vii. secret garden
in his garden, everything has already happened.
the gardens in his heart have changed in so many ways over the years since his first visit. it was still bright and colourful, of course. the philia garden has gotten so many additions and the storge garden had gotten so much brighter and bigger than it originally was. in his past visits at those gardens, he would often walk with his father through storge. when he goes through his philia garden, he walks with the first two friends he has made in that december of 2016. it was always nice going to a garden with someone he loved, but there were times where he would go alone himself.
he’s never had a dream where he and yoongi would walk in the one garden dedicated to the both of them together. taehyung doesn’t think he could ever have the courage to ever talk to him about it because the idea of it would probably sound so silly to him. he had a conversation about it in a dream once with rikiya and it leads to ricky saying that he’ll tell him if- when they get married.
there were a lot of promises that were made for the future, but taehyung had never succeeded them because most of those promises involved yoongi. though taehyung’s body, mind, and soul were brought back in 2016, his heart was still in 2020. he was still grieving even if yoongi was alive now. his heart could accept the fact that his family and his friends were all in 2016 with him, but he couldn’t force his heart to believe that yoongi was alive as well. perhaps, if they dated again, it would be a different, pleasant feeling.
with the condition his heart was in, any person who has visited the garden would believe that the whole heart would have bad weather like it did after basil. though, to be honest, even if the weather was worse than it was usually, it didn’t stay like throughout the rest of the area but the agape. it was as if everything about him and his life went well and was going perfectly except for the fact that taehyung still couldn’t move on from witnessing yoongi’s death.
the forget-me-nots are in their original form. they were not growing, nor were they wilting away. in fact, if anything, they stayed the same as they always had since they bloomed. the first time he had seen them in that state, he felt such overwhelming joy that the moment he woke up from his dream, he called up to check on yoongi to tell him about how much he loved him and they spent a whole entire day together. now, when he looks at them, he feels as if they are just harsh reminders of his pathetic life holding onto a time that didn’t exist. he knew the deep meaning of the flowers, but he can’t get rid of the definition of complete loss when he sees them now.
when he enters the agape garden, he was unable to see its purple color. in fact, he could not see any sort of colour in the garden whatsoever. after the incident, every time he visits this place, there was no hint of colour or light anywhere there. he’s gotten used to it, as he was always used to black and white. he just wished it went back to the way it was before.
he sits in front of the flowers and examines them carefully, afraid to touch them in case they were to be damaged right away. it was obvious that taehyung was one person who was definitely not forgetful, but even if he tried to, he wouldn’t be able to forget the meaning of the small flowers: true love. he never really understood why that would be his flower until the one moment when he realized that yoongi was the one. at that sudden moment, everything in the world made sense and it felt as if pieces of the puzzle were put together to end any form of confusion.
memories with him play in his mind as he continues to stare, barely even noticing the small figure walking up to him. “ricky-ah…” the high, but soft voice calls out to him.
he looks behind himself to see the little fox stand behind him on the floor. he can’t see the red on him because everything looks gray, but he is able to recognize his friend. “rikiya… what do you want?”
“staying here won’t do you any good,” the little one says. “you can’t stay here. i know your heart and your mind both agree that they can’t completely move on from this, but it’s so gloomy over here. you should hang out in the other gardens where it’s much brighter.”
the statement makes taehyung feel a bit of discomfort. with awkwardness, he declines his offer. “i’d rather stay here, but thank you for the thought.”
“ricky, please. your father and nari agree with me too-”
“just,” the boy interrupts the other from speaking any more. “please leave me alone for some time to think.”
rikiya stands there in silence for only for a few seconds, perhaps thinking to himself on what to do. in the end, he sits next to taehyung’s left leg and looks up at the boy who was looking down at the flowers in front of him.
“these flowers are not that big,” rikiya comments.
“i know,” he responds, “but they are very important to me. despite its size, i see it as much bigger because of who they are for.”
“i know, it’s just… weird,” the fox says with a nervous chuckle. “i know you’re not a fan of big flowers because of the past, but i never understood your fascination for the smaller things… besides me, because i’m small and wonderful.”
taehyung doesn’t respond. he simply just looks out and sighs. it’s a sign of a plea, but rikiya doesn’t seem to notice it.
“he means a lot to you, huh?” rikiya asks. “i personally don’t think i will experience something like that, but it seems that min yoongi means a lot to you.”
taehyung nods. “almost the world, you can say.”
“almost… so he’s different from basil?”
“obviously,” he says, later moving his body a little so that he could properly face his friend, his friend doing the same. “i mean…. when i liked basil, it was… an unhealthy desire. an obsession. there was no love for anyone else other than him and only him to the point where it was hard to actually love myself even just a little. for yoongi, i loved- i still love him a lot, but i am able to love myself and other people as well. but in the end, he was still an important person in my life who i really care for and would do anything for. so, it hurt a lot to lose him. it still hurts.”
“ah…” rikiya replies, nodding his head. “well… like i said, i’ve never experienced it. but i want you to know that no matter what, i’m always here for you if you just want to rant.”
it’s a sign that rikiya doesn’t know what to say anymore to keep the conversation going, so he accepts it and gives a polite sign for rikiya to leave. “thanks. i’ll see you later.”
once left in silence, he moves his body back to how it was before, facing the flower once again. from the distance, it looks as if taehyung was sitting alone with nothing else but darkness and a field around him, but that wasn’t the case at all. it was as if this was the tiny portion of reality peeping in to this side of his heart.
he doesn’t want to cry. he’s already used up so many tears over something like this at this point, he doesn’t want to waste anymore. it’s not as if crying would do anything useful to him except make him feel even more miserable. he didn’t come back in time just to only make life worse for him again.
the sound of footsteps on the grass make taehyung look up. assuming who it could be, he speaks out to the person before turning his head. “rikiya, i thought we already had a-” he looks back to see no small fox plush, but rather a familiar human boy who was still shorter than him, “discussion.”
taehyung is greeted with a smile that makes him feel warm even when taehyung eventually sees nothing but a white coloured ceiling.
his excuse to his brothers was that he was stopping by to visit family. before he walks out the door, he hears danny warn him to not face the step-douche as if taehyung was planning to visit that house today. he wasn’t too off, but taehyung would never go to that house willingly even if his youngest brother and his only sister were there. though, to be fair, taehyung was technically meeting with family today. he just didn’t specify who.
after spending a good few minutes at the closest supermarket, he ended up with a random bouquet of flowers that looked the best and a random bag of chips that he would munch on when he would get home. his next trip was to a place that he would visit often alone, but he would visit with any other family members if they wanted to go along with him. this time he visits alone, but only because he wasn’t able to ask him something in his dream. taehyung thought it would be better to ask him now.
the moment he finds a parking spot near the graveyard, he walks out of his car and brings the bouquet with him. after he closes the door, he walks around to find the specific grave when he eventually spots it ahead of him. he has to thank his good memory to be able to remember where to go and where to look in order to find it, but that wasn’t important.
he always bought cheap bouquets. it’s better than bringing an expensive one that someone made with their heart and care and having it thrown away by the people who worked there. besides, this person knew taehyung’s love for him. flowers were just something nice to show his appreciation, but his heart says more than his actions ever do. after he places it on the grave plaque, he walks back a little and looks at it while he does the sign of the cross.
“father, son, holy spirit, amen,” he starts it off. usually when his mother was here with him, he’d have to do an “our father”, “hail mary”, “glory be”, and end it from there. but since she wasn’t here with him, he makes up a random prayer to talk to his father.
“hi dad… uh…” he thinks on what to say next, “i didn’t get to see you last night in the garden, so i thought it’d be cool to see you now and talk to you… now. is that okay?” that was a stupid question. of course it’s okay. “uh. i wanted to ask you about my mind, since you seem to know everything about me the most. do you think it’s in a good state? depression is obviously there, but do you think i have something else? something serious that i don’t know about yet? because i have speculations, but the thing is i’ve never met a professional psychologist and asked them myself. and uh… i don’t know. you were practically my best friend growing up, so did you notice anything then and do you notice anything now?”
“i feel… worried. because i feel aware, but i think of shit that’s so bad that if anyone knew about it, they’d probably want to stop talking to me. is that normal?” taehyung inquires. “can you… give me a sign? let me know if something is fucked. tell god to help out with that, too since he’s in charge of everything around here.” he hesitates. “just… i don’t even know what it could be, but i know something is wrong. just try to let me know what it could be? … amen.”
after doing the hand motion once again to end the prayer, he walks away from the grave only to later feel a vibration from his pocket. reaching for his phone, he looks over at the screen to see a text alert from the league.
(txt; league!) CARD NEEDED TO BE CAUGHT AROUND THE AREA: team nightshade required; experienced and special class may help. Please meet at the hideout for more details.
taehyung thinks it over for a little and he sighs before putting his phone back in his pocket and heading to his car, his next destination being the clamp cafe.
it’s not a difficult card, thank goodness. in fact, if anything, he was sure all of the male rookies could catch it on their own without any help. but he was fortunate enough to give it a few hits and wounds. but seeing it be completely obliterated was taehyung’s goal. he was desperate to be the one to finish the job, even if the rookies wanted to be the one to do it first. he knew gyu was going to be furious at him if he finished it himself, but he could really care less about what the man does. he always thought the old man was good at being a father and leader, but he wasn’t good at changing ricky’s mind.
he watches the naive heroes as they try their best to defeat it, struggling a little even after they heard the support of their leader. they’re pretty tough thanks to sunggyu. however, he was barely looking at their overall skill. in fact, if anything, he was just waiting for the moment where they all would collectively give up and go to him, their “lord and saviour” for help. but for now, he could always just go on instagram and check how his favorite celebrities are do-
“VINNY HELP!” a familiar voice screams out for him, immediately making him look up from the ground to see his youngest triplet struggle in one of the card’s tentacles, watching as his other brother run to him for aid with the brass knuckles in his hands. taehyung sighs with a look of disappointment. his brother’s basic knowledge still wasn’t surprising.
well, if one brother wasn’t going to save him because of his failure to think before he acts, taehyung was happy to be the one to save his poor brother from getting into a mess. already out with his weapons and his outfit, all he really needed to do was get the show on the road. he grabs both of his rifles with him and makes his way to the large card, making the other heroes stop from fighting it any more as he runs to it. one of the card’s eyes was already shot thanks to some random rookie hero on the team, and there was one tentacle already chopped off from sunggyu’s scythe. all that really needed to be taken care of was where its heart was and the tentacle danny was in.
thank goodness for the fact that these weapons were magical. he didn’t plan on using much if that were to happen to him, but in the end it wouldn’t matter since he wouldn’t ever be able to run out of them. with the rifle’s bayonet, he uses it to make a large cut on the card’s ankle. however, as he does it, he notices something strange about the ankle while the card roars. there was some sort of solid with a bit of a squishy texture in it. assuming what it could be, he looks at the rookies and points at it, mouthing a word that caught their attention. getting the generous hint, a random magical boy makes his way towards the familiar with a sword while ricky runs to his brother.
vinny widens his eyes at his brother for some reason as if he had just seen something incredible on his mediocre triplet. “ricky! you’re-!”
taehyung ignores it and interrupts him. “okay, vinny, assuming the heart is in the ankle, once the hero stabs it, the card might let go of danny. run to the shadow of the tentacle danny’s in and when the card lets go, he should fall into your arms. that way, it’ll look like you did all the work when it was actually just me. just the way you want it to go in your hero business.”
taeyong shows an insulted look at him. “what the hell?!”
“you’ll thank me later,” he replies before running off to sunggyu’s side to join the rest of the rookies, looking at how his plan goes into place. even if he shows a neutral facial expression, he prays to god that this goes well because this was all just assumption. he didn’t even know if everything would happen the way he said it would.
he searches for sunggyu’s hand and holds it tightly before he hears the other yelp once he touches it, letting the hand go as he does so.
“cheezus louisus, ricardo! your hand feels like a pan that just got out of the hot stove!” he shouts, jumping back from ricky before later having his jaw drop. “oh my god! you’re glowing!”
hearing the first statement, taehyung is confused but the second statement, he wasn’t sure if it was a fitting comment to say after his last one. “... i know i like good, but it’s kind of weird for you to say that after talking shit about my ha-”
“no! you’re literally glowing! and you’re hand is hot!”
taehyung smirks. “sunggyu, you have a wife-”
the sound of a camera shutter goes off at the same time the card screeches from being defeated, letting go of a screeching danny who stops when he eventually falls onto vinny, letting the older of the two land hard on the ground while the other uses his body as a cushion. the rest of the heroes watch as the beast turns into its actual paper card form, letting the boy who killed it hold it with a large smile on his face. taking his attention from the special hero away, sunggyu runs to the rookie and congratulates him.
taehyung’s confusion doesn’t last for long as he sees a hero around his age, daniel(? he thinks that’s his name), shows him his phone with the front camera showing the hero with his usual appearance with something different: his entire body was surrounded in solar energy and the strange thing was that he wasn’t even sunburnt. in fact, it felt as if the light wasn’t even touching him, despite being around him and having him in it.
“see! you’re really glowing!” he hears the rookie, amazement in his voice as taehyung stares at himself in awe.
“... what the flying fuck?!”
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