cherry

🍒 just a girl blogger https://linktr.ee/ccherrygirl

[ccherrygirl]

who am i and why i started a blog

my name is cherry, i’m 19 and i started this blog to get everything off my chest and to clear my mind, for anonymity reasons none of my friends names or any locations mentioned (except foreign countries) are real. i feel like this will be a good place to open up and be free and truly cherry! this is just the beginning.

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

insecurities

sometimes i get a bit too in my own head and everything gets a bit too much for me. i always judge and critique every single little thing about me. i always think i'm too fat, too ugly, too loud, too talkative or too quiet, not good enough, that i eat too much or that i don't eat enough and that i'm really annoying. i never know how to battle or face my insecurities. i used to love everything about me and be so confident but then back in 2020 something major happened and it messed my brain and messed my view on myself up a lot.

i wish i could get rid of my insecurities because they get in the way of so many things and they make me miss chances and experiences. 'i can't come because i don't look good' or 'i can't come because i don't feel good because i'm insecure' isn't exactly the best excuse when it comes to cancelling everything.

one day clothes can fit me so well and i love how i look and then a few days later i could try the same clothes on and all of a sudden feel and look terrible. i wish this cycle would stop and i could love myself all the time. after a while it gets so draining and i can tell it annoys others.

any advice for me? please let me know!

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

moving on.

the universe hasn't treated me well, the beginning of my life has been a rollercoaster. one of the bad ones, one that dips so low you are basically touching the floor. i am making this post to encourage me to let go of my past and move on. i am happy and i've met someone and i don't want to think or dwell on the past anymore.

at the end of the day, it has happened and i cannot change that but i can change how i view it and how i let it affect me. i can forgive people i need to forgive, which doesn't mean i want to contact them again but it will take things off my shoulders. i don't want my past to have some crazy hold on me anymore, i want to live my life again and be happy. i have let it mess with my brain for too long and i am done with that.

i'm going to drop any grudges i have, this is everyones first time living and i shouldn't hold things over people, especially when it happened when we were children, at the end of the day we were children. we had bigger problems than the ones i hold grudges over. holding a grudge was the one thing that messed me over when bike girl died. this is one of the reasons why i think i need to move on, i don't want situations like that to happen again and be affected the way i was then. it is sad that it took losing someone for me to start thinking this way and i miss it didn't need to happen like that.

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

hello september !

cherry is in love.

i met someone (i'm gonna to call him blade after someone in his favourite game) and he is literally everything i could ever ask for, he is so kind and so gentle, i am so scared that i will fuck it up somehow. he has only ever spoke and looked at me with pure love, he genuinely makes my heart so happy, i love spending time with him and i love listening to him. the weirdest thing is that he used to be bestfriends with my brother. blade is actually the prettiest boy i have ever laid my eyes on and i cannot help but stare at him literally all the time, he brings out my inner child and my childish laugh and my most confident self. he is an absolute angel. whenever he looks at me i feel like i am the only other person in the world and that no one else matter or ever will matter.

i wish for everyone to be able to experience this type of love. the love i am feeling right now is the type of love that is featured in books and movies. i feel like i am on cloud nine all the time, i feel so safe, loved, cared for, appreciated, adored, seen and listened to. i can talk to blade about absolutely anything and even if it is something he has never heard of before he will listen and pay attention to what i'm saying. his friends and my friends both think we are the same person, in some sense i believe that we are soulmates from another lifetime and we have finally found each other again. i have never felt this way before, i have never been so into someone before, i have never missed or craved someone the same way i have him.

“he is half of my soul, as the poets say.”

i hope this post wasn't sappy, blade is definitely going to be mentioned in many more posts to come if that is something that everyone is okay with.

let me know if you have ever experienced true and pure love before?

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

Hello August !

for this month I have decided to better myself in many ways, this is to make it easier for when i go back to college (which i'm not sure if i am looking forward too or not!). i finally have a new laptop so blog posts will be consistent again, i have so many plans and ideas for the future of this blog! i'm sorry i was gone for so long, so much stuff has happened but I'm back now<3

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

planes.

so i’m finally flying home today after being in spain for ten days, it feels like much longer. i feel more at home here than i do in england at the moment. i’m torn between wanting to go home and wanting to stay because all my insecurities and worries disappear when im on holiday, minus my plane fear.

i hate planes, landing and taking off is the worse part for me. i don’t like hearing and feeling the plane go up or go down. being in the air is terrible too but i can tune that out. however i have an overnight flight which is terrifying me because of all the “what if”s; even the silly ones like “what if they can’t see” i think this is mainly just me being paranoid but i’ll have a whole post about that when i’m home. my flight isn’t for a few hours so i’ll be worried and panicky all the way until then..

please wish me luck<3

update: my flight was delayed and i feel worry free at the moment even though the new flight time is coming up.

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

dealing with loss

at the beginning of the year, a friend of mine was in a very serious accident and died on impact- unfortunately i held a grudge against her at the time, which is something i’ll regret for a very long time.

i heard about it the morning after it happened and my initial reaction was ‘this must be a joke’ , ‘this can’t be happening’ and then i saw the influx of posts and news reports about what happened. everyday for that week i would cry, whether that be full on ugly crying or a five minute silent cry.

guilt was the one emotion i felt that week. i felt guilty for grieving, for holding a grudge, for not moving on. nearly a quarter of a year later and it still hurts like it did the day that it happened. i still cry and get emotional whenever i think about her or someone mentions her. everyday i wake up and hope that i will see her spam her story or see her posts but nothing.

dear bike girl.

i’m sorry i didn’t reach out more, hopefully in another universe we are friends again and you live your whole life, just like you deserved to. i’m sorry it couldn’t be this universe, i would do anything for five more minutes with you. i hope you live your next lifetime to the fullest <3

i’m sorry for the deeper post today, i just needed to get this off my chest because no one has ever allowed to be ramble about her.

cherry popping off xo

[ccherrygirl]

abandonment

i have experienced abandonment my whole life, it started with my dad, then the rest of my family and a majority of my friends. i know the only common factor is me but i do not understand why my family left me when i was young. that couldn’t have been my fault, i didn’t even have a fully developed brain, i was in blank age to blank age clothes, i couldn’t even spell my last name yet. have i always been a bad person? was it really all my fault or should my dad take responsibility?

these levels of abandonment have caused me to have attachment and abandonment issues, this manifests itself in many ways, including: me distancing myself when it comes to people being overly nice to getting really attached to people who treat me badly. my brain never makes sense and it’s so confusing.

does anyone else relate? please let me know!

cherry popping out xo