All the discourse makes me lose hope because there's so much of a focus on deciding who is and isn't a "real" radfem. What is and isn't a true radical action. Who's "valid" and who isn't. There are so many demeaning and degrading sentiments going around, and they shouldn't be.
I don't believe in the idea of "do what you want forever" as actions have repercussions, but I think the way some women on radblr are going about OSA relationships is so vile. The constant degrading terms (e.g. "dick-worshipping" and using terms like wh-re, sl-t, etc.) as well as insisting that anyone opposing them is lesbophobic⦠I'm just over it. There are conspiracy theories spawning over folks like @/radicalstoner being @/macroclit, polls about if its demeaning to use "Jakey" or "Nigel" (and women being shocked when some find it demeaning), and so on. It's meaningless and shows how little a lot of women care for other women when we're supposed to be the ones that do. Like seriously, what does any of this do aside from further dividing our (already small) community?
The point of feminism as a whole, at least in my opinion, should be to support women. In any branch of feminism you consider yourself to be part of, you should put women first. You cannot be any kind of feminist if you don't do at least that. Now, this doesn't mean you have to agree or see their choices as good. This doesn't mean you cannot critique decisions and point out the misogyny and/or harm within them. This doesn't mean that all choices a woman makes are good because it's a woman doing them.
But you should be there to support her when she needs it most.
If a woman enters a relationship with a guy, don't rescind your support. Instead, find ways to further help her. What if the guy does turn out to be abusive? Instead of going "I told you so, this is why you shouldn't date men", be a support system for her. Provide some way to escape and to protect her. What if she needs an abortion? Instead of going "that's what you get for being a dick-worshipper", help her in gaining what she needs to have a safe one. What if she's a single mother who has no other support system? Be that support system for her, find ways to help make her life easier.
So many 'radfems' on here will fight tooth and nail to prove that dating men is the least radical action you can take. And yeah, dating men isn't radical in the slightest. As far as I can tell, no one has been claiming it is. I agree that being celibate is a radical action. If you're a separatist, then more power to you.
But just because a woman isn't radical in every single aspect of her life doesn't mean she should be shunned and not have your support. It doesn't matter if she's a radfem or not in your definition of the ideology.
What should matter is if YOU, the supposed radfem, would help her in her time of need.