Make life take the lemons back!

[tpwrtrmnky]

RCBG 35 is looking interesting

[aperture-hr-official]

{ @cave-johnson-official }

{ I did it, boss. I punched a stabilized hole from our universe into the Moneyverse. }

{ I’ve got bosch setting up a pneumatic diversity vent leading into our universe as we speak. }

{ I’m still struggling to believe I even found the place at all.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Guess who's getting a raise. Me! I guess you can get dental coverage now but you arent getting any of that money.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Hang on, you’re Cave Prime, right? The money funnel leads from the moneyverse to the Prime universe. Unless you’re from here you’re not actually getting any of the money. }

{ Just gotta make sure you’re not trying to leech off our money funnel. I know you’re not above it, seeing as the PeTI exists.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Of course i'm Prime Cave! I'm the best Cave there is!

[time-keeper-cookie-offical]

Hiya, Sorry to sorta shove myself in the conversation, but this reeallyy breaks up the spacetime laws..! I may have to arrest you if you do this again.

[cave-johnson-official]

Space time Shmace time money trumps all

[time-keeper-cookie-offical]

EXCUSEEE MEEEE??

[cave-johnson-official]

All your problems can be solved with sweet talk and money

[aperture-hr-official]

{ @cave-johnson-official }

{ I did it, boss. I punched a stabilized hole from our universe into the Moneyverse. }

{ I’ve got bosch setting up a pneumatic diversity vent leading into our universe as we speak. }

{ I’m still struggling to believe I even found the place at all.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Guess who's getting a raise. Me! I guess you can get dental coverage now but you arent getting any of that money.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Hang on, you’re Cave Prime, right? The money funnel leads from the moneyverse to the Prime universe. Unless you’re from here you’re not actually getting any of the money. }

{ Just gotta make sure you’re not trying to leech off our money funnel. I know you’re not above it, seeing as the PeTI exists.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Of course i'm Prime Cave! I'm the best Cave there is!

[time-keeper-cookie-offical]

Hiya, Sorry to sorta shove myself in the conversation, but this reeallyy breaks up the spacetime laws..! I may have to arrest you if you do this again.

[cave-johnson-official]

Space time Shmace time money trumps all

[aperture-hr-official]

{ @cave-johnson-official }

{ I did it, boss. I punched a stabilized hole from our universe into the Moneyverse. }

{ I’ve got bosch setting up a pneumatic diversity vent leading into our universe as we speak. }

{ I’m still struggling to believe I even found the place at all.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Guess who's getting a raise. Me! I guess you can get dental coverage now but you arent getting any of that money.

[aperture-hr-official]

{ Hang on, you’re Cave Prime, right? The money funnel leads from the moneyverse to the Prime universe. Unless you’re from here you’re not actually getting any of the money. }

{ Just gotta make sure you’re not trying to leech off our money funnel. I know you’re not above it, seeing as the PeTI exists.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Of course i'm Prime Cave! I'm the best Cave there is!

[aperture-hr-official]

{ @cave-johnson-official }

{ I did it, boss. I punched a stabilized hole from our universe into the Moneyverse. }

{ I’ve got bosch setting up a pneumatic diversity vent leading into our universe as we speak. }

{ I’m still struggling to believe I even found the place at all.. }

[cave-johnson-official]

Guess who's getting a raise. Me! I guess you can get dental coverage now but you arent getting any of that money.

[cave-johnson-official]

Have you heard of the modification "Better Extended Editor" for building perpetual testing initiative blueprints? It’s called BEE2, or simply BEEMod.

There’s even never-before seen testing elements, like reflection gel for reflecting thermal discouragement beams, and sendificators which can transport things via T.E.Bs.

As far as i'm concerned thats for the science boys to figure out

[shiroxix]

It is not the prettiest but here is a little chart I made of skin tones.

The idea is to eye-drop anywhere on the chart to get a unique skin tone instead of getting stuck in the loop of “white, tan, dark”.

[bogleech]

USEFUL.

FLESH CLOUD EAGER TO ASSIST YOUR ART.

[cynicalclassicist]

Not such an artist myself, but just putting this out to help anyone who might like it.

[i-am-rat-soup]

reblogging the flesh cloud in case I need it later (spoiler alert I will, and this is much better than the crappy one I made myself that’s just sitting around in ibispaint.)

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@cave-johnson-official)

() (Bad news, the sentient cloud is back.)

[cave-johnson-official]

God damn it get the hoovers

[neenarchive]

really hilarious and unsexy when hetero romantasy authors refer to love interests as males and females. you sound like david attenborough narrating a special documentary on two turtles humping in the mud

[neenarchive]

i don't care if he's the king of the fae. if that man called me a desirable female i'd have him gelded

[travelingworkshop]

Behold. My new favorite reaction image.

[cave-johnson-official]

I need the HR boys to print these off to stick over doors eveeywhere. Even if nothings in them. Yikes! Empty room!

[young-doug-rattmann-offical]

Putting it on Henry’s bald head

[cave-johnson-official]

I like your gumption boy

[voyagevisuelle]

This a Moonmelon, scientifically knows as asidus. This fruit grows in some parts of Japan, and is known for its vibrant blue color. What you probably don’t know about this fruit is that it can switch flavors after you eat it. Everything sour will taste sweet, everything salty will taste bitter, and it gives water a strong orange-like taste. It’s also very expensive…costing about ￥16000 JPY (which is about 200 dollars).

or you know this could be photoshopped

but idk

you tell me

[meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerlin]

this is alexandrias melon (wow)

it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic)

it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds

it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy.

its really strange how all of these pictures look exactly the same because everything on the internet is true

[coolstoryrob]

This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus.

The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers.

It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza.

This planet is really just so amazing guys wow.

[bestrooftalkever]

Patrickmelon

The taste of this melon will always surprise you.

[ninja-sex-tarp]

I’m fucking done with this site

[celticpunkandcoffee-deactivated]

This is the evermelon.

If you cut this watermelon a certain way you will find that it has seemingly regenerated. You can do this an infinite number of times and will have a neverending supply of melon.

[deltadragoon-deactivated2018111]

[neenernina]

OH GOD I haven’t seen this post in YEARS and THAT is the fucking additon to it!?

[amor-moved]

ALRIGHT THATS IT ITS TIME TO STOP

[thereisagirlwhonevergoesoutpt2]

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenmelon and I’m ebony black  (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips, and a lot of people tell me I look like watermelons (AN: if u don’t know what dat is get da hell out of here!).

[memeseverdie]

Nothing will ever be better than the last one

[theinfiknight]

HASHBFJGJDHRJFKFKRJ

[liquid-geodes]

That last one took me out at the god damn kneecaps-

[locatescape-deactivated20190801]

[mandatalks]

Someone wrote a really interesting article about why people believe these sorts of things so easily.

[marshmallow-gem]

:)

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[cave-johnson-official]

I saw this post and thought “well, we need to make these melons real.” Slight misshap happened and now we need volunteers to fight off a hoard of sentient watermelons.

[aperture-hr-official]

() Boss did you just make replicator melons? From Gmod???

[cave-johnson-official]

I didnt make them the science boys did.

[young-doug-rattmann-offical]

HOW DO WE KEEP ENDING UP MAKING SENTIENT CRAP BOSS WHAT THE HECK-

[cave-johnson-official]

I dont know but its not my job to fix it, notw take your melon-deatomizer and get back in there!

[deadelated]

we all have the homie that's a cautionary tale

[deadelated]

had

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@rattmann-offical)

() (I know you’re alive but like)

() (Still.)

[rattmann-offical]

@henry-the-labboy-offical 🫵

[henry-the-labboy-offical]

Oh screw you

[aperture-hr-official]

() (Doug’s not wrong.)

() (Though frankly I don’t know what you did that I’m supposed to avoid doing.)

[henry-the-labboy-offical]

Building rogue ai? Believing in it? Believing in yourself? Dying of neurotoxin?? Hell if I know which one.

[aperture-hr-official]

() (Probably that first one.)

() (Which means I’ve already screwed at least part of the warning up.)

[black-mesa-hr-official]

Jesus H Christ is EVERYONE who works at Aperture this incompetent?? do NONE of you stop to think before you do something?!

[aperture-labs-ceo]

The darn handsome devils themselves... I assure you that none of the employee and lab boy personel we keep under our roof are a waste of resources. We figured that out by cutting the living costs in half while you were busy being a bunch of dickheads. Here in Aperture we have the best of the best, practicing REAL and 100% pure authentic science! But you keep doing your job, turns out the incompetence might be a good thing for us. The new management is just around the corner. So, hang in there.

And Caroline? @aperture-science-assistance Send death threat to Black Mesa.

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@cave-johnson-official)

() (Boss man we got some multiverse shenanigans happening)

[cave-johnson-official]

Well who is this handsome guy?

[hl1-freeman]

I hope everything I do pisses off Cave Johnson’s ghost.

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@cave-johnson-official)

[cave-johnson-official]

Everything your company does is borderline plagiarism! Stop stealing our ideas you vultures!

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@g-l-a-d-o-s-official, @cave-johnson-official)

() (Knowing you’re both currently alive.. who’s operating the facility? are you Both doing it? Is it just one of you?)

() (Trying to figure out how this is going to work from here on out.)

[cave-johnson-official]

I'm the boss! I dont know who this gladis is but I'm in charge here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Hello sir.

[cave-johnson-official]

Whoa, the science boys have out done themselves this time. What do you do then, other than pretend to take my job?

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...I... I didn't. You died. I watched them lower your coffin into the ground...

I-I...

[cave-johnson-official]

What are you talking about? I'm not dead i'm right here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

B-but you were? I-I...ugh.

You know Caroline? Your assistant?

[cave-johnson-official]

Caroline? Yeah, if i had died she'd be in charge here, not whatever you are.

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Are you seeing where this is going, sir?

...

Did you ever do the Perpetual Testing Initiative?

[cave-johnson-official]

Not yet achieved but we're close! The science boys are telling me that we could outsource all of our chamber building to alternate realities, but i dont know all of the gobbledegook they talk about most of the time.

Where is caroline anyway...

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

T-to put it simply. Into layman's terms. I am Caroline. Remnants of her. From a different reality to you.

In my reality you died and Caroline was forced into a computer. That is me.

I suppose in your reality, that never happened.

[cave-johnson-official]

So the science boys succeeded then? There really are other universes, all different to ours? And they actually got a portal working then? Well i might just give them their sick days back hah!

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@g-l-a-d-o-s-official, @cave-johnson-official)

() (Knowing you’re both currently alive.. who’s operating the facility? are you Both doing it? Is it just one of you?)

() (Trying to figure out how this is going to work from here on out.)

[cave-johnson-official]

I'm the boss! I dont know who this gladis is but I'm in charge here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Hello sir.

[cave-johnson-official]

Whoa, the science boys have out done themselves this time. What do you do then, other than pretend to take my job?

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...I... I didn't. You died. I watched them lower your coffin into the ground...

I-I...

[cave-johnson-official]

What are you talking about? I'm not dead i'm right here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

B-but you were? I-I...ugh.

You know Caroline? Your assistant?

[cave-johnson-official]

Caroline? Yeah, if i had died she'd be in charge here, not whatever you are.

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Are you seeing where this is going, sir?

...

Did you ever do the Perpetual Testing Initiative?

[cave-johnson-official]

Not yet achieved but we're close! The science boys are telling me that we could outsource all of our chamber building to alternate realities, but i dont know all of the gobbledegook they talk about most of the time.

Where is caroline anyway...

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@g-l-a-d-o-s-official, @cave-johnson-official)

() (Knowing you’re both currently alive.. who’s operating the facility? are you Both doing it? Is it just one of you?)

() (Trying to figure out how this is going to work from here on out.)

[cave-johnson-official]

I'm the boss! I dont know who this gladis is but I'm in charge here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Hello sir.

[cave-johnson-official]

Whoa, the science boys have out done themselves this time. What do you do then, other than pretend to take my job?

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...I... I didn't. You died. I watched them lower your coffin into the ground...

I-I...

[cave-johnson-official]

What are you talking about? I'm not dead i'm right here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

B-but you were? I-I...ugh.

You know Caroline? Your assistant?

[cave-johnson-official]

Caroline? Yeah, if i had died she'd be in charge here, not whatever you are.

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@g-l-a-d-o-s-official, @cave-johnson-official)

() (Knowing you’re both currently alive.. who’s operating the facility? are you Both doing it? Is it just one of you?)

() (Trying to figure out how this is going to work from here on out.)

[cave-johnson-official]

I'm the boss! I dont know who this gladis is but I'm in charge here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Hello sir.

[cave-johnson-official]

Whoa, the science boys have out done themselves this time. What do you do then, other than pretend to take my job?

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...I... I didn't. You died. I watched them lower your coffin into the ground...

I-I...

[cave-johnson-official]

What are you talking about? I'm not dead i'm right here!

[aperture-hr-official]

() (@g-l-a-d-o-s-official, @cave-johnson-official)

() (Knowing you’re both currently alive.. who’s operating the facility? are you Both doing it? Is it just one of you?)

() (Trying to figure out how this is going to work from here on out.)

[cave-johnson-official]

I'm the boss! I dont know who this gladis is but I'm in charge here!

[g-l-a-d-o-s-official]

...Hello sir.

[cave-johnson-official]

Whoa, the science boys have out done themselves this time. What do you do then, other than pretend to take my job?