had some superhuman capability, such as pyromancy or hyper speed. These aren’t proper clown abilities, since they fed on the noss’s own creation pattern.
Instead, I’m looking at abilities that spring up in multiple cases and have no relation to abilities of indigenous crates. I have seen many of these occur spontaneously and in vacuums of crate influence (for example, during initial infection). Theoretically, any clown can develop any of these, though certain abilities don’t tend to occur more than once in any universe. More testing is needed (always, always needed).
Some of these abilities have clear links to clownhood and the clown’s purpose. Some of them have less clear connections, but are useful to the clown in its environment. Also, following the trend of my previous entries, I’ll use the preferred clown nomenclature for these abilities.
Clownspeak. Technically counts as a clown ability. Occurs, as far as I can tell, in 99.9% of clowns. I’ve seen occasional cases of clowns who either refuse to clownspeak, have lost the ability, or never had it.
Speech. At first I hesitated to include this, as it seems like basic mimicry of human ability. However, there are many documented cases of clowns inhabiting juvenile universes and developing their own spoken and/or signed proto-languages before sentient luminy was ever refined. So while individual languages seem to be borrowed from universes, the propensity for language in general is something any clown can develop.
Strongman. A behavior that greatly enhances the clown’s strength beyond the confines of its luminiferous body. Seems to work as a function of weakening gravity.
Ringleader. A clown with this behavior is able to project its voice (laryngeal voice as well as clownspeak voice) to be heard by any target in the clown’s line of sight. It does not heighten the volume of the voice, but makes it sound equidistant to targets at any distance. As an added bonus, it seems that any human-level crates who hear this voice will have a very weak compulsion to listen. In terms of persuasion, this happens on a subconscious basis, and can be easily broken, but it’s still observable in an open tangle. The exact strength of this compulsion seems to vary, and, as always, more research is needed.
Animal Tamer. A clown with this ability is able to command animals in basic functions. They don’t seem to be able to transfer any intelligence to an animal, or affect it beyond what a well-trained animal could conceivably do. This seems to work down to the intelligence level of insects, and up to the level of dolphins.
Acrobat. These clowns have developed preternatural balance and proprioception. This seems to be wired into their hardware. An acrobat clown cannot be tipped over, even in their sleep.
Mime. The most well-known and feared of all clown abilities. This is the trademark ability of its namesake breed, the Mime. A Mime can create invisible objects of any shape, size, weight and material, simply by establishing the outer bounds of the object using their hands. These objects are intangible and undetectable to any non-clown, and invisible to any non-Mime. However, while the objects are undetectable, even our most advanced technology is unable to interact with them. Therefore, they can be detected by examining where our influence ends. Once created, these objects are temporally locked and intractable except by clowns. The objects, if not first dismissed by their Mime (or a Mime of comparable power), will eventually decay and disappear as the Mime leaves their proximity.
Statistically, it seems that Circus clowns are 4x more likely to develop any of these abilities than any other breed.
I’ll continue adding on as more abilities pass initial skepticism. It’s always hard to tell a true clown ability from an imitation behavior, so I try to narrow down all possibilities before reporting.
By and large, the average clown diet is based on sugar. More sugar than you could possibly imagine.
They prefer heavily refined sugars, but will happily eat anything sweet, including fruit. Other necessities are saturated fats and empty carbs. Carnival foods are common favorites: cotton candy, corn dogs, funnel cake, popcorn, chocolate, candy, anything deep-fried. They will drink soda, lemonade, and so forth, only resorting to water as a last resort.
Clowns of the Horror breed have been known to develop a taste for human flesh, though there’s no evidence to suggest it’s necessary in their diet.
Clowns CAN eat vegetables, but don’t like the taste. Vegetables provide no nutritional value.
Note: milk makes clowns drunk, and is therefore used recreationally the same way humans use alcohol. It’s unclear whether actual alcoholic beverages have any effect.
Half-clowns follow the clown diet, but also need to balance it with whatever should be eaten by their other component. Some examples from my case studies:
-The half-clown half-human “Gogo”: also eats human foods (including vegetables, water, pastas, teas, and so forth), though often adding sweeteners, such as granulated sugar, honey, or syrup.
-The half-clown half-fae “Trotski”: also eats raw, bloody meat. Often threatens to eat living humans, clowns, and animals, but this might be a joke.
-The half-clown “Mustard”: also eats garbage and compost. It’s unclear where this behavior comes from.
-Unverified, but I’ve heard anecdotes about vampire half-clowns that drink blood and succubus half-clowns that eat vitae.
There are four species of clown. (This shouldn’t be a contentious statement, but it is.) Here are clown species ranked by complexity, ascending.
Caulroviridae Subplex
Clown matter that’s too weak to form its own sentience. Can only bond to inanimate luminy (such as objects and basic spirits). In-universe, this manifests as clown artifacts such as clowncars, hammerspaces, clown effigies, etc.. Has no effect on universe progression. Such artifacts can be directly influenced by a governing toth.
Caulroviridae Simplex
Clown matter that has sentience, but no sapience. Can only bond to sub-human luminy (such as animals, spirits, or under-incubated souls). Has little, or no, effect on universe progression. The resultant c. simplex (for example, a clowndog) cannot be directly influenced by a toth, but its surroundings can.
Caulroviridae Complex
Clown matter with complexity on par with the average “human” (I use “human” because this is the proper clown distinction, but in effect I am referring to crates). These are the vast majority of clowns, with an estimated 92% of clowns falling into this category. C. complex cannot be directly affected by a toth, and exert this influence on their surrounding area. Anything a c. complex touches will become temporally locked.
NOTE: half-clowns are NOT their own species. They are just infertile hybrids. They are an evolutionary dead-end. To say a half-crate c. complex is its own species would be to claim c. simplex switches species halfway through its natural lifecycle. The addition of established luminy does NOT a different species make.
Caulroviridae Chrysopex
The highest tier of clown matter. This is clown matter that has achieved the complexity and energy to integrate with a universe (toth, big top, janitor, etc.) itself. Very little is known about this species, because all known examples have died shortly after conception, and no one is ready to sacrifice themselves for research’s sake. Thanks to intervention legislation, we have not had a confirmed case of c. chrysopex in 2.7 declensions.
Recent medical advancements suggest that a c. chrysopex may be able to live on life support long enough to propagate. More research is obviously needed.
Caulroviridae Lumeplex (and why it’s not real)
Some specialists use this term to refer to the unrefined bits of clown matter in the space between universes (i.e. The Public), and refer to it as its own separate species. This is too ridiculous to even waste time debating here. Don’t use this term, except ironically.
Please bear in mind that proper names don't get dropped very much in conversation. Once they've established who they're talking about, clowns fall back to pronouns, because their pronoun game is strong as hell (see post on pronouns).
Clown names literally derive from images of the person in question. As a clown gets more used to conjuring an image of a person, their headword for that person will become more stylized and cartoony. Generally, a clown's proper name is a stylized pictograph of their face. While everyone will have a slightly different take on the pictrograph, they tend to assimilate their headwords for consistency's sake, until everyone's using the same rough pictograph. that becomes the clown's name. It takes a while to get established, but it's highly personalized. (Some clowns will intentionally make their headword for a person unique from others. this is the equivalent of giving them a nickname.)
Clownspeak names, while based on a visual image, can adopt symbols and pictures that indicate other important things about a person: class, breed, role, behavior, etc. For example: Captain's clownspeak name is always incorporated with the headword for "leader", because she is the leader. Giggles and Gpindle have the headword for "child" incorporated into their names. Trotski's name has "dance" in it, and Zizi's name has "friend".
A brief digression: clowns are notorious for glossing their language into emoji form (they love to text, because most of them can't talk). So, one funny effect technology has had on clown language: they gloss clownspeak into emoji, and then start incorporating the emoji strings back into their everyday language. It's the equivalent of saying textspeak acronyms out loud. Almost every modern clown has an emoji name too. They're often used in order to be, well, silly (as clowns tend to be), or to poke fun at each other. Using an emoji name can be seen as familiar and endearing, or sarcastic and degrading. It’s like using a cutesy pet name. It's probably best done to people below you in rank, and not in serious situations.
Further stories from the example clowns: Trotski's personal nickname for Gogo makes a pun. Gogo's established clown name uses the headword for "witty", but Trotski realized that "witty" is awfully close to their word for "crass". By tweaking the name a little, she manages to call him an idiot. This is borderline offensive, considering Gogo's breed, but it's all done in good humor.
Clownspeak pronouns don't differentiate gender, but they do differentiate 1) species 2) amount 3) location 4) color (the color thing is weird, yes, but not unfounded-- there are analogous systems in spoken languages).
Species
By default, clowns recognize four main living species: clowns, "humans", animals, and "gods". They DO have compound headwords for half-breeds; the symbols are just overlaid on top of each other (the "clown" symbol is always largest, and the others are laid over it. this reflects their belief that clownhood overshadows everything else). Also, once they've established the target, they'll often stop specifying that the person is half-anything. They'll fall back on just calling them "clown" (again, clownhood beats anything else; continuing to specify that someone is only half-clown is actually rather rude, because it's alienating).
Besides living species, they also have pronouns for places, objects, events, and abstract concepts.
(NOTE: The clown concept of "human" is different from ours. "Human" refers to anything non-clown with above-animal intelligence. The tothe’s word for a similar concept is "crate".)
Amount and Location
"Amount" includes 1, 2, 3, 4, "many", and "many many". There are also special indicators for "zero" and "negative", but they're not exactly part of the pronouns so they’re unimportant here. Location is relative to the speaker (see the headspace diagram).
Color
Color is very important to clown society. They use it for distinction in hierarchy, to express identity, and as allusions to events or values. (NOTE: the colors used in pronouns are different from the colors used in verb tense). For pronoun colors, they just pick a color, or mishmash of colors, representative of the target.
EXAMPLES:
-A jester with a motley of green and red would have a pronoun using green and red. (See example clown: Gogo)
-A mime with pink hair (example clown: Captain). Younger clowns latch onto the pink hair as something unique, and they'll use a pink pronoun for her. But older clowns might use a black-and-white pronoun, because they're more concerned with acknowledging her status as a mime.
The same goes for pronouns involving objects. They pick whichever color they think is representative. Some culturally-held colors always trump actual colors; for example, all plants are referred to as green, regardless of whether the plant is actually green.
God pronouns are kind of tricky, because they're the same as the actual nouns. One interpretation would say that clowns don't rightly use pronouns for that particular concept, but morphologically they get treated as pronouns, so I’m including them here.
Clownspeak is a visual language that utilizes a clown's "headspace", which is kind of like a second sense of sight. The clown brain has a special area for handling the headspace, and it works very similarly to a visual cortex.
[Above: Map of the clown headspace/headscape]
(Note: this “headspace” is entirely unrelated to the concept of the same name in D.I.D.. However, D.I.D. is considered important in clown culture.)
The articulation methods of clownspeak are:
Shape
Color
Position
Movement
Orientation
Size
(Note: Certain shapes represent ideas on their own. For example: a flower means friendliness. A diamond means a group of people. But these “phonesthemes” aren’t important right now-- you can refer to my PowerPoint about clown facial markings for more on those.)
The broadcasting of clownspeak is like broadcasting a radio wave. It does not go to any specific clown; any clown in the vicinity can pick it up. A clown could choose to broadcast weakly (like whispering), or strongly (like shouting), but there's no real directionality to it.
Normal speaking volume tends to show up in the headspace of every clown in the room, but it gets fainter the further you get away. They can "shout" to broadcast further away, if they want-- like to get someone's attention, or to talk across a distance. But, just like shouting, you wouldn't want to hold a conversation like that. The proximity is analogous to human speaking range.
Physical objects can obstruct the signal, since moving brainwaves through matter takes energy. The air provides a little bit of resistance (hence the volume dropoff), but solid objects are meatier, so hearing through walls is harder. Note that there's barely any matter in unrefined aether. Therefore, any two dead clowns in a universe can communicate, no matter where they are (insofar as dead clowns can communicate, anyway).
